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Schoolchild advice, please!
Hello!
I'm looking for some advice on how best to advise my son on dealing with a situation regarding a fellow school kid.
My lad is 8 and has just started Y4. There is a particular kid in his class who he doesn't really like, and I don't blame him TBH - I know this child, have done since nursery, and to cut a story short, he has some social and behavioural issues which are a pain in the backside.
My son doesn't like playing with him. He doesn't particularly like this child! At all! But the child in question follows him round the playground, wanting to play with him all break time. My son will try to entertain this for a while but understandably gets sick of someone he doesn't like tagging along behind him like a whinging dog... so he will tell this kid he doesn't want to play with him. Resulting in said child going bawling to the yard staff - who then tell my son he has to play with him :rolleyes: :mad:
My lad told me tonight that halfway through last year he gave up telling the other boy that he didn't want to play with him as he realised it was pointless :eek: because the cycle of other child bawling to staff then my son being told he had to play with him seemed unavoidable
Not becuase he liked him any better, but just that he saw no hope or point in carrying on! I found this quite upsetting! :eek: He also ends up being unable to play with other children who are his friends, because this other boy is stuck following him - and they don't like him either! So he ends up being excluded from his other friends, through no fault of his own.
What the heck can I do? How best do I go about saying something to someone? How do I advise my lad on how to deal with it? Help please! Is very hard when you aren't there in the yard to give support or advice on things when they happen and have to try and help retrospectively.
I'm looking for some advice on how best to advise my son on dealing with a situation regarding a fellow school kid.
My lad is 8 and has just started Y4. There is a particular kid in his class who he doesn't really like, and I don't blame him TBH - I know this child, have done since nursery, and to cut a story short, he has some social and behavioural issues which are a pain in the backside.
My son doesn't like playing with him. He doesn't particularly like this child! At all! But the child in question follows him round the playground, wanting to play with him all break time. My son will try to entertain this for a while but understandably gets sick of someone he doesn't like tagging along behind him like a whinging dog... so he will tell this kid he doesn't want to play with him. Resulting in said child going bawling to the yard staff - who then tell my son he has to play with him :rolleyes: :mad:
My lad told me tonight that halfway through last year he gave up telling the other boy that he didn't want to play with him as he realised it was pointless :eek: because the cycle of other child bawling to staff then my son being told he had to play with him seemed unavoidable
Not becuase he liked him any better, but just that he saw no hope or point in carrying on! I found this quite upsetting! :eek: He also ends up being unable to play with other children who are his friends, because this other boy is stuck following him - and they don't like him either! So he ends up being excluded from his other friends, through no fault of his own.What the heck can I do? How best do I go about saying something to someone? How do I advise my lad on how to deal with it? Help please! Is very hard when you aren't there in the yard to give support or advice on things when they happen and have to try and help retrospectively.
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Your son doesn't have to play with anyone he doesn't want to. Speak to the teacher/head and explain your concerns and see if together, you can all come to a satisfactory conclusion.
It is a very tricky one, because in some ways it seems such a minor issue when in reality it isn't. We try so hard to encourage our kids to enjoy school and if he isn't getting to enjoy his breaks as he chooses then it could impact further down the line on his whole enjoyment of school - that's not a given but it is a possibility.
My girly is 8 as well and if it were happening to her, and her own efforts to get away weren't working then I would discuss with her me going in to speak to her teacher about it. I always talk to her so far about any times I go in to speak to the teacher where I think there could be some impact on her, that way if she has anything to say on the subject she can. Anyway, subject to what she says, I would then approach the teacher and explain the situation and ask what if anything they recommend happens. Perhaps the little lad has trouble inter-acting with his peers and needs help in learning to socialise.
Hope it all works out
He doesn't have to like him, but at least tolerate him. It might help the troubled lad overcome his behavioural problems. He's probably just crying out for attention but doesn't know how to do it in the normal/usual way.
I'd rather (if it was my son) encourage my son to try and get on with him, include him and encourage his other friends to be friendly towards him. Obviously from what you say they're not going to be best buddies, but at least BE friends.
One thing I've learnt is kids are funny little people - best friends on Monday, hate each other on Tuesday, fighting on Wednesday, all out war on Thursday - coming round for tea on Friday best buds, all is forgiven AND forgotten:D oh to be young again:p
I agree with this. How would you feel if the other boy was your son and came home each night upset or crying because no one wanted to play with him.
Imaplum, thank you - your second paragraph was extremely pertinent.
Did you acually read the OP?? Because this is exactly what the OP's little boy has done.
I find this really horrible. Your post makes it sound as though he has some sort of issues which he has no control of and all you can do is say you don't blame people for not wanting to play with him? Fine if you don't want your son to play with him, you clearly need to discuss this with teachers, but I think your lack of empathy to another childs circumstances are truly abhorrent.
I would second involving the teacher - maybe they will know of someone else in the class who could be a 'special friend' for the boy?
Did you even read my post properly? I specifically said if you didn't want your child to play with this boy then you would need to speak to teachers about this, but your lack of empathy astounded me given the other boy, from the way you made it sound, has behavioural problems out of his control.
I'm sorry if i'm not saying what you want to hear, but that is my opinion.:)
Abhorrent is a ridiculous word to use. It could be said that your lack of empathy is 'abhorrent'. You skirted round answering my question, I notice.
I think this is a very harsh statement. The OP's child has shown great empathy to the other boy in my opinion.
But at the end of the day, your own child has to be your priority. This child is making the OP's son unhappy, so something has to be done. The OP is just being a good parent to his son inwanting the situation to be sorted. That doesn't mean he's showing a lack of empathy to the other kid.
But I do agree that the other child must be helped too, not neccesseraly by your son .There should be policies in place that dont involve needing other young children to help a kid out .,And if it does involve other kids then they should also have guidance .
People say the boy should have empathy, maybe he does but cant handle the situation .Maybe the OPs son also need a little support here .
But I agree on one point that your use of language towards the other child may be putting some people back up," Whining like a dog " sounds a little uncaring IMO
This and I have children myself.
I understand what your saying about the teachers making your child play with the other child, don't say I agree with it but how would you like it if other people spoke or thought in the same way about your child.
Not all children have the best start in life etc so for me that makes me have a little sympathy towards them.
Maybe you could suggest this to the headteacher, it would be a win win.
Put it this way your child must be a nice boy for this other boy to want to play with, I just think you should have a little understanding, and try to think how you would feel if your child was the one tagging along and how this would make you feel.
What seems to be happening is there is a 'clique' that your son was part of but isn't anymore and he's trying to make sense of that and feels it's because of this other boy 'tagging along' all the time. However, if it's been happening for years why have the group had a sudden change of heart about your son?
The school would be better placed to address these issues though as they usually have at least some knowledge of relationships between the children and any issues that come up. You need to get to the bottom of it for your sons sake.
I have not said the OP is a bad parent, nor have I said the OP's own child should not be a priority, but her exact words were: There is a particular kid in his class who he doesn't really like, and I don't blame him TBH - I know this child, have done since nursery, and to cut a story short, he has some social and behavioural issues which are a pain in the backside. which considering she has a child of her own, shows a remarkable basic lack of empathy. In what way has she shown understanding for this other child? by letting her boy tolerate him? That is not empathy in my view. Especially calling this other child a 'dog', that is disgraceful.
Excellent point.
Usually a "he's fine" works wonders with others least it does with adults who have issues with difference..
Beating difference at an early age makes things a lot easier. Befriending is better than making enemies and causing low self esteem.