In Law Help Please
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Hi,
I really need some help please.
I love my boyfriend very much. We are buying a house together and I can't wait to live with him.
HOWEVER. His mother is very interfering and my boyfriend always takes her side. It's always about what they want.
I've dealt with the whole house thing: mortgage, solicitors, everything. It's been rather stressful and everytime something went wrong I would get shouted at. It was never my fault but I took the blame anyway. And when I got upset I was told to grow up and stop being petty.
I work in a hospital, I have patients in my office all the time so I can't use my phone a lot but I get 50 calls a day of someone asking me to do thing but I'm always busy with my work but if it isn't done instantly I get in trouble.
Then I got told I'm childish, pathetic, selfish and rude.
Not to blow my own trumpet but I work in a top hospital and have awards for my people skills and stuff. I also do a lot of charity work and have awards for that too. I'm a kind girl, I lost my brother on my birthday this year but nobody seems to care that it affects me.
I'm scared because my new house is quite far away from my family and very near his. I'm scared everything will always be my fault and I'll never do anything right.
I really need some help please.
I love my boyfriend very much. We are buying a house together and I can't wait to live with him.
HOWEVER. His mother is very interfering and my boyfriend always takes her side. It's always about what they want.
I've dealt with the whole house thing: mortgage, solicitors, everything. It's been rather stressful and everytime something went wrong I would get shouted at. It was never my fault but I took the blame anyway. And when I got upset I was told to grow up and stop being petty.
I work in a hospital, I have patients in my office all the time so I can't use my phone a lot but I get 50 calls a day of someone asking me to do thing but I'm always busy with my work but if it isn't done instantly I get in trouble.
Then I got told I'm childish, pathetic, selfish and rude.
Not to blow my own trumpet but I work in a top hospital and have awards for my people skills and stuff. I also do a lot of charity work and have awards for that too. I'm a kind girl, I lost my brother on my birthday this year but nobody seems to care that it affects me.
I'm scared because my new house is quite far away from my family and very near his. I'm scared everything will always be my fault and I'll never do anything right.
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Comments
SO what advice are you looking for?
His mum says it and because he and his brothers are so up her bum, he believes her and says it as well.
I would just like someone to help me with coping stategies please? I'm sure I'm not the only one with difficult in laws, I was wondering how others cope
Get a reality check, its not going to get any better and wait till you have kids, its will be 10x worse
I would just like someone to help me with coping stategies please? I'm sure I'm not the only one with difficult in laws, I was wondering how others cope[/QUOTE]
I wish I could help you cope with this but my experience with my mother-in-law couldn't be more different.:)
Someone once told me that when you marry or commit to someone, your wife/partner comes first and then your family. Your partner is not sticking up for you, he is letting his mother belittle and degrade you. Perhaps you need talking this through with him and if he can't or won't tell his mother to back off or where to go then I think you need to re-evaluate your relationship. Certainly before you've bought the house!
I'm not sure it's thw inlaws that are the problem here. Your boyfriend should be on your side - especially if you're moving in and looking at a long-term relationship together.
I'm sorry to hear about your brother. You sound like you're having a difficult time all round.
Have you spoken to your boyfriend about how worried you are?
I know what I would do and I see nothing endearing about a man who ill treats you like that .My OH would crawl over fire for me and I for him and he would never ever abuse me like that .You need to see it as such in my opinion , its not good enough
why? he sounds dreadful and this is supposed to be the fun part
Why do you want to cope with it? You shouldn't have to. It's one thing having a pain the backside MiL, it's another when your partner backs her over you. If he does that now, he won't change when you move in together. Do you want to live your future like this?
I just had my lunch break and I rang my boyfriend and told him enough is enough. If we are buying a house then it is time to snap the apron strings and realise that as his girlfriend my feelings take precedent. I said if I am genuinely in the wrong then he can point it out but when I'm am working my bum off and being shouted at for no reason then I will not take it.
My dad paid for half the deposit and his mum paid the other half. We pay everything else 50:50 between us, which means everything is equal. I told him I won't be treated like an idiot and if he believes his mum then we should call it quits now.
I got a sincere apology and a pledge to take what I said on board and not allow me to be treated this way.
It also helps that my MIL tried to call my mortgage broker and the broker turned around and gave her what for and told her to back off and leave me to it because I'm doing a good job.
So your advice helped me a lot, Thank you very very much
It will probably be worse with this interfering nag at his side.
OP pull out of this house purchase until he grows a pair and tell his mother where to go. Your relationship is doomed otherwise.
Speaking from bitter experience, I think it's a fatal mistake to live too close to his relatives.
You have had the talk, now lets see if it is followed up by some action. My OH had to do the same with his mum and once she realised she was not going to divide and rule she calmed down considerably.
I am so sorry to hear about your brother and on your birthday. That is just so sad. ((((hugs)))
hmm i sort of thought that too
why, if it was that easy, didnt you say something before now OP?
I like this post very much. It is SOOOOO true!
Thank you very much, I appreciate that. Life without my brother is really hard because he was one of the people I would talk to about things and obviously my family is very raw and upset so I don't want to bother them all the time so I'm a bit lonely.
I've spoken to him and hopefully he will talk to her. I'm hopeful that once I am in our own house she won't be able to get to him as much because she won't see him every day. I don't want him to cut his mum out or anything, I would just like to be respected as the woman in his life. I'm a good girl and I would like to be treated that way, not made to feel like a terrible person.
I have my fingers crossed.
P.S we are buying a house nearer his family because houses are cheaper and it is an easier commute to work for both of us!
Perhaps you should put off buying a house together until he's proved to you that he will stop his mother's bad behaviour towards you. Afterall, actions speak louder than words.
Just wondering how his mother treats his brothers' partners?
Well his older brother has just this week left his wife of two years. He always told me he thought his wife was perfect but after his mum pointed out the things she doesnt like about her, all of a sudden they are having major problems.
And his younger brother doesn't really talk to his mum much after she told him she doesn't think he and his girlfriend will last.
I love my boyfriend and I want to be with him but the thought of being in a constant battle and always losing is too much for me, especially after what i have already been through