How do i prove i am being stalked?

[Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 68
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Long story short, i have an unwanted admirer (for the last 5 years) and i can't get rid of him. Whenever he sees me, he starts following me.
I have told him to leave me alone (several times) but he then threatens my mum, my boyfriend and my friends. Thing is, he does it when there's nobody around, he waits until i am alone and then approaches me.
I can't avoid places either because i never know where he's gonna be. The police wont do anything because theres no evidence. I just can't take anymore.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 68
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    I should have mentioned he has learning disabilities, which seems to mean he can do what he wants.
    On Saturday he told me that if i was nice to him and did what he told me to do and dont talk to anyone else, he would be happy. When i said no he threatened my mum by saying he would 'personally make sure' she stayed out of his way forever.
    I am currently having treatment for depression and the stress is making me self harm again. Thanks for reading this.
  • MissjefMissjef Posts: 2,375
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    I would keep a log / journal of times, dates when he approaches you & what exactly is said then take this to the police - do you know his name & where he lives?
    Just because he has learning difficulties he shouldn't be allowed to get away with this behaviour which is clearly distressing you.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 57
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    sweetD wrote: »
    Long story short, i have an unwanted admirer (for the last 5 years) and i can't get rid of him. Whenever he sees me, he starts following me.
    I have told him to leave me alone (several times) but he then threatens my mum, my boyfriend and my friends. Thing is, he does it when there's nobody around, he waits until i am alone and then approaches me.
    I can't avoid places either because i never know where he's gonna be. The police wont do anything because theres no evidence. I just can't take anymore.

    Please see attached link. I feel this may be of help to you:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/insideout/yorkslincs/series7/stalking_advice.shtml

    the important thing here is to log everything that happens.

    Have you been to the police or are you assuming that they will not do anything. The police have a duty for public protection and if someone is being threatened I am certain they would help you. Especially if you and your familys safety is at risk.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,714
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    Have you reported it at all? Like to the police etc. first place to start :)

    How about if you see him pit your phones voice recorder on? Don't tell him it's on and try not to let him see it (stick it up your sleeve or something) and then you have evidence of him threatening you

    Thats all I can think of as well as what's above :)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 68
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    Thank you for your advice. I did talk to the police, but they said they could only put it on file, as i had no proof of the threat, so they couldn't do much. I did get told that he may not understand what he is doing is doing wrong. My friends brother works as a police officer, and he said unless i get proof, or if he does something, it wont get taken seriously.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,387
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    Could you not get your friends brother to go round when he's working and just give him a talking to? Surely the police must be obliged to do this at least. Perhaps just the police turning up may be enough to make him stop.
  • ScrabblerScrabbler Posts: 50,940
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    Easy, get someone else to stalk him instead!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 68
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    My friends brother lives in kent and i live in Newcastle, so thats not an option, unfortuntely (i was talking to him via skype). I was thinking about contacting victim support and talking to someone there, see if they can offer some advice.
  • tenorladytenorlady Posts: 1,976
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    What a horrible situation:(

    http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/stalking.php

    There are various helpline numbers on the above website, give one of them a ring and get some expert advice about how to tackle this.
  • Akane TendoAkane Tendo Posts: 4,454
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    Record him.
  • JasonJason Posts: 76,557
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    Get a notebook and pen that's small enough to carry around with you and write everything down that happens, no matter how small. Then, when you get back home, transfer it to a proper notebook and start to build a log because it'll be the first thing you'll be asked for if you want to take things further with the authorities.

    If you have an evidence log to hand to give to them, it could save valuable time in getting something done.
  • Sifter22Sifter22 Posts: 12,054
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    They've really tightened up stalking laws and take it pretty seriously these days. Do you know any of the guys family? Maybe get someone to have a word with them, or if he has a carer or something. If not like people said log times and dates, even secretly film it if you have to
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 68
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    Thank you for all your advice. I will start writing everything down. I have spoken to his mother and she called me a liar. She said that her son would never bother anyone. I also have spoken to his girlfriend (yes, he has one) and she called me a liar too.
    The thing that worries me is he is psychologically unwell. He talks to invisible people. He thinks a tv show is real, and he's in it. If you get on the same bus as him, you're bff's. He is unstable enough to do something, thats why i'm worried.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,301
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    Can you record him when he follows you?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 12,881
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    Victim Support is a good idea. Also talk to your community police officer (local policing team) rather than the duty officers as they have more time to chat things over. Mine was really helpful over a neighbour problem. I agree with trying to record him if you can. Easier said than done though.

    The issue about learning difficulties came up recently and that is no excuse. The police should still do something if there is a chance you will be harmed.
  • tenorladytenorlady Posts: 1,976
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    sweetD wrote: »
    Thank you for all your advice. I will start writing everything down. I have spoken to his mother and she called me a liar. She said that her son would never bother anyone. I also have spoken to his girlfriend (yes, he has one) and she called me a liar too.
    The thing that worries me is he is psychologically unwell. He talks to invisible people. He thinks a tv show is real, and he's in it. If you get on the same bus as him, you're bff's. He is unstable enough to do something, thats why i'm worried.
    Contact these people as soon as you can

    The National Stalking Helpline: 0300 636 0300
    www.stalkinghelpline.org
  • Sifter22Sifter22 Posts: 12,054
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    sweetD wrote: »
    Thank you for all your advice. I will start writing everything down. I have spoken to his mother and she called me a liar. She said that her son would never bother anyone. I also have spoken to his girlfriend (yes, he has one) and she called me a liar too.
    The thing that worries me is he is psychologically unwell. He talks to invisible people. He thinks a tv show is real, and he's in it. If you get on the same bus as him, you're bff's. He is unstable enough to do something, thats why i'm worried.

    Well that all seems a bit worrying really. It's weird how his family don't take anything into account. Have you ever feared he'd physically assualt you as well as your family? Sounds like he needs a psychological evaluation
  • ScrabblerScrabbler Posts: 50,940
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    Can you stop getting the same bus as him? An earlier, later one or maybe a different route?
  • SuesSues Posts: 1,475
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    Take his picture with your phone whenever he comes up to you (make sure the date/time come up on the picture). Also take a small handheld dictaphone around with you. If he comes up to talk to you, turn the dictaphone on and hold it in your hand in your pocket or behind your back. Log every time he calls. Is there a way you can record the telephone calls and the time they come in, then the Police can check who was calling with the telephone company.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 68
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    I don't get the same bus as him, as we live in different areas. Thats how it started though, i did a course with him, and he got on the same bus as me one morning, and then, that was it. If he got an earlier one, he would wait at the bus stop for me. And then he'd follow me around the building (even waiting outside the toilets for me). When i complained to the tutor, i got told he was harmless. I ended up leaving my course because of him.
  • Sifter22Sifter22 Posts: 12,054
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    What type of learning disabilities does he have?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 68
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    I will talk to the community officers. I always see them around, so i will have a word. Thankyou.
    He doesn't have my number (thankfully) but he keeps asking for it. I just refuse to give it to him.
    He has got aggressive with my mum before. He shouted at her for talking to me, and i did think he was going to hit her. He was very angry. He is always hugging me, and touching me, even when i tell him to stop, he wont.
  • crazychris12crazychris12 Posts: 26,254
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    sweetD wrote: »
    I will talk to the community officers. I always see them around, so i will have a word. Thankyou.
    He doesn't have my number (thankfully) but he keeps asking for it. I just refuse to give it to him.
    He has got aggressive with my mum before. He shouted at her for talking to me, and i did think he was going to hit her. He was very angry. He is always hugging me, and touching me, even when i tell him to stop, he wont.

    Hugging you and touching you? :eek: That's assault surely? Have you told the cops that he does this? :

    Also can't you get your brother to have a word with him?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 68
    Forum Member
    I told them and was told he may not understand boundaries. The minute i mentioned his learning disabilities, the tone changed from concern to 'there's a chance he may not realize he's causing you distress'.
    I am gonna talk to the community officer and victim support tomorrow. Get some advice and find out what i can do to get him to stop.
    Thank you again for all your help and advice. I really do appreciate it.
  • lozengerlozenger Posts: 4,881
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    OP could you discreetly film your next encounter? It doesn't even matter if your phone is in your pocket just audio record any dialogue.

    I feel very sorry for you, although the guy may not realise what he is doing that doesn't make it any less of a horrible & frightening experience for you - and regardless of his learning disabilities, you still have the same rights to be protected from unwanted attention. I hope Victim Support / the stalking helpline can provide help - do let us know how you get on.
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