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Relationship question
Long time lurker here but thought seeing as you seem a lovely lot I'd ask for advice.
I've just split from my girlfriend, been together 3months not long, and we agreed we are more friends than anything else.
But this isn't the first time as when things get too serious, like meeting the family and friends, I get scared and run off.
I guess I'm just looking for a reason why I do it and advice on how to stop running away when I meet a girl.
I'm 23 btw and female if that helps anything.
Haven't really posted here much but any advice will be appreciated
I've just split from my girlfriend, been together 3months not long, and we agreed we are more friends than anything else.
But this isn't the first time as when things get too serious, like meeting the family and friends, I get scared and run off.
I guess I'm just looking for a reason why I do it and advice on how to stop running away when I meet a girl.
I'm 23 btw and female if that helps anything.
Haven't really posted here much but any advice will be appreciated
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Sounds like you're scared to commit,have you gave a relationship your "all" in the past and been rejected afterwards?
I did love a girl a couple years back but she cheated on me a few times.
Maybe that is why I run as I did love her and give her all I could.
May be why you are scared to commit;)
However,you have to put that behind you and move on otherwise you may miss out on that someone special;)
I do try and work on it but somehow I always blow it.
We did agree on staying friends but is that a good thing when feelings are involved?
Not in my experiance it aint......just doesn't work.
Maybe best to not contact her and give some space between us.
Thank you for the advice
Absence makes the heart grow fonder....and all that;)
Good luck with it.
It happens all the time, sometimes relationships don't work out.
Don't beat youself with a stick, one day the right one will come along.
Relationships are different when you have to take it to the next level. If you want a long term realtionship you have to accept those differences each other has and that the two of you are not always going to agree, but if you stick at it and learn how to compromise true love will prevail.
It sounds like you just enjoy the heady deeply smitten honeymoon period and don't want a deeper commitment.
Good luck cfc86.
alternatively perhaps there is an element of you rushing into things which in turn goes against you because when you receive the commitment back you run, so perhaps also consider taking things slower...
its not a disadvantage or a bad thing to not want to meet the family after 3 months or so, it can only happen when you feel comfortable with eachother and therefore are ready...
alternatively perhaps you like being gay when its the pair of you but on a wider scale i.e. when people like families are involved you panic and make the wrong move...
ultimately whatever you decide the way forward is like you are doing now to try and understand your fears and push through them. In order to do this you must communicate all the time with your partner so they understand your anxieties and can support you through them at the point when you things get more serious between you. I appreciate you have been hurt before but the only way to conquer that emotion is by when you are ready of course finding the person you would like to be with and then confronting those emotions together....
good luck
By this stage are you in love? Afraid of being hurt again?
Or are you afraid that the other girl is in love with you and you don't feel the same way?
You are still young and shouldn't rush to settle down. You just need to think through any commitment fears so that when the right girl comes along you don't screw up.
All the best.
You say that your family has accepted your sexual orientation, but I do wonder whether your difficulties in sustaining a relationship once it is on the point of 'getting serious' might not have something to do with an inability deep within yourself to accept you are gay.
One of the aspects of gayness rarely commented on is that it is is less 'usual', 'less conventional' than being straight, and, especially when we are young, we do like to 'fit in'. And often subconsciouly we are rather reluctant to make that step of accepting we are not in the majority however much we think we have turned the corner.
You say that your family has accepted your sexual orientation, but I do wonder whether your difficulties in sustaining a relationship once it is on the point of 'getting serious' might not have something to do with an inability deep within yourself to accept you are gay.
One of the aspects of gayness rarely commented on is that it is is less 'usual', 'less conventional' than being straight, and, especially when we are young, we do like to 'fit in'. And often subconsciously we are rather reluctant to make that step of accepting we are not in the majority however much we think we have turned the corner.
I have fallen for her and she has said she loves me too.
I think I am afraid on being hurt again as the person that cheated on me really did let me down and hurt me alot. I thought I had dealt with it but I guess I haven't.
I do think she only agreed to stay friends cause that's what I wanted and maybe she is hoping I've changed my mind.
I do love her and I'm now wondering if I made the right decision. Maybe if I tell her my fears things will be alot better and we can work through them.
Thank you to everyone that has given me advice.