Strong feelings/fantasys about work colleague
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I have developed very strong feelings for a colleague over the past year, but i have a boyfriend of 8 years, i dont work directly with my colleague in the same office however he works on the same floor and we have work envolvment together.
It started off with being friendly and light flirting, the eye contact though is hypnotizing-it feels like hes staring straight into my soul, he smiles and sometimes winks at me before walking off.
I admitted i liked him a lot one day but he said he was taken, and i admitted i was too.
As the months have gone on (we've still been working together) my heart beats frantically when i see him and i literally cant get him off my mind.ive gone to his office to say hi and have a friendly chat a few times and he's offered me a drink, he's incredibley friendly and is genuinely a really nice guy.
I asked him out right recently if he likes me and he said ' im a really sweet girl' i asked him for his number so i could message him- he replied by saying i would get myself in trouble if my bf saw, he implied one of us could get drunk and send suggestive texts!
Although nothing has happened, i feel very guilty and like im bettraying my bf. i cant stop thinking about this guy, a few months back he said if he became single he'd let me know- im so confused!
Do you think he feels something but wont admit it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
It started off with being friendly and light flirting, the eye contact though is hypnotizing-it feels like hes staring straight into my soul, he smiles and sometimes winks at me before walking off.
I admitted i liked him a lot one day but he said he was taken, and i admitted i was too.
As the months have gone on (we've still been working together) my heart beats frantically when i see him and i literally cant get him off my mind.ive gone to his office to say hi and have a friendly chat a few times and he's offered me a drink, he's incredibley friendly and is genuinely a really nice guy.
I asked him out right recently if he likes me and he said ' im a really sweet girl' i asked him for his number so i could message him- he replied by saying i would get myself in trouble if my bf saw, he implied one of us could get drunk and send suggestive texts!
Although nothing has happened, i feel very guilty and like im bettraying my bf. i cant stop thinking about this guy, a few months back he said if he became single he'd let me know- im so confused!
Do you think he feels something but wont admit it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
0
Comments
You may not have actually kissed or had sex but the flirting, the admitting you like each other etc is all tantamount to cheating in my book.
I think you need to have a good, long look at your relationship with your partner and decide if it is where you truly want to be?
Also he has a partner, for all you know there could be kids involved?
You have obviously been with your BF from a young age (I am guessing you are 26 so have been with him since age 20ish?) that is quite a young age to meet your "forever partner"
I would steer well clear of this man, even if you became single he isn't!
He cannot make it more clear that he's not interested. Men can be jokey and flirty, it doesn't mean they wish to leave their partners for you. If you're interested in other men then clearly you need to work on your own relationship, so instead of chasing men who aren't interested and are taken, why don't you do that?
This multiplied by the very largest number you can think of with one added to it!!!!!!
If you are not happy with your current boyfriend you should spend your time trying to fix that instead.
It sounds to me like he's playing you. It is very flattering getting attention from someone new and people often flirt back up encourage the attention.
If you made a direct play for him I bet he'd back right off and make out it was all you.
Be happy with what you have, as you are luckier then many, purely by being in a long term relationship.
Trust me, the grass is rarely greener on the other side.
How strange we see this scenario so differently.
Yes, you can. You are actively indulging yourself with fantasies and openly chasing someone else. I think you're being pretty awful to be honest.
I think you should consider leaving your partner because if you were happy with him, you wouldn't be behaving like this. But if you insist on subjecting him to life with a partner who is obsessed with someone else, then get your act together and do something about it. Change departments, look for a new job, go for couples counselling or just take a long hard look in the mirror.
How would you feel if your boyfriend was behaving the way you are? Would you even care?
I agree that we can't help finding people attractive, but even if we can't control our feelings, we can certainly control our actions. You don't have to attempt to act out all your fantasies.
You just keep trying to justify your behaviour. Yes your feelings are strong, but that's only because YOU are indulging them. You are choosing to spend time with him. You are choosing to tell him you like him. You are choosing to try and step up things by getting his number so you can have flirty texts. You are pursuing this. This isn't about your feelings getting out of control, it's about you fanning the flames.
If you love your bf, imagine if you found texts on his phone to a girl he worked with, being flirty and she was asking him if he fancied her, and if he was single would he get together with her. Imagine how you'd feel.
I can totally see where you are coming from and yes I'm speaking from bitter experience sadly. Save you and your boyfriend a lot of heart ache and leave be. Otherwise it'll only end in tears and the chances are they will be yours. Good luck x
It is indeed! That is what makes the human race so amazing, if not rather confusing!
I reckon you'd be better off working on your capitalization, punctuation etc.
😊 xxx
Getting a job you find interesting (hard, I know) and making your out-of-work life more fun and stimulating will see your infatuee receding to the back of your brain.
It's perfectly normal and may or may not go away but if you wish to continue in the relationship that you have then you have to remove yourself from the situation, your mistake is not your feelings but that you tried to act on them.