Young childhood- mother made us call her by her first name, didn't want us really. Fed us lines that would alienate us from our friends, set us against each other
Father worked overseas a lot but when in the uk favoured an older sibling a lot and smacked us about and got pissed
Older childhood- mother left I do know she's still alive but there is no contact with me or my siblings. Father living as man and wife with his sister. I see him once a year for around an hour with under ten emails spanning the rest of the year
Me and siblings minimal contact
You can chose your friends erc
I have elected to stop the cycle and have an excellent relationship with my 10 year old and would dearly love another child
Very sad to read about some of the childhoods that some fms have had - sending out hugs to you.
My parents ran away from Bognor to Brighton in 1950 when my Mum got pregnant with the local 'wild boy'. However, after she gave birth to my older brother the wild boy became the most loving caring husband and father than anyone could wish for.
He was caring, mischievous and tons of fun. There was very little money around, and he worked in a women's underwear factory and my Mum worked evenings as a waitress. So Dad would come home from work and my Mum would go straight out. He would make the most amazing fry ups out of nothing, and at Christmas he was really creative with very little money. I always remember Christmas eve going into Brighton with him to the 'mis-shape' shop where we would stock up on all the chocolate and other food 'seconds' that had been reduced right down.
Clearly, Mum and Dad had a brilliant love affair and I rarely heard a cross word between them. Dad died very suddenly in 1995 when he was out buying a Christmas Tree, it was going to be a big celebration because at 65 he had just retired, I was heartbroken, and life has never been quite the same since although he remains my role model in life.
Mum was his 'princess' and although she is lovely she just won't let herself go like Dad did, she is and always was too bothered about whether her hair will get messed up or what other people will think. A real shame because I think she has missed out on a lot of fun. Even at 80, she will not leave the house without make up and heels. She remains the only woman I have ever known who can go out drink two or three bottles of wine and remain looking as immaculate as when she started.
I had a great childhood with parents who are still married now. They were very strict on manners. I have to ask to leave the table after my dinner. I had to say please and thank you, and those manners are still with me today.
They were quite relaxed about most other things, although at the time I thought they were quite strict. Looking back though, they weren't.
It was a different time though I think in the 70s when I was growing up. I do think there was more respect for you parents and their rules. You couldn't go on Facebook and slag them off. My Mum would let me go out on my bike, but she told me never to cross a road ... so i didn't. I would literally go around the close and up the road on my bike (and we lived in a very small neighbourhood) and when a road appeared, no matter how minor ..i turned around and went back
she was weak
he was fake and homophobic and a control-freak who loved money
they were weird and he was obsessive and kinda crazy
both could be violent but he was also a bully
My mum was the life and soul of everything, a little powerhouse (she was tiny but very hardworking and determined). She was Guide Leader, Brown Owl and started the first ever play group in the village, so other women could work.
She worked on and off as a secretary, then in her forties when the council threatened to close down her play group cos she was unqualified, went off and sat in a roomful of sixteen year olds to train as a nursery nurse. She had been the britest child in her school, in the 1930s and so was taken under the vicar's wing, and a real highflyer, but then her mum died and she had to bring up her siblings. Because if this she was always keen that I got a good education, despite being a girl which was not common in farming communities then.
She was unusually charismatic. I missed her as it was the 60s and most people's mums were still at home all day but she was always working or in college. Kids loved her and would always flock to her so I felt pushed out but also proud she was so popular. She was a farmers daughter from a remote place but very forward thinking, hated racism, campaigned in the papers to get kids who lived in tower blocks play areas. I adored her. I sometimes wished she was home with me more but realised she wouldn't have been her had she been always with me... She died when I was ten.
My dad had two jobs... Civil servant and a semi pro musician. He was also a very keen gardener.
They both had a powerful work ethic and a lot of kudos as my dad was the big boss at work, and he was also unusually charismatic and very good looking, so always had women at his beck and call but he was a reserved kind of man and would barely notice it. My mum was very well known in the community but not always liked as she did stuff like report neighbours to the RSPCA when she thought they mistreated their animals, and people tended to worship her or fear her. She horrified the locals when she had two Indian doctors as lodgers. The first non white people ever to live in the village, and in those days there was a lot of racism.
They were great parents. My dad ballsed up badly after mum died by remarrying a woman who was a very nasty piece of work.
The one thing I don't take after my mum in, is style. She was always immaculately turned out. Wouldn't leave the house without lipstick, spent an inordinate amount of time at the hairdresser's, had countless matching outfits. My dads second wife was more blowsy and tasteless.
Very sad to read about some of the childhoods that some fms have had - sending out hugs to you.
My parents ran away from Bognor to Brighton in 1950 when my Mum got pregnant with the local 'wild boy'. However, after she gave birth to my older brother the wild boy became the most loving caring husband and father than anyone could wish for.
He was caring, mischievous and tons of fun. There was very little money around, and he worked in a women's underwear factory and my Mum worked evenings as a waitress. So Dad would come home from work and my Mum would go straight out. He would make the most amazing fry ups out of nothing, and at Christmas he was really creative with very little money. I always remember Christmas eve going into Brighton with him to the 'mis-shape' shop where we would stock up on all the chocolate and other food 'seconds' that had been reduced right down.
Clearly, Mum and Dad had a brilliant love affair and I rarely heard a cross word between them. Dad died very suddenly in 1995 when he was out buying a Christmas Tree, it was going to be a big celebration because at 65 he had just retired, I was heartbroken, and life has never been quite the same since although he remains my role model in life.
Mum was his 'princess' and although she is lovely she just won't let herself go like Dad did, she is and always was too bothered about whether her hair will get messed up or what other people will think. A real shame because I think she has missed out on a lot of fun. Even at 80, she will not leave the house without make up and heels. She remains the only woman I have ever known who can go out drink two or three bottles of wine and remain looking as immaculate as when she started.
I love your parents story. It's so nice to actually feel the love that your parents had for each other.
Your Mum sounds fantastic!
I was a proper daddy's girl when I was younger. He worked a lot, so when he was home, I wanted to spend every second with him. If he went to get petrol, I went. Went to give blood, I went. Went to the hairdressers, I went. There's an old video we have from one Xmas evening, I'm just over 2 years old. I got a mini ironing board and iron, and I'm standing their ironing my pyjama bottoms,(my mum was trying to potty train me so I had no bottoms on!) Anywho, my dad's filming, and I keep going over to him to give him a cuddle, but he won't give me one. So I get all teary-eyed because "Daddy won't give me a tuddle!"
My mum was a proper old-school mum. Made all the birthday cakes, party bags etc. She didn't work much as my dad worked a lot as I said, so we (me and my brother) spent a lot of time with her. As we got older, she worked at our primary school as a dinner lady, which for some reason, back then, everyone thought was awesome.
I had a great childhood. We weren't spoilt, we had what we needed. But we were fortunate to be able to go on a lot of holidays as a family, and had some great times.
My mum was the life and soul of everything, a little powerhouse (she was tiny but very hardworking and determined). She was Guide Leader, Brown Owl and started the first ever play group in the village, so other women could work.
She worked on and off as a secretary, then in her forties when the council threatened to close down her play group cos she was unqualified, went off and sat in a roomful of sixteen year olds to train as a nursery nurse. She had been the britest child in her school, in the 1930s and so was taken under the vicar's wing, and a real highflyer, but then her mum died and she had to bring up her siblings. Because if this she was always keen that I got a good education, despite being a girl which was not common in farming communities then.
She was unusually charismatic. I missed her as it was the 60s and most people's mums were still at home all day but she was always working or in college. Kids loved her and would always flock to her so I felt pushed out but also proud she was so popular. She was a farmers daughter from a remote place but very forward thinking, hated racism, campaigned in the papers to get kids who lived in tower blocks play areas. I adored her. I sometimes wished she was home with me more but realised she wouldn't have been her had she been always with me... She died when I was ten.
My dad had two jobs... Civil servant and a semi pro musician. He was also a very keen gardener.
They both had a powerful work ethic and a lot of kudos as my dad was the big boss at work, and he was also unusually charismatic and very good looking, so always had women at his beck and call but he was a reserved kind of man and would barely notice it. My mum was very well known in the community but not always liked as she did stuff like report neighbours to the RSPCA when she thought they mistreated their animals, and people tended to worship her or fear her. She horrified the locals when she had two Indian doctors as lodgers. The first non white people ever to live in the village, and in those days there was a lot of racism.
They were great parents. My dad ballsed up badly after mum died by remarrying a woman who was a very nasty piece of work.
The one thing I don't take after my mum in, is style. She was always immaculately turned out. Wouldn't leave the house without lipstick, spent an inordinate amount of time at the hairdresser's, had countless matching outfits. My dads second wife was more blowsy and tasteless.
As a kid my parents were brilliant. - my dad used to take me rabbiting with dogs and ferrets and my mother was a total gobshite who was always threatening to hammer the other mothers in the street when they turned up at the door after we'd argued/fought with their kids. She also thoroughly approved of us stealing from allotments.
We only ever seemed to get punished for the weirdest things - two that stick in my mind were being sent to bed for mocking Princess Anne and eating an easter egg too quickly.
When I was 9 my parents came into a lot of money and everything changed. Big house, new schools, new life. My dad stopped all the 'northern' activities and my mum stopped being a total fishwife and turned into one of those flowery mums who like to bake and all that shite. They were still pretty brilliant though, apart from the time they decided to get divorced, which lasted all of five minutes, but didn't stop them from calling me & my sister into the living room and asking us who we'd prefer to live with.
That's the only time I ever remember them arguing, although it was pretty mind blowing at the time.
As younger adults they never once offered to help us financially until the time came when we didn't actually need it, which is when they more or less started throwing it at us.
I really do miss them though.
Some brilliantly random things in there which remind me of my own odd parents. They sound great though. I love the fact that they clearly cared about not arguing in front of you, but then marched you into the room and asked you to choose! It sounds like it was such a random argument where they behaved like kids.
Sounds like the good memories outweigh the bad by loads and loads to the extent that the bad have become quirks
I grew up being extremely close to my Dad, a real Daddy's girl. I had two older sisters, and two step sisters and three step brothers from my Dad's first marriage.
My two sisters had a different Dad to me and they were very close with each other, much closer than they were with me but I put that down to them being of a similar age.
We were always a close family but I remember my Mum always being a cowbag when she'd had a drink so we always dreaded Mum and Dad coming back from the pub or club as Dad would provoke Mum (he knew how to push her buttons and loved an argument) and Mum would fly off the handle and they'd argue all night.
This happened almost every weekend.
When I was twelve, it was during one if these arguments that my Mum blurted out to me that my Dad wasn't my real Dad.
I was heartbroken and felt very lonely and very out of place there as my two sisters had each other and had their own Dad. I didn't know who my real Dad was. He left when I was two and never saw me again.
My Dad (the man who raised me) was devasted that my Mum had told me and was never the same with me again.
That bond broke somehow but it was not from my end.
That cut me up the most as I felt neglected then by Dad.
Despite this, I had a pretty normal upbringing. Both parents always worked, my two sisters and I would do the housework from an early age (I remember standing on the stool to do the washing up) and we'd each have a room to clean on the big Sunday clean day.
Dad was a very sociable man who everybody knew and loved. He was a referee until his late sixties so knew everyone.
My Mum had a hard life growing up and that damaged her in a way. She never told us she loved us although she says it all the time now. Which I love.
My Mum had a midlife crisis when I was about twenty one and left Dad and I to live with another man.
It was awful, my Dad was pretty much on suicide watch and would not speak to me for dats if he found out I'd visit Mum.
Mum and Dad got back together a year later and everyone moved on with their life.
The end.
My parents are now quite frail and in their 80s. The older I get the more I see them as individual people, am interested in their younger lives, and wish young people would not patronise or dismiss the value of older folk.
In their 20s they were bikers who went scrambling and to TT races and the arrival of children meant they had to sell their treasured bike and have a car instead.
They are typical "working class made good", who flourished in the 1960s and 70s. Both went from factory floor to senior management - my mother was one of the first women to have a "company car job".
Emotionally, they weren't the closest of parents to us, but both had very tough childhoods (Dad had a truly brutal, alcoholic father, Mum ended up in care of vicious nuns for a couple of years) and I now understand why they were less affectionate than some.
They actually seem more concerned about us now. It gave them a new lease of life when I was very sick earlier this year as they could be valuable busybodies, look after me and make a fuss. They even installed the internet at their home so I would stay there while recovering. My sister reckons I should "get sick" again as having a purpose makes them so well and happy.:D
My parents were married and in their mid twenties when they had me and then a few years later had my sister.
From what i remember things seemed bad. My parents didnt treat us badly all the time but they had the attitude that because they were married we should be grateful as our upbringing would be better than other childrens.
Alcohol played a major part. My dad has always been a heavy drinker. He has always gone to work early, came home late then spent the evening drinking. Weekends he would just drink at home in the morning and then go to the pub afternoons and evenings and my mum would too. As a kid we spent weekends sat alone at the pub whilst my parents were at the bar where kids werent allowed. That was pretty much every weekend. As we got older it got worse. When i was old enough to look after my sister we were left at home whilst they were at the pub. Dad would get drunk and fall asleep as soon as they got back and mum would be violent drunk but only ever towards me.
I got sent to a grammer school which i hated but they wouldnt let me leave because i was the first in the family to be accepted so they wanted people to think we were a successful family.
Things got so bad with my mum being nasty that my nan agreed to let me move in with her but i was too afraid that if i went then my mums anger would turn to my sister so i put up with it until i couldnt take anymore. I remember writing a letter telling her how awful she was and how i wish i would die (think this was reference to her coming home drunk one day telling me she wished i had never been born). It was that that somehow made her try and change her ways.
Now im grown up i get on with my parents but there will always be that resentment there. Nobody mentions it but somethimes theres tension when someone brings up the subject of drinking.
My parents both came from working class backgrounds and met at university in the late 50s. I guess my mother was a trailblazer but I didn't appreciate this until I became an adult. She was very active in politics and both my parents expected me and my brother to succeed academically.
They always seemed different from my friends' parents. My mantra to my mother when I was growing up was "you're not a proper mother" although I (almost) never said it or meant it with bitterness and she always laughed when I said it. She didn't do the same things as other mothers, like cook, clean or wash my PE kit. I never once had the ingredients for Home Economics lessons.
I adored my father and would follow him around the garden or help him in the garage. I always desperately wanted to please him and we were very close. That closeness continued until I had my child 2 years ago. His total indifference to my son has made me step back until my son is old enough to be interesting to him. Its sad, but not really upsetting as I knew what my father was like and expected it.
They were pretty good parents really. We learned to be independent quite early - I was a latchkey kid from about 8. They never seemed particularly interested in us, although they facilitated lots of after school activities and school trips etc and I knew they loved us. They never seemed that interested in each other either to be honest, and they are now a fairly odd couple. My father has embraced a cantankerous outlook whilst my mother is vague and batty.
Mine were awful. Not abusive but just indifferent towards all of their kids. They didn't really like children and didn't really interact with us more than they had to. They had a very Victorian 'children should be seen and not heard' attitude towards kids. All of us left home in our late teens as soon as we started working. I haven't spoken to my parents for years and my sisters see them for a few hours at Christmas and thats about it.
It has made me appreciate and cherish my kids even more.
I think everyone thinks their parents could've been better but mine were alright.They always worked so i got most of the presents i wanted but they were also strict and i'd lose some of those presents and get a slap or belt if i misbehaved or got caught fighting at school.
My parents are awesome I put them through hell sometimes and really stressed them out but they let me learn from my own mistakes and take responsibility for my actions. We didn't want for anything and if they could and there was something we wanted they would make sure we got it(school trips to France, skiing trips, French Exchange, Music lessons). I probably disappointed them on occasions, I dropped out of college to move 100 miles away on a whim but the day I got my degree results they were ecstatic. Yes my Dad scared me at times(never violent think I got smacked about 4 times but he had a way with words even now when i need to ask for something I go all jelly like) and my Mum drove me nuts when she would have a drink or four and would get all emotional and say how special I was because they thought they were going lose me as I was very ill as a baby. But they are pretty special after all they let my partner come and live for 6 years (a couple of which he was unemployed). It wasn't until I moved out that I realised how special they are.
Mum: Was often hard work, she's a very nervous person, growing up i remember being more the adult than her at times. Then when i was 13 Mum had a nervous break-down and i remember her making me stay home from school to be with her to look after my sister who was 8 and my brother who was 3, i missed a lot of school that year. She was always fun tho, she's got 4 sisters, and all of them together was a blast and still is. She was a good cook, and does an amazing roast dinner!
Our relationship has been much better now were both older, she is the mother i've always wanted. She's still a nervy person, but she can cope with most situations. In 2008 she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and she was brilliant in coping, getting on with what she had to do and surviving... she's now been 5 years cancer free
She's a grandmother to 7 and they all love her to bits as we all do.
Dad: Was my world growing up... i used to sit on his lap, lay my head on his chest and listen to his heart beating and the sound of his voice. When i was born, he bought me a one sided record ''Little ray of Sunshine'' by Brian Cadd, and at my 1st wedding he asked the Dj to play it so he could dance with me, i can honestly say, it was better then the 1st dance with my then husband. Even now, on my b/day cards, he'll write: To my little ray of sunshine... awww . When i was little, everywhere he went, i went... we were best mates... he's always been a hard worker, and a great provider, he never let Mum or us down. He always told the truth and called a spade a spade. You always knew where you stood with him.
In 2010 he had a massive heart attack and had to have a quadruple by-pass, he was lucky to survive. He's now on early retirement due to this and he spends his day probably driving my Mum up the walls!
They have a strong marriage and one i've always aspired to achieve... but being this is my 2nd marriage i don't think i'll get to my 43rd anniversary like they have, but here's hoping!
I grew up in Australia, as im aussie, i married my British husband in April this year, and we live here in the UK. I miss my parents lots and lots and lots... i've not seen them for a year almost.... Talking about them today has made me homesick lol.
Rubbish. Mum a secret alcoholic, Dad out at pub constantly, womanising, left when Mum preggars with 5th baby. I am 2nd eldest and spent my youth looking after kids and a screaming banshee of a mother, if that's what she was.
An Irish Catholic background, hypocrital and contradictory. Do what you want,sin like the clappers, then pop off to confession and...poof.. all better.
Comments
Father worked overseas a lot but when in the uk favoured an older sibling a lot and smacked us about and got pissed
Older childhood- mother left I do know she's still alive but there is no contact with me or my siblings. Father living as man and wife with his sister. I see him once a year for around an hour with under ten emails spanning the rest of the year
Me and siblings minimal contact
You can chose your friends erc
I have elected to stop the cycle and have an excellent relationship with my 10 year old and would dearly love another child
My parents ran away from Bognor to Brighton in 1950 when my Mum got pregnant with the local 'wild boy'. However, after she gave birth to my older brother the wild boy became the most loving caring husband and father than anyone could wish for.
He was caring, mischievous and tons of fun. There was very little money around, and he worked in a women's underwear factory and my Mum worked evenings as a waitress. So Dad would come home from work and my Mum would go straight out. He would make the most amazing fry ups out of nothing, and at Christmas he was really creative with very little money. I always remember Christmas eve going into Brighton with him to the 'mis-shape' shop where we would stock up on all the chocolate and other food 'seconds' that had been reduced right down.
Clearly, Mum and Dad had a brilliant love affair and I rarely heard a cross word between them. Dad died very suddenly in 1995 when he was out buying a Christmas Tree, it was going to be a big celebration because at 65 he had just retired, I was heartbroken, and life has never been quite the same since although he remains my role model in life.
Mum was his 'princess' and although she is lovely she just won't let herself go like Dad did, she is and always was too bothered about whether her hair will get messed up or what other people will think. A real shame because I think she has missed out on a lot of fun. Even at 80, she will not leave the house without make up and heels. She remains the only woman I have ever known who can go out drink two or three bottles of wine and remain looking as immaculate as when she started.
They were quite relaxed about most other things, although at the time I thought they were quite strict. Looking back though, they weren't.
It was a different time though I think in the 70s when I was growing up. I do think there was more respect for you parents and their rules. You couldn't go on Facebook and slag them off. My Mum would let me go out on my bike, but she told me never to cross a road ... so i didn't. I would literally go around the close and up the road on my bike (and we lived in a very small neighbourhood) and when a road appeared, no matter how minor ..i turned around and went back
My wife's father was a monster in every sense of the word.
Not so much luck as the way it should be I would think
Nothing more I can say.
he was fake and homophobic and a control-freak who loved money
they were weird and he was obsessive and kinda crazy
both could be violent but he was also a bully
She worked on and off as a secretary, then in her forties when the council threatened to close down her play group cos she was unqualified, went off and sat in a roomful of sixteen year olds to train as a nursery nurse. She had been the britest child in her school, in the 1930s and so was taken under the vicar's wing, and a real highflyer, but then her mum died and she had to bring up her siblings. Because if this she was always keen that I got a good education, despite being a girl which was not common in farming communities then.
She was unusually charismatic. I missed her as it was the 60s and most people's mums were still at home all day but she was always working or in college. Kids loved her and would always flock to her so I felt pushed out but also proud she was so popular. She was a farmers daughter from a remote place but very forward thinking, hated racism, campaigned in the papers to get kids who lived in tower blocks play areas. I adored her. I sometimes wished she was home with me more but realised she wouldn't have been her had she been always with me... She died when I was ten.
My dad had two jobs... Civil servant and a semi pro musician. He was also a very keen gardener.
They both had a powerful work ethic and a lot of kudos as my dad was the big boss at work, and he was also unusually charismatic and very good looking, so always had women at his beck and call but he was a reserved kind of man and would barely notice it. My mum was very well known in the community but not always liked as she did stuff like report neighbours to the RSPCA when she thought they mistreated their animals, and people tended to worship her or fear her. She horrified the locals when she had two Indian doctors as lodgers. The first non white people ever to live in the village, and in those days there was a lot of racism.
They were great parents. My dad ballsed up badly after mum died by remarrying a woman who was a very nasty piece of work.
The one thing I don't take after my mum in, is style. She was always immaculately turned out. Wouldn't leave the house without lipstick, spent an inordinate amount of time at the hairdresser's, had countless matching outfits. My dads second wife was more blowsy and tasteless.
I love your parents story. It's so nice to actually feel the love that your parents had for each other.
Your Mum sounds fantastic!
My mum was a proper old-school mum. Made all the birthday cakes, party bags etc. She didn't work much as my dad worked a lot as I said, so we (me and my brother) spent a lot of time with her. As we got older, she worked at our primary school as a dinner lady, which for some reason, back then, everyone thought was awesome.
I had a great childhood. We weren't spoilt, we had what we needed. But we were fortunate to be able to go on a lot of holidays as a family, and had some great times.
Great story.
Some brilliantly random things in there which remind me of my own odd parents. They sound great though. I love the fact that they clearly cared about not arguing in front of you, but then marched you into the room and asked you to choose! It sounds like it was such a random argument where they behaved like kids.
Sounds like the good memories outweigh the bad by loads and loads to the extent that the bad have become quirks
My two sisters had a different Dad to me and they were very close with each other, much closer than they were with me but I put that down to them being of a similar age.
We were always a close family but I remember my Mum always being a cowbag when she'd had a drink so we always dreaded Mum and Dad coming back from the pub or club as Dad would provoke Mum (he knew how to push her buttons and loved an argument) and Mum would fly off the handle and they'd argue all night.
This happened almost every weekend.
When I was twelve, it was during one if these arguments that my Mum blurted out to me that my Dad wasn't my real Dad.
I was heartbroken and felt very lonely and very out of place there as my two sisters had each other and had their own Dad. I didn't know who my real Dad was. He left when I was two and never saw me again.
My Dad (the man who raised me) was devasted that my Mum had told me and was never the same with me again.
That bond broke somehow but it was not from my end.
That cut me up the most as I felt neglected then by Dad.
Despite this, I had a pretty normal upbringing. Both parents always worked, my two sisters and I would do the housework from an early age (I remember standing on the stool to do the washing up) and we'd each have a room to clean on the big Sunday clean day.
Dad was a very sociable man who everybody knew and loved. He was a referee until his late sixties so knew everyone.
My Mum had a hard life growing up and that damaged her in a way. She never told us she loved us although she says it all the time now. Which I love.
My Mum had a midlife crisis when I was about twenty one and left Dad and I to live with another man.
It was awful, my Dad was pretty much on suicide watch and would not speak to me for dats if he found out I'd visit Mum.
Mum and Dad got back together a year later and everyone moved on with their life.
The end.
My parents are now quite frail and in their 80s. The older I get the more I see them as individual people, am interested in their younger lives, and wish young people would not patronise or dismiss the value of older folk.
In their 20s they were bikers who went scrambling and to TT races and the arrival of children meant they had to sell their treasured bike and have a car instead.
They are typical "working class made good", who flourished in the 1960s and 70s. Both went from factory floor to senior management - my mother was one of the first women to have a "company car job".
Emotionally, they weren't the closest of parents to us, but both had very tough childhoods (Dad had a truly brutal, alcoholic father, Mum ended up in care of vicious nuns for a couple of years) and I now understand why they were less affectionate than some.
They actually seem more concerned about us now. It gave them a new lease of life when I was very sick earlier this year as they could be valuable busybodies, look after me and make a fuss. They even installed the internet at their home so I would stay there while recovering.
Mam gave us the food and care
Dad gave us the beatings ( child abuse today )
still loved them both , in their defence there was 10 of us
From what i remember things seemed bad. My parents didnt treat us badly all the time but they had the attitude that because they were married we should be grateful as our upbringing would be better than other childrens.
Alcohol played a major part. My dad has always been a heavy drinker. He has always gone to work early, came home late then spent the evening drinking. Weekends he would just drink at home in the morning and then go to the pub afternoons and evenings and my mum would too. As a kid we spent weekends sat alone at the pub whilst my parents were at the bar where kids werent allowed. That was pretty much every weekend. As we got older it got worse. When i was old enough to look after my sister we were left at home whilst they were at the pub. Dad would get drunk and fall asleep as soon as they got back and mum would be violent drunk but only ever towards me.
I got sent to a grammer school which i hated but they wouldnt let me leave because i was the first in the family to be accepted so they wanted people to think we were a successful family.
Things got so bad with my mum being nasty that my nan agreed to let me move in with her but i was too afraid that if i went then my mums anger would turn to my sister so i put up with it until i couldnt take anymore. I remember writing a letter telling her how awful she was and how i wish i would die (think this was reference to her coming home drunk one day telling me she wished i had never been born). It was that that somehow made her try and change her ways.
Now im grown up i get on with my parents but there will always be that resentment there. Nobody mentions it but somethimes theres tension when someone brings up the subject of drinking.
They always seemed different from my friends' parents. My mantra to my mother when I was growing up was "you're not a proper mother" although I (almost) never said it or meant it with bitterness and she always laughed when I said it. She didn't do the same things as other mothers, like cook, clean or wash my PE kit. I never once had the ingredients for Home Economics lessons.
I adored my father and would follow him around the garden or help him in the garage. I always desperately wanted to please him and we were very close. That closeness continued until I had my child 2 years ago. His total indifference to my son has made me step back until my son is old enough to be interesting to him. Its sad, but not really upsetting as I knew what my father was like and expected it.
They were pretty good parents really. We learned to be independent quite early - I was a latchkey kid from about 8. They never seemed particularly interested in us, although they facilitated lots of after school activities and school trips etc and I knew they loved us. They never seemed that interested in each other either to be honest, and they are now a fairly odd couple. My father has embraced a cantankerous outlook whilst my mother is vague and batty.
It has made me appreciate and cherish my kids even more.
Our relationship has been much better now were both older, she is the mother i've always wanted. She's still a nervy person, but she can cope with most situations. In 2008 she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and she was brilliant in coping, getting on with what she had to do and surviving... she's now been 5 years cancer free
She's a grandmother to 7 and they all love her to bits as we all do.
Dad: Was my world growing up... i used to sit on his lap, lay my head on his chest and listen to his heart beating and the sound of his voice. When i was born, he bought me a one sided record ''Little ray of Sunshine'' by Brian Cadd, and at my 1st wedding he asked the Dj to play it so he could dance with me, i can honestly say, it was better then the 1st dance with my then husband. Even now, on my b/day cards, he'll write: To my little ray of sunshine... awww
In 2010 he had a massive heart attack and had to have a quadruple by-pass, he was lucky to survive. He's now on early retirement due to this and he spends his day probably driving my Mum up the walls!
They have a strong marriage and one i've always aspired to achieve... but being this is my 2nd marriage i don't think i'll get to my 43rd anniversary like they have, but here's hoping!
I grew up in Australia, as im aussie, i married my British husband in April this year, and we live here in the UK. I miss my parents lots and lots and lots... i've not seen them for a year almost.... Talking about them today has made me homesick
Kyls x
An Irish Catholic background, hypocrital and contradictory. Do what you want,sin like the clappers, then pop off to confession and...poof.. all better.