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What have been the hardest things in your life?
Bill Clinton
Posts: 9,389 Forum Member
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Sorry for what will probably be quite a downbeat thread, but I'm creating to mark the end of a relationship, and I wondered what are the hardest things that most of us have to face in our lives.
I've had a relationship over 7 months and although there was a lot of love and affection between us, she had to move on because I wasn't in the right place to become a father which was her dream, she was worried she would get too old to become pregnant and miss out on the chance to start a family and so will have to find someone willing to start a family. Also I was too committed to some of the things I'd been doing to be fully in the relationship but although we're still close and will still see each other platonically it struck me as interesting that you somehow mourn the "entity" of a relationship and what you built together which ends up completely shattered, the loss of routine and familiarity weights also pretty heavily, it is comparable therefore to the loss of your family pet, I've felt very similar.
It also somehow brings home what really matters and what things can be like without the people you may or may not have taken for granted,
The hardest things I've had to deal with.
The end of a first relationship of 7 months due to reasons slightly beyond our control
The death of a much loved cat that you were close to, often sudden because of an accident or because of old age.
Moving out of a longstanding family home, I experienced this in 2002 when my Mum and first stepdad broke up and I'd stayed with him for 14 months following their break up, the familiarity of the life that I knew and the really good room with a good view that I was in going was something I had to come to terms with along with moving to a new town.
The loss of your grandad/grandma for the first time,as probably one of the first deaths you will experience.
Believe it or not, the multiple failings of the driving test and having to fork out almost everything for more lessons and more attempts, along with the sheer all or nothing nervousness of each test, can actually rank in this. Similar to the relationship ending, when I passed my test on the 4th time I felt like crying.
Experiencing serious depression with not being able to find much joy in life, in the form of even small things which give you inspiration
Losing a huge amount of data some of which you've not backed up on your hard drive/SD Card etc. This causes grief if it's things which are irreplaceable such as particular photos, word documents or even music/video/
Suddenly becoming overcome with extreme fatigue and not being able to have the energy for things you do day to day in life, I had this from 2007-approximately 2010, undiagnosed I'm not sure what it was, but it could have been at least a mild form of what they call Chronic Fatigue or ME. It was in the timescale of going to university but I managed to complete the course despite. So other conditions or illnesses can also be very hard and very life altering.
I may have to lose a longstanding income in a couple of years, and the routine formed with the availability of that income.
Other things that I would find hard, such as being burgled, certain other relatives dying I haven't had too much yet.
I haven't worked much so I haven't been fired yet.
We could also have a thread about the best moments in life to counterbalance this.
I've had a relationship over 7 months and although there was a lot of love and affection between us, she had to move on because I wasn't in the right place to become a father which was her dream, she was worried she would get too old to become pregnant and miss out on the chance to start a family and so will have to find someone willing to start a family. Also I was too committed to some of the things I'd been doing to be fully in the relationship but although we're still close and will still see each other platonically it struck me as interesting that you somehow mourn the "entity" of a relationship and what you built together which ends up completely shattered, the loss of routine and familiarity weights also pretty heavily, it is comparable therefore to the loss of your family pet, I've felt very similar.
It also somehow brings home what really matters and what things can be like without the people you may or may not have taken for granted,
The hardest things I've had to deal with.
The end of a first relationship of 7 months due to reasons slightly beyond our control
The death of a much loved cat that you were close to, often sudden because of an accident or because of old age.
Moving out of a longstanding family home, I experienced this in 2002 when my Mum and first stepdad broke up and I'd stayed with him for 14 months following their break up, the familiarity of the life that I knew and the really good room with a good view that I was in going was something I had to come to terms with along with moving to a new town.
The loss of your grandad/grandma for the first time,as probably one of the first deaths you will experience.
Believe it or not, the multiple failings of the driving test and having to fork out almost everything for more lessons and more attempts, along with the sheer all or nothing nervousness of each test, can actually rank in this. Similar to the relationship ending, when I passed my test on the 4th time I felt like crying.
Experiencing serious depression with not being able to find much joy in life, in the form of even small things which give you inspiration
Losing a huge amount of data some of which you've not backed up on your hard drive/SD Card etc. This causes grief if it's things which are irreplaceable such as particular photos, word documents or even music/video/
Suddenly becoming overcome with extreme fatigue and not being able to have the energy for things you do day to day in life, I had this from 2007-approximately 2010, undiagnosed I'm not sure what it was, but it could have been at least a mild form of what they call Chronic Fatigue or ME. It was in the timescale of going to university but I managed to complete the course despite. So other conditions or illnesses can also be very hard and very life altering.
I may have to lose a longstanding income in a couple of years, and the routine formed with the availability of that income.
Other things that I would find hard, such as being burgled, certain other relatives dying I haven't had too much yet.
I haven't worked much so I haven't been fired yet.
We could also have a thread about the best moments in life to counterbalance this.
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Comments
It might seem flippant to compare death to the end of a relationship, but to me the feelings of grief are comparable. You have lost someone close to you. In some ways it even feels more difficult to come to terms with the break-up of a relationship, because that doesn't come with the absolute finality of death. The person you have lost is still living and breathing, having chosen to move forward without you in their life.
How depressing!
[ death of a cat, Jesus
My Nan dying just over 7 weeks ago whilst being in hospital. It's unbearable some days. I am lucky in a sense it's not my first family death. However I was very young when I lost my granddad (1), aunty (7) & my baby (14) so never really experienced the grieving process.
Battling with depression and anxiety both on & off since I was 16 (anxiety) & 17 (depression)
My mind stopping the repression of the abuse, rape and miscarriage that occurred in my early teens. Gosh that was incredibly hard. However 5 years down the road, I'm much better at dealing with it. Apart from the miscarriage, the rest doesn't usually have an effect on me very often.
Battling with an addiction to self harm, I am now over 3 years free but I know I could easily fall back into it and that terrifies me.
Seeing my parents split up when I was 17, something nobody truly imagined happening...ever.
Finding out that my friendship with a 'best friend' of 2 years had been based entirely on a lie & so had the entirety of the friendship. That was really hard including the awful emails she sent (as someone else) just because she didn't like the fact that her two best friends (me and my other ex best friend) were falling in love with each other
Losing my other best friend who I had known for over 3 years & even been in a relationship with twice. That was one of the worst times of my life but I was determined to become a better person for it and I really did.
My parents bought a pub when I was nine which fell through and ended up with them pulling out two years later. They subsequently ended up in major debt, having to sell the family home and eventually divorced. My mum went through a spiral of depression and turned to drink to stem the sadness whilst my Dad went off with his (now ex) girlfriend. I was passed back and forth until eventually I was made homeless the second I ended my A-levels. Eventually I was found a place in shared accommodation before moving on and eventually to where I am now.
I think the consequences of these events is to enable the onset and development of social anxiety, which whilst has improved after therapy, will remain a part of my life. The breakdown of my parents relationship in a prolonged and traumatic way has also formed the foundation of my own situation with relationships. Social anxiety made it difficult to socialise and meet the opposite sex. Having hobbies and interests at complete odds with the majority of women doesn't help either but I am not changing who I am. The only long term relationship that I have had broke down after a while and the negative experiences I have had with dating sites has put me off dating. Pressure from other people to conform to society's ideals with having a family or partner does not help and neither does assumptions of my sexual orientation because of assumptions made either.
Even now, my neighbour is proving to be a nightmare with her and her lodgers constant arguing, slurs against other neighbours and anti-social behaviour. I'm waiting for her to be evicted, which they keep delaying, before I can restart to rebuild my life. Being in therapy for going on a decade cannot perform miracles and solve every problem.
* - although at this point of time, one of the hardest things in my life appears to be posting this on Google Chrome without the whole browser suffering a fatal crash!
It's terrible when you lose a cat that you love
I can understand that
Nasty person upthread, to say such a heartless comment about the relative merits of different situations.
Relationships ending - not so much as I have always been the initiator of split ups. I think when you have had a hard childhood, you find it difficult to ever really feel too close to people just in case.
A few tough work situations, the worst being a really good job with promotion which was being offered me over and over, but I dithered then changed my mind. By which time the boss had advertised externally, so I had to apply for my own job. And lost it because another applicant interviewed better! That was very hard as I then had to go in and continue working for months, knowing I was dead in the water. I got revenge as when I went back a year later for a few days, the person who had my job was incompetent and terrible at it and causing headaches for the boss who had taken her over me as she was pretty in interviews and a lot cheaper...
It must be horrible to be so lacking in empathy.
The hardest one was getting over a guy I didn't know well but became obsessed with.
You sound lovely. :rolleyes:
Bereavement at 13, loss of family home.
Long term mental health problems, DSH, leading to ASC diagnosis.
Overcoming issues with alcohol.
Having to give up a loved pet, other having long term health problems.
Finding out I couldn't conceive.
Evil neighbour who got away with the assaulting my family because the police deemed my witness account 'unreliable' because of my MH issues :mad:
Etc. etc.....
But right now the hardest thing I have to do is hold my head up high and force myself not to take revenge for what he did to me.
It seems doing the right thing is the hardest thing to do.
I keep having to remind myself that others have harder things to cope with and i should be counting my blessings.