I have no problem with it.
O/h went to an old friend's wedding a few months ago. They were always good mates and had kept in touch since secondary school.
Budget was tight so he invited o/h but not me.
It makes perfect sense because I barely know this chap (met him once). What would be the sense in him having to strike one of his actual friends off the wedding guest list just so that I (a practical stranger) could go?
Do people get offended that their partners have a life and friends and old connections particular to them?
I quite like going to weddings on my own as well, especially if they are old college friends, because it means you can all assume a familiar old group dynamic, and not be a room of couples who don't know each other.
I'd take each guest on a case by case basis - they can have a plus 1 if there's hardly anyone else there they know and would be totally on their own otherwise, etc.
I'd also set a reasonable age limit - small children are an easy category to cross off the list. If that means a few more relatives have to stay home to babysit then tough.
I'd also set a reasonable age limit - small children are an easy category to cross off the list. If that means a few more relatives have to stay home to babysit then tough.
That's another thing people get tetchy about. Three of my cousins boycotted our other cousin's wedding because she'd stipulated 'no children' on the invites.
Larry David of Curb Your Enthusiasm would be incredulous about this one!
An interesting concept, my girlfriend was invited to a wedding of one of her friends in London but I wasn't, apparently only people her friends actually knew and had met could go. Not that I particularly missed going to the wedding (in fact I escaped there! plus personally was also sick at the time (lovely!)) but more how fascinating I thought that the social ethics of it were. Usually partners and particularly spouses do most things together and the usual social etiquette at a wedding or similar social occasion is that a spouse will go, and usually a partner too, you're not totally joined at the hip but I did think it was more usual that you would represent each other in social occasions. work now often being quite an obvious split there often is. With some particularly close partners it would probably be upsetting to have only one invited somewhere such as a wedding, whilst for others sometimes they are glad to have some time apart in a while, and sometimes things like work creates something of a seperate life for the two of them.
But what would you think if you weren't invited to a wedding of one of your spouse or partner's friends, you might be glad of the escape! but you might also think it's more than a bit snooty! If it is motivated by cost savings it even then cannot escape being seen as more than a bit petty, saving on the costs of just several individuals that haven't been met!
The middle class types my girlfriend meets through her work do tend to be rather strange people however, and you don't know where you are with them, there's more politics certainly, it makes you long for good old working class people!
There's also an interesting time element to it as well, apparently the length of time you've been partners has some currency in their social world, having only been together just a few months, I am apparently less significant in terms of being invited to a wedding. But that's an interesting dimension in itself, when has the length of time since a significant other became that significant other been significant enough to change the rules?
Sometimes it is I'm told, love at first sight! rendering this relationship "ageism" more irrelevant!
Hopefully I will never need to actually meet this snooty friend of hers! Some people are a lot more open and would probably start any restrictions quite far away from significant others of their friends!
I would say that you would go to the wedding of your partners friend to be with your partner, rather than to enjoy the wedding in particular because as this whole topic is about, you don't know them very well yet!
Had that a few years go with someone I worked with. Only their colleagues were invited and none of the partners/spouses. Might have ben a genuine desire to invite all of us which would not have been possible if plus ones were included. However, the cynic in me has always suspected it was a ploy to maximise the number of wedding presents!
That's another thing people get tetchy about. Three of my cousins boycotted our other cousin's wedding because she'd stipulated 'no children' on the invites.
Cost a fortune to go to weddings these days and finding childminders on top of that is a expense most cant afford.
Weddings are bloody expensive - we literally had to cancel ours and start over. I don't want a room full of people I don't know there on the day I'm paying for. If my friends don't like that, that's their choice, just as it's mine - I won't be going all Bridezilla on anyone - no-one actually has an entitlement at weddings.
I was invited to a wedding without my OH, but it was across the country where I wouldn't have known another soul so I didn't go. The bride and I are still talking. My OH has been invited to weddings without me. Missing out on social situations where I know no-one? Not bothered at all.
I've also been invited to weddings as my OH +1 having only met the couple 2 or 3 times (they are lovely) but OH didn't really know anyone there either so we can't say we enjoyed it.
I was also invited along with OH to the wedding of his old school friend having never met her. I was happy to go as I knew a lot of their mutual school friends through OH but as it turned out I couldn't make it, so still haven't met this couple. I was actually staggered to be invited, even though we'd been together a couple of years, simply because I'd never met them and wouldn't have been offended had I not been.
OH is allowing his cousins a +1 to our wedding, I'm only inviting partners I have met because I personally don't like rooms full of strangers and hey, that'll be my prerogative!
When we got married we only invited close family and friends, 30 in total. We took the approach that if it was a long standing couple with/without children the whole family unit was invited. We knew all of the partners/children. Only one friend didn't get a plus one, she had only been with her other half a couple of weeks when we sent the invites, we hadn't met him. I spoke to her and explained, she was fine with it. She knew all of the other guests anyway - her sister, mum and nephew were there anyway. As it was she split with him before the wedding.
We only had a small wedding, we didn't want people we had never met at such a small wedding where 90% of the guests all knew each other. As I said above we also invited children, we had a toddler ourselves, in our eyes it was the more the merrier!
In the last couple of years we have been invited to two wedding receptions, they were both (ex) work mates of mine and my husband was also invited as were our children. We went to both, we didn't take our girls it was nice of them to be invited but it was their bedtime when the evening do started. If we had been invited to the whole thing, we would have taken them. If I had been invited without my husband I would have gone without him.
If they don't know you that well and want to keep the numbers down I can see why they're only inviting closer friends. It's healthier to have your own friendship circles too, that way if the relationship breaks down, there's not twenty odd people caught in the middle.
the way we did it was that if they had been together a while or were "serious" they both got invites if they were some new relationship only the one that we knew got an invite. The fact that most of our friends have settled down in the past couple of years meant we didn't have to worry about not inviting the current boyfriend/girlfriend so made life easier.
We totally spent thousands of pounds, and devoted a lot of our free time and energy just to annoy those +1’s that we’d never met. Day one of wedding planning we made it our mission to try and get up the nose of every guest possible by having the sheer audacity to invite them to our day.
We were quite disappointed when nobody took offence and tried to impose their say on how our day should run. We felt they missed the point of the day, after all weddings are surely designed just to annoy everyone else are they not?
This is not that uncommon. As people have said Weddings are expensive and if you invite 1 partner that you don't know, everyone expects a plus one which can add up very quickly. People can get "uppity" about these things but really it is the B&G's day so it is up to them who they want there enough to foot the bill for. In terms of length of relationship, OP you probably havn't been on the scene long enough and that;s fair enough. However personally, I would invite partners who hadnt been around long if I really liked them (certainly not if I hadnt ever even met them) but I have a cousin, who I am reasonably close to - he has been with his gf for almost 10 years and I would not invite her. We just dont get on, I know she would be difficult, sit there with a face like fizz and moan and belittle every aspect of the day so I am not going to pay for that priviledge ! Might seem harsh but at the end of the day I would hope too only do it once so I wouldn't want to spoil the day.
That's another thing people get tetchy about. Three of my cousins boycotted our other cousin's wedding because she'd stipulated 'no children' on the invites.
My cousin boycotted our wedding, presumably because we didn't invite his three children and step-children. He didn't RSVP - just failed to acknowledge the invite and let his mother tell my mother the reason why. I wasn't bothered, but I do think he's a bit of a hypocrite - he'd remarried and chosen not to invite anyone outside of his children and parents to the wedding. I'm not even sure if his own sister got an invitation. Plus when he did bother with birthday cards he'd never knock on the door and wish the family member a happy birthday. He'd post the card through the letter box, ring the doorbell and drive off without stopping.
My uncle also ignored us after being told it was a 'no children' wedding. Another hypocrite. He recently met my sister and said, 'I've got a Christening present for your son. I'll drop it off soon.' She laughed and said, 'John, he's three next week.' He's now trying to say that he was ill with flu, hence the no-show, and has a wedding cheque for us at home. I've told him to forget it... I've been married two years and it's a bit late to pretend you care.
It amused me - they made a fuss about their children being slighted and excluded, but don't make even a bit of effort with their own family.
That's another thing people get tetchy about. Three of my cousins boycotted our other cousin's wedding because she'd stipulated 'no children' on the invites.
We invited children they were great fun(they kept some of the adults amused for hours!) and so well behaved. We did have a couple of people ask if children were invited and our comment was "of course why wouldn't they be, we sent out invites with the children's names on"
We invited children they were great fun(they kept some of the adults amused for hours!) and so well behaved. We did have a couple of people ask if children were invited and our comment was "of course why wouldn't they be, we sent out invites with the children's names on"
That is how I feel. Children of the family are part of the family so why exclude them. unless having adult entertainment.
My daughter's two year old was the star of the dancing when my son got married. She was raving with the best of them. And yes it was a rave, the bride walked (or should I say marched) up the isle to drum and bass mixed by my son. It was the best wedding I have been to. It was a real family and friends occasion and real celebration of love.
That is how I feel. Children of the family are part of the family so why exclude them. unless having adult entertainment.
My daughter's two year old was the star of the dancing when my son got married. She was raving with the best of them. And yes it was a rave, the bride walked (or should I say marched) up the isle to drum and bass mixed by my son. It was the best wedding I have been to. It was a real family and friends occasion and real celebration of love.
In the lead up to our wedding we quite lucky in that our friends were all practically begging us to make it a child free day so they could put their feet up. There's no right or wrong way about it, some people see the omission of a child as a direct insult, whereas others don't want the hassle of worrying about their child whilst socialising.
There's no general accepted rule and comments such as 'The way it should be' etc aren't really fair imo...
Children are often excluded for the obvious reason that many people have them and if it's an open invitation then suddenly you have dozens more guests for an already expensive event. But if you're rich and have tonnes of space then sure, go for it...
In the lead up to our wedding we quite lucky in that our friends were all practically begging us to make it a child free day so they could put their feet up. There's no right or wrong way about it, some people see the omission of a child as a direct insult, whereas others don't want the hassle of worrying about their child whilst socialising.
There's no general accepted rule and comments such as 'The way is should be' etc aren't really fair imo...
Me and my children came as a package same with my my children and their children. I'm talking close family weddings though.
I personally wouldn't be offended. I don't really like weddings anyway. They're too expensive and I can't deal with all the fuss of having to get dressed up and buy gifts and all that.
Comments
I'd be grateful I wasn't invited, no one wants to go to weddings. They are attention **** parties that cost everyone money and inconvenience.
O/h went to an old friend's wedding a few months ago. They were always good mates and had kept in touch since secondary school.
Budget was tight so he invited o/h but not me.
It makes perfect sense because I barely know this chap (met him once). What would be the sense in him having to strike one of his actual friends off the wedding guest list just so that I (a practical stranger) could go?
Do people get offended that their partners have a life and friends and old connections particular to them?
I quite like going to weddings on my own as well, especially if they are old college friends, because it means you can all assume a familiar old group dynamic, and not be a room of couples who don't know each other.
I'd also set a reasonable age limit - small children are an easy category to cross off the list. If that means a few more relatives have to stay home to babysit then tough.
nor me, mind you I'd feel a bit uncomfortable going no matter how long I'd been dating them ;-)
Had that a few years go with someone I worked with. Only their colleagues were invited and none of the partners/spouses. Might have ben a genuine desire to invite all of us which would not have been possible if plus ones were included. However, the cynic in me has always suspected it was a ploy to maximise the number of wedding presents!
Cost a fortune to go to weddings these days and finding childminders on top of that is a expense most cant afford.
I was invited to a wedding without my OH, but it was across the country where I wouldn't have known another soul so I didn't go. The bride and I are still talking. My OH has been invited to weddings without me. Missing out on social situations where I know no-one? Not bothered at all.
I've also been invited to weddings as my OH +1 having only met the couple 2 or 3 times (they are lovely) but OH didn't really know anyone there either so we can't say we enjoyed it.
I was also invited along with OH to the wedding of his old school friend having never met her. I was happy to go as I knew a lot of their mutual school friends through OH but as it turned out I couldn't make it, so still haven't met this couple. I was actually staggered to be invited, even though we'd been together a couple of years, simply because I'd never met them and wouldn't have been offended had I not been.
OH is allowing his cousins a +1 to our wedding, I'm only inviting partners I have met because I personally don't like rooms full of strangers and hey, that'll be my prerogative!
We only had a small wedding, we didn't want people we had never met at such a small wedding where 90% of the guests all knew each other. As I said above we also invited children, we had a toddler ourselves, in our eyes it was the more the merrier!
In the last couple of years we have been invited to two wedding receptions, they were both (ex) work mates of mine and my husband was also invited as were our children. We went to both, we didn't take our girls it was nice of them to be invited but it was their bedtime when the evening do started. If we had been invited to the whole thing, we would have taken them. If I had been invited without my husband I would have gone without him.
We were quite disappointed when nobody took offence and tried to impose their say on how our day should run. We felt they missed the point of the day, after all weddings are surely designed just to annoy everyone else are they not?
I did a bit of a double take. All this time I thought Sulla was a lady too!!
My cousin boycotted our wedding, presumably because we didn't invite his three children and step-children. He didn't RSVP - just failed to acknowledge the invite and let his mother tell my mother the reason why. I wasn't bothered, but I do think he's a bit of a hypocrite - he'd remarried and chosen not to invite anyone outside of his children and parents to the wedding. I'm not even sure if his own sister got an invitation. Plus when he did bother with birthday cards he'd never knock on the door and wish the family member a happy birthday. He'd post the card through the letter box, ring the doorbell and drive off without stopping.
My uncle also ignored us after being told it was a 'no children' wedding. Another hypocrite. He recently met my sister and said, 'I've got a Christening present for your son. I'll drop it off soon.' She laughed and said, 'John, he's three next week.' He's now trying to say that he was ill with flu, hence the no-show, and has a wedding cheque for us at home. I've told him to forget it... I've been married two years and it's a bit late to pretend you care.
It amused me - they made a fuss about their children being slighted and excluded, but don't make even a bit of effort with their own family.
We invited children they were great fun(they kept some of the adults amused for hours!) and so well behaved. We did have a couple of people ask if children were invited and our comment was "of course why wouldn't they be, we sent out invites with the children's names on"
That is how I feel. Children of the family are part of the family so why exclude them. unless having adult entertainment.
My daughter's two year old was the star of the dancing when my son got married. She was raving with the best of them. And yes it was a rave, the bride walked (or should I say marched) up the isle to drum and bass mixed by my son. It was the best wedding I have been to. It was a real family and friends occasion and real celebration of love.
In the lead up to our wedding we quite lucky in that our friends were all practically begging us to make it a child free day so they could put their feet up. There's no right or wrong way about it, some people see the omission of a child as a direct insult, whereas others don't want the hassle of worrying about their child whilst socialising.
There's no general accepted rule and comments such as 'The way it should be' etc aren't really fair imo...
Me and my children came as a package same with my my children and their children. I'm talking close family weddings though.