Daughter is terrified I will die
morecowbell
Posts: 1,491 Forum Member
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Morning all,
I am a single parent to an eleven year old girl. Recently she has been panicking about the fact I might die. She has hit that age where she realises I wont be around forever. She said recently that she hates her life now as that's all she thinks about. Also, because she is an only child she is terrified about being left "on her own". I must say, I didnt consider that when I thought if I wanted anymoe children.
Ive told her it's perfectly normal to think like that (I rememeber I did too at that age, but not to the extent that she does)
Any advice on how to get her over this??
I probably wont be able to answer until later but will periodically pop on and off during the day to read any replies. x
I am a single parent to an eleven year old girl. Recently she has been panicking about the fact I might die. She has hit that age where she realises I wont be around forever. She said recently that she hates her life now as that's all she thinks about. Also, because she is an only child she is terrified about being left "on her own". I must say, I didnt consider that when I thought if I wanted anymoe children.
Ive told her it's perfectly normal to think like that (I rememeber I did too at that age, but not to the extent that she does)
Any advice on how to get her over this??
I probably wont be able to answer until later but will periodically pop on and off during the day to read any replies. x
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Comments
Has anything happened that has made her feel insecure?, perhaps you need to sit down and talk to her,
find out why she thinks you might die, as that does not seem like a healthy situation.
I also feel that children can pick up negative vibes around them, and this can result in this type of anxiety.
Ive talked and talked with her but all she can say is she gets these thoughts that come from nowhere.
She has started senior school in Septemeber which is a big thing for any kid, plus the usual maturing of the body and brain are kicking in too.
Im telling her that these thoughts are not doing her any good and she must try to tell herself that when she has one to immediately change it to something fun and positive.
Im really wondering what other's expereinces of this are like. Is it normal? Does it ease off with time?
I think now might be a time to have an adult talk with her about your illness. To let her ask questions about it and get honest answers. She might feel a bit like she has no control of the situation and that is why she is obsessing. Reassure her that whilst everybody dies it will be a long time before you do. Remind her that its the fun bit in the middle of being born and dying that counts and thats the most important bit
This is the approach I've always taken with my boys, though they were younger (about 6 or 7) when they went through the 'mum's going to die' phase.
Who would look after your daughter if anything happened? Grandparents? Father? Uncle/Aunt? Usually best to have a list as (in my experience) children will then say 'what if x dies, what if y dies' . I also reminded them of everyone that would still be in their lives. We also talked about how sad it would be.
The fear doesn't go over night, but being open and discussing the fears helps get it into perspective.
The school have now referred him to a physiologist, my daughter didn't know about his anxieties as he hasn't said anything to her, its all been going on at school. We have explained to him that we are all there for him but he is worried about myself & his grandad too.
I remember going through something similar when I was a little girl, at the time we had all the warnings & ads on tv about nuclear bombs & shelters, for me as a young girl it was frightening.
I agree talking about it & being honest & open is better than hoping it will just go away.
Good luck with it
Talking to me about death and will i die before him etc and asking me if i will wait in heaven for him when i die...in fact the other day he said to me that when i die he is going to get a gun and kill himself because he doesnt want to live without me :eek: i couldnt believe that could come out of a young childs mouth!
I know he is becoming more aware of death and aware that he has siblings that have died as babies etc
I dont really have any advice as im not quite sure how to handle it myself, but all i have been doing so far is trying to reassure him alot and saying to him that i wont be dying for a long time yet and when i do die he will be a grown up.
Sorry this has turned into a rambling post.
Have you had the old photo albums out, remembering deceased relatives and friends
Just reassure her - it will pass.
DD
I definitely think you need to make time to explore all her fears. She clearly CAN'T get rid of the thoughts, and things kept in the dark tend to get worse. If you both have a good talk about it, you'll know more about what she's thinking. If she doesn't want to stay with her father, you need to find out why.
Fab advice. I can't add anything to improve it.
Oh my gosh, thats horrible. No wonder the poor thing is scared :eek:
There hasnt been any recent deaths thank god. Although this recent spate had come on after watching "Benidorm" and seeing the tribute to Mel that was on after it. Im hoping its just that stage you get to when mortality hits full on. Hopefully its a sign of fading childhood and imminent adulthood and all the adult worries that get us all!
I rememeber we were watching a horror film countdown show (before all this started) and it had a clip of the hanging in The Omen and she said (just like ChasingSundays text) that that was how she was going to kill herself when I died :eek: :eek: :eek:
I'll have another talk to her and see what happens. Normally as soon as the D word is mentioned she puts her fingers in her ears and starts la la laaaaaa-ing!
Although I tried to reassure him I has just dawned on me how much has this affected him:eek:
He knows my parents died when I was a child, so I put his fascination down to that, but it's quite unsettling
Children are interested by death, and around the age of 6 is when they start to understand that when people die, they don't come back. I think being matter-of-fact about it is the only way to go, because kids are interested in absolutely everything - it's all new to them - and it doesn't mean they're going nuts, it's just another new thing to find out about. Also, for a 6-year-old, his mother is obviously older than he is, therefore must be VERY old. Old people die, therefore mother will die. Kids are very literal in their thinking!
It's a bit like discussions on sex, just answer each question as best you can, as they come, and be led by the child.
He's been at it for years! I try my best, and he soon forgets about it and I'm the one left feeling upset!
Today he told me he wishes he was dead so that he could "travel the world forever"
He's not get himself a job as a hit man, has he
Watching Eastenders and Hollyoaks is enough to affect anyone.
He sounds great, my sort of kid! He's obviously got a good imagination and he's thinking about stuff. I think you're dealing with it just fine, and he'll love you when he's 21 and you tell all this to his girlfriend!
I was thinking the same...