Anxious over sex
VoodooChic
Posts: 9,868 Forum Member
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I've always not been comfortable with intimacy - but especially any sexual contact. I have problems staying erect, hate any bloke going "down there".....guys always seem to enjoy blow jobs?? I feel almost repulsed. One thing I always loved doing was snogging - but the last year or so my mouth dries up so I'm now having problems with that.
I hate this. I want to be having fun like everyone else.
I hate this. I want to be having fun like everyone else.
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As a result it used to hurt at times, even with ky.
I have found it different though with my partner now - could it be the person you are with being the problem for you?
Hmmm well you're up against a challenge in the gay world in that case. With some guys the words 'meat market' spring to my mind, but I'm sure nice, sensitive, patient guys exist - somewhere.
What with the going down thing, surely being on the receiving end is bliss? You just have to lie back and enjoy it! But if you feel uneasy about it, how about starting things off with a slow, sensual whole body massage - complete with ambient music, candles & oils? That way you can open up and ease into it. One move or stroke will naturally lead to another, and your motor will be running in no time. ;-)
Sound advice. I know it's difficult but try not to over think it before hand. Sex in all its forms is amazing when it just happens spontaneously. If you're constantly thinking while you're kissing, "oh god when am I going to have to go down THERE?", you won't enjoy the kissing, will get all het up and loose the moment. Are you comfortable with 'pleasuring' yourself? If you are, show whoever you are with what you like...relax and enjoy! Are there any legit dating sites for gay people that you could join?
but equally, have you considered alcohol?
Have to agree with this. Nothing like a couple of wines to loosen the nerves (and other things ;-). ) Just dont drink too much!!
the more anxious you get the worse it becomes.
Think others are right it could be you just haven't found the right person yet
I remember one guy I knew years ago he had a very weird fetish of my wheelchair
at first It was funny but he creeped me out totally when asking for pictures of the chair itself (gods honest truth)
When you find someone you can connect with emotionally it makes all the difference
People say that sex is like riding a bike & you can just leap back on anytime. It's not as simple as that. You can get out of the habit of sex & it then sows a little seed of doubt or worry in your brain which can have a negative impact when it comes to doing it again.
Do you think speaking to a therapist or counselor could be useful?
As others have said, other solutions for anxiety are alcohol (not too much) and a doctor can also prescribe you medications such as anti-anxiety drugs and beta blockers. Problem is, when it comes to these - and alcohol, they can hinder more than help sexual activity.
Plenty of gay/bi men do not like the idea of oral sex or anal sex. There is the germ aspect and also the hygiene aspect. Plus for some there is also the question of whether or not the penis has been near a vagina. That can put some people off.
Kissing is intimate. Some gay/bi men do not kiss other men and plenty do.
Anxiety and shyness are also difficult to manage in relationships where there is often extra pressure. Thus, problems emerge with desirability and capability. Take your time. Plenty of gay/bi men write about this issue on the dating scene, it is very common.