As everyone else has said, the numbness is very normal at first. Even when you've been prepared after a long illness it's a horribly surreal thing to go through, and it doesn't feel real for a while. In some ways that can help you to get through the first few days, because it means your brain can seem to switch off and function on autopilot.
Take care of yourself, and keep talking or writing as much as you need to, it's always better to let it out. x
Sorry to hear this.
The only advice I can give you (and I have a feeling you may not need this) is to talk about your Mum all the time. Today, Tomorrow, Always.
Glasgow Girl I am so sorry for your loss xxx
It's completely normal to feel the way you are feeling and I promise you, there will come a point where you are able to grieve and it will a bit like relief. I lost my mum when I was 12- she'd been sick all my life and the strange thing was, for a whole week afterwards, I'd dream she had come back to life, which actually made me feel disappointed because I wanted her to be at peace and no longer in pain. Grief if a strange and personal thing- just allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling.
Sending you hugs xx
Sorry to hear about your mum GG, as have been said on here by other people, we all act in different ways.
When my mum died 4 years ago, just after Christmas, I felt relieved, I know it sounds awful, but no more suffering.
The hardest part was the service and cremation.
I miss my mum like hell and think of her most days.
I hope you are surrounded by family and friends, that is if you want to be of cause.
It is normal to feel strange and possibly in a bubble. There is no set timetable for grief-whatever feels right for you is right, no matter what others might say. Laugh, cry, smash dishes if it feels right.
32 years ago on 9th August I lost my mum and I can transport myself back to that time and feel every emotion I felt that day, it's easy cos it was numbness, complete numbness. It was such a busy time arranging funeral, telling distant relatives etc that I actually forgot for a split second that she had gone. Your feelings are perfectly normal there are no hard and fast rules for grieving. Just be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. Thinking of you
Thank you all for your comments. I don't think it's quite hit me yet.
Paulie Walnuts, I won't lower myself to your level but think on this when you've watched someone die after looking after them as you best can for over 5 years from heart failure - when the rest of their organs shut down one after the other - when you had to sit and watch this day after day knowing there was nothing you could do, when they cannot do the simple things in life like go to the toilet and brush their own hair like I have just done, then feel free to come and comment. I also hope that when one of your relatives - whether it be a Mum, Dad, Aunt, Uncle or whoever it may be - dies you receive the same sympathy. Yes we all do die and there is nothing we can do about it, but when someone like me, who has just lost their mother 24 hours ago, it is not helpful to comment like this.
My sincere condolences to you GG...I reacted the same when my Dad passed 22 years ago last Friday with Cancer...I had to organise everything and look after my mother and other family and it left me numb too...it wasn't until Christmas Eve that the tears flowed...I cried for hours and felt better for it.
I also lost my Mum 11 months ago...we knew it was coming...but that didn't make it any easier.
I don't know what Paulie Walnuts said, it seems to thankfully have been deleted. But ignore folks like that...she doesn't know what suffering or despair may be ahead for herself.
I can tell you that the memories never leave, yes at first the suffering and trauma is all you remember, but as time passes, the memories become beautiful. You remember the good time, the lovely days, the fun you had together, and it's your young active, healthy parent that you remember...and it makes you smile.
I will remember you in my prayers...and wish you strength for the next few days..and over the funeral. But when it does come...don't be afraid to cry...and talk about your Mum often...it truely helps...best wishes xxx
I've just got a brilliant new job. And for a split second - not even a second - a fraction of a second - I had the sensation of the excitement that I could tell my mum. It was a horrible feeling as I do generally accept that she has gone. But she would be so amazed and proud of me right now and I think my brain just got overwhelmed with wanting to tell her that the thought flew ahead of the reality of knowing I couldn't.
I'm sure plenty of people would think I'm bonkers to have that sensation 18 years after she left us. But as I said to someone else on here recently death is the most abnormal 'normal' thing in the world.
Not bonkers at all! I often find myself going to buy my Dad a birthday/fathers day card...even a Christmas Present..after 22 years. I also bought a Mothers day card for Mum this year, and found myself thinking about buying her a birthday gift yesterday..as its her birthday on the 18th.
It just shows your love for your Mum, cos she was the first person you wanted to share your news with..and she would have been looking down with a bright smile. xxx
So sorry Glasgow Girl. What you describe is very much par for the course. There are a myriad of emotions. Even if it wasn't you are you and you don't need to grieve to order in any proscribed fashion.
Let yourself feel what you feel when you feel it - including both crying and laughing,
GG, as others have said, I really am sorry for your loss - we all cope with it differently.
Like I've said on another thread recently; religious; non religious: believers non believers
Black, Caucasian, Asian death comes to us all and the sad thing is it is so final
Reading your post and from reading the many other posts it has bought back memories of when we have all lost a dear one.
The pain will lessen but does time completely heal the pain? For me 3 years on the answer is no.
I've just got a brilliant new job. And for a split second - not even a second - a fraction of a second - I had the sensation of the excitement that I could tell my mum. It was a horrible feeling as I do generally accept that she has gone. But she would be so amazed and proud of me right now and I think my brain just got overwhelmed with wanting to tell her that the thought flew ahead of the reality of knowing I couldn't.
I'm sure plenty of people would think I'm bonkers to have that sensation 18 years after she left us. But as I said to someone else on here recently death is the most abnormal 'normal' thing in the world.
Ohmygod!!! I am so glad you wrote this!!! This exact same thing happened to me recently and I didn't know how to describe it?!
I work in a hospital (the hospital where my dad spent quite a bit of time prior to passing) and one day whilst walking along one of the corridors I saw two porters pushing an old gentleman on a trolley and for that timescale that you describe I thought it was my dad ...... but I quickly realised it wasn't.
Then I was angry with myself for forgetting he was gone, and also berating myself for being so stupid! Then upset all over again because he was gone
As others have said, there is no "right" way to feel. Please don't feel guilty because you haven't curled up into a ball and cried all the time. We all deal with what is the hardest part of life in our own way.
I hope you get some help making the arrangements you will need to make over the next week or two. A funeral is usually a mixture of intense grief and a celebration of life and I am sure you have lots of happy memories.
Thank you everyone for your kind responses. I'm so touched by everyone here and their thoughtful words.
I went to Church this morning. It felt the right thing to do and I know Mum was watching over me. I had major wobble before I went in and wondered whether in fact I could do it but my husband held my hand and we walked in together. Mum's death was announced at the beginning of the service. At the end, virtually everyone came up to me to say how sorry they were and how wonderful Mum was. The words "dignity" and "courage" were used a lot. I found them very comforting.
We have to register her death tomorrow and arrange the funeral etc.
It was odd as my Aunt took a funny turn and my first thought was I must remember to tell Mum then I remembered I couldn't.
Comments
As everyone else has said, the numbness is very normal at first. Even when you've been prepared after a long illness it's a horribly surreal thing to go through, and it doesn't feel real for a while. In some ways that can help you to get through the first few days, because it means your brain can seem to switch off and function on autopilot.
Take care of yourself, and keep talking or writing as much as you need to, it's always better to let it out. x
I am sorry to hear you sad news hun, wishing you and your family well.
Please take no notice what so ever.
Can't really add any more as everyone else has said it but what you're feeling just now certainly isn't abnormal.
Take care.
The only advice I can give you (and I have a feeling you may not need this) is to talk about your Mum all the time. Today, Tomorrow, Always.
It's completely normal to feel the way you are feeling and I promise you, there will come a point where you are able to grieve and it will a bit like relief. I lost my mum when I was 12- she'd been sick all my life and the strange thing was, for a whole week afterwards, I'd dream she had come back to life, which actually made me feel disappointed because I wanted her to be at peace and no longer in pain. Grief if a strange and personal thing- just allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling.
Sending you hugs xx
When my mum died 4 years ago, just after Christmas, I felt relieved, I know it sounds awful, but no more suffering.
The hardest part was the service and cremation.
I miss my mum like hell and think of her most days.
I hope you are surrounded by family and friends, that is if you want to be of cause.
It is normal to feel strange and possibly in a bubble. There is no set timetable for grief-whatever feels right for you is right, no matter what others might say. Laugh, cry, smash dishes if it feels right.
Take care.
My sincere condolences to you GG...I reacted the same when my Dad passed 22 years ago last Friday with Cancer...I had to organise everything and look after my mother and other family and it left me numb too...it wasn't until Christmas Eve that the tears flowed...I cried for hours and felt better for it.
I also lost my Mum 11 months ago...we knew it was coming...but that didn't make it any easier.
I don't know what Paulie Walnuts said, it seems to thankfully have been deleted. But ignore folks like that...she doesn't know what suffering or despair may be ahead for herself.
I can tell you that the memories never leave, yes at first the suffering and trauma is all you remember, but as time passes, the memories become beautiful. You remember the good time, the lovely days, the fun you had together, and it's your young active, healthy parent that you remember...and it makes you smile.
I will remember you in my prayers...and wish you strength for the next few days..and over the funeral. But when it does come...don't be afraid to cry...and talk about your Mum often...it truely helps...best wishes xxx
Not bonkers at all! I often find myself going to buy my Dad a birthday/fathers day card...even a Christmas Present..after 22 years. I also bought a Mothers day card for Mum this year, and found myself thinking about buying her a birthday gift yesterday..as its her birthday on the 18th.
It just shows your love for your Mum, cos she was the first person you wanted to share your news with..and she would have been looking down with a bright smile. xxx
Let yourself feel what you feel when you feel it - including both crying and laughing,
Like I've said on another thread recently; religious; non religious: believers non believers
Black, Caucasian, Asian death comes to us all and the sad thing is it is so final
Reading your post and from reading the many other posts it has bought back memories of when we have all lost a dear one.
The pain will lessen but does time completely heal the pain? For me 3 years on the answer is no.
Ohmygod!!! I am so glad you wrote this!!! This exact same thing happened to me recently and I didn't know how to describe it?!
I work in a hospital (the hospital where my dad spent quite a bit of time prior to passing) and one day whilst walking along one of the corridors I saw two porters pushing an old gentleman on a trolley and for that timescale that you describe I thought it was my dad ...... but I quickly realised it wasn't.
Then I was angry with myself for forgetting he was gone, and also berating myself for being so stupid! Then upset all over again because he was gone
I hope you get some help making the arrangements you will need to make over the next week or two. A funeral is usually a mixture of intense grief and a celebration of life and I am sure you have lots of happy memories.
So sorry ((hugs)) x x
I went to Church this morning. It felt the right thing to do and I know Mum was watching over me. I had major wobble before I went in and wondered whether in fact I could do it but my husband held my hand and we walked in together. Mum's death was announced at the beginning of the service. At the end, virtually everyone came up to me to say how sorry they were and how wonderful Mum was. The words "dignity" and "courage" were used a lot. I found them very comforting.
We have to register her death tomorrow and arrange the funeral etc.
It was odd as my Aunt took a funny turn and my first thought was I must remember to tell Mum then I remembered I couldn't.