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Just want to have a rant

EbonyHamsterEbonyHamster Posts: 8,175
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in General Discussion #1
About trying to get together with friends

I get they all have kids and a job and stuff but I've been trying to plan a birthday meal and it's just so hard, some can't get there till 9, the place shuts at 10 another doesn't know as she works that day

Aaarrrggghhhh!

Anyone else find this?
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    PencilBreathPencilBreath Posts: 3,643
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    #2
    Sounds like a nightmare. Just have it at yours instead & let people come & go as they want maybe or is it more formal & involve too many people for that?

    I hate meals n shit tbh.
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    EbonyHamsterEbonyHamster Posts: 8,175
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    #3
    PencilBreath wrote: »
    Sounds like a nightmare. Just have it at yours instead & let people come & go as they want maybe or is it more formal & involve too many people for that?

    I hate meals n shit tbh.

    This place is in no way big enough to have everyone here, we only have one settee (well sofa bed) so no room for everyone to sit
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    Frankie_LittleFrankie_Little Posts: 9,271
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    #4
    Do you have a garden or backyard? Could you have a barbecue outside? Or opt for a lunchtime outing and include the children.
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    vosnevosne Posts: 14,131
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    #5
    EbonyHamster wrote: »
    About trying to get together with friends

    I get they all have kids and a job and stuff but I've been trying to plan a birthday meal and it's just so hard, some can't get there till 9, the place shuts at 10 another doesn't know as she works that day

    Aaarrrggghhhh!

    Anyone else find this?

    Do different things with different friends?

    My birthday lasts about a month :)
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    EbonyHamsterEbonyHamster Posts: 8,175
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    #6
    Frankie_Little wrote: »
    Do you have a garden or backyard? Could you have a barbecue outside? Or opt for a lunchtime outing and include the children.

    We have no garden, tbh I'm not exactly child friendly so I wouldn't want kids there, they are at work/school anyway
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    pugamopugamo Posts: 18,039
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    #7
    If people don't want to go you shouldn't force them.
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    EbonyHamsterEbonyHamster Posts: 8,175
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    #8
    pugamo wrote: »
    If people don't want to go you shouldn't force them.


    :confused: I'm not forcing them
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    vosnevosne Posts: 14,131
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    #9
    EbonyHamster wrote: »
    :confused: I'm not forcing them

    There's your first mistake. Chloroform, a mask, bit of rope and some mini sausage rolls. Sorted.
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    EbonyHamsterEbonyHamster Posts: 8,175
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    #10
    vosne wrote: »
    There's your first mistake. Chloroform, a mask, bit of rope and some mini sausage rolls. Sorted.

    *quietly walks away from vosne* :o:D:p
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    KJ44KJ44 Posts: 38,093
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    #11
    It's like herding cats! :D

    Good rant. :cool::)
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    Frankie_LittleFrankie_Little Posts: 9,271
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    #12
    vosne wrote: »
    There's your first mistake. Chloroform, a mask, bit of rope and some mini sausage rolls. Sorted.

    I'm so glad I turned down the invitation to your birthday party. :o
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    Flat MattFlat Matt Posts: 7,023
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    #13
    You could start by having the meal at a place that closes later than 10pm!

    Are you planning to hold this event in your local library?
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    Chris FrostChris Frost Posts: 11,022
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    #14
    EbonyHamster wrote: »
    About trying to get together with friends

    I get they all have kids and a job and stuff but I've been trying to plan a birthday meal and it's just so hard, some can't get there till 9, the place shuts at 10 another doesn't know as she works that day

    Aaarrrggghhhh!

    Anyone else find this?
    Let me guess... you don't have kids. I'll bet that you're the one who is free at the drop of a hat most time. I'll further guess that you're the one who makes all the running to fit in around your friend's plans.

    First off, read the signs. If you're available for them but they never seem to set aside time for you then they're not being fair. If they're not being fair then they're not being your friends.

    Second, accept that some people aren't going to be able to make it.... period. Sometimes even the best friends have commitments that can't be moved.

    Third, be yourself and please yourself. That's not in a nasty way. What I'm saying is do something that you want to do (going for as meal) and arrange it for a smaller group. But arrange drinks before and after so that people can drop in. Making a commitment for a big sit down meal might be a problem for some folk, but if you say "We'll be in X bar from 7:00 'til 8;00 for pre dinner drinks, and then back in after the meal at about 9:30" then at least you've left the door open. After that then it's up to them.
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    vosnevosne Posts: 14,131
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    #15
    Frankie_Little wrote: »
    I'm so glad I turned down the invitation to your birthday party. :o

    Bah...it would have been memorable.


    Well, not for you obvs. The drugging and gimp mask would have seen to that :)
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    balthasarbalthasar Posts: 2,824
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    #16
    My three closest friends are spread out across the globe and it does take a bit of effort to get us in the same room at the same time, but it is possible and have a good time..

    That should read a lot of effort.;-)
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    CravenHavenCravenHaven Posts: 13,953
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    #17
    you could have the children for dinner too. I like them with mint sauce
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 7,182
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    #18
    I find if you include the kids in the meal, then you are much more likely to get an appearance out of everyone. It can be difficult for us non parents to grasp the concept, but our friends do change after having babies. We have to compromise a little to make it easier for them too.
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    Frankie_LittleFrankie_Little Posts: 9,271
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    #19
    vosne wrote: »
    Bah...it would have been memorable.


    Well, not for you obvs. The drugging and gimp mask would have seen to that :)

    I must admit, I do like mini sausage rolls.
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    duckyluckyduckylucky Posts: 13,862
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    #20
    Can you not book somewhere that is not closed so early ? I am sure people have reasons why they cant come until 9
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    SnrDevSnrDev Posts: 6,094
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    #21
    sootysoo wrote: »
    I find if you include the kids in the meal, then you are much more likely to get an appearance out of everyone. It can be difficult for us non parents to grasp the concept, but our friends do change after having babies. We have to compromise a little to make it easier for them too.
    Has it occurred to OP that people with kids might not be that enthusiastic about having to make arrangements and go out spending money just because it happens to be someone's birthday. It's hardly a rare event, having a birthday - we all get one every year , and most people I know had pretty much given up on bothering with birthdays once kids came along and certainly any other than milestone birthdays (30, 40, 50) are happily ignored these days with nothing more than a card & a nice bottle of wine to mark it. Going out with friends just because it happens to be a birthday? That's what kids do.

    Just my opinion obv, albeit one I find increasingly the norm.
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    dan_blamiresdan_blamires Posts: 1,006
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    #22
    If you are inviting parents out but wish them to exclude their children then frankly you're on a hiding to nothing. You want your friends to ditch their childrens routines, hire an expensive baby sitter, just to celebrate your birthday? Passed your 18th birthday im afraid no one is interested anymore. If you are not a children person, thats fine but your friends with children are. You are not going to be important enough to them to exclude their children from things im afraid.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 7,182
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    #23
    SnrDev wrote: »
    Has it occurred to OP that people with kids might not be that enthusiastic about having to make arrangements and go out spending money just because it happens to be someone's birthday. It's hardly a rare event, having a birthday - we all get one every year , and most people I know had pretty much given up on bothering with birthdays once kids came along and certainly any other than milestone birthdays (30, 40, 50) are happily ignored these days with nothing more than a card & a nice bottle of wine to mark it. Going out with friends just because it happens to be a birthday? That's what kids do.

    Just my opinion obv, albeit one I find increasingly the norm.

    Exactly right. It is probably equally as expensive to hire a babysitter as it is to bring the kids with them. Birthday's might be a big thing to the individual, but they aren't to everyone. People with kids won't be that fussed about going out for each friend's birthday as it would cost a small fortune. I tend to think if you bring up an occasion to meet for a celebration and the suggestion isn't met with open arms from the start, then they are too polite to just say "no thanks".
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    EbonyHamsterEbonyHamster Posts: 8,175
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    #24
    duckylucky wrote: »
    Can you not book somewhere that is not closed so early ? I am sure people have reasons why they cant come until 9

    The other places I suggested were too expensive for them and tbh looking at the menus they were right

    Tbh the one who can't come till 9 was the one that suggested said place
    SnrDev wrote: »
    Has it occurred to OP that people with kids might not be that enthusiastic about having to make arrangements and go out spending money just because it happens to be someone's birthday. It's hardly a rare event, having a birthday - we all get one every year , and most people I know had pretty much given up on bothering with birthdays once kids came along and certainly any other than milestone birthdays (30, 40, 50) are happily ignored these days with nothing more than a card & a nice bottle of wine to mark it.

    Actually we do try to get together for birthdays, the last time we got together was for someone's birthday in march

    Going out with friends just because it happens to be a birthday? That's what kids do.

    Hardly :-/
    dan_blamires wrote: »
    If you are inviting parents out but wish them to exclude their children then frankly you're on a hiding to nothing. You want your friends to ditch their childrens routines, hire an expensive baby sitter, just to celebrate your birthday? Passed your 18th birthday im afraid no one is interested anymore. If you are not a children person, thats fine but your friends with children are. You are not going to be important enough to them to exclude their children from things im afraid.

    Yes because parents never go out without their kids :-/
    sootysoo wrote: »
    Exactly right. It is probably equally as expensive to hire a babysitter as it is to bring the kids with them. Birthday's might be a big thing to the individual, but they aren't to everyone. People with kids won't be that fussed about going out for each friend's birthday as it would cost a small fortune. I tend to think if you bring up an occasion to meet for a celebration and the suggestion isn't met with open arms from the start, then they are too polite to just say "no thanks".

    As said above we always try to get together for each others birthdays
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    jrajra Posts: 48,325
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    #25
    EbonyHamster wrote: »
    About trying to get together with friends

    I get they all have kids and a job and stuff but I've been trying to plan a birthday meal and it's just so hard, some can't get there till 9, the place shuts at 10 another doesn't know as she works that day

    Aaarrrggghhhh!

    Anyone else find this?

    Welcome to the real world.

    Most people won't want to deal with you, unless there is something in it for them. That's a good definition of being a human being. If they are married and have kids, and you are single, don't expect them to have much time for you.
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    Jambo_cJambo_c Posts: 4,672
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    #26
    SnrDev wrote: »
    Has it occurred to OP that people with kids might not be that enthusiastic about having to make arrangements and go out spending money just because it happens to be someone's birthday. It's hardly a rare event, having a birthday - we all get one every year , and most people I know had pretty much given up on bothering with birthdays once kids came along and certainly any other than milestone birthdays (30, 40, 50) are happily ignored these days with nothing more than a card & a nice bottle of wine to mark it. Going out with friends just because it happens to be a birthday? That's what kids do.

    Just my opinion obv, albeit one I find increasingly the norm.
    dan_blamires wrote: »
    If you are inviting parents out but wish them to exclude their children then frankly you're on a hiding to nothing. You want your friends to ditch their childrens routines, hire an expensive baby sitter, just to celebrate your birthday? Passed your 18th birthday im afraid no one is interested anymore. If you are not a children person, thats fine but your friends with children are. You are not going to be important enough to them to exclude their children from things im afraid.
    jra wrote: »
    Welcome to the real world.

    Most people won't want to deal with you, unless there is something in it for them. That's a good definition of being a human being. If they are married and have kids, and you are single, don't expect them to have much time for you.

    Some weird views here. I'm 33 and I've mates aged between 24 and 60 and we always do stuff for birthdays. Every year I have a BBQ and house party for mine, other mates birthdays we do similar or we go out for a meal or sometimes it's just a night out. Birthdays are great, a good excuse to celebrate, don't know where this notion of birthdays being for kids is from, sounds bloody miserable to me. Either that or bitter about birthdays because nobody showed up to your party once.

    I've got a baby and I've certainly not changed how I treat my friends. It is possible to have kids and have a life. It's about balance and making time for everyone. Most times we just get a babysitter but if we can't then one of us stays in and the other goes out. This is pretty much the same for everyone of our mates who has kids.

    It sounds like you might be unlucky that you've got mates who just become baby obsessed and can't possibly leave the babies side.

    If your friends aren't putting in the effort then I'd question how good friends they really are.
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