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When is the time right?...
hownwbrowncow
Posts: 6,188 Forum Member
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...to come out?
The regulars on here will have heard my story ten times over, but basically I'm 16 and a half and in my penultimate year at boarding school.
This year I feel so much happier, and my confidence and self-esteem have grown. I am much more happy with myself as an individual and my social circle is gradually expanding which does wonders for my confidence and happiness.
However, this really makes me toy more in my head with the idea of coming out. There is only one person in my whole life who I have come out to and she is a friend from home who I've known since I was a toddler, and she knows one or two people who go to my school.
I feel as though I could come out at home though, as my home life is one I'm more willing to take a risk on, as I am at home less and value my home friends actually less than my boarding life these days, so therefore if i was to come out at home and things weren't to work out, it wouldn't matter so much.
there are however quite a few people who live at home who know people who go to my school.
But what would really happen if i came out at SCHOOL. There is one person in the year above who is openly gay and he is very happy, and I've literally only heard one person ever male homophobic remarks about him.
Yes it annoys me when I hear 'gay' and 'gayboy' as insults, but with the real situation, as with the guy in the year above, i think does proper homophobia actually exist in my school? I don't know.
The regulars on here will have heard my story ten times over, but basically I'm 16 and a half and in my penultimate year at boarding school.
This year I feel so much happier, and my confidence and self-esteem have grown. I am much more happy with myself as an individual and my social circle is gradually expanding which does wonders for my confidence and happiness.
However, this really makes me toy more in my head with the idea of coming out. There is only one person in my whole life who I have come out to and she is a friend from home who I've known since I was a toddler, and she knows one or two people who go to my school.
I feel as though I could come out at home though, as my home life is one I'm more willing to take a risk on, as I am at home less and value my home friends actually less than my boarding life these days, so therefore if i was to come out at home and things weren't to work out, it wouldn't matter so much.
there are however quite a few people who live at home who know people who go to my school.
But what would really happen if i came out at SCHOOL. There is one person in the year above who is openly gay and he is very happy, and I've literally only heard one person ever male homophobic remarks about him.
Yes it annoys me when I hear 'gay' and 'gayboy' as insults, but with the real situation, as with the guy in the year above, i think does proper homophobia actually exist in my school? I don't know.
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The choice cannot be made by others however as to when you feel it is the right time for you personally because everyone is different in that respect.
I do however admire gay and bisexual people with their strength and courage especially those who do come out. The reason people like yourself contemplate whether or not to come out is usually because of social prejudice and possible fear of the reactions of those close this should not be an issue in 2014 but sadly it still is to a certain degree even though things are moving in the right direction now.
The day LGBT people don`t have to even consider whether or not to come out is the day when true equality will have been achieved socially speaking.
Bottom line is only you can decide when you`re fully ready yes you will likely get some homophobia at some point to a degree from a few bigots because that's the reality of what the majority of LGBT face every now and then but don`t let bigots stop you being true to yourself and those you care about in life because ultimately its not you with the problem.
I suspect that you'll find that most people couldn't care less, really. Not in a bad way, but in a sense of "It's your life, it's up to you how you live it".
Sadly we will always have the ignorant people to deal with, but that is their problem, I hope you will never let it be yours.
If you only have a year or so left at school, and you're perhaps worried about how your peers will react, wait until you have left. Start college as you. Not the pretend you that you have been living as for 16 years.
Tell your family whenever you feel right to.
Good luck.
There are probably a couple of sets of exams ahead in the next two years so there'll be plenty of pressure already. I don't know what type of boarding school it is or what ethos it has, but if it's not representative of wider society then I'm not sure it's wise to come out if there's the potential for bullying stress in addition to academic pressure. Perhaps it might be better to wait until the school years are entirely over?
My school is extremely diverse. I would imagine that 30-40% of the students do not speak English as a first language. There are a variety of religions, as well as a homosexual person who got into the school, and has been pretty well accepted.