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is it disrespectful not to attend a funeral of a family member?
carlos_jackson
Posts: 168 Forum Member
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Anyone here who doesn't attend funerals? What if you thought there was going to be trouble, family members fighting? Would you feel guilty for not attending?
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I remember my brother did not attend my grandmothers funeral, he said it was too painful.
You don't say how close the relative is (ie immediate family member or bit more distant). I think it is respectful to let the immediate family know you will not be going and state your reasons but maybe say you will pay your respects in other ways.
In my experience you will not get any trouble at the service so maybe go for this but don't attend the wake afterwards.... this is usually where trouble brews esp if alcohol is involved - there is no reason why you have to stay for that.
Most of my family do not get on but attend funerals just as a mark of respect.
On the other hand if you were just attending out of a sense of duty I wouldn't bother. I only go to funerals if I liked/loved the person or if I want to give support to the family.
When it comes to family it's always a tough call but I would still attend and as has been suggested, stay out the way and don't attend the wake.
My sister was comforted by the fact that many people came to pay their respects.
I will never attend another religious funeral.
I have been to two non-religious funerals and the proceedings seemed far more honest and dignified... not to mention with far better music
or to put it another way, you decided not to join in.
Yep, I think that, too.
The person who's died is beyond caring who's there and who's not, after all.
It's more important to see someone when they are alive.
Just how I feel. I had an uncle who never went to weddings or funerals and he was a lovely kind man who always made you feel ever so welcome when we visited him.
As regards "disrespectful", the person is dead so they aren't going to care. Only you know whether the relatives will care about your non-attendance and whether that matters to you or to the people you really care about.
You can do what you personally feel is right and to heck with the consequences; or you can attend the service for the minimum amount of time required to keep most people happy; or you can go and stick it out to the bitter end.
I struggle to see the difference it makes whether it is a religious ceremony of any denomination, or a secular humanist ceremony.
Are you afraid they'd fight at a wedding?
1) it's the funeral of someone I deeply cared about
2) to support someone I deeply care about
I do not see the point of going to a funeral just to show your face. If you didn't like them when they were alive and you don't need to support anyone who did happen to like them then why go?
in an ideal world none of us want to go to a funeral for someone we love but i know that when my either of my grandparents go i want to support my dad who is very close to his parents and also show my respects because i love them very much. i hate death and all things like that but i will still brave going. same with when my parents and others eventually go to.
i however wouldn't go like others have said to show my face. i will only go to funerals of close family or friends , never for someone i don't know. i find that more disrespectful that not attending and like others have said a simple phone call or card is enough for distant relatives or people you know but not well.
I like the sound of your wife.:). My Dad died about 7 years ago and I went to that to support my Mum. It really upset me though and I felt uncomfortable because neither of my brothers spoke to me.
My mum is late 80s and she has already said that when her times comes she doesn't mind if I don't go to her funeral if it would upset me that much.
Since my Dad's funeral I have only been to one service and that was a celebration of a very elderly lady's life. I didn't go the cremation. I have made my apologies to quite a few others including a close former school friend.
I like to think I also give my love to the living. So thank you for that post.