Funeral attire/etiquette

Tt88Tt88 Posts: 6,827
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I have a funeral coming up and am a bit confused about what to wear, what to say etc.

Ive been to funerals before but they were different. The only funerals ive attended were two of my grandparents. At my nans she had requested people wear her favourite colour so that wasnt an issue. Plus with her being my relation there didnt seem any pressure to get it right.

The funeral i will be attending is a relation of my partners and what i gather will be a traditional religious service and burial.

I know you are supposed to wear black but i dont know if black trousers, black blouse and a black jacket is too much. But then i dont know if wearing a white blouse would look too officey and disrespectful?

Also im not sure what you are supposed to do or say? At nans funeral i remember people talking to me but i dont remember what they were saying. But i do remember knowing them. At this funeral i only know the close relatives.
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  • Keefy-boyKeefy-boy Posts: 13,561
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    Tt88 wrote: »
    i dont know if wearing a white blouse would look too officey and disrespectful?
    No you'd look ridiculous in all black.
  • JulesFJulesF Posts: 6,461
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    You don't have to dress head to foot in black! A white shirt is absolutely fine.

    As for what to say, just stick to: 'So sorry for your loss', 'It was a lovely service' etc.
  • Kiko H FanKiko H Fan Posts: 6,546
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    White blouse, dark skirt, shoes and tights.
    What ever coat you have to hand really.
  • MarzBar85MarzBar85 Posts: 15,004
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    You're there to show your respects to the person - really what you wear is irrelevant. My cousin wore a nice blue dress to her Gran/my Aunt's funeral, I wore a black/cream patterned one.

    The service is kind of the sombre/hard one to get through. My cousin started crying - she was pregnant/hormonal but it set me off. Afterwards, where we went for the 'wake' people offered their condolences and shared memories - which triggered my cousin and I to have a fit of hysterical giggling!

    Don't over think it and go with the flow.
  • newda898newda898 Posts: 5,464
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  • elliecatelliecat Posts: 9,890
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    My sister wore a red coat to my grandmother's funeral no one was bothered, she did have a black dress on underneath as well. As long as you look smart and your clothes underneath aren't too outlandish it doesn't matter.
  • flagpoleflagpole Posts: 44,641
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    no to the black blouse.

    black trousers and jacket would be fine.

    it's not really necessary to wear black, but usually something dull. not a thong bikini even with a nice sarong.
  • Tt88Tt88 Posts: 6,827
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    newda898 wrote: »

    :D

    I guess the problem is because im not a family member i feel like i need to be dressed perfectly. At my nans funeral i knew i could wear anything because nobody would judge me because i was close family.
  • JulesFJulesF Posts: 6,461
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    Tt88 wrote: »
    :D

    I guess the problem is because im not a family member i feel like i need to be dressed perfectly. At my nans funeral i knew i could wear anything because nobody would judge me because i was close family.

    Nobody is going to be judging you - they'll be too busy concentrating on saying goodbye to their loved one.
  • flagpoleflagpole Posts: 44,641
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    JulesF wrote: »
    Nobody is going to be judging you - they'll be too busy concentrating on saying goodbye to their loved one.

    i don't know.

    at my gran's funeral a woman turned up in jeans. she said sorry about the jeans i didn't have a black skirt. i remember thinking hmmm did you not have literally anything else because it would have been better.

    not that i was bothered but i did notice.
  • haphashhaphash Posts: 21,448
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    I think if you look smart then that shows a degree of respect. Turning up in jeans or tracksuit bottoms implies that you couldn't be bothered to dress up. I don't think its necessary to be head to toe in black but you should look like you have made an effort.
  • burton07burton07 Posts: 10,869
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    You don't even have to wear black. Dark grey, Navy blue, Brown will all be fine.

    Don't wear a red rara skirt with a yellow sequined crop top - specially if you're a man.
  • Galaxy266Galaxy266 Posts: 7,049
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    I went to a funeral once and everyone turned up wearing jeans and a T-Shirt depicting the name of a certain radio station!

    This was the specific wish of the sadly departed and her family and was widely publicised before the event so everyone knew about it.
  • Pippa 2Pippa 2 Posts: 2,614
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    Tt88 wrote: »
    :D

    I guess the problem is because im not a family member i feel like i need to be dressed perfectly. At my nans funeral i knew i could wear anything because nobody would judge me because i was close family.

    Seriously, it doesn't matter what you wear or what other people think that's the issue here. The point is you're going and that's what matters the most.:)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 257
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    I agree you just need to wear something reasonably smart and sober - black, dark blue, green, grey, purple, even dark red. That will denote respect, especially as you are indirectly connected to the deceased and not in a position to make assumptions that casual, or bright colours, would be appropriate. And, I always think for funerals, avoid anything that draws attention to yourself - i.e. your most flattering dress or on-trend outfit (however sober the colours and cut!), etc. - by which I suppose I mean 'showy' in the way dispproving relations might have said 40 years ago. But perhaps this still applies at funerals.

    Perhaps an interview/special work meeting outfit?
  • flagpoleflagpole Posts: 44,641
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    Pippa 2 wrote: »
    Seriously, it doesn't matter what you wear or what other people think that's the issue here. The point is you're going and that's what matters the most.:)

    I'm sorry but that is not true.

    in this instance the only thing that matters is what other people think. those people specifically being the close friends and family of the deceased.

    wearing something inappropriate may be considered disrespectful by the immediate family and at this time that is the last thing they need. the point is not that she's going and that is not the main thing.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 22
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    My friends funeral I wore a dark red top with a black jacket and black trousers.
  • Pippa 2Pippa 2 Posts: 2,614
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    flagpole wrote: »
    I'm sorry but that is not true.

    in this instance the only thing that matters is what other people think. those people specifically being the close friends and family of the deceased.

    wearing something inappropriate may be considered disrespectful by the immediate family and at this time that is the last thing they need. the point is not that she's going and that is not the main thing.

    Yes it is. I'm not suggesting she goes dressed for a night out clubbing but wearing all black is quite frankly out dated and depressing. Close friends and family will have more to think about on the day than what somebody is wearing.
  • Babe RainbowBabe Rainbow Posts: 34,349
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    My step-dad wants everybody to wear West Ham colours when his time comes. I don't know if I will be able to bring myself to conform :(

    Generally speaking - unless some sort of dress code, as above, is mentioned - just go for something as discreet and reasonably demure as your wardrobe permits.
  • JusticarJusticar Posts: 1,620
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    Just dress smartly and wear nothing overtly eye catching.
  • flagpoleflagpole Posts: 44,641
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    Pippa 2 wrote: »
    Yes it is. I'm not suggesting she goes dressed for a night out clubbing but wearing all black is quite frankly out dated and depressing. Close friends and family will have more to think about on the day than what somebody is wearing.

    Your central point. That it doesn't matter what people think is fundamentally wrong. That is the only thing that matters.

    It does not speak to the point of whether wearing black is outdated or not.
  • Pippa 2Pippa 2 Posts: 2,614
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    flagpole wrote: »
    Your central point. That it doesn't matter what people think is fundamentally wrong. That is the only thing that matters.

    It does not speak to the point of whether wearing black is outdated or not.

    Oh never mind. I don't understand what you're saying. I'm not sure whether it's because you are not fluent in English?
  • WolfsheadishWolfsheadish Posts: 10,400
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    Pippa 2 wrote: »
    Yes it is. I'm not suggesting she goes dressed for a night out clubbing but wearing all black is quite frankly out dated and depressing. Close friends and family will have more to think about on the day than what somebody is wearing.

    Really? It's news to me. As for it being "depressing", erm, it's a funeral...
  • Pippa 2Pippa 2 Posts: 2,614
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    Really? It's news to me. As for it being "depressing", erm, it's a funeral...

    Obviously but funerals can be very upbeat. My uncles was very uplifting because he had planned it himself and didn't want anyone to be depressed. Everyone said afterwards how "lovely" it was to have a funeral that wasn't all religious with people feeling awkward because of it.
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