I think I'll suggest lying to him about the start time at least! Though to complicate things, my sister has a wedding website which has a timetable on it. We'd just have to lie about an extra family thing first I guess.
If I have a stern word with my brother and make sure he gets there early, then I wouldn't have to worry about my mum dithering around for him outside.
I am not a big fan of the lying plan, mainly on principal of not lying, but also on the "crying wolf" idea. If your brother knows you have started to lie to him about start times he'll think any time you give him has been brought forward an hour and then plan to arrive an hour after you tell him, and then his natural tardiness will add to that resulting in him possibly missing an event totally.
The best plan is to tell him firmly and squarely that this is one event he absolutely should not be late for and you suggest he aims to arrive an hour early. Then leave it up to him to see if he will use his brain for once.
Then tell your mother that you have told your brother this and tell her he is under control and she should not worry about him and she should fuss over your sister. And you should also fuss over your sister too it's her day.
Then if your brother is late, it's his issue, not yours.
The wedding is at 12pm in Windermere, and my brother and I live in Birmingham. It's a minimum of 3hr drive (he's a sensible driver and sticks to the limit), so realistically he'd need to be ready to leave by 9 (which is what you'd do if the meeting were more casual). If we say arrive at 11am, then I would personally set out at 7 (much as I'd hate it!). Actually, to be honest, I'd probably just come up the previous evening! Mind you, I think if I can't get away with eloping, I'm getting married late afternoon (but perhaps not telling my brother that ).
You know your brother likes to "sleep late". Realistically, the chances of him getting up, dressing, driving from Birmingham to Windermere for 12pm are probably zero. So, I'd plan for him not arriving in time for any of the ceremony.
I can certianly sympathise with the OP. My own brother is terrible for this sort of thing. He was late for our father's funeral, and since all family were travelling in the cortege cars that meant everyone was late at the service.
If looks could have killed on that day, there would have been two funerals.
Nevermind bro, its not like it was important or anything.
I can certianly sympathise with the OP. My own brother is terrible for this sort of thing. He was late for our father's funeral, and since all family were travelling in the cortege cars that meant everyone was late at the service.
If looks could have killed on that day, there would have been two funerals.
Nevermind bro, its not like it was important or anything.
But surely in that case you all took the decision to be late, rather than leave without him?
You should have left and been on-time and left him to deal with the consequences.
Perhaps it is me and I'm just intolerant but as far as I'm concerned all parties in these cases were adults and if adults can't get to where they are supposed to be on-time then that's their look-out. They clearly have other priorities.
But surely in that case you all took the decision to be late, rather than leave without him?
You should have left and been on-time and left him to deal with the consequences.
Perhaps it is me and I'm just intolerant but as far as I'm concerned all parties in these cases were adults and if adults can't get to where they are supposed to be on-time then that's their look-out. They clearly have other priorities.
Yes, I think people should stop pandering to what can be attention-seeking.
I know it's difficult at important events when everyone wants people to be together but something's got to give.
Easy - instruct the staff to lock the doors to the building when the service is about to start. If your mum and brother arent in by then then tough luck. No interuptions and then the guilt rests firmly on their shoulders and they can sit outside and think about what they have done.
(Im a bit militaristic!)
I like this suggestion!
Its ridiculous that a 37 man is being mollycoddled by his mother.
I think def use the suggestion of getting your boyfriend to keep her in the church. Maybe in run up to wedding keep saying how important the mother of the bride is when it comes to being there for her daughter the bride. Lay it on thick, and your boyfriend to go down that route on the day (how she as mother of bride must be so proud to see her daughter walk down the aisle etc etc).
Good luck, try not to think about him. Focusing on controlling your mother is def the best solution I think. As for your brother- he might surprise you.. I doubt it going by what you've said but you never know! Let him show himself up, it might give him a major wake up call.
Can't believe he's 37, when I started reading your original post I was thinking he was late teens/early twenties. 37!! :eek:
But surely in that case you all took the decision to be late, rather than leave without him?
You should have left and been on-time and left him to deal with the consequences.
Perhaps it is me and I'm just intolerant but as far as I'm concerned all parties in these cases were adults and if adults can't get to where they are supposed to be on-time then that's their look-out. They clearly have other priorities.
Oh, I was all for going without him. But Mum was in charge, so it was her decision to wait until he bothered to show up.
Just popping back to thank everyone for their advice, and to let you know that yes, indeed, my brother was horrifically late! He missed the whole ceremony, only turning up when they came out of the church. He also told the bride a couple of weeks ago that his girlfriend wouldn't be attending s they were in the process of splitting up. Then the day before the wedding he told her that she would be coming, and could she sort out the food (!). Then of course on the day, she wasn't there...
The day did go well though, and my boyfriend did a good job of keeping my mum settled at the front of the church so she was in place when my sister arrived. Only problem was people thought he was my brother because he was in the right place!
Just popping back to thank everyone for their advice, and to let you know that yes, indeed, my brother was horrifically late! He missed the whole ceremony, only turning up when they came out of the church. He also told the bride a couple of weeks ago that his girlfriend wouldn't be attending s they were in the process of splitting up. Then the day before the wedding he told her that she would be coming, and could she sort out the food (!). Then of course on the day, she wasn't there...
The day did go well though, and my boyfriend did a good job of keeping my mum settled at the front of the church so she was in place when my sister arrived. Only problem was people thought he was my brother because he was in the right place!
:eek: your brother is unbelievable :eek: good on your boyfriend for keeping your mum in place! About the girlfriend chopping and changing- oh my goodness. I do wonder if perhaps the girlfriend saw how late he was running and decided it would be embarassing to turn up so rudely late (although if that was the case she'd have been best off ensuring he was there on time as assuming she knows what he is like..)
Did any of the rest of the family tell him off? And did he seem surprised that nobody waited for him, in particular your mother?
Am glad to hear the day went well, congratulations to your sister and new brother in law
Glad to hear things went smoothly (mostly) and that the only person really put out was the person who couldn't organise himself to get there on time.
I wonder if he realises what happened and why, or just thinks everyone is unfair for not waiting for him.
:eek: your brother is unbelievable :eek: good on your boyfriend for keeping your mum in place! About the girlfriend chopping and changing- oh my goodness. I do wonder if perhaps the girlfriend saw how late he was running and decided it would be embarassing to turn up so rudely late (although if that was the case she'd have been best off ensuring he was there on time as assuming she knows what he is like..)
Did any of the rest of the family tell him off? And did he seem surprised that nobody waited for him, in particular your mother?
Am glad to hear the day went well, congratulations to your sister and new brother in law
It doesn't sound as if it was the girlfriend's fault.
It doesn't sound as if it was the girlfriend's fault.
I know; that's why I didn't say it was..
I said perhaps she didn't turn up as she knew how late he was running and felt embarrassed and didn't want to turn up so late to a wedding. Its an assumption, as I would not go to a wedding if I didn't really know the bride/groom, was a plus one and the person who I was going with was running so awfully late.
I also wondered if she was aware he was running late and tried to give him a kick to hurry him up, as again I assume most people would do that.
My comment about girlfriend chopping and changing was continuation of my shock at brother being so late, its dreadful he thought it was acceptable to mess about with whether his guest would be there or not the day before, dreadful behaviour from the brother.
Christ alive, your brother sounds absolutely terrible. Did he apologise for his lateness? What excuses did he have? To miss your own sister's wedding is inexcusable - I bet your sister was fuming!
I got a text from him which only arrived after the ceremony (no signal) saying that he wasn't going to arrive on time, and he just said 'I' not 'we'. I think it's possible that he was delayed setting off by an argument with his girlfriend, even though he blamed the traffic. Especially since he did the last minute switch the day before.
His girlfriend is Pakistani Muslim, and we'd joked that since her family wouldn't let her marry a non-Muslim wite man that she was his perfect match because she couldn't marry him (he's commitment phobic). Maybe the wedding didn't help arguments and things came to a head.
I think it's fine that he cancelled her spot in the first place, but trying to reinstate her at the last minute was just stupid and stressful for my sister, especailly when she didn't even turn up in the end! I wasn't there for his apology to the bride, but he certainly wasn't abashed enough when he spoke to me. She had been expecting him to be late, but she was furious about the faff with his girlfriend.
Your problem is shared by many,these are called parents.
They fear of being late (Some like it) i dont know if you watch them type of programmes with the screaming mother yelling at her child to get ready whilst he mucks about. The parents have to feed,clean and dress the child before he gets through the school gate itself.
Try this approach...i know your not his mum but if you dont want him to be late
:eek: your brother is unbelievable :eek: good on your boyfriend for keeping your mum in place! About the girlfriend chopping and changing- oh my goodness. I do wonder if perhaps the girlfriend saw how late he was running and decided it would be embarassing to turn up so rudely late (although if that was the case she'd have been best off ensuring he was there on time as assuming she knows what he is like..)
Did any of the rest of the family tell him off? And did he seem surprised that nobody waited for him, in particular your mother?
Am glad to hear the day went well, congratulations to your sister and new brother in law
I said perhaps she didn't turn up as she knew how late he was running and felt embarrassed and didn't want to turn up so late to a wedding. Its an assumption, as I would not go to a wedding if I didn't really know the bride/groom, was a plus one and the person who I was going with was running so awfully late.
I also wondered if she was aware he was running late and tried to give him a kick to hurry him up, as again I assume most people would do that.
My comment about girlfriend chopping and changing was continuation of my shock at brother being so late, its dreadful he thought it was acceptable to mess about with whether his guest would be there or not the day before, dreadful behaviour from the brother.
Sorry, I just read this back and realise my first sentence to your post was a little shirty, I realise my original post wasn't exactly clear and you must have been commenting on the bit about gfriend chopping and changing, I didn't word it very well in the first instance but I meant the brothers behaviour by chopping changing was awful, not the girlfriend.
Gosh I bet the bride was mad, meals at weddings cost a lot of money, especially when you start adding in the cost of wine with the meal and something for the toast to the happy couple.
He should at least cover the cost of that in my opinion.
Glad to hear that although your brother was a pain, the wedding went off well
Chronic tardiness is a control issue and you're playing right into his hands. You're worrying yourself about something that hasn't even happened (and may not happen). Why? As one of the other posters said, when did this become "all about your brother"? He's an adult and responsible for his own actions. Let him get on with it and concentrate on yourself.
Comments
I am not a big fan of the lying plan, mainly on principal of not lying, but also on the "crying wolf" idea. If your brother knows you have started to lie to him about start times he'll think any time you give him has been brought forward an hour and then plan to arrive an hour after you tell him, and then his natural tardiness will add to that resulting in him possibly missing an event totally.
The best plan is to tell him firmly and squarely that this is one event he absolutely should not be late for and you suggest he aims to arrive an hour early. Then leave it up to him to see if he will use his brain for once.
Then tell your mother that you have told your brother this and tell her he is under control and she should not worry about him and she should fuss over your sister. And you should also fuss over your sister too it's her day.
Then if your brother is late, it's his issue, not yours.
You know your brother likes to "sleep late". Realistically, the chances of him getting up, dressing, driving from Birmingham to Windermere for 12pm are probably zero. So, I'd plan for him not arriving in time for any of the ceremony.
If looks could have killed on that day, there would have been two funerals.
Nevermind bro, its not like it was important or anything.
But surely in that case you all took the decision to be late, rather than leave without him?
You should have left and been on-time and left him to deal with the consequences.
Perhaps it is me and I'm just intolerant but as far as I'm concerned all parties in these cases were adults and if adults can't get to where they are supposed to be on-time then that's their look-out. They clearly have other priorities.
I know it's difficult at important events when everyone wants people to be together but something's got to give.
I like this suggestion!
Its ridiculous that a 37 man is being mollycoddled by his mother.
I think def use the suggestion of getting your boyfriend to keep her in the church. Maybe in run up to wedding keep saying how important the mother of the bride is when it comes to being there for her daughter the bride. Lay it on thick, and your boyfriend to go down that route on the day (how she as mother of bride must be so proud to see her daughter walk down the aisle etc etc).
Good luck, try not to think about him. Focusing on controlling your mother is def the best solution I think. As for your brother- he might surprise you.. I doubt it going by what you've said but you never know! Let him show himself up, it might give him a major wake up call.
Can't believe he's 37, when I started reading your original post I was thinking he was late teens/early twenties. 37!! :eek:
Oh, I was all for going without him. But Mum was in charge, so it was her decision to wait until he bothered to show up.
Just popping back to thank everyone for their advice, and to let you know that yes, indeed, my brother was horrifically late! He missed the whole ceremony, only turning up when they came out of the church. He also told the bride a couple of weeks ago that his girlfriend wouldn't be attending s they were in the process of splitting up. Then the day before the wedding he told her that she would be coming, and could she sort out the food (!). Then of course on the day, she wasn't there...
The day did go well though, and my boyfriend did a good job of keeping my mum settled at the front of the church so she was in place when my sister arrived. Only problem was people thought he was my brother because he was in the right place!
:eek: your brother is unbelievable :eek: good on your boyfriend for keeping your mum in place! About the girlfriend chopping and changing- oh my goodness. I do wonder if perhaps the girlfriend saw how late he was running and decided it would be embarassing to turn up so rudely late (although if that was the case she'd have been best off ensuring he was there on time as assuming she knows what he is like..)
Did any of the rest of the family tell him off? And did he seem surprised that nobody waited for him, in particular your mother?
Am glad to hear the day went well, congratulations to your sister and new brother in law
Did your brother actually realize what he did, or say sorry? - he just doesn't seem to be able to work out when things are important or not!
I wonder if he realises what happened and why, or just thinks everyone is unfair for not waiting for him.
I know; that's why I didn't say it was..
I said perhaps she didn't turn up as she knew how late he was running and felt embarrassed and didn't want to turn up so late to a wedding. Its an assumption, as I would not go to a wedding if I didn't really know the bride/groom, was a plus one and the person who I was going with was running so awfully late.
I also wondered if she was aware he was running late and tried to give him a kick to hurry him up, as again I assume most people would do that.
My comment about girlfriend chopping and changing was continuation of my shock at brother being so late, its dreadful he thought it was acceptable to mess about with whether his guest would be there or not the day before, dreadful behaviour from the brother.
His girlfriend is Pakistani Muslim, and we'd joked that since her family wouldn't let her marry a non-Muslim wite man that she was his perfect match because she couldn't marry him (he's commitment phobic). Maybe the wedding didn't help arguments and things came to a head.
I think it's fine that he cancelled her spot in the first place, but trying to reinstate her at the last minute was just stupid and stressful for my sister, especailly when she didn't even turn up in the end! I wasn't there for his apology to the bride, but he certainly wasn't abashed enough when he spoke to me. She had been expecting him to be late, but she was furious about the faff with his girlfriend.
They fear of being late (Some like it) i dont know if you watch them type of programmes with the screaming mother yelling at her child to get ready whilst he mucks about. The parents have to feed,clean and dress the child before he gets through the school gate itself.
Try this approach...i know your not his mum but if you dont want him to be late
Sorry, I just read this back and realise my first sentence to your post was a little shirty, I realise my original post wasn't exactly clear and you must have been commenting on the bit about gfriend chopping and changing, I didn't word it very well in the first instance but I meant the brothers behaviour by chopping changing was awful, not the girlfriend.
He should at least cover the cost of that in my opinion.
Glad to hear that although your brother was a pain, the wedding went off well
As for the bro, sounds a bit of a ***ck, It's one day to be on time. Less said about his behaviour the better!
Thanks for coming back OP
Does your brother ever invite people to things?
If he does I think it's get your own back time, it might make him realise what a pain in the arse he has been to his family and friends