Worst Facebook status updates

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  • GiraffeGirlGiraffeGirl Posts: 13,619
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    SuperAPJ wrote: »



    They do it to try and make you feel jealous that you are either single or no longer in the initial obsessed with each other stage of your relationship.

    I thought that might be it :rolleyes:

    I almost commented 'am I supposed to give a f*ck?' the other day on one, but decided against it - it would only cause an incident :rolleyes:
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 411
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    Someone on my Facebook today...

    Found out today that in a roundabout way I've tasted Will Young's cum (or arse)...good times :-)

    Ewww, some things just need to be kept private :D
  • dslrocksdslrocks Posts: 7,207
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    As if I want to ever step foot in your dingy, stuck up your arse, I'm gonna throw you out an hour before closing cos your batty ex has spread shit about you and while your sitting their casually enjoying a drink we're start talking crap about you so you can hear kinda pub !! Yea f**k you and your pub and your dirty food that's made from a bird who's been fingered more times then a bowling ball !!
    Another absolute classic from someone on my FB - I love the phrase coined last bit. :D

    And another one from a completely different person:
    Just brought our sofa!! Exciting stuff xx

    If that's the most exciting stuff in your life then I dread to think what would be boring...
  • bookaddictbookaddict Posts: 2,806
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    Calien01 wrote: »
    The same friend from the previous posts :)

    Im a good person an krama as rewardad me, GOD told me ta go shoppin an i found £20 in tha shop, tank you GOD

    When people started commenting that it wasn't God, just someone who lost their money, he deleted his status, not before this though :D

    It was GOD he make dem loss thay money an make me find it bcuz im a good person and thay did somthing bad or selfish ta make GOD angry an make dem loss they money. GOD told me ta go shoppin that day bcuz i dont normaly go shoppin on that day

    :D:D
    :eek:

    Your friend should seek help, urgently. Also, a dictionary.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 29,701
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    "I'm deleting Facebook because <insert dramatic reason here>" - good to know, providing you actually care.

    "Some people just <insert "crime" here> and they don't even have the nerve to tell you who it is" - oh, the irony. Pretty much the same as "if you want to say <insert something here> then say it to my face"
  • BellaRosaBellaRosa Posts: 36,512
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    Calien01 wrote: »
    The same friend from the previous posts :)

    Im a good person an krama as rewardad me, GOD told me ta go shoppin an i found £20 in tha shop, tank you GOD

    When people started commenting that it wasn't God, just someone who lost their money, he deleted his status, not before this though :D

    It was GOD he make dem loss thay money an make me find it bcuz im a good person and thay did somthing bad or selfish ta make GOD angry an make dem loss they money. GOD told me ta go shoppin that day bcuz i dont normaly go shoppin on that day

    :D:D

    What school did they go to :eek: Why say 'ta' when they could have wrote 'to' ... This country is truly buggered :(
  • BellaRosaBellaRosa Posts: 36,512
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    "Off to A+ E :( "

    Then no further details for hours. It's attention seeking and rather cruel if you ask me, as people may be worrying what's happening. Just give a full explanation or don't bother!!

    :eek: I think we have the same friends ! Why do they do that :rolleyes:

    I have another 'friend' and just writes 'Cucumber' or 'Light bulb' .. in hope that someone will comment. I have given up with her now.

    It is all attention seeking :yawn::yawn:
  • Elphie_LivesElphie_Lives Posts: 4,455
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    Calien01 wrote: »
    The same friend from the previous posts :)

    Im a good person an krama as rewardad me, GOD told me ta go shoppin an i found £20 in tha shop, tank you GOD

    When people started commenting that it wasn't God, just someone who lost their money, he deleted his status, not before this though :D

    It was GOD he make dem loss thay money an make me find it bcuz im a good person and thay did somthing bad or selfish ta make GOD angry an make dem loss they money. GOD told me ta go shoppin that day bcuz i dont normaly go shoppin on that day

    :D:D

    Good old 'krama'
  • Westy2Westy2 Posts: 14,355
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    Severe spelling mistakes & overuse of text speak really annoy me.
  • LaceyLouelle3LaceyLouelle3 Posts: 9,682
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    layza101 wrote: »
    Someone on my Facebook today...

    Found out today that in a roundabout way I've tasted Will Young's cum (or arse)...good times :-)

    Ewww, some things just need to be kept private :D

    :eek: Why would anyone wanna share that?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 411
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    :eek: Why would anyone wanna share that?

    I haven't got the slightest idea, but his mum is on his Facebook too, I wouldn't wanna see that haha
  • cutekitty7686cutekitty7686 Posts: 872
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    Had this show up this evening : Waiting for the ambulance to come :-( x

    of course replies of omg what wrong hun etc ..... She fell and think she has broken her arm!

    I thought hang on if you break something I'm sure you would be in a lot of pain to facebook update !
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 625
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    Calien01 wrote: »
    The same friend from the previous posts :)

    Im a good person an krama as rewardad me, GOD told me ta go shoppin an i found £20 in tha shop, tank you GOD

    When people started commenting that it wasn't God, just someone who lost their money, he deleted his status, not before this though :D

    It was GOD he make dem loss thay money an make me find it bcuz im a good person and thay did somthing bad or selfish ta make GOD angry an make dem loss they money. GOD told me ta go shoppin that day bcuz i dont normaly go shoppin on that day

    :D:D

    Dem?
    bcuz?
    ta?
    thay?

    FFS!!
  • steeleuro_wolfsteeleuro_wolf Posts: 13,336
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    layza101 wrote: »
    Someone on my Facebook today...

    Found out today that in a roundabout way I've tasted Will Young's cum (or arse)...good times :-)

    Ewww, some things just need to be kept private :D

    :eek:

    I demand to know more about this story! :p
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 411
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    :eek:

    I demand to know more about this story! :p

    People have asked him who, but he's not saying :D
  • GalindaGalinda Posts: 695
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    One of the women on my facebook who constantly posts about her baby was saying today how she can't believe its the kids 2nd birthday tomorrow. Felt like saying "is it only two years you have been going on about that baby, feels like much longer" but i didn't. :D
  • franciefrancie Posts: 31,089
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    Calien01 wrote: »
    The same friend from the previous posts :)

    Im a good person an krama as rewardad me, GOD told me ta go shoppin an i found £20 in tha shop, tank you GOD

    When people started commenting that it wasn't God, just someone who lost their money, he deleted his status, not before this though :D

    It was GOD he make dem loss thay money an make me find it bcuz im a good person and thay did somthing bad or selfish ta make GOD angry an make dem loss they money. GOD told me ta go shoppin that day bcuz i dont normaly go shoppin on that day

    :D:D

    Oh good, £20 to buying a dictionary :)
  • franciefrancie Posts: 31,089
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    :eek:

    I demand to know more about this story! :p

    Too embarrassed to admit it's got me curious also :o
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,313
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    I've just come across this post through a friend of a friend. It made me snigger :)
    I think ****** has got chicken pots?!? He has a temp and got a few spots on body but he is ok in himself, does this sound like chicken pots? I rang his school to say he wasn't well and they asked if he has chicken pots as a few mums have called in saying there children has it??

    ETA: http://www.whiterockartstudio.com/Images%202007/Chicken%20Pot%20PICT0848.jpg
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 41
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    "Aving a convo wiv my little babaa..."

    The baby is 1 week old!
  • User68571User68571 Posts: 3,901
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    I took a look back through my facebook profile this morning and my gawd the level of drivel on there depressing. One friend got married at xmas and EVERY single update from mid November to now (and this is 3-5 times a day) is all wedding related. Dreadfully the wedding pictures have finally be 'released' to the masses, cue same poeple giving the same comments. We've had the following 'riveting' photo albums 'shared' recently.....

    Oh my god I'm engaged!!
    The ring
    Telling friends
    Engagment day drinks
    After engagment day
    Dress shopping
    Picking colours
    Wedding faye 8 (you can guess the proceeding 7 albums!)
    Wedding dress fitting (all you can see is some changing room door closed)
    Pre Hen Do drinks
    The Hen Do
    The Hen Do - alternative pics (ie ripping everyone elses)
    The Day After The Hen Do
    OMG I get married in a week (cue picks of unfinished wedding decorations)
    The night before

    The wedding day itself - ever hour or so another new album was created and 30 odd photo's uploaded. She must've spent the entire day worrying about what to post next...

    I can't be assed to sum up the 20 (!!!) or so albums that have been created since the big day. It's fair to say if you log in and have over 3000 photos from the last few months alone nobody but yourself is going to be interested.

    Lets just say since the wedding it's been unbearable....I'm sick of logging in and seeing smug painfully cliched wedding pics of them 'together in the park' or 'looking ahead wistfully to the future' etc. I'm at the point now where I wanna see a status up that she's found out he's been shagging his work colleague, just to rid FB of their smugness...

    Added to that anybody who has pics of their children as their profile pic and the bores who take pictures of food...the status bar should be removed from FB...
  • RachaleRachale Posts: 305
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    I had a friend from school, who used d instead of th for everything! Dem, Dat etc etc....

    She posted a status one day spelling things properly, then within 5 mins, i noticed it had been deleted and put back up with the dem's and dat's back in as per normal (for her)
  • RednellRednell Posts: 2,528
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    Some silly bint on a facebook group I'm on insists on spelling any word that contains the letter 's' with the letter 'z' instead. Despite numerous requests that she stops it, she keeps going 'why, it'z not hurting anyone?'
  • Jambo_cJambo_c Posts: 4,672
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    Today I've had a "Happy 1st birthday to my beautiful son. We are so proud of you. Lots of love mummy and daddy".

    I honestly don't understand this at all. Unless he's the most advanced one year old ever then I don't think he's on Facebook so why write a message to him? Then loads of other people commented on it also wishing him a happy birthday. :confused:
  • pugamopugamo Posts: 18,039
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    I had a cracker last night. 'Hate facebook. Think I need a break from it'. Someone replied 'so you decided to post it on...facebook?' No response from the offender as yet
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