I agree with the poster about needing a thick skin, also be prepared for undesirable types getting in touch, but amongst them might be a good one.
There are a lot of time wasters on these sites (both paid and free) who are just interesting in chatting and never meeting up.
Also, if you do get into a conversation with someone that you find half decent, ask them questions, don't just reply with an answer to their question. If someone doesn't reply with a question after I've sent a few messages with questions, I give up on them.
It takes time and effort, so make sure you're prepared to both in.
Ideally try and put on some natural looking pics, rather than taken with a phone in front of a mirror.
You definitely need a positive attitude. I met my husband 4 years ago on E-Harmony, he was the only person I met on there.
Don't waste time talking to online or on the phone. Meet for a coffee date in the day preferably and make alternative plans so if they're not what you're expecting you don't have to waste several hours out of your day trying to get away. Always have an exit route planned. Remember, so do, some don't, so what, next! (Plenty more fish in the sea)
online dating is great. sometimes first person you meet could be the one or it could take meeting a few. with confidence and not giving up i think most people would find someone. there are some people exploiting it but you get that meeting someone at a pub , they could easily just be a player.
i got lucky really , 2 weeks after joining i came across a profile , what made me interested was not what he looked like just how funny and nice he came across in the description , lucky for me he wanted to chat and we met up. first person i met has happened to be the one , nearly 2 years later we are living together and engaged.
i used a free site ok cupid and i didnt have a problem. i wasn't going to pay money i didnt have when your just as likely or unlikey to meet someone paying that not paying. im probably biased in recommending it but no one has anything to lose really
You definitely need a positive attitude. I met my husband 4 years ago on E-Harmony, he was the only person I met on there.
Don't waste time talking to online or on the phone. Meet for a coffee date in the day preferably and make alternative plans so if they're not what you're expecting you don't have to waste several hours out of your day trying to get away. Always have an exit route planned. Remember, so do, some don't, so what, next! (Plenty more fish in the sea)
I am completely jaded by the whole thing and have lost my positive attitude, so am taking a break. Hopefully I'll be feeling positive again soon.
I wish I'd only had to meet one person. I think the man I want doesn't exist.
I would also suggest a paid dating site. Be ruthless and don't waste your time and others' time. If they don't match your requirements, don't even bother. Be fairly honest with yourself regarding what you want: a physical fling or a relationship. It's important you have things in common.
My experience with Match was very very positive, didn't meet any freaks or weirdos, but that's because I vetted people extensively, didn't go on dates for the sake of dating or having some company on a Wednesday evening.
I'd definitely recommend writing a good profile. That sounds obvious, but I have realised how many profiles sound exactly the same. Here's some of the stuff I have seen over and over again:
- I'm really easygoing
- I like to stay in as well as nights out
- I'm laid-back
- I don't really know what to write in my profile
I'd warn against writing anything negative or too connected to past events (e.g. talking about previous relationships) and I'd try and demonstrate different aspects of your character in your profile - don't just talk about how easygoing you are. I actually said a couple of my downsides but made them quite funny - and this has been commented on (in a good way), so it was obviously an ok tactic. I think you need to inject a bit of humour/lightheartedness in to your profile too.
Definitely show a few photos and not be too posed. It's always good to have things people can relate to or comment on - so you can do this through your profile as well as your photos - e.g. photos of you doing something you enjoy, or outdoors, or on holiday... not just photos of you sat on a sofa. I have however seen photos of guys bungee jumping on most profiles - I think this is fine, but I think you need to show some range as well (and sometimes it makes me wonder if people are just trying to be interesting or whether they actually are action-packed and fun loving).
I think it's worth thinking about your approach when contacting people too - it's not all about them contacting you on the basis of your profile. You need to dedicate some time regularly to going through profiles and being proactive. Don't write throwaway lines when you contact people (if someone sends me a message just saying "hi" I'm unlikely to reply) but equally don't give them your life story - ask a question about them perhaps from what you've picked up from their profile. It's good to start with something you have in common too as that gives them an indication you might have grounds for something you can connect on.
Contrary to what others have said, I would say you don't want to write people off straight away if they don't meet up. I think you need to exchange a few messages first, then meet. People often feel more comfortable if they feel they know you a bit beforehand, and suggesting you meet straight away can be offputting for some people.
It's a minefield really as you find yourself analysing things for reasons not to meet or why they're not attractive - the best thing to do is to focus on the positives and take their pictures with a pinch of salt.
Just remembered something from my days of internet dating,,,
Dont whatever you do lecture a person on their habits!!!! I was open and honest on my profile about my enjoyment of cannabis and actually had a few guys emailing me about how I shouldn't smoke!!! They got a swift email back telling them to bugger off
i was on a day mobile dating site for a few weeks and started speaking to someone. he was absolutely stunning and was the same age as me, had the same name as me and had the same career aspirations as me. our coming out stories were practically the same as well! i got butterflies whenever he spoke to me i got butterflies and kept thinking about him all day every day. eventually he stopped replying and took ages to reply. eventually we agreed to meet up and i was so thrilled and emotional that i finally had a date after years of being alone and depressed. he then stopped replying to me altogether and even though i sent him about 50 messages explaining my feelings he was online all the time and kept ignoring me. i was gutte and felt so empty all week and then j checked my phone on sunday and he's changed his name to 'billy' and is now 45 years old with no picture.
I really think that's such a double edged sword though. If they're initially hesitant when asked out after a couple of mails then of course a bit more correspondance doesn't do any harm, but keep going and you can invest a lot of effort in one person, which builds up a lot of potentially unfounded anticipation that leads to disappointment if you do meet and they aren't what you expected, or if you don't meet because they do just want a penpal.
I'd agree about pictures though, some people just aren't that photogenic but are really pretty when you meet. Similarly some people whose emails aren't that inspiring can be a laugh in real life.
Yes, I guess there needs to be a point at which you either meet or not - but I suppose I'm saying that if someone asked me to meet up in their first or second message I'd personally be inclined to say no just because I'd want to have a little bit of interaction first. I get first messages saying things like "Hi, liked your profile, fancy a drink?" and I really don't have much to go on/they don't give me a reason why I might fancy a drink.
But yes - people can be very different in emails. You can pick up on some things I think, but often only one aspect of a person's personality and you really need to meet them to see what they are like.
Try not to get too addicted to it. Take frequent breaks as I think people that internet date for a long time can get a bit jaded and start dismissing people too quickly.
and that's why I'm now very happily married to my lovely husband (met online!) for the last five years.:)
Same here except mine is a lovely wife.
Others have said it but BE YOURSELF. If you are looking for any kind of a serious relationship then you have to really work to make sure you sell yourself properly. Keep trying and you'll find the right person was out there all along. It just takes a bit of work to find them but it is worth it in the end.
My views are based on my experience of online dating. I used the free sites for approx 2 years and went on many dates.
The majority of those that use free dating sites are there because they are either out of work, single jobless mothers or those with learning difficulties.
Smart, professional and genuinely single and desirbale potential partners use sites that require a monthly subscription.
I met my partner on Match and we have been together for 2.5 years and have a beautiful baby boy.
Wow. What a truly abhorrent thing to say. Bad enough but you also posted just a couple of months ago:
I may have to do this sometime in the not too distant future:o
This is from indirect experience, but close enough. Basically, what happened was my step daughter, a lovely and smart young woman of 28 (at the time) came out of another bad relationship and thought, why not give Internet dating a try. I should make it clear this was not desperation, she could pick up a man any time, it was just that she never seemed to meet the right man.
Her first and only foray into this arena coincided with the return to the area of a young man, just a couple of years older than her, who had returned to look after his ill father. Naturally, I checked him out, and soon found that he was just who he claimed to be. The upshot is, this turned into a wonderful relationship for both of them. Two year later they'd married, set up home, and are now expecting their first child.
This is from indirect experience, but close enough. Basically, what happened was my step daughter, a lovely and smart young woman of 28 (at the time) came out of another bad relationship and thought, why not give Internet dating a try. I should make it clear this was not desperation, she could pick up a man any time, it was just that she never seemed to meet the right man.
Her first and only foray into this arena coincided with the return to the area of a young man, just a couple of years older than her, who had returned to look after his ill father. Naturally, I checked him out, and soon found that he was just who he claimed to be. The upshot is, this turned into a wonderful relationship for both of them. Two year later they'd married, set up home, and are now expecting their first child.
So it can work out, just be careful.
Nice story Nathan. "Be careful what you wish for" sunny side up, eh?!
This is from indirect experience, but close enough. Basically, what happened was my step daughter, a lovely and smart young woman of 28 (at the time) came out of another bad relationship and thought, why not give Internet dating a try. I should make it clear this was not desperation, she could pick up a man any time, it was just that she never seemed to meet the right man.
Her first and only foray into this arena coincided with the return to the area of a young man, just a couple of years older than her, who had returned to look after his ill father. Naturally, I checked him out, and soon found that he was just who he claimed to be. The upshot is, this turned into a wonderful relationship for both of them. Two year later they'd married, set up home, and are now expecting their first child.
So it can work out, just be careful.
Another success chalked up for internet dating, that was a really good ending for them both.
I now always suggest a phone call before meeting. Which can be good or bad obviously. I did have a few 3 hour long chats with someone, met and it came to nothing. But without knowing you can make conversation go longer than 10 minutes there could be a lot of awkward silences during the date.
Used match.com, received some strange messages from weird blokes (mainly asking for marriage for a visa) went on a date with a bloke who turned out to be a nutter. Took a chance on a random chat request type thing, went on a date and 3 years later we are planning our wedding for next year. I know it's not always so easy for people, but my advice is to keep an open mind, don't go in to it ruling out certain types (I.e no tattoos, dark hair etc) and enjoy the experience.
Comments
There are a lot of time wasters on these sites (both paid and free) who are just interesting in chatting and never meeting up.
Also, if you do get into a conversation with someone that you find half decent, ask them questions, don't just reply with an answer to their question. If someone doesn't reply with a question after I've sent a few messages with questions, I give up on them.
It takes time and effort, so make sure you're prepared to both in.
Ideally try and put on some natural looking pics, rather than taken with a phone in front of a mirror.
You definitely need a positive attitude. I met my husband 4 years ago on E-Harmony, he was the only person I met on there.
Don't waste time talking to online or on the phone. Meet for a coffee date in the day preferably and make alternative plans so if they're not what you're expecting you don't have to waste several hours out of your day trying to get away. Always have an exit route planned. Remember, so do, some don't, so what, next! (Plenty more fish in the sea)
i got lucky really , 2 weeks after joining i came across a profile , what made me interested was not what he looked like just how funny and nice he came across in the description , lucky for me he wanted to chat and we met up. first person i met has happened to be the one , nearly 2 years later we are living together and engaged.
i used a free site ok cupid and i didnt have a problem. i wasn't going to pay money i didnt have when your just as likely or unlikey to meet someone paying that not paying. im probably biased in recommending it but no one has anything to lose really
I am completely jaded by the whole thing and have lost my positive attitude, so am taking a break. Hopefully I'll be feeling positive again soon.
I wish I'd only had to meet one person. I think the man I want doesn't exist.
Aint that the truth!
Haha Think your the opposite end of the country from me anyway. Though from other thread things seem to picking up a bit for you?
I have never messed anyone around, I've always been honest with people who I didn't want to see/see again. Not everyone is like me.
My experience with Match was very very positive, didn't meet any freaks or weirdos, but that's because I vetted people extensively, didn't go on dates for the sake of dating or having some company on a Wednesday evening.
Good luck!
- I'm really easygoing
- I like to stay in as well as nights out
- I'm laid-back
- I don't really know what to write in my profile
I'd warn against writing anything negative or too connected to past events (e.g. talking about previous relationships) and I'd try and demonstrate different aspects of your character in your profile - don't just talk about how easygoing you are. I actually said a couple of my downsides but made them quite funny - and this has been commented on (in a good way), so it was obviously an ok tactic. I think you need to inject a bit of humour/lightheartedness in to your profile too.
Definitely show a few photos and not be too posed. It's always good to have things people can relate to or comment on - so you can do this through your profile as well as your photos - e.g. photos of you doing something you enjoy, or outdoors, or on holiday... not just photos of you sat on a sofa. I have however seen photos of guys bungee jumping on most profiles - I think this is fine, but I think you need to show some range as well (and sometimes it makes me wonder if people are just trying to be interesting or whether they actually are action-packed and fun loving).
I think it's worth thinking about your approach when contacting people too - it's not all about them contacting you on the basis of your profile. You need to dedicate some time regularly to going through profiles and being proactive. Don't write throwaway lines when you contact people (if someone sends me a message just saying "hi" I'm unlikely to reply) but equally don't give them your life story - ask a question about them perhaps from what you've picked up from their profile. It's good to start with something you have in common too as that gives them an indication you might have grounds for something you can connect on.
Contrary to what others have said, I would say you don't want to write people off straight away if they don't meet up. I think you need to exchange a few messages first, then meet. People often feel more comfortable if they feel they know you a bit beforehand, and suggesting you meet straight away can be offputting for some people.
It's a minefield really as you find yourself analysing things for reasons not to meet or why they're not attractive - the best thing to do is to focus on the positives and take their pictures with a pinch of salt.
Dont whatever you do lecture a person on their habits!!!! I was open and honest on my profile about my enjoyment of cannabis and actually had a few guys emailing me about how I shouldn't smoke!!! They got a swift email back telling them to bugger off
Yes, I guess there needs to be a point at which you either meet or not - but I suppose I'm saying that if someone asked me to meet up in their first or second message I'd personally be inclined to say no just because I'd want to have a little bit of interaction first. I get first messages saying things like "Hi, liked your profile, fancy a drink?" and I really don't have much to go on/they don't give me a reason why I might fancy a drink.
But yes - people can be very different in emails. You can pick up on some things I think, but often only one aspect of a person's personality and you really need to meet them to see what they are like.
No selfies
No topless
Messages
No text-speak
No one-worders (e.g. 'Hi')
Be ruthless.
Same here except mine is a lovely wife.
Others have said it but BE YOURSELF. If you are looking for any kind of a serious relationship then you have to really work to make sure you sell yourself properly. Keep trying and you'll find the right person was out there all along. It just takes a bit of work to find them but it is worth it in the end.
Wow. What a truly abhorrent thing to say. Bad enough but you also posted just a couple of months ago:
Seems like life in Stepford is not so rosy eh?
This is from indirect experience, but close enough. Basically, what happened was my step daughter, a lovely and smart young woman of 28 (at the time) came out of another bad relationship and thought, why not give Internet dating a try. I should make it clear this was not desperation, she could pick up a man any time, it was just that she never seemed to meet the right man.
Her first and only foray into this arena coincided with the return to the area of a young man, just a couple of years older than her, who had returned to look after his ill father. Naturally, I checked him out, and soon found that he was just who he claimed to be. The upshot is, this turned into a wonderful relationship for both of them. Two year later they'd married, set up home, and are now expecting their first child.
So it can work out, just be careful.
Nice story Nathan. "Be careful what you wish for" sunny side up, eh?!
Another success chalked up for internet dating, that was a really good ending for them both.
I joined a Christian site as I only wanted to marry a fellow Christian.
15 years of happy marriage later it was definitely the right decision.
Worth considering if you're looking for someone like that.
If only that list were part of the Terms & Conditions on Plenty of Fish!
Which site was that? I havent been able to find any!