I don't know what to do :(
christina83
Posts: 11,115 Forum Member
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Hey everyone, I know I'm usually the big clown around ds, but I'm quite, well very much upset about something.
A few months ago I met a wonderful man on a dating site, we got on like a house on fire and everything was wonderful. We were going to meet up and everything.
Three weeks ago though he text me telling me he'd had to go home from work ill, that he'd been sick and had a terrible headache. I then didnt hear from him until the next day and he was still very ill, and the doctor told him he had some sort of virus. The next day his mum came down with the same thing and was taken to hospital
He didn't go to hospital though as he thought he'd get better.
However on Friday he finally went into hospital after nearly 3weeks of being ill. He told me they'd done scans and everything, so on friday night he text me and told me that he'd suffered a mini stroke and had fluid on the brain.
He had his operation on saturday and yesterday he text and called me saying he'd stopped being sick, but had a bad headache.
Today at 3pm he called me and told me that things were worse than he'd thought, he said he thought he'd have the op and be better, but he didnt realise until today that the stroke had affected his right side and he couldn't lift his arm above his head.
I told him I'd be there for him.
He said he'd already had some sort of row with his mum too.
Anyway he told me he needed to start looking after himself and didn't want me around as I gave him pressure because he has feelings for me and stuff.
I told him I could just be his friend, but he said he couldnt as there was too many feelings and he fancied me too much and stuff.
Anyway I kinda cried as I don't want to lose him, and he said he wont change his mind.
So we said bye to eachother on the phone and about 40mins later he sent me a text saying "sorry. X x x".
I don't know what to do, I have so many feelings for him even though I've never met him, I sometimes feel that I may even love him.I know that sounds daft.
Should I just leave him for a few days, and let him think and get over the shock? I sort of feel that he's pushing me away because he's afraid I won't fancy him anymore.
Sorry for the long post, I'm just so confused.:(
A few months ago I met a wonderful man on a dating site, we got on like a house on fire and everything was wonderful. We were going to meet up and everything.
Three weeks ago though he text me telling me he'd had to go home from work ill, that he'd been sick and had a terrible headache. I then didnt hear from him until the next day and he was still very ill, and the doctor told him he had some sort of virus. The next day his mum came down with the same thing and was taken to hospital
He didn't go to hospital though as he thought he'd get better.
However on Friday he finally went into hospital after nearly 3weeks of being ill. He told me they'd done scans and everything, so on friday night he text me and told me that he'd suffered a mini stroke and had fluid on the brain.
He had his operation on saturday and yesterday he text and called me saying he'd stopped being sick, but had a bad headache.
Today at 3pm he called me and told me that things were worse than he'd thought, he said he thought he'd have the op and be better, but he didnt realise until today that the stroke had affected his right side and he couldn't lift his arm above his head.
I told him I'd be there for him.
He said he'd already had some sort of row with his mum too.
Anyway he told me he needed to start looking after himself and didn't want me around as I gave him pressure because he has feelings for me and stuff.
I told him I could just be his friend, but he said he couldnt as there was too many feelings and he fancied me too much and stuff.
Anyway I kinda cried as I don't want to lose him, and he said he wont change his mind.
So we said bye to eachother on the phone and about 40mins later he sent me a text saying "sorry. X x x".
I don't know what to do, I have so many feelings for him even though I've never met him, I sometimes feel that I may even love him.I know that sounds daft.
Should I just leave him for a few days, and let him think and get over the shock? I sort of feel that he's pushing me away because he's afraid I won't fancy him anymore.
Sorry for the long post, I'm just so confused.:(
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Comments
Yes I'm sure. A stroke can cause the fluid or something.
It all sounds a bit odd generally though, how can you love someone you have never met? Sounds a bit too clingy, some people imagine they have found the perfect person online until they actually meet them.
My thoughts too.
Of course, he might be telling the truth. It's impossible to tell. It sounds very strange to me though; I'm a nurse, and his story sounds a bit bizarre. If he's had brain surgery to "release the fluid", it would be odd for him to be texting the next day. has he ever said anything that sounded a bit unbelievable before?
He only text me two times the day after his surgery.
Why would he lie about such a thing though? Most men would just stop texting or something.
Next time I would be inclined to meet up with the person you are corresponding with a little sooner so you can see the whites of their eyes and make a more level headed judgement about them and their circumstances.
How can you love someone you've not met? he could have been lying all this time over the internet to you??? Not trying to be nasty love, just real.
I don't know, bab. People can be anything they want to be on the internet, he might feel that this makes things a bit more exciting, or that you wouldn't be able to argue with him. People can be strange sometimes.
As I said, he might be telling the truth. These symptoms would be very unusual in a youngish person though.
Would he even be allowed the use of a mobile phone or be in a fit state to use one so quickly? he'd be in a high dependency ward surely if it was a operation to the brain???
Either way, the bloke has decided to end the relationship and it's best to accept that no matter how painful.
Take care.
OK, in which case, leave it a few days, and text him again. He might respond, he might not. Don't trust your intuition too much though; I've been convinced of things when I was mad about someone, it turned out not to be the case. We all can make mistakes.
My intuition has always been pretty good, I knew when my ex was cheating on me and other things.
Maybe he is lying though and I'm just a big stupid idiot.
Phone the hospital, if he had such an op on Saturday he'll still be there Dont be surprised if they haven't got a 'john doe' admitted tho.
He hadn't lifted his arm because he's been in bed for the last few weeks. And on the thurday before he went ill a kid had been sick all over him at school (he works in a school, and I don't know if he caught anything from him), and well he lives with his mum and she'd been looking after him, so maybe she caught the virus then?!
However, giving him the benefit of the doubt, he's been very unwell and no longer feels he is in a position to pursue a relationship with you. Christina, keep your dignity and move one. Let him recover and if things are going to progress when he is well, maybe they will.
I still think he's a cowardly lying git though. Sorry sweetheart...
Well do a bit of snooping. If he works at this school then you could have a look around their website to see if his name is mentioned in the staff list, or even phone up to see if he does work there.
he was told on the friday he suffered a mini stroke. The affects would have been there before they even operated on him. But my guess is he didn't have any operation, any stroke on any water on the brain. good liars are hard to spot. You might have been sucked in but think of it as a lucky escape if it turns out he is lying.
No but I've seen him on webcam and facebook. And he has a lot of friends on there from the uni he told me he went to etc. Also I googled his name and he had graduated and things from the uni he said he had. Also on his facebook his mum and dad and brother are on there, and they are the same people he showed me when he showed me a pic of them all together.
I'm sorry, but testing mobility is a basic part of post stroke care. I can't believe the doctors left it days after a stroke or brain surgery to see if he could move his arms.
The name of the thing he had was hydrocephalus, which they said had been caused by a stroke.
I know he has other underlying medical things though, which I don't want to speak of on here.
He also told me other things about himself, and they appeared to be true when I googled them.