Yes twice. First time when my fiance dumped me on my 21st birthday (we were too young really) and secondly when my mum died nearly 4 years ago. I got over the fiance one after about a year but my mum dying still hurts and always will.
That guy was everything I ever wanted and thought we were perfect together. Distance & his situation (being in the closet in a small Westcountry town) got in the way though. It took me months to get over it & I still think about him sometimes 18 months later
The Westcountry closet can be very isolating however you are / were not alone
Maybe it's just me but I think there's a universe of difference between feeling strong sadness, which as you say happens to practically everyone at some point in life for various reasons, and being utterly heartbroken.
I think they're the same. Heartbroken and strong sadness.
Splitting up with my first long term gf when I was I 24 after 4 years together.
And also when my godmother died a couple of years ago (I'm catholic) she was such a good and all round lovely person. She always promised me and cousin (who she was also a godparent to) that she'd would take us to disneyland since we were kids. When she died she left us some money so we could go, and we went so thank you Patricia just wish you were there with us.xx
One was a breakup many years and more recently 2 deaths, the latest one still hurts a great deal even several months down the line.
The thing with the break up was I wouldn't have met my current partner, whom I completely adore, however at the time I couldn't imagine even functioning again, let alone getting a second chance at proper love.
I was dumped a couple of times when I was younger, and at one of those times I thought I was utterly heart-broken.
However, that was nothing compared to how I felt a couple of years ago when my mentally-unwell son (he's in his 20's) was saying some absolutely awful things to me over the period of several months. Bearing in mind I'm not really that mobile, I bloody well danced around the kitchen when he started coming through it and told me he was now aware he'd been delusional. Cue lots of happy crying from the pair of us haha!
I was dumped a couple of times when I was younger, and at one of those times I thought I was utterly heart-broken.
However, that was nothing compared to how I felt a couple of years ago when my mentally-unwell son (he's in his 20's) was saying some absolutely awful things to me over the period of several months. Bearing in mind I'm not really that mobile, I bloody well danced around the kitchen when he started coming through it and told me he was now aware he'd been delusional. Cue lots of happy crying from the pair of us haha!
Yes. I never believed in such things until I split up with my boyfriend. Now, a year and a half later it still hurts everytime I think of him. I never want to fall in love again.
Yes. I never believed in such things until I split up with my boyfriend. Now, a year and a half later it still hurts everytime I think of him. I never want to fall in love again.
Which is strange as I've been in a long term relationship that broke up. I became emotionally detached even to myself- it was like I was living each day as though I were a passive observer of my own actions.
The only time I've truly been heartbroken is when I'd been craving a piece of tiramisu all day at Uni and I got back to find my flatmate had eaten it.
ETA. I have some photos and letters from her tucked away somewhere, and I don't know exactly where they are, which is probably for the best, as I would probably end up crying.
She was living in Graigwen, Pontypridd at the time.
There is one other woman from Bargoed, south Wales that I wanted to get very close to around about the same time, but again I don't know where she is or what she is doing these days.
The war had a significant influence on his life: his only romance ended when his fiancée, a nurse called Lorna, was killed by a bomb which struck her ambulance. Moore subsequently remarked that he never married because "there was no one else for me...second best is no good for me...I would have liked a wife and family, but it was not to be."[10] In his autobiography he stated that after sixty years he still thought about her, and that because of her death "if I saw the entire German nation sinking into the sea, I could be relied upon to help push it down."[11]
Yes, and it was agony. It was only slightly less bad than when my Dad died and he was my absolute hero and it was a hugely unexpected so that might give you some idea of the scale of how awful it was
Although we did get back together in the end but it took a lot of time to stop the fear of it happening again.
One relationship left me heartbroken. It was my first love and we were both 16. He had to move away to America with his dad. We both agreed that it was best to end things, rather than string it out. It was the last time I ever saw or spoke to him. I managed to get in touch with his brother a few years later and found out he had died of complications due to a brain tumour. Not one of my friends or family knew about this relationship and I never told anyone about him dying either because it was just too painful. I've been in love since and split up but nothing really compares to that first love heartbreak. It's an actual physical pain.
The war had a significant influence on his life: his only romance ended when his fiancée, a nurse called Lorna, was killed by a bomb which struck her ambulance. Moore subsequently remarked that he never married because "there was no one else for me...second best is no good for me...I would have liked a wife and family, but it was not to be."[10] In his autobiography he stated that after sixty years he still thought about her, and that because of her death "if I saw the entire German nation sinking into the sea, I could be relied upon to help push it down."
That's such a horribly sad story, and a rebuttal of those people (for whom I feel quite sorry, actually) who breezily declare that everybody will get over it in the end and that there are plenty more fish in the sea and other perhaps well-intentioned but ignorant platitudes.
At the time, nobody knew if or when my boy would recover, or if he'd suffer for the rest of his life. I honestly thought I'd lost my son forever - almost like losing a parent to Alzheimer's, I would have thought, with a lot of aggression and hate thrown in. So anyway, that day he told me he realised he'd been unwell was one hell of a red letter day for me. He has back-slid a couple of times, but now I know he'll come through again, and I just have to bear with it and be patient.
A year on I'm still heartbroken since Mr Q passed away. There are days when I still cannot believe I'll never see him ever again. I miss talking to him, his cuddles and kisses. My best friend and soul mate is no longer around and I find it difficult. We were together for almost 19 years is hard to adjust to a single life. Even when I'm working I miss calling him to have a chat. A huge chuck of my life was with him, we went through everything together. I think he would be proud of me though, how I have tried my best and what I have done this year. I know he watches over me and protects me. I believe we will be back in each others arms once my time comes to join him.
A year on I'm still heartbroken since Mr Q passed away. There are days when I still cannot believe I'll never see him ever again. I miss talking to him, his cuddles and kisses. My best friend and soul mate is no longer around and I find it difficult. We were together for 19 years is hard to adjust to a single life. Even when I'm working I miss calling him to have a chat. A huge chuck of my life was with him, we went through everything together. I think he would be proud of me though, how I have tried my best and what I have done this year. I know he watches over me and protects me. I believe we will be back in each others arms once my time comes to join him.
Qwerty Girl, I'm going to say something to you that I'm almost 100% certain nobody else will say.
Other people will offer their own perspectives based on entirely well-meaning, well-intentioned but in my personal view shallow and I have to say rather fatuous optimism.
I'm going to go against the grain and say that you should carefully look after and nurture your grief and desolation. You grieve because something that you lost mattered. He mattered. If he hadn't, or didn't, you wouldn't be sad. People grieve for the things they've lost that really mattered. If you're sad, something mattered.
I don't know if your grief will ever end. It's possible, but not guaranteed, that eventually your sadness will become something that you can shove around from one place to another and learn to live with more or less comfortably. This may or may not happen. If it doesn't, don't worry. That's OK too, for the reasons just given. Trust me. I live this way too, and it's OK.
Comments
The Westcountry closet can be very isolating however you are / were not alone
I think they're the same. Heartbroken and strong sadness.
Well, you have your opinion.
And also when my godmother died a couple of years ago (I'm catholic) she was such a good and all round lovely person. She always promised me and cousin (who she was also a godparent to) that she'd would take us to disneyland since we were kids. When she died she left us some money so we could go, and we went so thank you Patricia just wish you were there with us.xx
One was a breakup many years and more recently 2 deaths, the latest one still hurts a great deal even several months down the line.
The thing with the break up was I wouldn't have met my current partner, whom I completely adore, however at the time I couldn't imagine even functioning again, let alone getting a second chance at proper love.
Proper heartbreaks though, like when I had miscarriages and when my parents died - yes.
However, that was nothing compared to how I felt a couple of years ago when my mentally-unwell son (he's in his 20's) was saying some absolutely awful things to me over the period of several months. Bearing in mind I'm not really that mobile, I bloody well danced around the kitchen when he started coming through it and told me he was now aware he'd been delusional. Cue lots of happy crying from the pair of us haha!
I love that and am genuinely really happy for you
Way to mend a broken heart
:eek: Sociopath alert
I know you're joking but I'd love to be able to conceptualise, and thus practise, impermanence.
It would be a brilliant thing for me and may others that I know.
Nah, I wouldn't bother - you weren't very happy about the impermanence of the tiramisu, after all
ETA. I have some photos and letters from her tucked away somewhere, and I don't know exactly where they are, which is probably for the best, as I would probably end up crying.
She was living in Graigwen, Pontypridd at the time.
There is one other woman from Bargoed, south Wales that I wanted to get very close to around about the same time, but again I don't know where she is or what she is doing these days.
I must be suffering from Patrick Moore syndrome.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Moore#Early_life
Although we did get back together in the end but it took a lot of time to stop the fear of it happening again.
That's such a horribly sad story, and a rebuttal of those people (for whom I feel quite sorry, actually) who breezily declare that everybody will get over it in the end and that there are plenty more fish in the sea and other perhaps well-intentioned but ignorant platitudes.
Thank you, Joni! That's lovely of you.
At the time, nobody knew if or when my boy would recover, or if he'd suffer for the rest of his life. I honestly thought I'd lost my son forever - almost like losing a parent to Alzheimer's, I would have thought, with a lot of aggression and hate thrown in. So anyway, that day he told me he realised he'd been unwell was one hell of a red letter day for me. He has back-slid a couple of times, but now I know he'll come through again, and I just have to bear with it and be patient.
Other people will offer their own perspectives based on entirely well-meaning, well-intentioned but in my personal view shallow and I have to say rather fatuous optimism.
I'm going to go against the grain and say that you should carefully look after and nurture your grief and desolation. You grieve because something that you lost mattered. He mattered. If he hadn't, or didn't, you wouldn't be sad. People grieve for the things they've lost that really mattered. If you're sad, something mattered.
I don't know if your grief will ever end. It's possible, but not guaranteed, that eventually your sadness will become something that you can shove around from one place to another and learn to live with more or less comfortably. This may or may not happen. If it doesn't, don't worry. That's OK too, for the reasons just given. Trust me. I live this way too, and it's OK.