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End of my tether now - school issue
Im at the end of my tether with school.
My son is year 7, started secondary school last September. A short history is that he was moved from one class at my request because him and another boy simply were not getting along and things were getting out of hand. The school moved him to a new tutor group in January this year.
In the new class is a boy who is good friends with the boy from the old class group. And this boy has not only taken over where his friend left off, but hes worse. He hits my son, and when asked why he did it, nearly every time he says its because my son called his mum a sl*g. School simply don't know who to believe and they are telling my son off for name calling and the other boy for hitting. My son is adamant that he has not called this boys mum a sl*g, he admits they have had arguments where he has called the other boy stupid or a idiot, he says he hasn't done this in weeks.
I have the boys mum warn me about my son and how its not her fault if he beats my son up. On top of this the boys mum has a few times had a go at my son on the way to school telling my son to leave her son alone and telling him to f**king pack in it. This was witnessed more than once by other kids, and on a couple of occasions older kids have told me about this before my son has.
So this evening I come home from work and find my son in his room sobbing not just crying but that awful sobbing kids can do. When I asked him whats wrong, he tells me that the other boy hit him again today and he didn't tell anyone at school because the only person to get into trouble would be him.
I can't bear to see him in this state, hes becoming slowly more withdrawn over the last few weeks and he wont go out far anymore either.
Yes kids can be cruel, and im not blind to my sons faults by any means, and he possibly is at fault to some degree, but not to the degree that he is calling peoples parents sl*gs. My son has come home and told me a few times that this boy has called me a sl*g and this boy has also called me this in front of my older daughters. I tell my kids the same thing, I really don't care what kids have to say about me.
This whole situation is getting me very down, i feel close to tears all the time, when I do go into school, I turn into some speechless mess who just nods and puts the odd word in here and there, I come out again feeling like they have talked me out of doing anything much.
Any advice on how to deal with this please, im very close to not sending my son to school at all right now:(
My son is year 7, started secondary school last September. A short history is that he was moved from one class at my request because him and another boy simply were not getting along and things were getting out of hand. The school moved him to a new tutor group in January this year.
In the new class is a boy who is good friends with the boy from the old class group. And this boy has not only taken over where his friend left off, but hes worse. He hits my son, and when asked why he did it, nearly every time he says its because my son called his mum a sl*g. School simply don't know who to believe and they are telling my son off for name calling and the other boy for hitting. My son is adamant that he has not called this boys mum a sl*g, he admits they have had arguments where he has called the other boy stupid or a idiot, he says he hasn't done this in weeks.
I have the boys mum warn me about my son and how its not her fault if he beats my son up. On top of this the boys mum has a few times had a go at my son on the way to school telling my son to leave her son alone and telling him to f**king pack in it. This was witnessed more than once by other kids, and on a couple of occasions older kids have told me about this before my son has.
So this evening I come home from work and find my son in his room sobbing not just crying but that awful sobbing kids can do. When I asked him whats wrong, he tells me that the other boy hit him again today and he didn't tell anyone at school because the only person to get into trouble would be him.
I can't bear to see him in this state, hes becoming slowly more withdrawn over the last few weeks and he wont go out far anymore either.
Yes kids can be cruel, and im not blind to my sons faults by any means, and he possibly is at fault to some degree, but not to the degree that he is calling peoples parents sl*gs. My son has come home and told me a few times that this boy has called me a sl*g and this boy has also called me this in front of my older daughters. I tell my kids the same thing, I really don't care what kids have to say about me.
This whole situation is getting me very down, i feel close to tears all the time, when I do go into school, I turn into some speechless mess who just nods and puts the odd word in here and there, I come out again feeling like they have talked me out of doing anything much.
Any advice on how to deal with this please, im very close to not sending my son to school at all right now:(
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My advice would be to tell your son to boot the bully in the goolies if he tries to hit him again.
He'll soon get the message.
If you get nowhere with the head teacher and the school comes under an council (ie it is not an academy or similar) then talk to whoever is in charge of schools at the council. If you don't want to do this go straight to the police with a full and detailed account of everything and ask them to incvestigate
Try and get the local paper involved, schools hate bad publicity when it comes to bullying.
If I thought she would be reasonable I would, but im fairly sure she wont be, so I dont think it would be productive.
That wont solve the problem in any way shape or form, besides which my son is on the small side and would come off worse.
The school is an academy, Im going to speak to school first thing Monday morning and if there is no joy, then I will try the local education authority. The biggest problem with the police is that the whole situation cant be proved, he never hits my boy hard enough to leave a mark, and the boy has already lied at school saying he didn't hit my son and school have taken his word for it.
Thank you, I will do this, and I think going direct to his head of year on monday would be the best plan. He is already out of tutor time and in a smaller mixed year group for registration and tutor time, hes still in lessons with this boy. The only other thing is there are only 3 tutor groups in his year, and they are mixed lessons across the year group (ability grouping) Ive had meetings with the Pastoral care department and ive had meetings with senior management, but still dont feel im being listened too. they still say its kinda my sons fault. I dont want to go in there and be shouty and demanding things because I know thats not the right way to go about things, but I can well understand now why some parents do react like this.
Thank you, I wouldn't get the paper involved as I wouldn't put my son through most of the town knowing hes being bullied, I think it would make him feel much worse.
Camping outside the heads office would be great if i didnt have to go to work.
We have a saying at my school, that youre setting the child up to fail. If hes not getting on with the other child and has admitted to calling him names back, because he feels threatened then hes being set up to fail, and thats not fair on him. The best thing for everyone is to remove either him or the other boy, to another class, where they can feel safe and be in a learning environment. Its his right to have an education and their duty to make sure he feels safe in that environment. Good luck, I hope you get the right resolution, its a horrible position to be in.
I definitely wouldn't go round to the other kids house, that could end in disaster. Do you think it would do any good if the other parents and you had a meeting in school with the headteacher?
Good luck.
If its like the school I went to, then forms all mix in together for main classes anyway. In which case he'd likely be in at least some lessons with these boys.
Going to the LA will not make any difference. If the school is an Academy the LA have no authority over the school and cannot really help. You need to make a formal complain to the head. He/she has 5 days to respond to you and if you are not satisfied you then take the complaint to the governors. If it is still not respolved you need to contact the company that runs the Academy and also take your complaint to Ofsted. Ofsted will look at it and decide if they need pay the school a visit! The complaint should never get beyond the head as any good school will sort it. Always do it in writing, date it and keep copies. Bullying is vile and any good school will work to stamp it out!
Thank you, I hadn't looked at it like that. It's awful I hate to see him like this.
There is another school but I wouldn't send him there, I visited it 3 times and none of my kids liked it. I also lived next door to a lad who was bullied relentlessly there and I wouldn't want to put my boy out the frying pan and into the fire, so to speak.
There is no way that I would visit the mother, shes very aggressive.
He dont want to leave, he has friends there. Yep the forms do mix together. im sure they could seperate him from them if they wanted to.
Thank you I will do that.
Going to the LA will not make any difference. If the school is an Academy the LA have no authority over the school and cannot really help. You need to make a formal complain to the head. He/she has 5 days to respond to you and if you are not satisfied you then take the complaint to the governors. If it is still not respolved you need to contact the company that runs the Academy and also take your complaint to Ofsted. Ofsted will look at it and decide if they need pay the school a visit! The complaint should never get beyond the head as any good school will sort it. Always do it in writing, date it and keep copies. Bullying is vile and any good school will work to stamp it out![/QUOTE]
All the schools here are academys, thank you for the info I will keep a note of it all.
Ps sorry to all for not multi quoting, my phone wont do it.
The sobbing sounds heart rending. I have a son in Y7 too this year. If that was him I'd be in pieces. As an ex teacher I'd also be down the school and aware that especially in these money oriented schools, all they care about is damage limitation and avoiding bad PR, so definitely threaten about the press even if you have zero intention of carrying it out. In these situations I always let it drop I used to write press releases that had a 100% take up rate. That gets idiots' attention. And sorry but the relevant people at this school sound like idiots.
I'd also get my child to have his mobile in his pocket and press record when the next incident happens. So you have proof.
ETA just occurred to me if your child is on any social networking sites, and although too young most of my kids' friends are, then check out this child's feed and screenshot anything offensive or relevant as kids often carry their spats over to sites, and if he is on boasting to his mates, you may that way get some evidence...
Says it all really. Academies are a rule unto themselves. They are exempt from management by and not answerable to the local education authority. The heads have no one above them and can run the school however they fancy. No need to conform to or listen to anyone. They are performance and results driven as are Ofsted. The former education guidelines document "Every Child Matters" has gone out of the window sadly now education has become big business and children a commodity.
I suspect, by what you've said regarding them being in ability groups that there is no scope to move your son to another class (without moving him up or down sets which would be daft). However, if teachers are aware of the issues then lessons shouldn't be a problem. Outside of lessons though is far more difficult.
Explain to your son that this bully is indeed a bit of a moron but he mustn't react back to him because that makes it very hard to stop. It needs to be very clear to any witness that said bully is the perpetrator and it's not a 50/50 situation otherwise it is difficult to do anything about it.
Agree with this. Say your son is being physically assaulted by another pupil and the school does not have an anti bullying program in place.
Of course, in my time, I'd have just hit the little bastard back. But things have changed.
If you find yourself tongue tied write down what you want to say before the meeting.
If nothing changes write a letter to the chair of governors starting ' I should like to make a formal complaint'. Sadly the local authority can do nothing in respect of complaints about academies, one of their 'freedoms'.
Get straight round to the head's office and read the riot act. >:( Write stuff down if you need to but you need to make it known how you feel and how serious this is. The impact on your child, his ability to learn, ruining his future and capacity to develop good self esteem, confidence, possible mental health issues in a few years time. What the school is 'offering' as a solution is not good enough and the other mother needs to be hauled in as well. Police need to be involved if she dares open her trap to your boy out of school.
Heavy handed is needed here. Are you a single parent? Is there a male figure who could come with you and get involved i.e. child's dad, your dad, brother, good family friend etc