I would not have married anyone right wing, full stop.
What if he'd grown more conservative over the years though?
Yep, I would divorce someone if they turned into a racist/homophobe or anything I disapproved of on a fundamental level. Cos I have kids and I wouldn't want them growing up round that. But I find it hard imagining myself ever going near a tory or anyone fascistical in the first place.
Spot on, nor I, or homophobic, etc.
Though, I do have to say that a person wouldn't particularly have to be right-wing to use racist terms, sometimes just ignorant. I do think things are said in the heat of the moment, whether these are unforgivable is another matter. For me, even if it was a friend who used such a term in an argument against me, I'd find it hard to forgive.
Picture this scenario: you're in a major row with your husband/wife of 20 years and you both have different racial heritages/backgrounds. The marriage has been great so far up until that row. You may or may not have children. In the heat of a moment your partner utters something racist to you/calls you a racist word.
Would you divorce them?
I would be more likely to ask how were they provoked into saying something, probably out of character and, racist after being married for 20 years?
Not wearing spray tan which made their skin look darker by any chance?
Picture this scenario: you're in a major row with your husband/wife of 20 years and you both have different racial heritages/backgrounds. The marriage has been great so far up until that row. You may or may not have children. In the heat of a moment your partner utters something racist to you/calls you a racist word.
Would you divorce them?
In the 8 years my husband and I have been married, he has not once dropped the N-bomb on me and I generally don't call him a honky, cracker, ofay or whitey, not just because it's disrespectful, but because I don't live in some blaxploitation 70s sitcom or film.
If he did drop the N-bomb on me, I'd probably punch him in the face. However, I am not married to a racist asshole, so that is never going to happen.
I'm sorry, but the more I think about this, it's crazy. I have been in blazing rows with my OH, and I've said some awful shit to him, but I've never used his race against him. I'd not do that to anyone.
I really don't think this situation as described by the OP would ever come up though. The whole point of getting married and staying married to someone for twenty years is that you're able to look past - and maybe even love - any 'flaws' they may have. I don't believe it would ever enter someone's head to suddenly utter a racist epithet in these circumstances. Maybe it could happen if there was already some underlying racial tension, but not in a normal, loving relationship.
Picture this scenario: you're in a major row with your husband/wife of 20 years and you both have different racial heritages/backgrounds. The marriage has been great so far up until that row. You may or may not have children. In the heat of a moment your partner utters something racist to you/calls you a racist word.
Would you divorce them?
Twenty years it must be a pretty flimsy marriage if you are prepared to end it for one remark.
My next door neighbours were having a massive row the other day (sadly I can hear every word they shout) and he "dropped the N bomb" when reffereing to his working habbits.
I was really shocked!
If my OH something racist, I think it would depend if it was dorected towards me or not.
I think if your wife just announced that she was black and you had no idea then it would be ok. That said I would be a bit miffed if my wife said she was all of a sudden black and had kept it from me?
Not because of the blackness but the betrayal of trust
After 20 years, I'm sure I would know my husband/wife well enough to want to talk it through and let them know if their comment was hurtful.
After 20 years shouldn't they know that it was unacceptable already? Basically some people put up with abuse and others don't. If someone did come up with that out of the blue wouldn't it mean that they don't value the marriage or the person they are abusing anymore anyway and at some unconscious level want out?
If (5 years from now) my wife suddenly called me a Scottish **** I like to think I would be mature enough not to throw everything away over a single out of character insult, I'd be more concerned with finding out what I'd done to p1ss her off so much.
Only a fool would walk away from a successful long term marriage over a momentary aberration.
After 20 years shouldn't they know that it was unacceptable already? Basically some people put up with abuse and others don't. If someone did come up with that out of the blue wouldn't it mean that they don't value the marriage or the person they are abusing anymore anyway and at some unconscious level want out?
Is one nasty comment in 20 years of happy marriage, really classed as abuse?
If (5 years from now) my wife suddenly called me a Scottish **** I like to think I would be mature enough not to throw everything away over a single out of character insult, I'd be more concerned with finding out what I'd done to p1ss her off so much.
Only a fool would walk away from a successful long term marriage over a momentary aberration.
If (5 years from now) my wife suddenly called me a Scottish **** I like to think I would be mature enough not to throw everything away over a single out of character insult, I'd be more concerned with finding out what I'd done to p1ss her off so much.
Only a fool would walk away from a successful long term marriage over a momentary aberration.
Nationality insults are not quite the same as racial. Scottish folk can be white, black ..etc
People say all sorts of things in the heat of the moment, if they called me a sl*t, does that mean they are misogynist? No. I'm sure if they made a racist comment to me they wouldn't have married me if they truly thought of me that way.
Having recently split with my wife who is from a different country to me I can say the following:-
Ethnic differences had nothing to do with the ugly, lard arsed, dumb, blonde, brain dead Yank going back to the small minded country of racist morons she came from..............
Could it have been that successful long term marriage if their partner harboured racist feelings?
The OP specifically stated that in their example that the marriage had been happy up until this point.
Can you really imagine a racist living happily with someone they secretly hate for that long without letting their true feeling show? For that matter why would a anyone even marry someone they had a racial dislike against in the first place?
The scenario only makes sense in the context of a momentary aberration and words spoken in extreme anger and soon regretted.
My partner of 8 years (happy relationship) called me a daft bitch the other day, first time he has ever done that. I slapped him, which is also the first tine I have ever done that too. Does that mean we are in an abusive relationship?
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I know Shaks, it's hard x
Well all things considered, just a quiet one at home.
((((To you and your family)))
Spot on, nor I, or homophobic, etc.
Though, I do have to say that a person wouldn't particularly have to be right-wing to use racist terms, sometimes just ignorant. I do think things are said in the heat of the moment, whether these are unforgivable is another matter. For me, even if it was a friend who used such a term in an argument against me, I'd find it hard to forgive.
Thanks shaks, still got some wrapping to do for the little one!
I would be more likely to ask how were they provoked into saying something, probably out of character and, racist after being married for 20 years?
Not wearing spray tan which made their skin look darker by any chance?
If he did drop the N-bomb on me, I'd probably punch him in the face. However, I am not married to a racist asshole, so that is never going to happen.
I'm sorry, but the more I think about this, it's crazy. I have been in blazing rows with my OH, and I've said some awful shit to him, but I've never used his race against him. I'd not do that to anyone.
After 20 years, I'm sure I would know my husband/wife well enough to want to talk it through and let them know if their comment was hurtful.
People really have forgotten what racism actually is...the term is far too broad now (and as such easily applicable to nonsensical events).
Twenty years
I was really shocked!
If my OH something racist, I think it would depend if it was dorected towards me or not.
Not because of the blackness but the betrayal of trust
After 20 years shouldn't they know that it was unacceptable already? Basically some people put up with abuse and others don't. If someone did come up with that out of the blue wouldn't it mean that they don't value the marriage or the person they are abusing anymore anyway and at some unconscious level want out?
Only a fool would walk away from a successful long term marriage over a momentary aberration.
Is one nasty comment in 20 years of happy marriage, really classed as abuse?
agree
Nationality insults are not quite the same as racial. Scottish folk can be white, black ..etc
People say all sorts of things in the heat of the moment, if they called me a sl*t, does that mean they are misogynist? No. I'm sure if they made a racist comment to me they wouldn't have married me if they truly thought of me that way.
Ethnic differences had nothing to do with the ugly, lard arsed, dumb, blonde, brain dead Yank going back to the small minded country of racist morons she came from..............
The OP specifically stated that in their example that the marriage had been happy up until this point.
Can you really imagine a racist living happily with someone they secretly hate for that long without letting their true feeling show? For that matter why would a anyone even marry someone they had a racial dislike against in the first place?
The scenario only makes sense in the context of a momentary aberration and words spoken in extreme anger and soon regretted.
Does that change the overall point I'm making? Racism and Nationalism both spring from the same source.
Blind human tribalism.