Child surname when unmarried.

[Deleted User] · 27/10/12 - 11:31

I just wandered how many couple on here have had children and are not married, what surname did you give the child.

We gave ours my girlfriends. Acouple of people have asked why, my girlfriend had a private message on facebook asking why as if the baby isn't mine or something.

Is it usually the norm to give the child the fathers name? I didn't think anything of it, and we have reasons for picking the surname.

annette kurten · 27/10/12 - 11:33

it`s your business.

i changed my name to that of the father of my youngest two children.

Si_Crewe · 27/10/12 - 11:35

I would have thought it'd always be most expedient to give the child the same name as the remaining parent, at least until the kid is old enough to decide that kind of thing for themselves.

It's only ever going to cause confusion if a young kid doesn't have the same surname as the person who is acting as their guardian, at least until the kid is old enough to explain things for themselves.

[Deleted User] · 27/10/12 - 11:35

Im not married and both my children have fathers surname.

Truth be told,this was because he had a major pap when i suggested otherwise before baby No1 was born 14 years ago.

It doesnt bother me too much,but as the very last in the line of my surname,it would of been nice for my name to continue.

2shy2007 · 27/10/12 - 11:39

My elder 2 children have my maiden name , and not their fathers names, my youngest has my name and my husbands , he is double barrelled so that all my children have my maiden name in their name.

Its all down to personal choice though, my elder two used to have a different name, that of the man they saw as their father, but not their biological father , and one of them was double barrelled with my surname, but after we split I changed them by deed poll to just my name

Are you keeping up?lol

Cowie · 27/10/12 - 11:50

My kids have their father's name. I figured we'd get married one day and then I'd just have my name to change and not three. Took me 16 years, we got married earlier this year and because I'm Aussie and got married in Vegas I have to do an application for name change, that'll probably take me another 16 years to do lol

My MIL would have had a total conniption if I'd not named them after their father. She told me even if the father won't ever be on the scene they should have his name. She changed her tune a few years later when her granddaughter was a single prior to giving birth ;-)

debailey72 · 27/10/12 - 12:11

My parents never married and I have my fathers surname.

[Deleted User] · 27/10/12 - 12:12

My parents weren't married and I got my dads surname.

RAINBOWGIRL22 · 27/10/12 - 12:15

Baby due in 9 days, unmarried, will have OH's surname.

Si_Crewe · 27/10/12 - 12:18

debailey72 wrote: »

My parents never married and I have my fathers surname.

tothegrand wrote: »

My parents weren't married and I got my dads surname.

RAINBOWGIRL22 wrote: »

Baby due in 9 days, unmarried, will have OH's surname.

In these cases, is the father still around on a daily basis?

Cryolemon · 27/10/12 - 12:31

The convention, IIRC, is to use the mother's surname if the parents are unmarried.Obviously it's up to you though, and surnames can be changed far easier than first names if needed anyway.

[Deleted User] · 27/10/12 - 12:33

My parents married when I was two or three. I've always had my dads last name. And before anyone starts; my parents are together and my dad is around on daily basis.

It's not uncommon to have kids before getting married.

alan29 · 27/10/12 - 12:37

I seem to remember from doing thousands of school reports that children usually took the Mums surname if they lived with the Mum and the Dad's if they lived with the Dad -we had to be extremely careful how we addressed letters home, it was a minefield.

SeasideLady · 27/10/12 - 12:40

The only thing about surnames I can think of mentioning is that the baby got the mother's surname when the father's name wasn't known to put on the birth certificate. Otherwise, I think you would put the father's name on it, generally anyway.

[Deleted User] · 27/10/12 - 12:43

alan29 wrote: »

I seem to remember from doing thousands of school reports that children usually took the Mums surname if they lived with the Mum and the Dad's if they lived with the Dad -we had to be extremely careful how we addressed letters home, it was a minefield.

LOL i wish my childs school did this, every time the infant/junior school rang me they asked for Mrs P and every year on the contact form i changed it to Miss C. Now they just ask for T's mom,this is secondary school now though.

It never bothered me,but did have to tell everyone where i worked,that if someone rang asking for Mrs P it was for me! I did miss a few calls over the years when workmates didnt realise

Smokeychan1 · 27/10/12 - 12:44

My sisters kept their surnames when married and it is that name that was passed on to their children, not their husband's surnames.

I didn't think anything of it, and we have reasons for picking the surname.

I don't think you should make anything of silly assumptions other people make, though I see the practicality of Si's thinking.

hobbleit · 27/10/12 - 12:45

debailey72 wrote: »

My parents never married and I have my fathers surname.

Me too

Si_Crewe wrote: »

In these cases, is the father still around on a daily basis?

In my case, yes My father has always been around. My parents have always been together, it's just they don't believe in marriage.

decobelle · 27/10/12 - 12:46

We gave our kids my partner's surname - he just has a nicer surname!

decobelle · 27/10/12 - 12:48

decobelle wrote: »

We gave our kids my partner's surname - he just has a nicer surname!

Oh and we are together, just not fussed on getting married.

Blondie X · 27/10/12 - 12:56

Daughter had got my OHs family name. He's Spanish and they call it a family name rather than a surname, which sounds nicer imo.

Doesn't bother me one iota that I have a different name to my child, why should it?

We've been together 22 years btw

RAINBOWGIRL22 · 27/10/12 - 12:59

Si_Crewe wrote: »

In these cases, is the father still around on a daily basis?

In my case yes - we've been together 5 years, lived together for almost 5 years [:o] but have no intention of ever getting married.

debailey72 · 27/10/12 - 13:05

Si_Crewe wrote: »

In these cases, is the father still around on a daily basis?

Yep. My dad has always been in my life. I'm 40 years old and he's 80 years old now.
Glad I have his surname, his side of the family are more loving and welcoming, unlike my mothers side.:D

Judge Mental · 27/10/12 - 13:41

These days I think it makes more sense for families to adopt the mother's name (even if the couple are married) particularly as she is the one likely to do most of the child rearing activity and have contact with other agencies involved with children such as health workers and teachers. If parents separate it's usually the mother that keeps the children with her so it makes life a lot easier for the child's name to be with the parent they live with most of the time.

alsmama · 27/10/12 - 13:55

Si_Crewe wrote: »

I would have thought it'd always be most expedient to give the child the same name as the remaining parent, at least until the kid is old enough to decide that kind of thing for themselves.

It's only ever going to cause confusion if a young kid doesn't have the same surname as the person who is acting as their guardian, at least until the kid is old enough to explain things for themselves.

There's no hint in the OP that there is one remaining parent or guardian. The question seems to be about a couple raising a child together but not married.

Mrscee · 27/10/12 - 14:40

wasn't married when our first child was born and he got his dad's surname..we then got married and had two more kids...I never once thought of not giving him his dad's surname

Emmersonne · 27/10/12 - 14:52

Among people I know there seems to be a mixture, but I think picking the father's name is more faff at the beginning (as the mother is often registering with doctors, etc. and has a different name) but less faff after a wedding when it is only the mum's name that needs to change (if she wishes).

But I certainly wouldn't start doubting paternity if the child took the mother's name - I am quite shocked by that :eek:

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