friends with an ex?
Me and my boyfriend broke up 4 days ago after being together for 7 months (I know it's not that long, but for me is a record) and I'm struggling to deal with it, we had a few problems, nothing major, just that we didnt get to see each other a lot, but we never spoke about it and I thought we should try and work through it an give it a chance but he disagreed and thought we shound end it, I've been feeling so down about it
We've still been talking and he is really pushing it that he wants us to be friends, I told him I just don't think it's a good idea, especially just now as I still have strong feelings for him and that we would just end up resenting each other as we both want different things, but he keeps saying, it's early days, give it a couple of weeks and we can give being friends a try
So what I'm asking is does anyone think that it is a good idea? I feel that by being friends it would hurt me more in the long run and as hard as it is, I need a clean break, but right now, the thought of that just breaks my heart
We've still been talking and he is really pushing it that he wants us to be friends, I told him I just don't think it's a good idea, especially just now as I still have strong feelings for him and that we would just end up resenting each other as we both want different things, but he keeps saying, it's early days, give it a couple of weeks and we can give being friends a try
So what I'm asking is does anyone think that it is a good idea? I feel that by being friends it would hurt me more in the long run and as hard as it is, I need a clean break, but right now, the thought of that just breaks my heart
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Give it time. But go with your instincts.
Take care.
You may not see it but he is being an arse, and setting up the situation to his liking whilst giving no thought to how it would affect you. The age old advice (and for very good reason) is that you move on and cut contact and move on with your life.
You will now have to remain friends with him whilst watching him possibly going out with somebody else knowing that you weren't quite good enough for him (only in his view).
Do you really want that?
Edit:
I see that you don't. Go with your gut instict and make that break.
I know deep down that being friends will just make things harder, and that as hard as it will be cutting him out of my life it's for the best, for now,
I don't really see him being with someone new for a while because he is a bit of a loner and I don't think he knows how to be in a relationship with anyone, I've always looked at our relationship a bit as being friends with benefits, although it was monogamus (sp?) we were really good friends throughout and I think that is his thought that we had a good friendship and sould keep that going, he is a really nice guy, would be so much easier if he was a prick though!!!
I thought that, but like I said, we have a lot of mutual friends and they told me that isn't the case, he's also a bit too honest for his own good and wouldn't be able to keep something like that to himself
Yep, this is the key issue here. I am very good friends with my ex who I was with for about three years, because our relationship just naturally sort of faded into friendship anyway, and we both agreed that ending it was for the best, so the friendship has been natural and easy, and we are both okay seeing each other with other people.
But you say that you do not want the relationship to end, so whilst he is still in your life on a friend level you will always be hoping for more, at least until you have moved on from him, which you can't do if he's still around. You need to tell him that you need some time to move on, and then perhaps consider rebuilding a friendship in the future, when you wouldn't still secretly be hoping for anything more than that.
Well he's got his eye on someone else then.
Look you have to be tough in times like this..........just bin him and move on.;)
Typically the way I see ex-girlfriends is that they are exs for a reason. In my case I wasn't really friends with my first to begin with, so when we split we went our separate ways and I'm fine with that. However my current fiancee I was best friends with prior to getting with her less than a year ago. So if I split with her, I don't know if I could do the same as with the girl I mentioned above. I'd try to remain friends, but just friends nothing more. But I guess that could also be rather difficult if you still have feelings for them, and when your having say a good night out with them, wondering what went wrong...
So I'm conflicted on what I would do if posed with your situation with my current partner. But I'd definitely give yourself space until you know you're over him, and then maybe try to be friends only after that if you feel you can. I guess you could try the approach above - only talk to him or text him if he contacts you, but ignore him the rest of the time. But if that causes problems block his number, email and defriend him on facebook etc... As that is what my mate at uni did with his ex. Anyway good luck with whatever you decide to do.
I'm lucky in the sense that I was with possibly one of the only people who doesn't use facebook, so there isn't that awkward decision of de-friending him or anything, it's also good to hear a male perspective on this
What you have all said is what I think, cutting him out of my life for a while then once I'm in a position to be friends we could be great friends, this relationship was the longest either of us had been in as neither of us are relationship people, so think we are both shuffling try to find the right way to deal with it
It took me and the ex-wife a good six months before we both realised that we missed each other's friendship, and she's now one of my best friends, and there's no dodgy feelings on either side.
For other people it's not possible, just see how it goes.
You are absolutely right. Best cut all ties NOW. It will be best in the long term. One day you will be able to look back and it will not hurt a bit.
i really hope this is true
There is not the slightest doubt it is true. Some of have had plenty of practice.
However you must be really tough. Just erase all memory triggers. Do not entertain any thoughts of going back. It will not work in five minutes or even a week or a month. But one day you will realise you have not thought about it for 10 minutes. Then you are on the way to success.
It gets better after that. Then one day it will be just one of those stories that your granny type relates.
It is hard and I hope both lil_boo & tv_lover_06 feel better soon - all the things you're told are true and I won't repeat the old sayings about time or fish
So what I'm asking is does anyone think that it is a good idea? I feel that by being friends it would hurt me more in the long run and as hard as it is, I need a clean break, but right now, the thought of that just breaks my heart[/QUOTE]
It sounds like your being honest with yourself, as hard as it must be. I think being friends so soon can leave you a little more attached to the individual especially that you haven’t completely healed yet.
I would trust your gut instinct as advised
This. I was friends with my ex for a while until I got a new boyfriend, he went off on one and insisted that I should've told him. He would've gone off on one whether I told him or he found out so I didn't bother telling him and he didn't like it. He's still single nearly a year later.
Remember he's your ex for a reason.
Short answer - move on to someone who makes you happy, embrace new experiences and look after yourself instead of letting some male govern how you're feeling day by day. I learnt that the hard way!!
Excellent. I applaud your positive action.
It will most likely cause problems in any new relationships you have for a start, when they find out your still friends :eek:
Fantastic way to look at things. I second this