i cant have relations with girls anymore =/

[Deleted User] · 28/12/10 - 02:02

I'm gay, i have known for ages, but i feel i used to be able to fight it and be with girls but over the years im finding myself more and more reluctant to approach girls in clubs or even respond to girls that show an interest in me!
has this happened with anyone else?

ThinWhitePuke · 28/12/10 - 02:11

Why are you fighting it ? you are what you are, be yourself and be proud to be gay instead of putting on some stupid front going for girls and not liking it, there is nothing to be ashamed of about being gay

UrMyStar · 28/12/10 - 02:14

ThinWhitePuke wrote: »

Why are you fighting it ? you are what you are, be yourself and be proud to be gay instead of putting on some stupid front going for girls and not liking it, there is nothing to be ashamed of about being gay

I agree with this. It seems OP that you're not willing to accept your sexuality. Your gay and you should embrace that fact rather than try to hide it

[Deleted User] · 28/12/10 - 02:16

i don't know if i can handle the fallout of people finding out, especially from my dad, uncles, older brother and majority of friends who are homophobic. i feel as though i'm on shifting sand, i know it has to come out eventually

[Deleted User] · 28/12/10 - 03:02

McKenzie321 wrote: »

i don't know if i can handle the fallout of people finding out, especially from my dad, uncles, older brother and majority of friends who are homophobic. i feel as though i'm on shifting sand, i know it has to come out eventually

OK

You can make your dad happy for now and try to screw women and hold down relationships that will never work, making him unhappy in the long term (you too).

Or

You can say, "Dad, I'm gay" and let him deal with his own demons while you live the life you deserve and experience happiness.

Your choice

x

Essentially it boils down to. "Dad, I divorced again" or "Dad, I do blokes".

Nuartey1 · 28/12/10 - 04:13

McKenzie321 wrote: »

i don't know if i can handle the fallout of people finding out, especially from my dad, uncles, older brother and majority of friends who are homophobic. i feel as though i'm on shifting sand, i know it has to come out eventually

If they don't accept you for who you are then they don't love you the way they think they do. In that case, you'd be better off without them. How old are you, may I ask?

Taglet · 28/12/10 - 10:15

I think you need to be true to yourself and speak to your dad rather than stringing a load of girls along as a cover.

[Deleted User] · 28/12/10 - 10:18

Odd Socks wrote: »

OK

You can make your dad happy for now and try to screw women and hold down relationships that will never work, making him unhappy in the long term (you too).

You might want to consider the feelings of all the poor girls caught up in this too

ChristmasCake · 28/12/10 - 10:23

McKenzie321 wrote: »

i don't know if i can handle the fallout of people finding out, especially from my dad, uncles, older brother and majority of friends who are homophobic. i feel as though i'm on shifting sand, i know it has to come out eventually

I felt like that too at first. I grew up in a Catholic household, in a rough area, which was pretty homophobic.

I was worried I would get kicked out and disowned if I ever came out.

When I did eventually admit to my parents that I am gay, my dad just said, "Oh, so we could have called you Jasmine after all? Time for a cuppa I think!"

People often hold some rather horrible opinions, but when it comes to the people they care about, their attitudes can change..

Babe Rainbow · 28/12/10 - 10:28

McKenzie321 wrote: »

i don't know if i can handle the fallout of people finding out, especially from my dad, uncles, older brother and majority of friends who are homophobic. i feel as though i'm on shifting sand, i know it has to come out eventually

Well you don't have to tell them right now do you. Give yourself time to come to terms with it yourself before you involve anybody else.

And stay away from trying to chat up girls. Apart from anything else, it is not fair on them

Hope it all works out ok for you xXx

ChristmasCake · 28/12/10 - 10:32

Babe Rainbow wrote: »

Well you don't have to tell them right now do you. Give yourself time to come to terms with it yourself before you involve anybody else.

And stay away from trying to chat up girls. Apart from anything else, it is not fair on them

Hope it all works out ok for you xXx

That's probably the best advice on this thread so far.

[Deleted User] · 28/12/10 - 10:34

OP, wait until you are comfortable with your sexuality before even trying to tell others. If you are more comfortable with who you are then you will come across more positively and confidently when you tell them.

Don't try and force yourself to be something you are not. Being gay is part of who you are and you will be much happier if you are true to yourself.

I expect your Dad has guessed anyway.

Good luck.

Deaf Leppard · 28/12/10 - 11:40

I never classed myself as homophobic, but looking back i did poke fun at homosexuals and didn't give them the respect deserved.

Then my sister came out as a lesbian, and my boss is a gay man. My opinions have changed once applied to my own life. Both are normal people who i care about and/or respect. Their sexuality is their own buisness, and if it makes them happy, then i'm happy.

I'm sure once your dad, uncle, brothers and friends find out, they'll see homosexuality in a different light then if its just a charactor on a tv show, or a camp comedian.

[Deleted User] · 28/12/10 - 14:23

Nuartey1 wrote: »

If they don't accept you for who you are then they don't love you the way they think they do. In that case, you'd be better off without them. How old are you, may I ask?

20, so not really in a position to "go my separate way" if they don't accept it.

I'd also like to say thank you for all the other advice from the posters, I've never heard people speak about it so positively, except on tv lol

my dad has asked if i am because he has asked 3 times in the last 6months if i have a girlfriend and i have said no, my initial response to him asking if im gay is always no and then he will respond with good. has anyone got any ideas of HOW i should tell him when the time comes, i dont think i can respond with the truth if he just outright asks me. (last bit of advice i promise) and thanks again

RussellIan · 28/12/10 - 14:25

McKenzie321 wrote: »

i don't know if i can handle the fallout of people finding out, especially from my dad, uncles, older brother and majority of friends who are homophobic. i feel as though i'm on shifting sand, i know it has to come out eventually

In my experience a lot of 'homophobic' people suprisingly tone down their act once they find out they have one of us in their midst

[Deleted User] · 28/12/10 - 14:34

McKenzie321 wrote: »

20, so not really in a position to "go my separate way" if they don't accept it.

I'd also like to say thank you for all the other advice from the posters, I've never heard people speak about it so positively, except on tv lol

my dad has asked if i am because he has asked 3 times in the last 6months if i have a girlfriend and i have said no, my initial response to him asking if im gay is always no and then he will respond with good. has anyone got any ideas of HOW i should tell him when the time comes, i dont think i can respond with the truth if he just outright asks me. (last bit of advice i promise) and thanks again

How about the next time he asks you just say "yes Dad, I am or why else would you have asked me 3 times in the last 6 months, you obviously have an inkling."

Not easy to say I know. Good luck with it all.

Taglet · 28/12/10 - 16:27

RussellIan wrote: »

In my experience a lot of 'homophobic' people suprisingly tone down their act once they find out they have one of us in their midst

I bet a surprising number suddenly become pro-gay.

OP you have to accept that your Dad's initial reaction is likely to be shock and surprise so bear that in mind. It probably wont be where he stays once he has been given a bit of time to think about it.

BiancaLDN · 28/12/10 - 16:39

There's no way to tell how he will react, but you need to put yourself first.
I myself am the child of a gay man and a straight woman - my dad (I'm guessing) sleeping with women to please others/convince himself. Led to years of drama and even now our relationship is strained. Sooo don't go after anymore women!!

academia · 28/12/10 - 17:54

Odd Socks wrote: »

OK

You can make your dad happy for now and try to screw women and hold down relationships that will never work, making him unhappy in the long term (you too).

Not to mention the misery you'll cause to any woman who's fooled by you.

[Deleted User] · 28/12/10 - 18:00

McKenzie321 wrote: »

i don't know if i can handle the fallout of people finding out, especially from my dad, uncles, older brother and majority of friends who are homophobic. i feel as though i'm on shifting sand, i know it has to come out eventually

OP I don't know what part of the UK you live in (if indeed you're resident in this country) but most regions provide local support and advice services for gay men. Such services will have indepth knowledge and experience of men grappling with your type of problem.

Here's one example - www.gmfa.org.uk/londonservices/support-groups/index

But you could always do a google search to locate others that you may feel are more appropriate for your specific needs.

Good luck!!

:)

orange1234 · 28/12/10 - 19:46

I'm guessing your dad suspects / knows. if you can't bring yourself to tell your dad straight out, how about your mum or an aunty that you feel comfortable talking to. Most women are better with type of thing and they might be able to smooth the way for you, You've had great advice, hope it goes well for you.

Remember you never asked to be gay, straight or black, white, tall short. You are what you are and it's up to you to make the best of what you have. Other people can't take any credit for being straight or tall either it's not a choice. Don't worry what others think, that's their problem we have enough of our own problems without worrying about other peoples too.

and

In my experience a lot of 'homophobic' people suprisingly tone down their act once they find out they have one of us in their midst

is true, and after they have come to terms with it, they become protective too.

ChristmasCake · 28/12/10 - 22:02

McKenzie321 wrote: »

20, so not really in a position to "go my separate way" if they don't accept it.

The thing is, you're actually imagining the worst case scenario, things could be fine. It might not seem that way, but it's not 100% going to be bad..

McKenzie321 wrote: »

I'd also like to say thank you for all the other advice from the posters, I've never heard people speak about it so positively, except on tv lol

I found that while I was struggling with my sexuality, I only really noticed the negativity surrounding homosexuality, I never heard anything good said, but then, I was never actually listening out for it!

I think these days, amongst younger people especially, there does seem to be a lot more acceptance of different sexualities.

McKenzie321 wrote: »

my dad has asked if i am because he has asked 3 times in the last 6months if i have a girlfriend and i have said no, my initial response to him asking if im gay is always no and then he will respond with good. has anyone got any ideas of HOW i should tell him when the time comes, i dont think i can respond with the truth if he just outright asks me. (last bit of advice i promise) and thanks again

When you're ready, just be honest, explain that you can't help how you feel, and you can't control who you are attracted to any more than he can.

Remember, it's probably taken you some time to realise you are gay, and it may take some time to come to acceptance, so it's only fair that your family/friends are given some time to come to terms with things too.

ElliotSaunders · 28/12/10 - 22:46

Dating other girls when you know your gay is rather cruel because it will lead to them having there hearts broken. If you can't come out fine,that's your prerogative but there is no need to hurt innocent girls and drag them into this.

Psychosis · 28/12/10 - 22:51

Here's what happens.

Dad: Are you gay, son?

Son: Why yes, I am.

I have some sympathy for your plight, but mostly I think denying yourself is just silliness.

ChristmasCake · 28/12/10 - 22:56

Psychosis wrote: »

Here's what happens.

Dad: Are you gay, son?

Son: Why yes, I am.

I have some sympathy for your plight, but mostly I think denying yourself is just silliness.

It's difficult. It might seem simple, but how many young sexually confused kids receive positive messages about minority sexuality types?

Often, they build up this picture that they will be rejected, or hated, or worse..and you can understand that fear.

I've had to offer support to many young kids thrown out of their homes. It doesn't always happen, in fact, I think it's pretty rare, but it's still sad all the same:(.

Anyway, I hope this reply doesn't put you off OP, things could work out fine for you:), it did for me!

Dangerous.Dave · 28/12/10 - 23:22

Don't be fooled into thinking people are "born" homosexual. This might be a popular and cool view at the moment but it's built on shaky science.

You are not inherently homosexual. For some reason or other you fear women and intimacy with females. This can be overcome with some work.

Please don't feel pressured into "accepting" you are a homosexual and entering unnatural relations with other men. You are confused at the moment. Just step back from relationships until you have worked this out.

These views aren't cool but they are nevertheless sound. Don't condemn yourself to a life of depravity.

DD

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i cant have relations with girls anymore =/

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