think I've been dumped but he forgot to tell me
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I've been dating someone for several months now. I wasn't sure about him for at least a couple weeks, but he persevered and I really fell for him. We both had long holidays already planned, which wasn't great, but we were in touch nearly every day regardless and fortunately they overlapped so we were both away at the same time. He got back on Sunday nine days ago and I went to meet him at the station as he arrived, we then spent the rest of the day together.
Everything seemed fine, and we were very affectionate with each other, as we usually have been. As we left, he said he'd text me and we'd meet up again later in the week. I have not heard from him since, and it's been nine days! I text him twice and also tried to ring him once but he didn't pick up. This past Sunday I had a look at his profile on the website we met on and he has updated some of the wording, so I know he's still alive and well. Based on the pattern we established, although he (nor I) always respond to texts straight away, to have it go this long with no contact is out of the ordinary. So I can only conclude he's moved on without telling me.
I'm obviously hurt and also furious. I think it is the cruelest thing you can do to someone to leave them hanging and it's very hard not to take it personally, even though I know it's obviously an issue he has and not me. I am finding it hard not to email him and tell him off, but have so far resisted the temptation. I will do it eventually, but I want to wait for the anger to subside a bit first, otherwise I will regret it later, nevermind coming across as the one who acted like an ar*e and giving him a grand excuse as to why he ended things with me, when it's not truly what happened. I am really perplexed, he told his family and friends about me and everything, as did I, which I don't usually do unless I think there's something there. So I feel humiliated on top of rejection, and this has really blown my self confidence.
Does anyone have any advice? I need some reassurance and guidance on how to handle this as I'm feeling so awful right now!
Everything seemed fine, and we were very affectionate with each other, as we usually have been. As we left, he said he'd text me and we'd meet up again later in the week. I have not heard from him since, and it's been nine days! I text him twice and also tried to ring him once but he didn't pick up. This past Sunday I had a look at his profile on the website we met on and he has updated some of the wording, so I know he's still alive and well. Based on the pattern we established, although he (nor I) always respond to texts straight away, to have it go this long with no contact is out of the ordinary. So I can only conclude he's moved on without telling me.
I'm obviously hurt and also furious. I think it is the cruelest thing you can do to someone to leave them hanging and it's very hard not to take it personally, even though I know it's obviously an issue he has and not me. I am finding it hard not to email him and tell him off, but have so far resisted the temptation. I will do it eventually, but I want to wait for the anger to subside a bit first, otherwise I will regret it later, nevermind coming across as the one who acted like an ar*e and giving him a grand excuse as to why he ended things with me, when it's not truly what happened. I am really perplexed, he told his family and friends about me and everything, as did I, which I don't usually do unless I think there's something there. So I feel humiliated on top of rejection, and this has really blown my self confidence.
Does anyone have any advice? I need some reassurance and guidance on how to handle this as I'm feeling so awful right now!
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Comments
Don't hang around - you deserve an explanation and the sooner the better.
Forget about texts, emails phone calls. Just go round and knock on his door and tell him if he's not going to talk to you then that's it - over.
He's showing no respect for you or your relationship.
It is horrible when you have feelings for someone and they treat you so badly. As much as it hurt me, I got rid of all her contact details and did my best to keep myself busy with other things. Cliche alert - But life is too short to be wasting energy on people who obviously couldn't care less about you. Try and put your energy into something positive.
I'd advise to spend as much time with friends and family as possible and if you have someone in your life you can talk to about it do so. A problem shared is definitely a problem halved. The worse thing you can do is keep it to yourself.
We're all different but if that was me I would be round their house by the 3rd day
Why can't men (in my case it's always men but I know women must do it too) just be upfront and say, "I've lost interest" - it'd hurt initially and then you'd get over it instead of always wondering what you did wrong...
Sorry Handers, it's happened to me recently too so you're not alone, if that's any consolation.
Sorry to hear this has happened to you Handers. "Men" like that are only out for themselves and certainly don't deserve to be with decent people. This certainly isn't your fault that he's an asshole so I certainly hope you can move past it and find a decent fella who isn't useless and smelly ..
In any case - even if this person has decided not to persue a relationship with you; the way they've gone about enacting that descision is juvenile, cowardly, and lacks any kind of integrity or consideration. This is not the kind of person any sane person would want to be In a relationship with.
Accept that however inelegant, he's actually afforded you a very lucky escape. Change your number & never look back. You can do much much better.
This is an extremely hurtful situation, but you know he isn't worth knowing and you have had a lucky escape. I hope you gradually find your equilibrium and find someone decent who has a caring personality, treats you with respect and doesn't act like a complete *nob.
Really nice lad that lacks confidence!
I'm just wondering (as it sounds very similar to an experience I had a few years ago) if he's one of these guys that enjoy the thrill of the chase and then it when it becomes a proper"relationship" they lose interest. When I eventually met up with him and asked him for an explanation he didn't see the problem and said he thought if he stalled long enough I'd get bored. The cowardly little sh*t was waiting on me doing the job for him.
Pure speculation, but maybe he decided whilst on holiday that, for whatever reason, he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. But when Handers met him at the train station he was too much of a coward to tell her so just played along. After that he decided that it was easier for him to just not respond to her text/calls and that she would eventually get the message.
Scummy thing to do but not unusual.
It's is scummy and I guess no one knows what's going on in his mind. He maybe didn't even see the relationship the way she saw it and didn't think there was an obligation to get back to her. I had thought about the thrill of the chase possibility because of something that happened to me and it all panned out very similarly' This rang a bell for me " I wasn't sure about him for at least a couple weeks, but he persevered"
Best advice ever.
Agree. Completely ignore him: don't give him the satisfaction of chasing after him for answers.
I can guarantee he will resurface after a while when he starts wondering why you're not chasing him. At that point, carry on ignoring him.
Yes, us logical & straightforward people seek answers and why's, but it'll get you nowhere. You're better off rid of the likes of a communication retard (sorry if that word causes offence but I think it's more applicable to people like him than those it's usually unfairly applied to). I really liked a chap I was seeing for 2 months earlier this year, on our first date he said that he was upfront, straightforward and wouldn't disappear on a girl and guess what he did after his hol 2 months later? Disappeared! In fact my story was the same as yours only I didn't meet him at the train station.
To quote that awful old line - it really is not you, it's them! Why on earth is this so common these days?
Even though I use it, I can't help but blame internet dating in many ways. It turns their bloody heads too easily. Anyone reading this - no matter how cowardly, indirect you are, I'm telling you now - "I don't really think this is going anywhere and I don't want to see you again, sorry" is sooooooooo much better to hear than going AWOL.
Cowards!! We need to stamp this out! Hopefully karma will wreak her bitchiness on him.
Excuse the reaction but it's all too common lately and I for one am utterly sick of that carryon!
I am long settled now but my highlight of being dumped was when my boyfriend at the time moved back to Scotland without telling me!
'Tis sadly true!!
We were only young, he'd moved to London after we'd had a holiday romance / long distance relationship and as far as I knew we were in "love". We were just about to book a holiday. Imagine my shock when he called me and told me he was on the train back home and I could go round to the place he'd been flat-sharing to pick up my stuff :eek: :eek: :eek:
Even though that was over a decade ago I still don't think I'll get over the shock of that one! I mean the damn cheek of it.
It was the harshest break up I have ever had and I was so shocked I didn't bombard him with calls / messages - in-fact I let him get off lightly.
All I can say is that I've made it my mission not to string people along since this happened to me.
Sadly some people will always take the easy way out and cowards are far too common.
It wasn't your fault, so please don't let this affect you too much.
My friend's sister moved from Dublin to London to be with her man, 2 months after they bought a flat he took her out to dinner - on her BIRTHDAY - and over the menu cards he suddenly announced he didn't love her anymore and could she please move out next week! No preceding rows, nothing. Horrid!
'Twas pretty horrible!
At least I wasn't the one who had moved though, and at least he did ring me. Imagine I had turned up at his place to be told he'd moved out???? :eek:
Very good point also - as tempting as it is to contact him, find out why and not let him away with that cr@p, don't. I know it seems like you're letting him off lightly but karma will slap him on the arse eventually. And if he's that fickle and shallow he'll never settle down. Or if he does, it'll be with some bimbo or doormat