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2014 - what probably WON'T happen...
Phil Dodd
Posts: 3,975 Forum Member
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Some predictions of what probably won't happen in 2014 - but might be amusing if it did...
Paul Rowley makes a programme about the BBC, and broadcasts it from a rowing boat in the Thames using a pirate radio transmitter.
Ofcom announce the digital switch-off, reallocating channels to FM frequencies.
After a successful interview with MIck Jagger at Glastonbury in 2013, John Humphrys gives up his post on Today to become banjo player with the Stones.
Following his trials with a Raspberry Pi as a micro DAB transmitter in 2013, Rashid of Ofcom buys the whole year's supplies of Raspberry Pis to build a 500 Kw DAB transmitter at Crystal Palace.
The Sony Radio awards of 2014 have to be abandonned after nobody can understand the instruction manual to open the main venue doors.
A group of pensioners protesting about not being able to take part in Radio 1 phone-ins are told that it is because they are too young.
Heart FM admits that it cuts songs short, because after 2 minutes, most of it's female listeners are back on their mobile again to another friend or relative.
Russia starts jamming 104.3 MHz after residents are caught listening to BBC Cymru on imported radios.
Christian O'Connell is fired after admitting that he doesn't eat breakfast.
A whole month passes without Absolute Radio introducing any new channels.
Radio 4 broadcasts a whole 30 minutes of silence after a mouse is seen in the Woman's Hour studio.
London taxi drivers are making a fortune from BBC staff who don't really know where Salford is.
Any more ???
Paul Rowley makes a programme about the BBC, and broadcasts it from a rowing boat in the Thames using a pirate radio transmitter.
Ofcom announce the digital switch-off, reallocating channels to FM frequencies.
After a successful interview with MIck Jagger at Glastonbury in 2013, John Humphrys gives up his post on Today to become banjo player with the Stones.
Following his trials with a Raspberry Pi as a micro DAB transmitter in 2013, Rashid of Ofcom buys the whole year's supplies of Raspberry Pis to build a 500 Kw DAB transmitter at Crystal Palace.
The Sony Radio awards of 2014 have to be abandonned after nobody can understand the instruction manual to open the main venue doors.
A group of pensioners protesting about not being able to take part in Radio 1 phone-ins are told that it is because they are too young.
Heart FM admits that it cuts songs short, because after 2 minutes, most of it's female listeners are back on their mobile again to another friend or relative.
Russia starts jamming 104.3 MHz after residents are caught listening to BBC Cymru on imported radios.
Christian O'Connell is fired after admitting that he doesn't eat breakfast.
A whole month passes without Absolute Radio introducing any new channels.
Radio 4 broadcasts a whole 30 minutes of silence after a mouse is seen in the Woman's Hour studio.
London taxi drivers are making a fortune from BBC staff who don't really know where Salford is.
Any more ???
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Comments
This goes down badly as the format is otherwise unchanged from Heart's (due to cost savings no attempt was made to bring any semblance of personality and humanity back to the Hearts) and all the rivals pile-in mocking it on air: "Real radio?! More like fake radio if you ask me!" being among the least imaginative side swipes heard on air.
Amidst sliding RAJARs across the country and demands from the board to resign, in a fit of despair and deciding it's better to remembered for infamy than failure, Ashley Tabor takes leaf out the nearby Corrie and decides to burn down the studios one night while no one is around and then throws himself into the icy waters of the Quays...
...moments later Ashley wakes up from the nightmare and realises that when someone joked to him the night before about having a "feel bad flashback" for once on heart (combined with a little too much cheese), it had maybe played on his mind rather more than he expected.
Instead of sitting around in onesies watching Jeremy Kyle, drinking LIDL cider and generally doing nothing ,it turns out that Britain's hard working families, who are working hard at working hard and paying tax, have been funding these stations for years. The Daily Mail has a field day with this and David Cameron is chased down the road by an angry ex-BBC local radio presenter who, having lost their job due to licence fee cuts, clobbers said PM with a stolen radio mic while demanding to know why the state is happy to indirectly fund those stations but has put this poor sod out of the radio business.
The resultant public outcry causes a number of them to close down after these intripid broadcasters get locked up for benefit fraud, but the government decides that a prison radio service is a good idea, so they find a (literally) captive audience to broadcast their mix of pointless repetitive chat, Mr Blobby and Happy Days theme music to. This creates a perfect storm and the horrific prison riots are then seen as a small price to pay to keep these benefit scroungers out of the way.
*y'know the ones that have branding like "shouty radio: the station that makes you wanna be shouty", yawn, please try to be original if you're not bound by OFCOM and other commerical restrictions!
He's given the breakfast show.
lol - I can soooo see that happening!
That's funny!
Magic FM on 105.4 reduces power to the North
Capital 105.4 then goes full power, thus allowing Northamptonshire to be able to receive it properly (and thus giving Northants a CHR station)
Heart admit that they don't play much variety, and they start adding CHR tunes in to the playlist. They also buy the whole of the NOW compilation series to provide "more music variety".
As for the cutting of the songs, who doesn't know about this? Heart then admit it and move all their fade points so that each and every second of each song is played.
DAB gets switched off and all of the DAB multiplexes are moved to DAB+. All national FM's, including commercial stations such as Heart, get switched off; thus allowing more local stations to broadcast.
Planet Rock set to replace Absolute on FM in London.
Global keep Real XS in both Manchester and Paisley and change the format to Urban/Dance for Capital Xtra to launch.
Agree about ex-playlisted tunes, it probably won't happen, but would be good if it did!
Ofcom relax the rules with regards to those petty 50 nanowatt transmitters, and allow people to use 0.5 Watt transmitters to broadcast their own radio shows.
Furthermore; he purchases 'General knowledge for the willfully ignorant about anything that isn't Nelson Mandela related', and manages to put input into a discussion that doesn't make him sound idiotic.
Steve Wright goes twenty minutes without reading out an e mail from a desperate fan who loves the show.
Dermot O'Leary (and others) uses 'accoustic' or 'original' instead of stripped back.