Should you buy a couple an engagement present?

PrincessEssex · 26/01/12 - 14:25

Hi all,

Just wondered what everyone stance on buying engagement present is? Should you buy them or wait until the wedding?

One of my friends has just got engaged and on ringing round my other mates to see if and what I should buy them it seems noone knows what "the done thing" is for engagements!

The bride to be said No of course not however the Groom to be is expecting gifts as is my understanding!

Either way I am not fussed just wondered what everyone thought on the subject?

Ber · 26/01/12 - 14:26

I never expected any when I got engaged nor would I buy one for anyone else.

gemma-the-husky · 26/01/12 - 14:33

if you want. I am sure it would be gratefully received.

GetMeOuttaHere · 26/01/12 - 14:39

My daughter and her long term partner got engaged in November, I didn't bother with a gift as she already has her own home and at the moment they aren't living together. When they get married and set up their new home I'll buy a suitable gift.

PrincessEssex · 26/01/12 - 14:39

I was thinking of a wedding planner journal *if* I buy one for them as it would be useful and a keepsake for them

varialectio · 26/01/12 - 14:41

Just send a Congratulations card. Get a present when he "follows through" on the engagement.

[Deleted User] · 26/01/12 - 14:44

varialectio wrote: »

Just send a Congratulations card. Get a present when THEY "follows through" on the engagement.

fisxed that for ya...

What it says now is about right.

varialectio · 26/01/12 - 14:50

Justabloke wrote: »

fisxed that for ya...
What it says now is about right.

I said "He" deliberately as the OP said that the prospective groom expected a gift, the bride-to-be didn't.

[Deleted User] · 26/01/12 - 14:57

A bottle of bubbly is always nice - but a card will suffice (especially if he's expecting gifts - don't get them anything then!)

PrincessEssex · 26/01/12 - 14:58

Charlie Coo wrote: »

A bottle of bubbly is always nice - but a card will suffice (especially if he's expecting gifts - don't get them anything then!)

I thought of this but they are having their engagement party in a pub so presumed that a few people e.g. dad of the bride etc will be buying them that at the party

[Deleted User] · 26/01/12 - 15:06

If they're having a party then it might be nice to bring a small present - but I would only give a token present as, presumably, you will be expected to buy them a proper present when they get married.

[Deleted User] · 26/01/12 - 15:07

Duplicate post.

shakeyershammy · 26/01/12 - 15:41

My niece-in-law is on her THIRD engagement :eek: (she's 29). I refuse to buy any present for a serial-engager.

Hugh Jboobs · 26/01/12 - 15:43

Have done so for close friends and family in the past. I think the general consensus is that people don't expect it, but would be touched if you did.

littlemadangel · 26/01/12 - 15:49

I really wasnt expecting anything for when me and my fiance got engaged last year but we got quite a bit including household/kitchen things, a set of me to you bears, wine glasses a wedding planner/diary thing, vouchers, and quite a few bottles of champagne,

A bottle of champagne/bucks fizz/cava would suffice and a card I think.

towers · 26/01/12 - 16:17

Something small, like a bottle of champagne and a card, would be appropriate but nothing bigger than that - in case they don't follow through with the wedding. A LOT of people these days don't get as far as the wedding because they break up or can't be bothered to get it organised etc.

I personally would never expect an engagment present beyond small gifts and a card, because its the wedding itself that's important.

Hogzilla · 26/01/12 - 16:24

No, I never do. I always work on the assumption they may not make it up the aisle and, if they do, it will be more likely to end in tears than not. So why bother.

[Deleted User] · 26/01/12 - 16:25

I get them a card. No idea what an appropriate present would be to be honest.

trinity2002 · 26/01/12 - 16:31

I've never thought to buy an engagement present for anyone. I may have got my step-sister one, but that would have only been because she had a party. She never made it up the aisle with that one anyway.

PrincessEssex · 26/01/12 - 16:31

They have been together 7 years and lived together for 3 of them so I have faith the wedding will go ahead.

I was thinking of buying them a wedding planner journal if I do buy anything.

cutekitty7686 · 26/01/12 - 16:34

I always send a card I have given engagement gifts in the past but one of my close mates got engaged in nov last year and within a week she choose her date which is in next 4 months so I said instead of engagement gift will give bigger wedding gift than I would of.
Think it depends really on how close you are to the person but think card is something I always do

LightningIguana · 26/01/12 - 16:49

shakeyershammy wrote: »

My niece-in-law is on her THIRD engagement :eek: (she's 29). I refuse to buy any present for a serial-engager.

I had a friend like that. No idea where she is now but she was on her second and that was twenty years ago. She was 20:eek:

Haven't heard any rumours about a wedding, so I'm guessing she might still be at it.

OP, give them a card and maybe a bottle and save the real gift until they finish their I do-fest.;)

[Deleted User] · 26/01/12 - 16:54

I would for close family - sister etc. But i think for a friend a cards enough.

Lainiomonkio · 26/01/12 - 17:04

As other posters have said, it depends how close you are to the couple. When we got engaged we got some really lovely cards and that was more than enough for us. We got a couple of bottles of champagne from family members but we didn't expect them to get us anything.

I don't know why people expect presents for anything and everything these days. A couple that we know got engaged and then threw a massive engagement party and invited everyone they could possibly think of including parents of friends who they had never met because they wanted (by their own admission) to get lots of presents. :rolleyes:

eluf38 · 26/01/12 - 17:17

I got a few cards when we got engaged, but no presents. I toyed with the idea of an engagement party, but didn't really see the point of it - we'll be celebrating when we get married. An American recently asked whether I was having a 'bridal shower'. I thought it was a kind of daytime hen party, but no, other women are suposed to bring you gifts for your impending wedding. I guess they do this in addition to buying wedding gifts. Sounds like consumerism gone mad to me.

I might buy someone a card, but an engagment gift? If they get married, they'll be getting gifts at the wedding so I don't see the need for another round of present buying.

Same with baby showers / baby gifts. I buy a gift for the child once it's born. My cousin had a baby shower and it was an orgy of wrapping paper and competitive women. She ended up taking most things back to mothercare as she had something like four cot mobiles, three bottle steralisers, and mountains of clothes that her daughter never even wore because she was a big baby and outgrew them in a few weeks! And then she ended up getting more things once baby came along, to celebrate the birth.

So, no, I wouldn't get them an engagement gift. Bah humbug.

Missjef · 26/01/12 - 17:23

I would go with your idea of a wedding planner, i have got those for some friends in the past as engagement presents.
I don't think anyone expects a present, but if your quite good friends with them & they are having a party then i think it's a nice gesture. I would get a little something in your position.
Or at least a card & a bottle of bubbly.

Hey there!

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