Options
Your words/tips please.
![[Deleted User]](https://w6.vanillicon.com/v2/6a57e478a9942514bd23515a125a14d7.svg)
[Deleted User]
Posts: 35 Forum Member
✭
I'm in a bit of a situation at the moment. Basically through my own fault, my relationship ended just under a month ago. We were getting on reasonably as friends.And i now found out that something is starting up with him and my (well ex i guess) best friend. I was just starting to cope with out him and now i feel I'm right back at square one. Possibly even a few steps back from that! I obviously still have a lot of feelings for this boy.
There is no chance of reconciliation which i was beginning to come to terms with, and was possibly entertaining the thought of him even being with someone else. But the one person in the world i wouldn't of wanted it to be, is the one that its happening with. Like i said, its been less than a month since we split.
I just wondered if any of you guys have been through similar situations and how you cope with things like this. At the moment I'm feeling incredibly low and cant even begin to carry on with my life, i feel like there is no hope.
I would like to hear stories of other people dealing with this, and what things you did to cope and get over it and move on. I need to do something because currently I'm a wreck.
There is no chance of reconciliation which i was beginning to come to terms with, and was possibly entertaining the thought of him even being with someone else. But the one person in the world i wouldn't of wanted it to be, is the one that its happening with. Like i said, its been less than a month since we split.
I just wondered if any of you guys have been through similar situations and how you cope with things like this. At the moment I'm feeling incredibly low and cant even begin to carry on with my life, i feel like there is no hope.
I would like to hear stories of other people dealing with this, and what things you did to cope and get over it and move on. I need to do something because currently I'm a wreck.
0
Comments
Never been in that situation but I'd find out what's really going on before getting myself all upset up over it. If he was getting it together with anyone you'd probably find it tough but with your pal
I'm not one of these people that think that friend's ex-boyfriends are off limits for good but I think there is a case for waiting for a reasonable period of time before embarking down that route.
You say that through your own fault the relationship ended, did he come out of it looking like a victim?
Who told you they were hooking up? It would make sense to talk to her to find out exactly what the score is.
If he's ready to move on so soon, doesn't it make you wonder how deep his feelings were for you, how long were you together?
When you say no hope, do you mean about another relationship or life in general?
If you feel I'm being too personal just say so, I just tend to find that these things are never as black & white as they initially seem. Sometimes it's not until after a relationship has ended that we actually gain better understanding of the issues and stuff that went on.
If they look to be seeing each other more than just as a "one off", I think you'll have to forget seeing either of them as friends for the time being. He's prepared to move on, even if it's just for appearances sake, & if he's starting a new relationship he's not going to have much time for you anyway. Go out with your other friends, or find new ones or other things to keep you busy for the next month or so. At the moment, you're still feeling quite raw, but hopefully a bit of distance & time between you will help you see things aren't as bad as they seem right now. Sometimes you need to be outside a situation to see what went on more clearly.
Also, I wouldn't take all the blame for the relationship ending on your shoulders. If he can move on so quickly to your best friend, maybe there was a bit of interest there already, so don't assume it's all down to you. Don't allow whatever either of them are doing to get you down.
I haven't got copious amounts of friends said best friend has always given me reasons to doubt the people I've hung around with.
I'm finding it so so difficult, i was struggling before this, but i was starting to deal with my feelings and carry on with things. But now its just worse than i ever thought it could be, i cant even begin to get my head around it. I feel physically sick at the thought of it. Its not just the fact hes moved on. Its the fact its her.
I figured it out for myself basically. I know them both better than anyone and I'm not stupid so i could tell something was going off. Talking to them confirmed this
your 'friend'. After 5 years, talking about their feelings for each other etc within a
month is both a bit soon, and incredibly insensitive of them both, despite the reasons
for the break up.
Bottom line? you have no control over how these two behave, and if this is how they choose
to behave then you are better off without either in your life.
It hurts and it's horrible, but you are entering a new phase in your life at a great age -
you're not so young you're still teenage daft, and you're
not so old that you're past it!
Things can change in the blink of an eye, and they probably will. Be kind and gentle with yourself,
and only let yourself have short wallowing sessions before you make yourself do something positive.
For the moment though, eat comfort food, take exercise, and indulge yourself at least once a week with whatever takes your fancy!
And try something totally new - only you can decide what it should be. You know where
your comfort zone is, make sure you leave it occasionally.
Keep your dignity & class, let them do and say whatever. She reckons you haven't
been a friend? Well she has to doesn't she? otherwise she's doing something wrong!
Good luck and a big hug to you
She's not the best friend you thought she was, so don't give her that status. Get yourself out & about, & you will make other friends - look in your local paper, the library or on your council's website to find out things related to any interests you've got. Leave them to each other - she'll need a friend before you need her back in your life.
Feel free to just ignore this post and let it silently slide back into the archives! It just made me feel pretty good about where i am at now
That's exactly what I was thinking.
By the way, I don't think your friend did anything wrong. He was no longer with you (because of what you did), and she felt something for him. It might have worked out for them. I hope things turned out ok for her too.
At the time i probably would have disagreed with you. But like i said we made friends whilst they were still together as it no longer was an issue. But he then split up with her, and got with her friend, which made my friend feel incredibly guilty for what she put me through as she had to deal with it herself.
We're just waiting for him to split up with his current gf and get with her friend haha. It must be his thing.