What does your boyfriend think? I know this is your body and ultimately your decision - but how much support can you expect from the father?
Also - I would strongly suggest that you talk to your doctor as soon as possible and get some counselling and advice. If you do keep this child, you are going to need a lot of support.
I agree with some of the other posters here - you should not live your life as a carer with no life of your own - check out what other options are available for your parents if you are no longer able to take care of them. And if you become a parent - you really will not be able to continue as a carer as you are are the moment.
He's scared, he regrets the abortion too but is still scared. He's older than me, but has lead a much more sheltered life. His mother knows and is there for us both, but again doesn't live near.
I can't believe how patronising some of these posts are, you have a disability that doesn't make you stupid.
You have the same rights as anyone else, this is a decision you and your boyfriend have to make together its no one elses business.
It's helpful to hear others views especially when I have such a dominating family.
Nobody cares about this unborn child and what is best for him/her. OP is in a difficult situation but I think she needs to put her feelings aside and think about what kind of life this child could have? I'm not saying you'd be an awful mother, but the fact that your child may be disabled (not sure what or how severe your disability is as you haven't mentioned), the toxic environment that you live in with your father and the financial difficulties etc plus your own disability and being in and out of hospital etc. How will all this affect your child?
You still haven't said how old you are and what your disabilty is.?
Are you capable to move and live alone?
Sorry, I'm 28. I could live with my boyfriend if we could find somewhere we could afford on his wage. My disability is dwarfism, with arthritis and spinal stenosis.
Sorry, I'm 28. I could live with my boyfriend if we could find somewhere we could afford on his wage. My disability is dwarfism, with arthritis and spinal stenosis.
Dumb question, would a baby not really really hurt if you are smaller than average?
Dumb question, would a baby not really really hurt if you are smaller than average?
Someone I know who is smaller than me has just had her second at 7lb and he is unaffected by the condition. The only thing is I have to have a c section under general anesthetic.
Do you have a GP you can talk to or a specialist nurse related to your condition, they might be able to offer support or point you in the right direction.
Nobody cares about this unborn child and what is best for him/her. OP is in a difficult situation but I think she needs to put her feelings aside and think about what kind of life this child could have? I'm not saying you'd be an awful mother, but the fact that your child may be disabled (not sure what or how severe your disability is as you haven't mentioned), the toxic environment that you live in with your father and the financial difficulties etc plus your own disability and being in and out of hospital etc. How will all this affect your child?
Believe me I really do care about it as I did with the last, but now I'm in the position where I've been through an abortion and am aware of how that feels, I personally can't imagine anyone saying that they wish they'd been aborted rather than had their life.
Do you have a GP you can talk to or a specialist nurse related to your condition, they might be able to offer support or point you in the right direction.
Neither, I have only orthopedic consultants. I see a different gp every time I go to the drs.
Not that I'm thinking of doing this but I'd rather kill myself than go through another abortion, (
I guess in the end - this is what matters - and hope other posters here respect and understand the OP's feelings.
If you really decide to go ahead with this pregnancy, and you do need a lot of help - then the first thing is to decide what sort of home you want your baby to have. From what you have said - the very worst thing is to bring a child back to the home you currently have. You need to move on from your parents.
To convince your boyfriend - and the father - to help you start a home together away from your family. This is a new life and a new generation. There must be organisations to help you both - talk to your doctor and then as many other support groups as possible.
And - because I don't think anyone else has said it. Congratulations!
Congratulations from me too. Sorry! . Things probably will be hard but you will be a terrific mummy. You come across on ds as a really lovely caring person.
I guess in the end - this is what matters - and hope other posters here respect and understand the OP's feelings.
If you really decide to go ahead with this pregnancy, and you do need a lot of help - then the first thing is to decide what sort of home you want your baby to have. From what you have said - the very worst thing is to bring a child back to the home you currently have. You need to move on from your parents.
To convince your boyfriend - and the father - to help you start a home together away from your family. This is a new life and a new generation. There must be organisations to help you both - talk to your doctor and then as many other support groups as possible.
And - because I don't think anyone else has said it. Congratulations!
You don't have to sort out every problem before having a baby - frankly, who does? If everyone waited until they had a problem-free life before having children, the human race would have died out long ago.
Someone I know who is smaller than me has just had her second at 7lb and he is unaffected by the condition. The only thing is I have to have a c section under general anesthetic.
ha! that's amazing. Go for it.
You would know better than anyone if it is such a terrible risk.
This might seem crass but aside from the possible complications you list, there are far far worse disabilities in the world if the kid has it too right? a quick google says that on average it only potentially limits you 10 years off your life; with advances in medicine that's nothing and there's babies with terrible illnesses born every second that wouldn't get that.
You would know better than anyone if it is such a terrible risk.
This might seem crass but aside from the possible complications you list, there are far far worse disabilities in the world if the kid has it too right? a quick google says that on average it only potentially limits you 10 years off your life; with advances in medicine that's nothing.
To be honest, as my boyfriend is over 6ft I'm more concerned at the chance of my child being taller than me before they start school, I think that would really make life interesting!
Congratulations from me too. Sorry! . Things probably will be hard but you will be a terrific mummy. You come across on ds as a really lovely caring person.
Thank you, although I think my downfall has been caring too much
You don't have to sort out every problem before having a baby - frankly, who does? If everyone waited until they had a problem-free life before having children, the human race would have died out long ago.
Thanks! I've been thinking that too, and as even my own parents have proved, even if you don't have a disability to start with, you may end up with one and asking your children for help.
I've read your posts before on the heartache and pain you felt in having your abortion and my heart really went out to you. I also read your post when you got engaged and how happy you were and I was genuinely so happy for you, it saddens me to see you are in this position again but I really believe you are a lot stronger this time around.
I know what it's like to have a responsibility of a disabled/sick parent and I also put my life in hold or 25 years believing it to be my duty to look after my mum, but one day I just decided that I can be there for her but also live my own life to. It met with disapproval and harsh words from my family but it all comes down to the fact that we have one life, and we should live it in whatever way makes us happy.
You cope amazingly with your disability, you come across as a genuinely loving and caring independant young woman, I have no doubt you would be a brilliant mum and if your child was born with a disability it would just be something else you take in your stride.
Ultimately Hun its your life, your body and your choice. Whatever decision you make, make sure it's the right one for you.
Thanks! I've been thinking that too, and as even my own parents have proved, even if you don't have a disability to start with, you may end up with one and asking your children for help.
I think with that (very sensible and insightful) answer you know what to do
It does sound rather like your family expect you to sacrifice a lot. Would a child be wanted and bring you happiness? If so, then I don't see any reason you shouldn't go ahead with the pregnancy. I've had a termination in the past and I fully understand how much they can break your heart. Don't be forced into another one if you don't want to.
I know your family situation isn't necessarily ideal but you can work things out if you decide to continue with the pregnancy. As mentioned above, if everyone waited til there were perfect circumstances to have a baby, hardly anyone would be here now!
I hope you manage to make a decision, I know the disability thing is a factor for you, out of interest did you see the documentary on BBC recently - A Special Kind Of Mum? It featured a lady with a similar condition and showed how she gets on with a toddler, it was really interesting and both the women on the programme came across as amazing mums. I think you can get it on iplayer still if it's of any interest to you.
You know you don't really want an abortion, it sounds like selfishness on your parents' part that pushed you into having one last time. You're 28, not a child, and you will be fine Congratulations x
To be honest, as my boyfriend is over 6ft I'm more concerned at the chance of my child being taller than me before they start school, I think that would really make life interesting!
I have just watched a documentary on BBC 3 where the mother suffered from dwarfism, and was actually a single mother, and she got on well. There was obviously hardship when he hit the terrible twos and was almost her height, but she got reassurance from other people in her situation.
It sounds like your family is concerned that if you have a family of your own to priroitise then you will not be able to provide the care you currently do for them. They may be right, but you have that choice. Let them sort their own care and make a life for your family. You can still help, but you should not be living your life just to care for your parents.
Edit to add: Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Comments
He's scared, he regrets the abortion too but is still scared. He's older than me, but has lead a much more sheltered life. His mother knows and is there for us both, but again doesn't live near.
It's helpful to hear others views especially when I have such a dominating family.
Are you capable to move and live alone?
Sorry, I'm 28. I could live with my boyfriend if we could find somewhere we could afford on his wage. My disability is dwarfism, with arthritis and spinal stenosis.
Someone I know who is smaller than me has just had her second at 7lb and he is unaffected by the condition. The only thing is I have to have a c section under general anesthetic.
Believe me I really do care about it as I did with the last, but now I'm in the position where I've been through an abortion and am aware of how that feels, I personally can't imagine anyone saying that they wish they'd been aborted rather than had their life.
Neither, I have only orthopedic consultants. I see a different gp every time I go to the drs.
I guess in the end - this is what matters - and hope other posters here respect and understand the OP's feelings.
If you really decide to go ahead with this pregnancy, and you do need a lot of help - then the first thing is to decide what sort of home you want your baby to have. From what you have said - the very worst thing is to bring a child back to the home you currently have. You need to move on from your parents.
To convince your boyfriend - and the father - to help you start a home together away from your family. This is a new life and a new generation. There must be organisations to help you both - talk to your doctor and then as many other support groups as possible.
And - because I don't think anyone else has said it. Congratulations!
Thank you
You don't have to sort out every problem before having a baby - frankly, who does? If everyone waited until they had a problem-free life before having children, the human race would have died out long ago.
ha! that's amazing. Go for it.
You would know better than anyone if it is such a terrible risk.
This might seem crass but aside from the possible complications you list, there are far far worse disabilities in the world if the kid has it too right? a quick google says that on average it only potentially limits you 10 years off your life; with advances in medicine that's nothing and there's babies with terrible illnesses born every second that wouldn't get that.
To be honest, as my boyfriend is over 6ft I'm more concerned at the chance of my child being taller than me before they start school, I think that would really make life interesting!
Thank you, although I think my downfall has been caring too much
Thanks! I've been thinking that too, and as even my own parents have proved, even if you don't have a disability to start with, you may end up with one and asking your children for help.
I know what it's like to have a responsibility of a disabled/sick parent and I also put my life in hold or 25 years believing it to be my duty to look after my mum, but one day I just decided that I can be there for her but also live my own life to. It met with disapproval and harsh words from my family but it all comes down to the fact that we have one life, and we should live it in whatever way makes us happy.
You cope amazingly with your disability, you come across as a genuinely loving and caring independant young woman, I have no doubt you would be a brilliant mum and if your child was born with a disability it would just be something else you take in your stride.
Ultimately Hun its your life, your body and your choice. Whatever decision you make, make sure it's the right one for you.
I think with that (very sensible and insightful) answer you know what to do
It does sound rather like your family expect you to sacrifice a lot. Would a child be wanted and bring you happiness? If so, then I don't see any reason you shouldn't go ahead with the pregnancy. I've had a termination in the past and I fully understand how much they can break your heart. Don't be forced into another one if you don't want to.
I know your family situation isn't necessarily ideal but you can work things out if you decide to continue with the pregnancy. As mentioned above, if everyone waited til there were perfect circumstances to have a baby, hardly anyone would be here now!
I hope you manage to make a decision, I know the disability thing is a factor for you, out of interest did you see the documentary on BBC recently - A Special Kind Of Mum? It featured a lady with a similar condition and showed how she gets on with a toddler, it was really interesting and both the women on the programme came across as amazing mums. I think you can get it on iplayer still if it's of any interest to you.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
I have just watched a documentary on BBC 3 where the mother suffered from dwarfism, and was actually a single mother, and she got on well. There was obviously hardship when he hit the terrible twos and was almost her height, but she got reassurance from other people in her situation.
She got through it and you will too.
Congratulations!!
es there is. The OP needs to know this if she doesn't already.
Edit to add: Congratulations on your pregnancy!