That elderly couple who still foster are amazing. At first I was a bit concerned that they were too old but they can obviously provide their undivided attention as well as plenty of love.
Unlike a lot of younger people who are addicted to mobile phones, TV and laptops they have no distractions.
Its a very difficult programme to watch. Lauren was a charming girl, who could not want her in their life. So glad they did not split them up. I find the breaking up of siblings just utterly heartbreaking. I hope they go on to have wonderful lives.
I'd actually like to see one of these programs focus on the potential adoptive parents themselves. I wonder how many of the people turned down could do a good job if given the chance to.
Hmm, it would be interesting for those who are thinking about it, to see what Social services are/aren't looking for.
The snapshot assessments of viewers of social workers decisions might not be quite so useful though.
More of how they decide what homes are suitable for what age and number of children, as per another FM who posted would be interesting too.
Edit: wasn't going to watch tonight after last weeks, but this week's wasn't depressing.
Tears all round, apart from the kids in that episode.
I know we don’t know what goes on behind the scenes regarding social workers and potential adopters and are probably presented with a simplified version of the process. That didn’t stop me from shouting at the screen when the social worker was going through reams of lists and crossing through those who had stated ‘under 6 yo only’ JUST PHONE THEM UP AND TALK TO THEM! Tell them about Liam and Lauren – no pressure – and give them an opportunity to change their minds. Primary school aged children can be so rewarding to be with and Lauren was such a lovely, bright girl I feel sure that many ‘potentials’ who may have turned her down on paper would rethink when meeting her. Yes, the older a child is the more problems they might bring with them but in every single case? Give them a chance. It’s a tribute to the foster carers that they can take damaged children and turn their lives around in a comparatively short period of time. To hear the foster dad’s description of how the children were on arrival to seeing them now is wonderful. Why shouldn’t they continue to flourish in the right, loving environment?
it’s only from experience that you discover what children are like at different ages, stages and quantities. For instance, it seems logical that having just one child to concentrate on must be easier than two or more but you can discover that having 2 of similar ages is less intense on you as they entertain each other – or maybe I’m just a ‘hands off’ sort of parent! Point is, you don’t know this stuff and it’s sad that so many children miss out on happy, healthy families because the adults don’t appreciate what they want and what will work for them.
It was heart-breaking to hear Lauren’s very rational description that the difference between foster and adoptive parents is that you can sit on the knees of adoptive parents and call them Mum but your cant do that with foster parents. I sincerely hope these lovely children have the wonderful futures they deserve.
Even though things have changed wasn't that long ago the press were full of stories "overweight" people banned from adopting. I bet there are loads of people still out there think they wouldn't be considered
I know we don’t know what goes on behind the scenes regarding social workers and potential adopters and are probably presented with a simplified version of the process. That didn’t stop me from shouting at the screen when the social worker was going through reams of lists and crossing through those who had stated ‘under 6 yo only’ JUST PHONE THEM UP AND TALK TO THEM! Tell them about Liam and Lauren – no pressure – and give them an opportunity to change their minds.
<snip>
BIB Doesn't work like that, see Finding Mum and Dad thread.
They're 'approved' for a certain age/number of children and that's what they can 'go' for.
If it was that flexible, would you want to be either the prospective adopter or social worker, either been talked into something or talking someone into something as important as taking on a child or children for life?
The other problem is that adopters mostly want babies and not older children.
Sadly true, we have said to the social worker that we will consider any child on it's merits.
Most folk want a child young enough not to have been "damaged" by the events of it's life so I can kind of understand that but they all have to be given a chance.
My wife and I initially laughed then got angry at the form one of the social workers read out saying "no gingers".
Little Tommy was such a lovely wee thing, hope he is happy with his new mummies.
BIB Doesn't work like that, see Finding Mum and Dad thread.
They're 'approved' for a certain age/number of children and that's what they can 'go' for.
If it was that flexible, would you want to be either the prospective adopter or social worker, either been talked into something or talking someone into something as important as taking on a child or children for life?
I watched Finding Mum and Dad and thought the same then about the inflexibility. Say you said 6 and under you could miss out on your perfect 'match' who had just turned 7. I'm not for one moment suggesting social workers push people to take a child if they are not right for each other I just feel that so many good matches could be missed. Maybe I'm being idealistic and believing there is a good family for every child out there.
It reminded me how badly adoption can be handled. there was doc on BBC a few years back about Hackney social services following a couple of adoption cases. The social worker remembered a woman who had applied to adopt a year before and thought she would be ideal for 2 youngsters. She met the woman who explained changes in her life over the year which made clear it was unlikely that adoption was still for her. The social worker completely ignored what she'd heard and continued with the process. Of course the woman should have said a firm 'No' but she was IMO pressured to go forward. Sadly the adoption did break down very soon after the children moved in with her. So in answer to your question no I wouldn't want to see anyone pushed in to the wrong decision and when adoptions break down no one benefits.
As for the woman in the link as one poster said you can think you've found the perfect person right up to the final day when the child is 'returned'.
Guess you sometimes need to go with instinct, there are no guarantees that an introduction will work but surely it's worth trying?
As I said earlier in the thread, not enough facts.
This emotional stuff is all well and good, but I don't think any program has covered the selection process for prospective adopters, what they're approved for and how their matched with children.
That's what needs covering.
Subject has set me off searching Radio 4's Listening Project for old episodes about adoption now...
Breaking my heart over those poor children.
Tried talking my husband into thinking about taking on an older child.....but he's says we have enough trouble with the two we have.....
Can't understand why they do "advertise" the children to open peoples eyes to just how many children need homes.
Breaking my heart over those poor children.
Tried talking my husband into thinking about taking on an older child.....but he's says we have enough trouble with the two we have.....
Can't understand why they do "advertise" the children to open peoples eyes to just how many children need homes.
Don't under the last sentence, why do/don't they 'advertise'?
Well at anytime at least one London borough 'seems' to be advertising their Fostering/Adoption services with pictures of kids.
I 'think' it's currently Teenagers in Wandsworth, always see the ad outside Asda's in Clapham.
I know someone who fosters for a living, she specialises in babies taken from their parents at birth.
She had one baby girl who was the 5th child taken away from the mother, each baby had a different father, all of whom were bad lots This baby's father was a known paedophile, so there was no unsupervised contact allowed and at 12 months old she had her final visit and was taken for adoption. Why, oh why, did that woman keep on having babies? The heartbreak of having them all taken away must be unbearable
Comments
Unlike a lot of younger people who are addicted to mobile phones, TV and laptops they have no distractions.
Hmm, it would be interesting for those who are thinking about it, to see what Social services are/aren't looking for.
The snapshot assessments of viewers of social workers decisions might not be quite so useful though.
More of how they decide what homes are suitable for what age and number of children, as per another FM who posted would be interesting too.
Edit: wasn't going to watch tonight after last weeks, but this week's wasn't depressing.
Tears all round, apart from the kids in that episode.
it’s only from experience that you discover what children are like at different ages, stages and quantities. For instance, it seems logical that having just one child to concentrate on must be easier than two or more but you can discover that having 2 of similar ages is less intense on you as they entertain each other – or maybe I’m just a ‘hands off’ sort of parent! Point is, you don’t know this stuff and it’s sad that so many children miss out on happy, healthy families because the adults don’t appreciate what they want and what will work for them.
It was heart-breaking to hear Lauren’s very rational description that the difference between foster and adoptive parents is that you can sit on the knees of adoptive parents and call them Mum but your cant do that with foster parents. I sincerely hope these lovely children have the wonderful futures they deserve.
I think pretty much everyone is considered now.
BIB Doesn't work like that, see Finding Mum and Dad thread.
They're 'approved' for a certain age/number of children and that's what they can 'go' for.
If it was that flexible, would you want to be either the prospective adopter or social worker, either been talked into something or talking someone into something as important as taking on a child or children for life?
Old somewhat related thread I found looking for that the thread above.
Woman returns adopted child after 18 - months, something to think about.
Sadly true, we have said to the social worker that we will consider any child on it's merits.
Most folk want a child young enough not to have been "damaged" by the events of it's life so I can kind of understand that but they all have to be given a chance.
My wife and I initially laughed then got angry at the form one of the social workers read out saying "no gingers".
Little Tommy was such a lovely wee thing, hope he is happy with his new mummies.
It reminded me how badly adoption can be handled. there was doc on BBC a few years back about Hackney social services following a couple of adoption cases. The social worker remembered a woman who had applied to adopt a year before and thought she would be ideal for 2 youngsters. She met the woman who explained changes in her life over the year which made clear it was unlikely that adoption was still for her. The social worker completely ignored what she'd heard and continued with the process. Of course the woman should have said a firm 'No' but she was IMO pressured to go forward. Sadly the adoption did break down very soon after the children moved in with her. So in answer to your question no I wouldn't want to see anyone pushed in to the wrong decision and when adoptions break down no one benefits.
As for the woman in the link as one poster said you can think you've found the perfect person right up to the final day when the child is 'returned'.
Guess you sometimes need to go with instinct, there are no guarantees that an introduction will work but surely it's worth trying?
This emotional stuff is all well and good, but I don't think any program has covered the selection process for prospective adopters, what they're approved for and how their matched with children.
That's what needs covering.
Subject has set me off searching Radio 4's Listening Project for old episodes about adoption now...
ITV seem to be getting better, less sensationalist, so I'll give that a go, if I remember.
Tried talking my husband into thinking about taking on an older child.....but he's says we have enough trouble with the two we have.....
Can't understand why they do "advertise" the children to open peoples eyes to just how many children need homes.
Don't under the last sentence, why do/don't they 'advertise'?
Well at anytime at least one London borough 'seems' to be advertising their Fostering/Adoption services with pictures of kids.
I 'think' it's currently Teenagers in Wandsworth, always see the ad outside Asda's in Clapham.
Yes Im here
There will be no shortage of adopters for that little girl
Its very often the way and I expect there will be some more.
She had one baby girl who was the 5th child taken away from the mother, each baby had a different father, all of whom were bad lots