It's so awful when this happens. My gran met someone years after she was widowed but her son put his foot down and said nobody was to replace his dad, so she gave the man up and has spent the rest of her life on her own. She was widowed at 54 and will be 94 next year - 40 years on your own is a long time!
My friend was the same with her dad - years after he was widowed he started seeing a very nice lady in the village who was also widowed - my friend made a fuss and eventually he ended the relationship.
I just think people need to let others get on with it. I bet a lot of the people making a fuss would feel differently if they were widowed then expected to spend the rest of their life on their own. I know that if anything happened to my hubby I would want eventually to move on - and I would want him to do the same. Obviously that love is still there and the new person can't replace it but there is no point being sad and lonely if you would like to be with someone.
I do see that it is all quite early with the lady in the OP but for many people with dementia it is like they died a long time before. John Suchet who has talked openly about his wife and how she no longer even knows him. It must be like being bereaved a long time before the person physically dies.
Beautifully put.
to be fair she's had a pretty hard time caring for much older hubby, having brought up family, cared for very bad tempered Mother in law and nursed her own mum through dying of cancer, so I think she's "earned" it. It's just a bit quick for everyone and it's the fact that it was going on before his death. He was hard work and she was a nurse not a wife for a good year before his death, but she clearly said goodbye to him as a husband a long long time ago
I agree with tenorlady. I think older kids would accept this.
Sounds like SIL is projecting her own feelings onto the child. Most children are pretty accepting and if explained as above would take it just as that. Also they could trying telling the kid that granny loved being married so much and was so happy with grandad that she wants that again with someone else while she has the chance.
I agree. From a logical, outside view we all agree. Don't be too hard on the SIL though...she's handling it badly but she's grieving too. It sounds like she's hurting and having trouble with coming to terms with her grief. I think it's her who needs the counselling.
Don't be too hard on the SIL though...she's handling it badly but she's grieving too. It sounds like she's hurting and having trouble with coming to terms with her grief. I think it's her who needs the counselling.
BIB -That's very much my attitude, but SIL doesn't feel she can tell her daughter that as she's "only 11". The way I see it they've got to know sometime soon, so her age is irrelevant. she's still going to be "only 11." MIL is (apparently) "acting like a teenager", so I think that her sensitivity may be an issue.Timing is an issue as MIL and new bloke are meant to be visiting mid Jan for BIL's birthday. I'm just going round in circles trying to get this across to SIL, so wondered how others might approach it.
As I said, my kids know most of it and don't like it but are coming round. OH is really cut up about it all, even though he was hardly there for his parents when his dad was ill.SIL has older boys who apparently hve no idea about the relationship either, though I suspect they're not that daft. I told her she needs to tell them now, so they can all be there for the daughter. I think they could just introduce the guy as Nanny's friend this time and as you say, give it time and explain that it's more next visit, but SIL is convince her daughter will immediately see it for what it is. I don't see that she or the others boys really need to know that it's been going on for ages but SIL is as I say, convinced niece will cotton on Also I think she feels guitly that she's lied to them, but you do what you think is best at the time.
Jackboy - I did think of my situation when I read that thread:) Ours was more like Eileen in Corrie and her fireman, for a while but now it's moved on & very fast.
My brother in law has just married a forty year old woman, he is 85!! She is younger than his three children.
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Beautifully put.
I agree with tenorlady. I think older kids would accept this.
I agree. From a logical, outside view we all agree. Don't be too hard on the SIL though...she's handling it badly but she's grieving too. It sounds like she's hurting and having trouble with coming to terms with her grief. I think it's her who needs the counselling.
Thank you!
Quite!
Thank you too
That's a good point.
My brother in law has just married a forty year old woman, he is 85!! She is younger than his three children.