Well surprise, surprise...I'm back here again :rolleyes:. I logged onto Facebook today and noticed that he's left messages for about eight different people, some of them he hardly even knows, but he hasn't left me anything . Nearly two weeks ago I left him a message, but he hasn't even bothered to reply.
I go through stages where I think I should take peoples advice on here and stay clear of him, but I love him so much and I know he still feels SOMETHING for me, so I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm going through the whole coming out thing on my own, because I don't have him to talk to anymore. I also feel really down as I've realised that I don't have anyone in my life I can trust. I love all my friends, but I can't really exactly call any of them my best friend and that just makes me feel really sad. I can't talk to any of them really about coming out and what's on my mind, because I don't trust them not to go saying it to someone else and spreading it around. I just feel so lonely and have nobody to talk too, and I think that's part of the reason I'm posting this on here.
He gets back from traveling on Friday, but I'm not sure how to approach it. He's been messaging and even phoning loads of his friends while he's been away, but hasn't bothered about me. Do I bring this up? I want to because it makes me feel really angry and upset, but if I do mention this then I'm worried we'll get into an argument when he's only just got back, and this will end up pushing him further away from me. He's the only person that understands what I'm going through. I need him so badly. I just feel trapped.
I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to PM me. Hopefully I can be of some help to you.
Seriously? LOL Don't know what thats about! Do you know what setting I need to go into to change it?
It says "Our Niall has chosen not to receive private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. Therefore you may not send your message to him/her".
Try going into 'User CP', then 'Edit Options' and then find private messaging and check that the box is ticked that says 'Enable Private Messaging'. That's all I can really think of lol.
Bloody hell! Just stumbled across this thread I started whilst searching for another thread. This was 7 years ago!! It's very strange to read it back. I've got to say though, looking back on the situation now, everyone's advice here was correct!!!
Bloody hell! Just stumbled across this thread I started whilst searching for another thread. This was 7 years ago!! It's very strange to read it back. I've got to say though, looking back on the situation now, everyone's advice here was correct!!!
It's odd to look back on this stuff isn't it? I think we've all been where you were then - Falling for someone emotionally unavailable. If you don't mind me asking, what happened in the end? Did you remain friends?
I was reading this thread not noticing the date and in my head I was shouting saying why is he so blind to what an ass this person is being! It was frustrating to read. I had a similar situation with a guy back when I was a teen and he treated me like crap but I was obsessed with him and would run if he clicked his fingers, I'm so embarrassed at my behaviour looking back on it but it definitely made me a stronger person.
It's odd to look back on this stuff isn't it? I think we've all been where you were then - Falling for someone emotionally unavailable. If you don't mind me asking, what happened in the end? Did you remain friends?
He basically returned after having been traveling for a month. It's funny, because looking back when we first sort of got together, I remember us talking about we would cope due to him going away for a month. It was just a month for god sake lol!! Anyway, after he came back after that month, we both moved back to where we went to Uni to start our second year. I unfortunately dropped out of Uni due to struggling to cope with what happened with us, but mainly because I was also trying to deal with coming out at the same time. It was a really, really difficult time. We met up quite a lot from the time he got back from traveling in the summer of 2008 up until October when we started back at Uni. We tried to stay friends but it just wasn't working and we fell out really badly.
We then didn't speak from October 2008 until mid December 2008. There had been no contact at all. I wasn't over what had happened at all, but I was obviously living with different people and had made a lot of other friends so I of course had something to take my mind off it a little bit. Anyway, in mid December 2008 it was my birthday and I had a big night out which he obviously saw on Facebook that I was planning. I didn't invite him as obviously we weren't speaking, but he turned up anyway. It was amazing to see each other and we were both just so incredibly happy to be with each other again and speaking. At the end of the night we left together and we ended up getting a taxi back to our old Uni halls and we snuck into a field behind where there was a bench we used to sit on. Throughout the night he had given me the impression that he loved me and wanted to be more than friends, but when we were sitting on the bench and I brought up the subject of what happened, he told me in quite a horrible way that he didn't love me. I was absolutely devastated and in pieces. We both walked home arguing like crazy at 5am, screaming and shouting, crying our eyes out. It really was horrible and I felt like I was having a breakdown. We got to the road where we had to part ways and suddenly we both stopped, stared into each other's eyes and knew that we loved each other, but that one of us wasn't in love with the other (although looking back I think he was, but he had coming out to deal with too). We both hugged for about a minute long and then went our separate ways.
That was pretty much it. About 2 years later I bumped into him a few times in a club we used to both go too and we spoke and got on really well. I was completely over him by that point though. It was strange though, as even after all that time, when we bumped into each other when we looked at one another there was still something there. Today, he has a boyfriend who he had been with for I think about 4 years now. I sadly haven't had a boyfriend or relationship since. I say sadly, but to be honest I haven't wanted one. I think what happened with him scarred me badly and is probably the reason why I don't want one. I'm 28 now. We both still have each other on Facebook. The last time I heard from him I think must have been about 3 years ago via a Facebook message. The odd time we will like a status or a picture one of us has posted. There's are absolutely no hard feelings whatsoever between us and I do think that if we hadn't have met, I'm not sure I would ever have came out. So it was all for the best. Finding this thread again had actually made me think about messaging him and seeing if he wants to meet up for a drink maybe. It's funny I found this thread actually as only the other day he liked my status on Facebook! But yes, overall no hard feelings and we are fine with each other. Last time I saw him in person must have been 2010 I think, so five years ago. It was an awful time and I was absolutely devastated and heartbroken. All of the advice I was given here was correct though!!
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
I had an ex who told me he loved me, then ended it in a text message then said we could be friends maybe get back together again.
It's like a form of psychologically torturing someone you know loves you more and is incredibly cruel.
I know this thread is several years old but I have to ask why would you want to meet someone who treated you so shoddily?
For several years I wanted my ex back now I don't. If I bumped in to him in a shop it's been several years so I don't know if he'd approach me and ask how I was due to time but if he did I'd tell him that he wanted nothing to do with me, I now feel that way about him and that he's effectively dead to me.
The guy treated you badly, you deserve better and you should know that.
The only time friendships can work when relationship's break up is if it was a mutual decision and both are happy with it, attempting to be friends with someone who is in love with you is a form of torture for the other person- just walk away don't look back, no matter how hard.
I had an ex who told me he loved me, then ended it in a text message then said we could be friends maybe get back together again.
It's like a form of psychologically torturing someone you know loves you more and is incredibly cruel.
I know this thread is several years old but I have to ask why would you want to meet someone who treated you so shoddily?
For several years I wanted my ex back now I don't. If I bumped in to him in a shop it's been several years so I don't know if he'd approach me and ask how I was due to time but if he did I'd tell him that he wanted nothing to do with me, I now feel that way about him and that he's effectively dead to me.
The guy treated you badly, you deserve better and you should know that.
The only time friendships can work when relationship's break up is if it was a mutual decision and both are happy with it, attempting to be friends with someone who is in love with you is a form of torture for the other person- just walk away don't look back, no matter how hard.
So true. I'm in a situation at the mo where I'm attempting to be friends with someone who treated me badly. Just writing that sounds so ridiculous!! Its messing with my head.
So true. I'm in a situation at the mo where I'm attempting to be friends with someone who treated me badly. Just writing that sounds so ridiculous!! Its messing with my head.
Is there a particular reason why you should remain friends? If not then walk away from it, you dont need friends who treat you badly.
Comments
I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to PM me. Hopefully I can be of some help to you.
Take care
Hey! Thanks. I did just try to PM you lol, but it said that you're unable to receive them.
Seriously? LOL Don't know what thats about! Do you know what setting I need to go into to change it?
It says "Our Niall has chosen not to receive private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. Therefore you may not send your message to him/her".
Try going into 'User CP', then 'Edit Options' and then find private messaging and check that the box is ticked that says 'Enable Private Messaging'. That's all I can really think of lol.
It's odd to look back on this stuff isn't it? I think we've all been where you were then - Falling for someone emotionally unavailable. If you don't mind me asking, what happened in the end? Did you remain friends?
He basically returned after having been traveling for a month. It's funny, because looking back when we first sort of got together, I remember us talking about we would cope due to him going away for a month. It was just a month for god sake lol!! Anyway, after he came back after that month, we both moved back to where we went to Uni to start our second year. I unfortunately dropped out of Uni due to struggling to cope with what happened with us, but mainly because I was also trying to deal with coming out at the same time. It was a really, really difficult time. We met up quite a lot from the time he got back from traveling in the summer of 2008 up until October when we started back at Uni. We tried to stay friends but it just wasn't working and we fell out really badly.
We then didn't speak from October 2008 until mid December 2008. There had been no contact at all. I wasn't over what had happened at all, but I was obviously living with different people and had made a lot of other friends so I of course had something to take my mind off it a little bit. Anyway, in mid December 2008 it was my birthday and I had a big night out which he obviously saw on Facebook that I was planning. I didn't invite him as obviously we weren't speaking, but he turned up anyway. It was amazing to see each other and we were both just so incredibly happy to be with each other again and speaking. At the end of the night we left together and we ended up getting a taxi back to our old Uni halls and we snuck into a field behind where there was a bench we used to sit on. Throughout the night he had given me the impression that he loved me and wanted to be more than friends, but when we were sitting on the bench and I brought up the subject of what happened, he told me in quite a horrible way that he didn't love me. I was absolutely devastated and in pieces. We both walked home arguing like crazy at 5am, screaming and shouting, crying our eyes out. It really was horrible and I felt like I was having a breakdown. We got to the road where we had to part ways and suddenly we both stopped, stared into each other's eyes and knew that we loved each other, but that one of us wasn't in love with the other (although looking back I think he was, but he had coming out to deal with too). We both hugged for about a minute long and then went our separate ways.
That was pretty much it. About 2 years later I bumped into him a few times in a club we used to both go too and we spoke and got on really well. I was completely over him by that point though. It was strange though, as even after all that time, when we bumped into each other when we looked at one another there was still something there. Today, he has a boyfriend who he had been with for I think about 4 years now. I sadly haven't had a boyfriend or relationship since. I say sadly, but to be honest I haven't wanted one. I think what happened with him scarred me badly and is probably the reason why I don't want one. I'm 28 now. We both still have each other on Facebook. The last time I heard from him I think must have been about 3 years ago via a Facebook message. The odd time we will like a status or a picture one of us has posted. There's are absolutely no hard feelings whatsoever between us and I do think that if we hadn't have met, I'm not sure I would ever have came out. So it was all for the best. Finding this thread again had actually made me think about messaging him and seeing if he wants to meet up for a drink maybe. It's funny I found this thread actually as only the other day he liked my status on Facebook! But yes, overall no hard feelings and we are fine with each other. Last time I saw him in person must have been 2010 I think, so five years ago. It was an awful time and I was absolutely devastated and heartbroken. All of the advice I was given here was correct though!!
Glad youre feeling better Master Ozzy. xx
It's like a form of psychologically torturing someone you know loves you more and is incredibly cruel.
I know this thread is several years old but I have to ask why would you want to meet someone who treated you so shoddily?
For several years I wanted my ex back now I don't. If I bumped in to him in a shop it's been several years so I don't know if he'd approach me and ask how I was due to time but if he did I'd tell him that he wanted nothing to do with me, I now feel that way about him and that he's effectively dead to me.
The guy treated you badly, you deserve better and you should know that.
The only time friendships can work when relationship's break up is if it was a mutual decision and both are happy with it, attempting to be friends with someone who is in love with you is a form of torture for the other person- just walk away don't look back, no matter how hard.
I'd let him run- he can do better as he sounds callous in the way he treats people and sends out mixed signals.
Why I think he shouldn't ask him out on a drink.
So true. I'm in a situation at the mo where I'm attempting to be friends with someone who treated me badly. Just writing that sounds so ridiculous!! Its messing with my head.
Is there a particular reason why you should remain friends? If not then walk away from it, you dont need friends who treat you badly.