I'm 31, often told I look a lot younger, female, only 5ft 3. I live on a busy road but I've never once been verbally abused. I still think it's a lot to do with living in a rough area.
I'm 31, often told I look a lot younger, female, only 5ft 3. I live on a busy road but I've never once been verbally abused. I still think it's a lot to do with living in a rough area.
which city do you live in? I dont live in a rough area, it's middle-class suburban type area but I suppose there's a mix of other living areas in close proximity; as London tends to be like that.
which city do you live in? I dont live in a rough area, it's middle-class suburban type area but I suppose there's a mix of other living areas in close proximity; as London tends to be like that.
Hanna the world is full of sociopaths who feel the need to put anybody down that they see as inferior to themselves in any way. The good news is that we can easily spot them as they are all cursed with Selfexposingarseholeitis, a terrible disorder that means they can't help but show themselves up for what they are.
I have red hair, I am a bird watcher, ride a bicycle everywhere by choice, and like to photograph interesting architecture including old churches. I am regularly abused for all four of these social inadequacies. What I have taken to doing is cupping my ear and shouting "Eh?" Then when they repeat the abuse, which they always do, before they finnish I cup my ear again and say " You what? By which time they have passed me by and go away without the pleasure of thinking they've insulted me.:)
But there is such a thing as karma. A couple of years ago I was walking along a coastal road near where I live with a pair of binoculars around my neck and a telescope over my shoulder and wearing a woolly hat as I was bird watching. A passing car with two young men in started shouting abuse at me. The usual stuff. This time Karma was around. The car in front of them braked suddenly as a car backed out of a drive into the road and our two clowns, who were distracted while abusing me, braked too late shunting the car in front. Both airbags went off and their horn was left jammed on.:eek:
I kid you not, I thought I was going to die from laughter. I couldn't stop laughing to breath,my chest was killing me. When I did stop laughing it was only long enough to give the guy in the front car my name and address as a witness.
Hanna you are better than them, as proved by their own stupid mouths. I know it's not easy but you should feel sorry for them.:rolleyes:
It's unlikely that you would get abuse though, unless you fit a certain criteria - people like that tend to target young, or vunerable looking people -somebody who they can easily 'bully'. Im 26, I look young, Im small, and shy - I get people making comments, or being rude so often; as if people think I'm an easy target -Im more likely to burst into tears than bite back so they can get away with it. This doesnt happen to my sister or my mother; who both live in the same area, both look confident, tall and appear their age, for some reason that means they dont get any 'bother'
I suppose you could be right, I grew up in a rough city and I've never been afraid on city streets - the countryside scares the bejaysus out of me, it's too quiet! Maybe the answer is to get some self-assertiveness training (I'm not being sarcastic, these courses do exist), so that you'll look and feel more confident.
I'm 31, often told I look a lot younger, female, only 5ft 3. I live on a busy road but I've never once been verbally abused. I still think it's a lot to do with living in a rough area.
It can happen with middle class kids too. You tend to find it happens wherever kids congrgate together or cruise round in cars. I live in an area mixed with council estates and middle class homes and the rich kids are just as bad. Being rough has nothing to do with class or money. It's how you're brought up and taught how to behave. Some of these posh middle class kids have never seen an ounce of discipline and have never been told off or told they can't have something. They get all their own way and think they can abuse others and do whatever they want and behave however they like because that's what they've been allowed to get away with at home.
They hang around the park wearing all their designer gear trying to look like the latest pop star whilst hurling abuse at people who might not fit the media stereotype. They do it to look big and clever in front of their mates. Don't just assume because someone lives in a posh middle class area that the kids are gonna be all sweetness and light cos in my experience some of these spoiled brats with no discipline, libereral parents and too much of daddy's money are just as bad if not worse.
It's the kids who put the emphasis on looking trendy and fashionable that are the first ones to pick fault with others who might not be as pretty or good looking becuase they are shallow and superficial and all they're interested in is putting other people down in order to make themselves appear big and important in front of their friends.
There are loads of middle class kids in our area who all think they're above eveone else. The rich kids are just as bad (if not worse) for going out doing drugs and underage drinking with their posh friends and sitting on the library steps shouting comments at people in order to look big and popular. If anything they are the ones who can afford to do it because mummy and daddy give them all the money they want to go out and do what they like and blow it on cocaine and bottles of wine. They think they're some kind of rock stars leading this hooray henry celeb lifestyle driving round in fancy cars which daddy bought for them. Wearing their designer gear and fancy sunglasses trying to look all cool whilst acting like complete tw**s. They shout abuse, laugh and make comments about people in wheelchairs or people who might be overweight or people they see as ugly or disabled because they think it makes them look important and above eveyone else. They hang arounf the park with about 20 of their friends. They usually wait for you to walk past before shouting something behind your back so you can't tell which one of the mummy's boy cowards has said it.
I used to get called 'goffick' and told to get a hair cut when I was 18 19 ish. Didn't bother me then and wouldn't bother me now. Just ignore them and be satisfied that they have had to notice you. Shows you are at least an individual.
It's unlikely that you would get abuse though, unless you fit a certain criteria - people like that tend to target young, or vunerable looking people -somebody who they can easily 'bully'. Im 26, I look young, Im small, and shy - I get people making comments, or being rude so often; as if people think I'm an easy target -Im more likely to burst into tears than bite back so they can get away with it. This doesnt happen to my sister or my mother; who both live in the same area, both look confident, tall and appear their age, for some reason that means they dont get any 'bother' .
I dont live in a rough area in any way, but it is a mis-mash of people from different countries and cultures - everybody seems to have a different upbringing on how you treat women, or young people, different ideas of 'respect'.
I do understand some of the OP's worries, I tend to stay off walking by main roads, if I can help it as there's always traffic jams and people sitting in their cars getting frustrated and bored. It's hard but I guess you have to develop a thick thin to it all; I'd love to know how to do that though...
I think confidence and body language has a lot to do with it. I was agoraphobic for a long time and still suffer from social anxiety. My body language is very awkward when I'm out in public, so sometimes people do make comments or give me funny looks. I'm sure some of it is just paranoia on my part, but not all of it.
I get people shouting out of cars and beeping their horns at me I just ignore it now although it does make me jump sometimes. But it's normally aimed at the fact that I have a large bust and am not particularly overweight so they are more noticeable . I have had some guy say 'I want to play with those footballs' as I was walking up to the shop near my house. But then I have had a random guy in a club come up and try and grab my boobs and put his hand up my skirt before boy did he get a slap and kicked out of the club (it's good knowing the security staff). I don't see what gives people the right to be rude and disrepectful to a complete stranger but I have developed a thick skin but it still gets to me sometimes.
I get people shouting out of cars and beeping their horns at me I just ignore it now although it does make me jump sometimes. But it's normally aimed at the fact that I have a large bust and am not particularly overweight so they are more noticeable . I have had some guy say 'I want to play with those footballs' as I was walking up to the shop near my house. But then I have had a random guy in a club come up and try and grab my boobs and put his hand up my skirt before boy did he get a slap and kicked out of the club (it's good knowing the security staff). I don't see what gives people the right to be rude and disrepectful to a complete stranger but I have developed a thick skin but it still gets to me sometimes.
A really attractive girl walked past me yesterday and as she did she got wolf whistled by some idiot. It really annoys me how some blokes think it's ok to do this kind of thing or shout, 'hello darlin fancy a shag?' Do these morons really believe they stand any kind of a chance doing things like that? Do they not realise what total idiots they look when they do it? What gives anyone the right to shout abuse at anyone they don't know let alone someone they do know.
As for manhandling you and putting his hands up your skirt then if that had been me i'd have got hold of his fingers and bent them back until they broke. Someone tried that on me in a gay bar once and I said, "You touch my arse one more time and i'll break your f***ing fingers, GOT IT?!" He never came near me again.
I am a believer in that victims tend to choose themselves to some extent. The way you walk and level of confidence has a big part in how people interact with you. I used to get racial abuse every now and then and had a physical run in with some yobs. After that I took up martial arts within a short time the I have not had any incidence since. I believe its because I have a better idea of how to defend myself that I am not as scared walking around and walk with more confidence because of that.
You say you have low self-esteem, as several people have mentioned and I suspect you you walk with hunched shoulders, looking down, trying to avoid eye-contact, etc That is something you have to think about, walk with more confidence and people will treat you differently.
As for idiots driving by making comments, who cares, you know they are idiots and they have more problems then you. Ignore them and don't let them get you down (I know easier said then done).
I am a believer in that victims tend to choose themselves to some extent. The way you walk and level of confidence has a big part in how people interact with you. I used to get racial abuse every now and then and had a physical run in with some yobs. After that I took up martial arts within a short time the I have not had any incidence since. I believe its because I have a better idea of how to defend myself that I am not as scared walking around and walk with more confidence because of that.
You say you have low self-esteem, as several people have mentioned and I suspect you you walk with hunched shoulders, looking down, trying to avoid eye-contact, etc That is something you have to think about, walk with more confidence and people will treat you differently.
As for idiots driving by making comments, who cares, you know they are idiots and they have more problems then you. Ignore them and don't let them get you down (I know easier said then done).
I totally agree but you can't force someone to have more confidence or suddenly have good self esteem if it's in their nature to be like that. However this is no excuse. People should be allowed to walk around as they please without fear of abuse. So what if they're shy or walking with their head down.
A really attractive girl walked past me yesterday and as she did she got wolf whistled by some idiot. It really annoys me how some blokes think it's ok to do this kind of thing
Wolf whistling is abuse?! I've heard it all now!:rolleyes::rolleyes:
I totally agree but you can't force someone to have more confidence or suddenly have good self esteem if it's in their nature to be like that. However this is no excuse. People should be allowed to walk around as they please without fear of abuse. So what if they're shy or walking with their head down.
I totally agree that you force people to have confidence but there are ways of improving it. Key is to find what the root issue is that cause is causing the problem (weight, bust size, interests or whatever) and do something about it. Either change it or accept it and that is something that becomes easier with age.
I think most people know what they feel their root issues are but possibly not how to tackle them. Some of the time there are no issues, just how they view themselves.
Wolf whistling is abuse?! I've heard it all now!:rolleyes::rolleyes:
Where did I say it was abuse? I said shouting out comments was abuse. It IS however a form of unwanted harassment which some blokes think is just harmless fun.
Not so harmless for the woman who has to suffer it every day on her way to work as blokes on building sites think it's fine to leer and make sexual suggestions and whistle at them. What's the answer? Get a thicker skin just because some idiots can't control their behaviour?
I totally agree that you force people to have confidence but there are ways of improving it. Key is to find what the root issue is that cause is causing the problem (weight, bust size, interests or whatever) and do something about it. Either change it or accept it and that is something that becomes easier with age.
I think most people know what they feel their root issues are but possibly not how to tackle them. Some of the time there are no issues, just how they view themselves.
What are you saying? People with low confidence or low self esteem should all go on assertiveness courses or join a martial arts class because some brain dead idiots can't behave themselves and those who don't only have themselves to blame and should just accept that they're gonna get bullied? That's they're fault then is it?
That's as ridiculous as saying women who walk around in short skirts deserve to get raped and should cover up because if they don't it's their own fault for getting abused.
Why the hell should they change their ways just because some morons can't grow up and conduct themselves like adults.
Where did I say it was abuse? I said shouting out comments was abuse. It IS however a form of unwanted harassment which some blokes think is just harmless fun.
Not so harmless for the woman who has to suffer it every day on her way to work as blokes on building sites think it's fine to leer and make sexual suggestions and whistle at them. What's the answer? Get a thicker skin just because some idiots can't control their behaviour?
A really attractive girl walked past me yesterday and as she did she got wolf whistled by some idiot. It really annoys me how some blokes think it's ok to do this kind of thing or shout, 'hello darlin fancy a shag?' Do these morons really believe they stand any kind of a chance doing things like that? Do they not realise what total idiots they look when they do it? What gives anyone the right to shout abuse at anyone they don't know let alone someone they do know.
As for manhandling you and putting his hands up your skirt then if that had been me i'd have got hold of his fingers and bent them back until they broke. Someone tried that on me in a gay bar once and I said, "You touch my arse one more time and i'll break your f***ing fingers, GOT IT?!" He never came near me again.
ive wolf-whistled at girls (and blokes) before, mainly while drunk, i dont fancy them i just thought they looked pretty and its a compliment, theres no harm in it surely, i dont think i would have made her feel bad bout doing it
Not so harmless for the woman who has to suffer it every day on her way to work as blokes on building sites think it's fine to leer and make sexual suggestions and whistle at them. What's the answer? Get a thicker skin just because some idiots can't control their behaviour?
Yes. They lean to live with who they are and accept that morons exist. What do you suggest they do?
ive wolf-whistled at girls (and blokes) before, mainly while drunk, i dont fancy them i just thought they looked pretty and its a compliment, theres no harm in it surely, i dont think i would have made her feel bad bout doing it
Where did I say it was abuse? I said shouting out comments was abuse. It IS however a form of unwanted harassment which some blokes think is just harmless fun.
Not so harmless for the woman who has to suffer it every day on her way to work as blokes on building sites think it's fine to leer and make sexual suggestions and whistle at them. What's the answer? Get a thicker skin just because some idiots can't control their behaviour?
also i worked and still sometimes work on building sites and blokes really dont do that, mebbes you get the odd wolf whistle but you only see shit like that on the tv, we aint letches just builders.
Comments
which city do you live in? I dont live in a rough area, it's middle-class suburban type area but I suppose there's a mix of other living areas in close proximity; as London tends to be like that.
I live in surrey
I have red hair, I am a bird watcher, ride a bicycle everywhere by choice, and like to photograph interesting architecture including old churches. I am regularly abused for all four of these social inadequacies. What I have taken to doing is cupping my ear and shouting "Eh?" Then when they repeat the abuse, which they always do, before they finnish I cup my ear again and say " You what? By which time they have passed me by and go away without the pleasure of thinking they've insulted me.:)
But there is such a thing as karma. A couple of years ago I was walking along a coastal road near where I live with a pair of binoculars around my neck and a telescope over my shoulder and wearing a woolly hat as I was bird watching. A passing car with two young men in started shouting abuse at me. The usual stuff. This time Karma was around. The car in front of them braked suddenly as a car backed out of a drive into the road and our two clowns, who were distracted while abusing me, braked too late shunting the car in front. Both airbags went off and their horn was left jammed on.:eek:
I kid you not, I thought I was going to die from laughter. I couldn't stop laughing to breath,my chest was killing me. When I did stop laughing it was only long enough to give the guy in the front car my name and address as a witness.
Hanna you are better than them, as proved by their own stupid mouths. I know it's not easy but you should feel sorry for them.:rolleyes:
I suppose you could be right, I grew up in a rough city and I've never been afraid on city streets - the countryside scares the bejaysus out of me, it's too quiet! Maybe the answer is to get some self-assertiveness training (I'm not being sarcastic, these courses do exist), so that you'll look and feel more confident.
It can happen with middle class kids too. You tend to find it happens wherever kids congrgate together or cruise round in cars. I live in an area mixed with council estates and middle class homes and the rich kids are just as bad. Being rough has nothing to do with class or money. It's how you're brought up and taught how to behave. Some of these posh middle class kids have never seen an ounce of discipline and have never been told off or told they can't have something. They get all their own way and think they can abuse others and do whatever they want and behave however they like because that's what they've been allowed to get away with at home.
They hang around the park wearing all their designer gear trying to look like the latest pop star whilst hurling abuse at people who might not fit the media stereotype. They do it to look big and clever in front of their mates. Don't just assume because someone lives in a posh middle class area that the kids are gonna be all sweetness and light cos in my experience some of these spoiled brats with no discipline, libereral parents and too much of daddy's money are just as bad if not worse.
It's the kids who put the emphasis on looking trendy and fashionable that are the first ones to pick fault with others who might not be as pretty or good looking becuase they are shallow and superficial and all they're interested in is putting other people down in order to make themselves appear big and important in front of their friends.
There are loads of middle class kids in our area who all think they're above eveone else. The rich kids are just as bad (if not worse) for going out doing drugs and underage drinking with their posh friends and sitting on the library steps shouting comments at people in order to look big and popular. If anything they are the ones who can afford to do it because mummy and daddy give them all the money they want to go out and do what they like and blow it on cocaine and bottles of wine. They think they're some kind of rock stars leading this hooray henry celeb lifestyle driving round in fancy cars which daddy bought for them. Wearing their designer gear and fancy sunglasses trying to look all cool whilst acting like complete tw**s. They shout abuse, laugh and make comments about people in wheelchairs or people who might be overweight or people they see as ugly or disabled because they think it makes them look important and above eveyone else. They hang arounf the park with about 20 of their friends. They usually wait for you to walk past before shouting something behind your back so you can't tell which one of the mummy's boy cowards has said it.
I think confidence and body language has a lot to do with it. I was agoraphobic for a long time and still suffer from social anxiety. My body language is very awkward when I'm out in public, so sometimes people do make comments or give me funny looks. I'm sure some of it is just paranoia on my part, but not all of it.
A really attractive girl walked past me yesterday and as she did she got wolf whistled by some idiot. It really annoys me how some blokes think it's ok to do this kind of thing or shout, 'hello darlin fancy a shag?' Do these morons really believe they stand any kind of a chance doing things like that? Do they not realise what total idiots they look when they do it? What gives anyone the right to shout abuse at anyone they don't know let alone someone they do know.
As for manhandling you and putting his hands up your skirt then if that had been me i'd have got hold of his fingers and bent them back until they broke. Someone tried that on me in a gay bar once and I said, "You touch my arse one more time and i'll break your f***ing fingers, GOT IT?!" He never came near me again.
You say you have low self-esteem, as several people have mentioned and I suspect you you walk with hunched shoulders, looking down, trying to avoid eye-contact, etc That is something you have to think about, walk with more confidence and people will treat you differently.
As for idiots driving by making comments, who cares, you know they are idiots and they have more problems then you. Ignore them and don't let them get you down (I know easier said then done).
I totally agree but you can't force someone to have more confidence or suddenly have good self esteem if it's in their nature to be like that. However this is no excuse. People should be allowed to walk around as they please without fear of abuse. So what if they're shy or walking with their head down.
Wolf whistling is abuse?! I've heard it all now!:rolleyes::rolleyes:
I totally agree that you force people to have confidence but there are ways of improving it. Key is to find what the root issue is that cause is causing the problem (weight, bust size, interests or whatever) and do something about it. Either change it or accept it and that is something that becomes easier with age.
I think most people know what they feel their root issues are but possibly not how to tackle them. Some of the time there are no issues, just how they view themselves.
Where did I say it was abuse? I said shouting out comments was abuse. It IS however a form of unwanted harassment which some blokes think is just harmless fun.
Not so harmless for the woman who has to suffer it every day on her way to work as blokes on building sites think it's fine to leer and make sexual suggestions and whistle at them. What's the answer? Get a thicker skin just because some idiots can't control their behaviour?
What are you saying? People with low confidence or low self esteem should all go on assertiveness courses or join a martial arts class because some brain dead idiots can't behave themselves and those who don't only have themselves to blame and should just accept that they're gonna get bullied? That's they're fault then is it?
That's as ridiculous as saying women who walk around in short skirts deserve to get raped and should cover up because if they don't it's their own fault for getting abused.
Why the hell should they change their ways just because some morons can't grow up and conduct themselves like adults.
I think you need to get a sense of perspective.
ive wolf-whistled at girls (and blokes) before, mainly while drunk, i dont fancy them i just thought they looked pretty and its a compliment, theres no harm in it surely, i dont think i would have made her feel bad bout doing it
And a thicker skin.
Yes. They lean to live with who they are and accept that morons exist. What do you suggest they do?
PS Isn't suffer a tad over dramatic?
That's because there is nothing wrong with it
indeed, much thicker. It's amazing what people will take offence to and get up hett up about these days.
also i worked and still sometimes work on building sites and blokes really dont do that, mebbes you get the odd wolf whistle but you only see shit like that on the tv, we aint letches just builders.
i hope not, i always thought it was a compliment, just a harmless whistle.