You are the advocate for your daughter until she is old enough to decide whether she wants to see her dad or not, and you owe it to her to make the effort to continue the relationship on good terms, even if he isn't making the effort at least you can rest at night knowing you've done right by your daughter.
Don't let other people influence you with their own experiences of how their children are better off without - they are totally bitter.
How would you feel as a child if not only did you dad not want to see you, but your mum didn't even try to keep in touch with him for your sake? Not great I would imagine.
Sounds very much like my ex-husband! Men can be completely irresponsible, immature morons when it comes to kids, but it's your daughter you have to think of and for her sake, I think it's important that you don't lose touch with her dad. At least so you will have a contact number to give her when she asks in future.
Not all men.... Im not called Superdad for nothing...
You are the advocate for your daughter until she is old enough to decide whether she wants to see her dad or not, and you owe it to her to make the effort to continue the relationship on good terms, even if he isn't making the effort at least you can rest at night knowing you've done right by your daughter.
Don't let other people influence you with their own experiences of how their children are better off without - they are totally bitter.
How would you feel as a child if not only did you dad not want to see you, but your mum didn't even try to keep in touch with him for your sake? Not great I would imagine.
You are the advocate for your daughter until she is old enough to decide whether she wants to see her dad or not, and you owe it to her to make the effort to continue the relationship on good terms, even if he isn't making the effort at least you can rest at night knowing you've done right by your daughter.
Don't let other people influence you with their own experiences of how their children are better off without - they are totally bitter.
How would you feel as a child if not only did you dad not want to see you, but your mum didn't even try to keep in touch with him for your sake? Not great I would imagine.
What I meant in my comments is that the mother shouldnt have to send photos to the dad. If he actualy gave a toss he'd be asking to see the child and asking for photos. The very fact that the OP had to ask the question kind of proves the dad doesn't really care.
The mum certainly doesn't 'owe it to the child' to try and force that dad to care. Any dad with a fibre of emotion/humanity should do the right thing of their own free will.
Anybody who said the child was better off without the father slightly disappoints me...
Every child deserves to know their Dad. Or at least have had the effort made o their behalf to keep lines of communication open. As you said the attitude that there is no real need is disappointing.
I sent him a message earlier to see if he was ok and he told me he didn't contact me for a while because he wanted to give me some space.
I don't know what kind of person he is obviously but he may just feel like he would get in the way. He might fear that he wouldn't know how to look after a baby or that your daughter won't like him. It is very daunting having a child but when you are the one looking after them from day 1 you learn and bond very quickly whereas he hasn't had that.
I vote shouldn't. He shouldn't need a text to see what he's missing. It's his own stupid fault. He shouldn't need a photo to actually give a stuff that he has a daughter.
Basically this. If he can't at least acknowledge that he has a daughter without a photo then she is better off without a lousy father like him.
You are the advocate for your daughter until she is old enough to decide whether she wants to see her dad or not, and you owe it to her to make the effort to continue the relationship on good terms, even if he isn't making the effort at least you can rest at night knowing you've done right by your daughter.
Don't let other people influence you with their own experiences of how their children are better off without - they are totally bitter.
How would you feel as a child if not only did you dad not want to see you, but your mum didn't even try to keep in touch with him for your sake? Not great I would imagine.
Yep, OP needs to be able to feel, know and explain one day that she did everything she possibly could to encourage and maintain a parental relationship between the child and her father.
What I meant in my comments is that the mother shouldnt have to send photos to the dad. If he actualy gave a toss he'd be asking to see the child and asking for photos. The very fact that the OP had to ask the question kind of proves the dad doesn't really care.
The mum certainly doesn't 'owe it to the child' to try and force that dad to care. Any dad with a fibre of emotion/humanity should do the right thing of their own free will.
She does owe to the child to try to encourage the child to experience a parental relationship. She has that duty until the child is old enough to make a decision for herself. Its not about forcing another adult to care, its about enabling and providing opportunities.
Since it's her first birthday could you not drop him a message saying I'm going to do something small for her birthday, would you like to come? If answer is no then ask about the picture?
That way you know you've done something for her birthday?
You are the advocate for your daughter until she is old enough to decide whether she wants to see her dad or not, and you owe it to her to make the effort to continue the relationship on good terms, even if he isn't making the effort at least you can rest at night knowing you've done right by your daughter.
Don't let other people influence you with their own experiences of how their children are better off without - they are totally bitter.
How would you feel as a child if not only did you dad not want to see you, but your mum didn't even try to keep in touch with him for your sake? Not great I would imagine.
Since it's her first birthday could you not drop him a message saying I'm going to do something small for her birthday, would you like to come? If answer is no then ask about the picture?
That way you know you've done something for her birthday?
I did briefly consider inviting him but, well my brother and he hate each other and it would probably turn into a fight, he has offered to take us for a day out next weekend because he wants to buy her something, so we'll be doing that which should be nice
He's happily asked for more pictures and videos I've taken, so that's a positive too
I did briefly consider inviting him but, well my brother and he hate each other and it would probably turn into a fight, he has offered to take us for a day out next weekend because he wants to buy her something, so we'll be doing that which should be nice
He's happily asked for more pictures and videos I've taken, so that's a positive too
I did briefly consider inviting him but, well my brother and he hate each other and it would probably turn into a fight, he has offered to take us for a day out next weekend because he wants to buy her something, so we'll be doing that which should be nice
He's happily asked for more pictures and videos I've taken, so that's a positive too
Awww that's great! You're lucky that your ex wants to go shopping with you present, as my ex only buys our daughter very useful stuff for a 5-year-old like a fur coat or high heeled shoes (I'm not kidding!).
I'd continue to send regular photos and messages about her progress. Whether he chooses to respond to them or not is up to him but your conscience will be clear that you kept him up to date on your daughter and in years to come your daughter will thank you for your effort. Happy first birthday to her!
Comments
Don't let other people influence you with their own experiences of how their children are better off without - they are totally bitter.
How would you feel as a child if not only did you dad not want to see you, but your mum didn't even try to keep in touch with him for your sake? Not great I would imagine.
Not all men.... Im not called Superdad for nothing...
:-)
Well said that poster
You're absolutely right, thank you
The mum certainly doesn't 'owe it to the child' to try and force that dad to care. Any dad with a fibre of emotion/humanity should do the right thing of their own free will.
Every child deserves to know their Dad. Or at least have had the effort made o their behalf to keep lines of communication open. As you said the attitude that there is no real need is disappointing.
I sent him a message earlier to see if he was ok and he told me he didn't contact me for a while because he wanted to give me some space.
I don't know what kind of person he is obviously but he may just feel like he would get in the way. He might fear that he wouldn't know how to look after a baby or that your daughter won't like him. It is very daunting having a child but when you are the one looking after them from day 1 you learn and bond very quickly whereas he hasn't had that.
Basically this. If he can't at least acknowledge that he has a daughter without a photo then she is better off without a lousy father like him.
No child is better off without a parent... Like you said you don't know the circumstances....
Even if the father is an arsehole it's the childs right to get to know him..
Yep, OP needs to be able to feel, know and explain one day that she did everything she possibly could to encourage and maintain a parental relationship between the child and her father.
She does owe to the child to try to encourage the child to experience a parental relationship. She has that duty until the child is old enough to make a decision for herself. Its not about forcing another adult to care, its about enabling and providing opportunities.
That way you know you've done something for her birthday?
Great advice here
I did briefly consider inviting him but, well my brother and he hate each other and it would probably turn into a fight, he has offered to take us for a day out next weekend because he wants to buy her something, so we'll be doing that which should be nice
He's happily asked for more pictures and videos I've taken, so that's a positive too
Great news! X
Awww that's great! You're lucky that your ex wants to go shopping with you present, as my ex only buys our daughter very useful stuff for a 5-year-old like a fur coat or high heeled shoes (I'm not kidding!).
Maybe let the child decide???
It's her Birthday today!!