Being attracted to someone is the difference between being in a relationship and 'friends'. I'd like to see an update too...
I don't think that is the difference. Romantic love is different than the love you feel for a friend. It's more deep and intimate. It's more than just being attracted to someone. You can still have those deep romantic feelings even if you don't find your partner physically attractive.
If you start to love your partner like a friend, then that is where the problem lies, not in how the person looks.
I'm so not sure where I stand on this. Being accused of being shallow etc. So hard.
I remember a thread yonks ago about 'Do you have a responsibility to maintain yourself/your attractiveness once in a long term relationship?'
I think you do. Have I..? No, and that bugs me. Neither has my hubby though.
Does physical appearance mean less? Does love overtake all? I don't think so - I love loads of people, I don't want to have sex with them though. I married my husband because there was attraction and love - once the attraction goes what happens then? Personalities are attractive and I know some awesome people - do I want to have sex with them..? No.
Being attracted to someone is the difference between being in a relationship and 'friends'. I'd like to see an update too...
Oh, bloody hell. So it is. I didn't even see the posting date. It'll probably have all been sorted out months ago.
You know, I don't think it's shallow or selfish for being concerned about your partner's weight. Surely if you love someone you love them for who they are, but you also want the to be as healthy as they can be so their health is good. It is a difficult situation if that person doesn't want to lose weight. Nag them and they'll resent you, be subtle and they may not pick up on it. I'm not sure what the solution is. If you do the cooking there's lots of dishes you can make in a healthier way to cut the calories.
I also don't think it's shallow to find your partner slightly less attractive if they change appearance. If for example you found hairy men unattractive and your partner suddenly sprouted large amounts of body hair, you would probably slightly less attracted them them as a result. It doesn't mean you love them any less or whatever, it's just the way it is.
Right, a few observations as someone who also has an overweight partner.
Trying to get them to diet wont work. Simple as. I've tried with my partner for years, and she's bigger than ever. I've tried every method you can think of ranging from supportive to shaming. I've given up trying now.
Exercise is not the magic bullet its made out to be. Example, I started cycling to work, so a fair bit over an hour each day of vigorous exercise. In that time, as an experiment, I made no changes to my diet to see the effect the exercise would have on my weight. The answer is, it made NO difference at all. And no, my shape wasn't changing, and no I wasn't stacking on muscle. There are numerous studies that prove that unless you can exercise for many hours a day, it will likely make no discernable difference. Google it, if you like, I'm sure many can come up with contradictory articles also, but my own experiment proved conclusively that it doesn't work. In fact, I used to be a regular gym goer, and that didn't work either....
The only thing that does, is calorie control. For most people, that means smaller portions.
Finally, it is not wrong to want to be attracted to your partner. When my partner takes her clothes off, I also tend to look away. You can't help how you feel so ignore the muppets who just bang on about "shallow" ad-nauseum. They probably have their own issues to deal with which is why they say it
The phrase "as long as the person is happy then it doesn't matter" should really be replaced with "as long as the person is healthy then it doesn't matter" because happiness is an emotion, it can be felt no matter what size you are or even if a person is unwell they can feel happiness at times. It's an emotion rather than a physical attribute.
But if you're focused on being healthy, you feel and are healthy continuously and your body works much much better than if you're unhealthy; it has more energy, muscles work easier, metabolism is fast, detoxifying gets better as well as whole bunch of things. Being over weight, carrying around unnecessary fat and toxins is not the best health a person can be in, there's nothing wrong with being brave enough to say that to someone you love. I certainly don't have the guts to say it to some people I care about as they get too defensive.
I do think he probably has an emotional issue going on that requires more than a gym or diet change. Sometimes it's self esteem or something that makes people not want to be healthy.
You felt the need to bump a 7 month old thread for this???
Stop f*cking whinging and either accept him as he is or leave. If he is fine with his body then thats all that matters. How would you react if he told you he wanted you to lose weight?
Too many people are are superficial these days, being thin isn't the most important thing in life, and it certainly does not the meaning of healthy either. I have more stamina than a lot of thin guys, and I am fat (although the main reason is I like my lager, I don;t eat that unhealthily at all).
This thread is 19 months old (March 2013, not March 2014)
Exercise is not the magic bullet its made out to be. Example, I started cycling to work, so a fair bit over an hour each day of vigorous exercise. In that time, as an experiment, I made no changes to my diet to see the effect the exercise would have on my weight. The answer is, it made NO difference at all. And no, my shape wasn't changing, and no I wasn't stacking on muscle. There are numerous studies that prove that unless you can exercise for many hours a day, it will likely make no discernable difference. Google it, if you like, I'm sure many can come up with contradictory articles also, but my own experiment proved conclusively that it doesn't work. In fact, I used to be a regular gym goer, and that didn't work either....
The only thing that does, is calorie control. For most people, that means smaller portions.
Correct. Exercise burns off energy derived from the body's current food stocks - have a decent breakfast, cycle half an hour to work and you'll be lucky to have burned off 3-400 calories. It takes something between 1½-2 hours exercise for the body to use up current energy stores before eating into its own reserves, so expecting to lose significant weight through short bursts of exercise is never going to work. Cycling 40+ miles a day might help (it does) and you'll end up with fantastic legs & backside but still the same stomach. Cycling is all about thighs, calves, buttocks & shoulders, so you'll never reduce your stomach by cycling; it just hangs in front of you not doing any exercise so not strengthening muscles etc.
The only way to lose weight is to continually burn off more calories than you take on board. One diet that seems to work for more people is the 5:2 fasting regime. In essence the routine is to eat normally for 5 days a week and on 2 non-consecutive days limit your calorie intake to approx ¼ of your normal needs. For men it's about 600 (~2500/4) and women 500 (2000/4). It's more to do with de-toxing the body and in doing so making a significant dent in the chances of having cancer, and (like cycling) reducing the likelihood of suffering various degenerative diseases like Parkinsons & Alzheimers later in life. Whatever, having 2 days of minimal food intake and 5 days of normality is much easier to keep up than the endless grind of daily calorie counting & being careful. Worked for me...
Correct. Exercise burns off energy derived from the body's current food stocks - have a decent breakfast, cycle half an hour to work and you'll be lucky to have burned off 3-400 calories. It takes something between 1½-2 hours exercise for the body to use up current energy stores before eating into its own reserves, so expecting to lose significant weight through short bursts of exercise is never going to work. Cycling 40+ miles a day might help (it does) and you'll end up with fantastic legs & backside but still the same stomach. Cycling is all about thighs, calves, buttocks & shoulders, so you'll never reduce your stomach by cycling; it just hangs in front of you not doing any exercise so not strengthening muscles etc.
The only way to lose weight is to continually burn off more calories than you take on board. One diet that seems to work for more people is the 5:2 fasting regime. In essence the routine is to eat normally for 5 days a week and on 2 non-consecutive days limit your calorie intake to approx ¼ of your normal needs. For men it's about 600 (~2500/4) and women 500 (2000/4). It's more to do with de-toxing the body and in doing so making a significant dent in the chances of having cancer, and (like cycling) reducing the likelihood of suffering various degenerative diseases like Parkinsons & Alzheimers later in life. Whatever, having 2 days of minimal food intake and 5 days of normality is much easier to keep up than the endless grind of daily calorie counting & being careful. Worked for me...
BIB: There is no medical evidence for this whatsoever. The whole idea of 'de-toxing' is a myth. The discussion was about someone who is becoming overweight, which is not the same as unhealthy.
BIB: There is no medical evidence for this whatsoever. The whole idea of 'de-toxing' is a myth. The discussion was about someone who is becoming overweight, which is not the same as unhealthy.
My opinion was based on the background Horizon programme on the subject + books + website info, where various tests showed levels dropping back to acceptable ranges, such as cholesterol, blood pressure, insulin sensitivity. And the point I was trying to make is that the 5:2 isn't primarily a weight-loss diet; that's a beneficial side effect. Not sure how you can describe being overweight as not being unhealthy. I'll accept that de-tox doesn't quite describe it though.
Whatever. It's another option; it doesn't involve signing up to a weekly club, doesn't involve changing your lifestyle, doesn't involve a regime of counting calories and avoiding unhealthy food & drink. For 2 days a week just eat a bit less, and not only will your body benefit you'll lose weight and may improve your chances later in life. Suits me, suits a lot of other people too by all accounts. It's also free and nothing to do with me so no skin off my nose if you don't agree.
6 weeks in, 8lbs lost, 1 trouser size down. Why wouldn't you, if you are carrying a bit spare?
My opinion was based on the background Horizon programme on the subject + books + website info, where various tests showed levels dropping back to acceptable ranges, such as cholesterol, blood pressure, insulin sensitivity. And the point I was trying to make is that the 5:2 isn't primarily a weight-loss diet; that's a beneficial side effect. Not sure how you can describe being overweight as not being unhealthy. I'll accept that de-tox doesn't quite describe it though.
Whatever. It's another option; it doesn't involve signing up to a weekly club, doesn't involve changing your lifestyle, doesn't involve a regime of counting calories and avoiding unhealthy food & drink. For 2 days a week just eat a bit less, and not only will your body benefit you'll lose weight and may improve your chances later in life. Suits me, suits a lot of other people too by all accounts. It's also free and nothing to do with me so no skin off my nose if you don't agree.
6 weeks in, 8lbs lost, 1 trouser size down. Why wouldn't you, if you are carrying a bit spare?
It's silly to call cutting down your calories by 75% 'eat a bit less' and to say that doing it two days every week for the rest of your life isn't a lifestyle change. It's great that you like it and feel good but don't pretend it isn't just another fad diet, which have been proven time and time again not to work in the long term.
It's also very true that putting on weight is not the same as becoming more unhealthy, although people are only very slowly realising this and unfortunately the NHS is taking even longer.
Bodies change sometimes they change dramatically I am glad my husband accepts me as I am, and loves me whatever my body looks like or he would have left me long ago, weight issues and MS have not been kind to my body shape or way it works. But he loves me enough to see past it all to the person beneath.
If you can't do that then he deserves someone who can.
That's different. When you love someone you accept what life throws at you, if an illness, an accident or simply old age will change that person physically, if you truly love someone, you will see beyond that and accept changes.
Said there is a reasonable expectation that the person you were attracted with in the first place, won't change radically. If you married a relatively fit person, it's not acceptable for that person to simply let themselves go simply because they enjoy a good meal and are lazy.
I totally understand the OP demands and she is right, he should exercise, but from personal experience nagging someone into losing weight it simply does not work. It's all incredibly frustration but only him can get to that conclusion.
Eating a bit less involves eating different foods not no food and is only 2 days out of 7. I still have breakfast, lunch, dinner & drinks on those days but don't have to go to the local community centre at 7:00pm to do it with a load of other people at £6 a session, or give up wine or have to do exercise regimes & count calories & live on rabbit food and then see it all pile back on - once target weight is achieved it drops to 1 day a week, or whenever it might be necessary as by then eating & drinking more sensibly has become ingrained, as opposed to the release of stuffing pizza down the old fizzog after 4 months solid of lettuce leaves & dried water or whatever.
And that's without the apparent health benefits that [in my case] accumulate through regular cycling as well as this cutting down of high calorific value foods that it's too easy to get into the habit of eating. It's a small change for a couple of days a week.
Too many people are are superficial these days, being thin isn't the most important thing in life, and it certainly does not the meaning of healthy either. I have more stamina than a lot of thin guys, and I am fat (although the main reason is I like my lager, I don;t eat that unhealthily at all).
The thing is there are clear side effects. The man she met was a particular build and physically active. This probably means they were energetic.. confident and generally up for life. Traits that the OP probably found extremely attractive in a partner and that's why they got together amongst other reasons. It would be ignoring the laws of attraction to say this isn't important.
If her partner suddenly begins to pile on the pounds there are side effects. Suddenly he's lethargic about life.. laying in bed until 2pm in the afternoon. Their sex life has probably gone south. He's perhaps less confident generally.. doesn't want to go out as much maybe. Maybe he's feeling depressed. Put all that together and she's suddenly in a relationship with a different person.
And the thing is her boyfriend stated he acknowledges what she is saying but seems unable to change his ways even when he wants to. And from my experience there are few things less attractive to a woman than a bloke who says they have a problem and doesn't do anything to fix it.
It's clearly not just an issue of superficial concerns. She didn't post here because she's embarrassed to be seen with him. She posted here because her boyfriend is perhaps stuck in a rut and she can't seem to pull him out. It's pointless suggesting she should just let him get on with it. When does it become a problem? When he's 20 stone? 25? When he can't get up off the sofa? When he's out of breath walking to the shops? When they've not had sex for six months because he's always tired?
Just to add a bit of perspective for your other half here, my boyfriend and I had a bad spell earlier in the year where neither of us had time to exercise and cooking wasn't appealing and we both put on a bit of tub. One evening, his laptop was pressing into my stomach (why he has to have it jammed into us when we're cuddled up is a whole 'nother argument...) and he poked my belly saying it was getting in the way.
Naturally I was devastated, and my reaction was to try and be 'healthy' the next few days - by which I mean I tried to starve myself, obviously failed, and binged out of depression. I had a go at him a few days later explaining how demeaning it had been for me, and it took me time to articulate myself (given that we both acknowledged that we'd both put a bit on that we needed to lose), but I think it's useful.
I wasn't happy with how I looked, or how I was feeling. When I was feeling sad, I would feel more insular, more self concious and more prone to self-abusive eating. When feeling sad, piling the 'punishment' of a restrictive diet on top of that made me feel more unhappy, leading to more bad food choices.
When I was feeling happy and boosted by my relationship, I would be more prone to positive actions - proactively eating a healthy diet and exercising more through choice and feeling good about it.
Your boyfriend may be experiencing the same - diets often feel like punishment in the short term, and it feels like you, the girl who is supposed to love him, are inflicting it upon him. How does he get a hit of happiness? By eating.
We've talked about it many times, but to no avail. He says that he's had a big appetite since he can remember and that he eats the right amount for a man. He says that I just think he eats a lot because I eat small portions (I don't, they're just small compared to his.)
It's not the eating that's the biggest problem really, it's the lack of exercise. I cook healthy meals now, but if he's not going to exercise then he'll still keep piling on the weight. When I say that he gets defensive and says "Oh but I went for a run on Sunday." He doesn't seem to understand that a 20 minute run once a week isn't enough to make a difference, but if I say anything he says that I'm never satisfied.
That's another thing, he seems to think he's doing this to keep me happy, rather than for himself. That's an even bigger turn off than the weight itself- it makes me feel like a horrible girlfriend and also makes me lose respect for him. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to get in shape. But when I ask him that he says he does. And round and round we go. Aaargh!
I recently found out running doesn't burn enough calories to see fast results. He would need to burn 35,000 calories in order to lose a stone. Doing a 5 mile run can burn 600 calories (according to the treadmill at my gym) and that can take little over an hour to accomplish. I tried the carbohydrate free diet, but that left me feeling severely drained after a few days.
Then I came across a youtube video by Jeff Cavaliere and he advocates doing dumbbell squats. I tried it a week ago and I've already noticed my pot belly starting to shrink. Please note I am the King of the large portion. When a food item states it 'serves 4 to 5 persons' I take that to mean it will serve me and only for a few hours.
If your boyfriend has a dumbbell set at home, rearrange the weights so it has a load of 20kg. When your boyfriend gets home get him to lift it and squat. The weight stays in front of him the whole time. He has to do this with each hand as it works the forearms, upper legs and stomach. He should be able to do 5 on each hand to start with.
All this in the comfort of his home.
Make sure he takes some form of whey protein prior to this exercise as it's very taxing.
If he's unwilling to do this. kick him to the curb.
My contribution to an old thread? I'f someone was nagging me to lose weight and I was happy as I am I'd tell them to feel free to leave. Nobody would be using me as an excuse for being miserable. And it is unfair to demand someone changes to please you.
I despise organised exercise, I find it soul destroying. I enjoy walking the dog, gardening, canoeing and various other things but a gym or running bores the backside off me. Cyclists always look miserable so I'm guessing thats not much fun either. Perhaps the OP needs to make his activities more interesting and he'd take part.
Tell lardy-boy that unless he rations the burgers you'll be rationing the nookie. If that doesn't work give Bunter the heave-ho and ask ol' Charlie round.
Nookie should be increased to lose weight, not rationed
It's silly to call cutting down your calories by 75% 'eat a bit less' and to say that doing it two days every week for the rest of your life isn't a lifestyle change. It's great that you like it and feel good but don't pretend it isn't just another fad diet, which have been proven time and time again not to work in the long term.
It's also very true that putting on weight is not the same as becoming more unhealthy, although people are only very slowly realising this and unfortunately the NHS is taking even longer.
I tried a fasting diet where I didn't eat anything every second day and it did work because I not only lost a lot of weight in a short time I also never put it back on again. When the body can't fuel itself with food it uses your existing stores of fat and then muscle. If you have excess fat then every day you fast you're body is literally eating away your fat for you to fuel itself. After I'd used this diet to lose a bit of weight I got more into exercising and eventually changing what I eat, which I'm not sure I'd have been motivated enough to do if it hadn't been for the initial quick weight loss.
If it's bothering you that much and you truly feel like you can't continue in this relationship with him then you need to end it. And explain why. Explain that you love him and his personality but that you hate how lazy and unmotivated he has become.
There is nothing that any of us here can do for you - you either need to change your idea in your head that he must be active and healthy, or he needs to decide that he wants to become that. Neither of you are wrong, it's just conflicting ideas in your head about what the both of you want. If no compromise is met, walk away. Maybe even that will make him fix up, you never know.
Comments
I don't think that is the difference. Romantic love is different than the love you feel for a friend. It's more deep and intimate. It's more than just being attracted to someone. You can still have those deep romantic feelings even if you don't find your partner physically attractive.
If you start to love your partner like a friend, then that is where the problem lies, not in how the person looks.
Oh, bloody hell. So it is. I didn't even see the posting date. It'll probably have all been sorted out months ago.
You know, I don't think it's shallow or selfish for being concerned about your partner's weight. Surely if you love someone you love them for who they are, but you also want the to be as healthy as they can be so their health is good. It is a difficult situation if that person doesn't want to lose weight. Nag them and they'll resent you, be subtle and they may not pick up on it. I'm not sure what the solution is. If you do the cooking there's lots of dishes you can make in a healthier way to cut the calories.
I also don't think it's shallow to find your partner slightly less attractive if they change appearance. If for example you found hairy men unattractive and your partner suddenly sprouted large amounts of body hair, you would probably slightly less attracted them them as a result. It doesn't mean you love them any less or whatever, it's just the way it is.
Trying to get them to diet wont work. Simple as. I've tried with my partner for years, and she's bigger than ever. I've tried every method you can think of ranging from supportive to shaming. I've given up trying now.
Exercise is not the magic bullet its made out to be. Example, I started cycling to work, so a fair bit over an hour each day of vigorous exercise. In that time, as an experiment, I made no changes to my diet to see the effect the exercise would have on my weight. The answer is, it made NO difference at all. And no, my shape wasn't changing, and no I wasn't stacking on muscle. There are numerous studies that prove that unless you can exercise for many hours a day, it will likely make no discernable difference. Google it, if you like, I'm sure many can come up with contradictory articles also, but my own experiment proved conclusively that it doesn't work. In fact, I used to be a regular gym goer, and that didn't work either....
The only thing that does, is calorie control. For most people, that means smaller portions.
Finally, it is not wrong to want to be attracted to your partner. When my partner takes her clothes off, I also tend to look away. You can't help how you feel so ignore the muppets who just bang on about "shallow" ad-nauseum. They probably have their own issues to deal with which is why they say it
But if you're focused on being healthy, you feel and are healthy continuously and your body works much much better than if you're unhealthy; it has more energy, muscles work easier, metabolism is fast, detoxifying gets better as well as whole bunch of things. Being over weight, carrying around unnecessary fat and toxins is not the best health a person can be in, there's nothing wrong with being brave enough to say that to someone you love. I certainly don't have the guts to say it to some people I care about as they get too defensive.
I do think he probably has an emotional issue going on that requires more than a gym or diet change. Sometimes it's self esteem or something that makes people not want to be healthy.
This thread is 19 months old (March 2013, not March 2014)
The only way to lose weight is to continually burn off more calories than you take on board. One diet that seems to work for more people is the 5:2 fasting regime. In essence the routine is to eat normally for 5 days a week and on 2 non-consecutive days limit your calorie intake to approx ¼ of your normal needs. For men it's about 600 (~2500/4) and women 500 (2000/4). It's more to do with de-toxing the body and in doing so making a significant dent in the chances of having cancer, and (like cycling) reducing the likelihood of suffering various degenerative diseases like Parkinsons & Alzheimers later in life. Whatever, having 2 days of minimal food intake and 5 days of normality is much easier to keep up than the endless grind of daily calorie counting & being careful. Worked for me...
BIB: There is no medical evidence for this whatsoever. The whole idea of 'de-toxing' is a myth. The discussion was about someone who is becoming overweight, which is not the same as unhealthy.
Whatever. It's another option; it doesn't involve signing up to a weekly club, doesn't involve changing your lifestyle, doesn't involve a regime of counting calories and avoiding unhealthy food & drink. For 2 days a week just eat a bit less, and not only will your body benefit you'll lose weight and may improve your chances later in life. Suits me, suits a lot of other people too by all accounts. It's also free and nothing to do with me so no skin off my nose if you don't agree.
6 weeks in, 8lbs lost, 1 trouser size down. Why wouldn't you, if you are carrying a bit spare?
It's silly to call cutting down your calories by 75% 'eat a bit less' and to say that doing it two days every week for the rest of your life isn't a lifestyle change. It's great that you like it and feel good but don't pretend it isn't just another fad diet, which have been proven time and time again not to work in the long term.
It's also very true that putting on weight is not the same as becoming more unhealthy, although people are only very slowly realising this and unfortunately the NHS is taking even longer.
That's different. When you love someone you accept what life throws at you, if an illness, an accident or simply old age will change that person physically, if you truly love someone, you will see beyond that and accept changes.
Said there is a reasonable expectation that the person you were attracted with in the first place, won't change radically. If you married a relatively fit person, it's not acceptable for that person to simply let themselves go simply because they enjoy a good meal and are lazy.
I totally understand the OP demands and she is right, he should exercise, but from personal experience nagging someone into losing weight it simply does not work. It's all incredibly frustration but only him can get to that conclusion.
Eating a bit less involves eating different foods not no food and is only 2 days out of 7. I still have breakfast, lunch, dinner & drinks on those days but don't have to go to the local community centre at 7:00pm to do it with a load of other people at £6 a session, or give up wine or have to do exercise regimes & count calories & live on rabbit food and then see it all pile back on - once target weight is achieved it drops to 1 day a week, or whenever it might be necessary as by then eating & drinking more sensibly has become ingrained, as opposed to the release of stuffing pizza down the old fizzog after 4 months solid of lettuce leaves & dried water or whatever.
And that's without the apparent health benefits that [in my case] accumulate through regular cycling as well as this cutting down of high calorific value foods that it's too easy to get into the habit of eating. It's a small change for a couple of days a week.
The thing is there are clear side effects. The man she met was a particular build and physically active. This probably means they were energetic.. confident and generally up for life. Traits that the OP probably found extremely attractive in a partner and that's why they got together amongst other reasons. It would be ignoring the laws of attraction to say this isn't important.
If her partner suddenly begins to pile on the pounds there are side effects. Suddenly he's lethargic about life.. laying in bed until 2pm in the afternoon. Their sex life has probably gone south. He's perhaps less confident generally.. doesn't want to go out as much maybe. Maybe he's feeling depressed. Put all that together and she's suddenly in a relationship with a different person.
And the thing is her boyfriend stated he acknowledges what she is saying but seems unable to change his ways even when he wants to. And from my experience there are few things less attractive to a woman than a bloke who says they have a problem and doesn't do anything to fix it.
It's clearly not just an issue of superficial concerns. She didn't post here because she's embarrassed to be seen with him. She posted here because her boyfriend is perhaps stuck in a rut and she can't seem to pull him out. It's pointless suggesting she should just let him get on with it. When does it become a problem? When he's 20 stone? 25? When he can't get up off the sofa? When he's out of breath walking to the shops? When they've not had sex for six months because he's always tired?
Naturally I was devastated, and my reaction was to try and be 'healthy' the next few days - by which I mean I tried to starve myself, obviously failed, and binged out of depression. I had a go at him a few days later explaining how demeaning it had been for me, and it took me time to articulate myself (given that we both acknowledged that we'd both put a bit on that we needed to lose), but I think it's useful.
I wasn't happy with how I looked, or how I was feeling. When I was feeling sad, I would feel more insular, more self concious and more prone to self-abusive eating. When feeling sad, piling the 'punishment' of a restrictive diet on top of that made me feel more unhappy, leading to more bad food choices.
When I was feeling happy and boosted by my relationship, I would be more prone to positive actions - proactively eating a healthy diet and exercising more through choice and feeling good about it.
Your boyfriend may be experiencing the same - diets often feel like punishment in the short term, and it feels like you, the girl who is supposed to love him, are inflicting it upon him. How does he get a hit of happiness? By eating.
I recently found out running doesn't burn enough calories to see fast results. He would need to burn 35,000 calories in order to lose a stone. Doing a 5 mile run can burn 600 calories (according to the treadmill at my gym) and that can take little over an hour to accomplish. I tried the carbohydrate free diet, but that left me feeling severely drained after a few days.
Then I came across a youtube video by Jeff Cavaliere and he advocates doing dumbbell squats. I tried it a week ago and I've already noticed my pot belly starting to shrink. Please note I am the King of the large portion. When a food item states it 'serves 4 to 5 persons' I take that to mean it will serve me and only for a few hours.
If your boyfriend has a dumbbell set at home, rearrange the weights so it has a load of 20kg. When your boyfriend gets home get him to lift it and squat. The weight stays in front of him the whole time. He has to do this with each hand as it works the forearms, upper legs and stomach. He should be able to do 5 on each hand to start with.
All this in the comfort of his home.
Make sure he takes some form of whey protein prior to this exercise as it's very taxing.
If he's unwilling to do this. kick him to the curb.
I despise organised exercise, I find it soul destroying. I enjoy walking the dog, gardening, canoeing and various other things but a gym or running bores the backside off me. Cyclists always look miserable so I'm guessing thats not much fun either. Perhaps the OP needs to make his activities more interesting and he'd take part.
Nookie should be increased to lose weight, not rationed
I tried a fasting diet where I didn't eat anything every second day and it did work because I not only lost a lot of weight in a short time I also never put it back on again. When the body can't fuel itself with food it uses your existing stores of fat and then muscle. If you have excess fat then every day you fast you're body is literally eating away your fat for you to fuel itself. After I'd used this diet to lose a bit of weight I got more into exercising and eventually changing what I eat, which I'm not sure I'd have been motivated enough to do if it hadn't been for the initial quick weight loss.
There is nothing that any of us here can do for you - you either need to change your idea in your head that he must be active and healthy, or he needs to decide that he wants to become that. Neither of you are wrong, it's just conflicting ideas in your head about what the both of you want. If no compromise is met, walk away. Maybe even that will make him fix up, you never know.
Yes, because he is fat?
You could also argue that you care about his health and he does not or is not thinking of that?