Chatroom experiences

Dreamer27 · 02/08/12 - 01:13

First off I really hope that this isn't too much information and that people don't judge me, I don't really know why i'm posting here apart from the fact it's anonymous!

I'm a 20 year old girl, when I was 12 or 13 I guess I went into chatrooms a lot and as typical as ever I spent a lot of time talking to know what I know are pedophiles – never good intentions, exposing me too things that I know I wasn't ready for in real life. I don't know what I was thinking at the time but it carried on for a few years and I built some dodgy relationships. I think it carried on even past when I knew it was wrong because I had and still have such low self esteem I enjoyed the attention.

Now i'm older, I don't know if I was always destined to be like this (thread title might be irrelevant) whatever my experiences but I feel stunted sexually. I've never had a proper boyfriend and always avoided any attention. Whenever a guy has been “affectionate”, “touchy feely” whatever you call it I get upset and really can't deal with it. The only time I have ever been relaxed to let a guy get close to me is when i've had too many drinks and even then I can't return anything, I feel so nervous and uncomfortable.

I haven't got a great attitude about straight men, I'm suspicious of them all the time. I'm just worried i'm always going to be like this and I don't know what to do, does anyone think I will change or my feelings can change? I just want to hear from people really.

Even if no one sees this to replies I already feel better writing this out, not that it changes anything!

tenorlady · 02/08/12 - 01:29

I'm not judging you. There's some event or events in your early years that's caused you to feel this way - have you thought about talking to a professional and getting some perspective on the situation?

Toy_Hero · 02/08/12 - 01:45

It's quite difficult to say. I know how you feel in the sense of having a low self-esteem. I was quite like that, and I had been in on chatrooms when I was around 15/16 but didn't exactly have any conversations with people I know I shouldn't have. But I understand what it's like when you're given attention because it obviously makes you feel better about yourself. It's obviously different for you than for me, I always feels like chatrooms are very much male dominated and they're mostly seeking girls that's what's so difficult with them.

I think because you've already established the past you had with 'guys' you're now old enough to realise how you should handle them now. If you're very suspicious with guys, you must be a very guarded person. So I guess the best way to feel relaxed with a guy you might like is to slowly break down your walls. If you're lacking trust your aim is so slowly build it. At least on the positive side, it's made you more attentive towards finding a decent guy

tenorlady · 02/08/12 - 01:49

Perhaps CBT will help. Have a look at MoodGym. It helped me!

Butterfly8588 · 02/08/12 - 02:41

Hi Dreamer,
I dont know if you mean you actually met these guys and had dodgy relationships with them in the physical way or just that you were spoken to in ways you werent ready for at the time.
I'll assume the latter for now because that's the impression i got but just to say that i was exactly the same. I was about 11 when i found chat rooms and also enjoyed the attention i got seeing as i never found the same connection in real life because i had (and still have) no self worth what so ever.
All i can tell you is that im 24 now and i've been in a relationship (ironically with someone i met online who actually treated me with respect and dignity, not as a porn substitute) for 8 years now and although it hasnt helped my self esteem i have found love, respect and am fine with intimacy.
I wonder if you're putting to much pressure on yourself? You're only 20 years old and some people just arent ready for sexual relations until they are older, everybody is different.
I'm no psychologist/psychiatrist but i would imagine talking to people in the way you (and i) did wouldn't have had that much impact but what do know?
If you feel you ever need to chat about your experiences or want to know more feel free to pm me anytime and ill always listen.
Take Care and Good Luck xxx

Dreamer27 · 02/08/12 - 20:21

tenorlady wrote: »

I'm not judging you. There's some event or events in your early years that's caused you to feel this way - have you thought about talking to a professional and getting some perspective on the situation?

I did go to see someone at Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services a couple of years ago about anxiety problems and had a bit of CBT but I just found it really hard to be honest about things. I'm definitely going to look at the moodgym you suggested tho, thanks for pointing me to it

Toy_Hero wrote: »

It's quite difficult to say. I know how you feel in the sense of having a low self-esteem. I was quite like that, and I had been in on chatrooms when I was around 15/16 but didn't exactly have any conversations with people I know I shouldn't have. But I understand what it's like when you're given attention because it obviously makes you feel better about yourself. It's obviously different for you than for me, I always feels like chatrooms are very much male dominated and they're mostly seeking girls that's what's so difficult with them.

I think because you've already established the past you had with 'guys' you're now old enough to realise how you should handle them now. If you're very suspicious with guys, you must be a very guarded person. So I guess the best way to feel relaxed with a guy you might like is to slowly break down your walls. If you're lacking trust your aim is so slowly build it. At least on the positive side, it's made you more attentive towards finding a decent guy

When you're younger I think chatrooms seem so harmless but like you said, so male dominated and not only boys but adult men admitting to wanting to talk to young girls. I know I have to change and see things differently, just not sure how yet - think i'm a bit stuck.

Butterfly8588 wrote: »

Hi Dreamer,
I dont know if you mean you actually met these guys and had dodgy relationships with them in the physical way or just that you were spoken to in ways you werent ready for at the time.
I'll assume the latter for now because that's the impression i got but just to say that i was exactly the same. I was about 11 when i found chat rooms and also enjoyed the attention i got seeing as i never found the same connection in real life because i had (and still have) no self worth what so ever.
All i can tell you is that im 24 now and i've been in a relationship (ironically with someone i met online who actually treated me with respect and dignity, not as a porn substitute) for 8 years now and although it hasnt helped my self esteem i have found love, respect and am fine with intimacy.
I wonder if you're putting to much pressure on yourself? You're only 20 years old and some people just arent ready for sexual relations until they are older, everybody is different.
I'm no psychologist/psychiatrist but i would imagine talking to people in the way you (and i) did wouldn't have had that much impact but what do know?
If you feel you ever need to chat about your experiences or want to know more feel free to pm me anytime and ill always listen.
Take Care and Good Luck xxx

Thanks for replying. No luckily I pulled out of meeting assuming that in real life they wouldn't like me anyway. I'm glad that you said you went on chatrooms at that age, I thought I was the only one making mistakes I guess i'd call it.

Funny you say you met your partner online, I actually tried online dating but just found it hard to see them as someone I could get along with as well as date. Men can either be friends or sexual I can't see them being both! I'm glad you found a good guy but I guess it's true self worth only can come from yourself. Really thank you for replying it'd be good to chat sometimes.

Hey there!

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