How to find out if a person was cremated or buried

BigfeetBigfeet Posts: 14,180
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Hi all. Just wondered if anybody could help. How would I find out whether a person was cremated or buried, and in either case whether there was a memorial stone/plaque/grave somewhere - and if so, where? I know where the funeral service was held - I attended it. Long story but it was my boyfriend's funeral and I am no longer in any contact with his family and so can't ask them. :(

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 167
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    If you attened your own boyfriends funeral how do you not know if he was cremated or burried ?????? :confused:
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,098
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    I was wondering the same thing, you must know the answer if you were there
  • PamelaLPamelaL Posts: 67,688
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    Why on earth would you want to know anyway?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,098
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    I suppose if he was her boyfriend she might want to pay her respects
  • BigfeetBigfeet Posts: 14,180
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    If you attened your own boyfriends funeral how do you not know if he was cremated or burried ?????? :confused:


    Long story and can't really get into it as it upsets me so much. His family turned against me after he died as they very wrongly and ignorantly blamed me for his death (it was suicide). Although the funeral was listed as a cremation I don't think that's what he wanted, that with the fact that the coffin was on a stand rather than in the curtains area makes me wonder if they buried him. :(:cry:
  • prkingprking Posts: 9,791
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    Perhaps Bigfeet attended a memorial service, so wouldn't know whether the b/f was interred or cremated.
    Having said that, I would start with the death notice in the local paper as this will say.
  • PamelaLPamelaL Posts: 67,688
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    Bigfeet wrote: »
    Long story and can't really get into it as it upsets me so much. His family turned against me after he died as they very wrongly and ignorantly blamed me for his death (it was suicide). Although the funeral was listed as a cremation I don't think that's what he wanted, that with the fact that the coffin was on a stand rather than in the curtains area makes me wonder if they buried him. :(:cry:

    If he was buried do you know what grave yard he would have been buried in? You should be able to find out from them. :)
  • plateletplatelet Posts: 26,361
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    Where did the funeral take place? was it at a church, or a crematorium? If it was church based then that would explain the lack of curtains as it were.

    If you can remember where it took place, they should be able to tell you what happened, and if there is any plaque etc.
  • BigfeetBigfeet Posts: 14,180
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    platelet wrote: »
    Where did the funeral take place? was it at a church, or a crematorium? If it was church based then that would explain the lack of curtains as it were.

    If you can remember where it took place, they should be able to tell you what happened, and if there is any plaque etc.



    It was at a crematorium, so the curtained area was there but not used. I do remember where it took place - it was only last year. Maybe I should phone there and ask, or writing may be easier.
  • prkingprking Posts: 9,791
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    But bigfeet, the service is different for a burial or cremation. And the order of service will say where the burial or cremation is???
    Perhaps you were too upset to pay any notice on the day. It must have been difficulty for you.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 167
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    Bigfeet wrote: »
    Long story and can't really get into it as it upsets me so much. His family turned against me after he died as they very wrongly and ignorantly blamed me for his death (it was suicide). Although the funeral was listed as a cremation I don't think that's what he wanted, that with the fact that the coffin was on a stand rather than in the curtains area makes me wonder if they buried him. :(:cry:

    Im confused, If you attended the service you would know as at a cremation the coffin goes through the curtains and at a burial the coffin goes in the ground ???? :confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:
  • BigfeetBigfeet Posts: 14,180
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    PamelaL wrote: »
    If he was buried do you know what grave yard he would have been buried in? You should be able to find out from them. :)


    I presume he would have been buried in the grounds of the crematorium. Maybe I will try to contact the place - just wondered if there was a central databse or something - probably not though.
  • plateletplatelet Posts: 26,361
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    Crematoriums don't all work the same way.

    The coffin could be lowered into the floor rather than through curtains. Or it could be left in place until everyone leaves, which avoids the heartache of seeing it disappear.

    I would say that if it was at the crem, then he will most likely have been cremated, regardless of the fact that you didn't see him disappear. If a burial was to occur the coffin would have been carried from there to the grave site, and the mourners would have followed.

    Contacting them to see if any form of rememberance was set up is your best bet.
  • BigfeetBigfeet Posts: 14,180
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    prking wrote: »
    But bigfeet, the service is different for a burial or cremation. And the order of service will say where the burial or cremation is???
    Perhaps you were too upset to pay any notice on the day. It must have been difficulty for you.

    Was not a religous service (as b/f was not at all religous).
    Was no order of service but local paper announcement said cremation.
    Is an awful situation and so many bad things were done to me around this time by his family that I no longer trust/believe anything from them. :(

    Im confused, If you attended the service you would know as at a cremation the coffin goes through the curtains and at a burial the coffin goes in the ground ???? :confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:

    But that's just it - coffin was left on a stand inside crematorium chapel when service was over and we all left, where normally it would go through curtains or be followed by burial. :(
  • BigfeetBigfeet Posts: 14,180
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    "Or it could be left in place until everyone leaves, which avoids the heartache of seeing it disappear."


    That could make sense. Thanks. :)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 167
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    Well I have never heard of that thats like half a service ?? The whole point to a funeral is to say your last good bye I didnt think that they cut funerals short to save heartache when there is heartache anyway ?? Or is it just me that thinks this ?:confused:
  • HenryGartenHenryGarten Posts: 24,800
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    The only purpose that a coffin is taken to a crematorium is to cremate it. I have known coffins been taken to a church for a service and then to a crematorium. I have ever heard of a coffin been taken to a crematorium and then taken for burial.

    After all cremations is what crematoriums are for.
  • BigfeetBigfeet Posts: 14,180
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    The only purpose that a coffin is taken to a crematorium is to cremate it. I have known coffins been taken to a church for a service and then to a crematorium. I have ever heard of a coffin been taken to a crematorium and then taken for burial.

    After all cremations is what crematoriums are for.


    There was no church service - just service at crematorium. This particular crematorium does cremations AND burials.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,429
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    Bigfeet, you need to phone the crematorium with the name and date and they should be able to help you.

    Good luck.:)
  • BigfeetBigfeet Posts: 14,180
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    nightstar wrote: »
    Bigfeet, you need to phone the crematorium with the name and date and they should be able to help you.

    Good luck.:)



    Thank-you. I worry that any information may be witheld from me, but hope not - it is a public crematorium after all. There's only one way to find out I suppose... :)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,098
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    Best of luck
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,306
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    Bigfeet wrote: »
    But that's just it - coffin was left on a stand inside crematorium chapel when service was over and we all left, where normally it would go through curtains or be followed by burial. :(


    This happen at my partners cremation service as it was a request from his father (to keep the curtains open).

    and he was still cremated.

    on another note as he lived no where near he was brought up I saw no point in having any plague/sign at the crematorium as I have now moved away and no longer visit the area.
  • PIDGASPIDGAS Posts: 3,834
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    Bigfeet wrote: »
    But that's just it - coffin was left on a stand inside crematorium chapel when service was over and we all left, where normally it would go through curtains or be followed by burial. :(

    Not necessarily. My nearest crematorium leaves the coffin in the chapel until all the mourners have left. I prefer it like that too. If you can see the coffin 'going' it's more upsetting as you know what's about to happen.
  • BigfeetBigfeet Posts: 14,180
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    PIDGAS wrote: »
    Not necessarily. My nearest crematorium leaves the coffin in the chapel until all the mourners have left. I prefer it like that too. If you can see the coffin 'going' it's more upsetting as you know what's about to happen.

    I see what you're saying, but this is a local crematorium so have been there before for both burials and cremations, coffin has gone behind the curtains at cremations I've been to there before.
  • housewifehousewife Posts: 2,335
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    dig him up and if there are bones there he was buried. If not he was cremated or buried elsewhere.

    or

    Contact the place where the you attended the funeral and see if they have records.
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