Should I mind my niece and nephew never thanking me for presents?

Moll FlandersMoll Flanders Posts: 1,392
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I've got a niece of 17 and a nephew of 19 (my sister's children) and for years I've been sending them money for their birthdays and for Christmas, and for years they have been not thanking me (not even letting me know the money's arrived safely).

It really annoys me, because if I go to the trouble of sending them money, I think they least they can do is say thankyou for it. I'm not expecting a lengthy letter, or for them to prostrate themselves at my feet in thanks; just a quick text saying "thanks" would do. What with emails and texts, contacting people is even easier than is used to be. They don't even have to go to the trouble of getting some paper, an envelope, a stamp etc.

It really bugs me every time this happens, but my mum says that's just what kids are like today, and I shouldn't let it bother me. I wasn't going to send them anything this Christmas, and tell them why if they asked me why, but my mum begged me to send them something, because they've had a really bad year - which they have, but so have I and all my family due to personal reasons not relevant to this post.

I just wondered what other people think. Should I accept that it's "just what kids today are like" and go on sending them money and quietly fuming about it? Or should I think that they're old enough to know better, that they should learn some manners, and stop sending them money?

If you're a young person (eg late teens) reading this, do you thank people for presents, and if not, what are your reasons for not doing so?

Does anyone agree with me that politeness matters, or am I getting cross about a storm in a tea-cup?
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Comments

  • maidinscotlandmaidinscotland Posts: 5,647
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    I agree with you and I would be cross as well if I didn't receive a thankyou. I would be tempted to give them a call to ask if it had arrived safely and hope you shame them into thanking you.
  • chitariverachitarivera Posts: 36,905
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    I started a thread last year about this very thing.
    I haven't got them Christmas presents this year.

    I think that tells you where I stand on this subject.

    :)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,398
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    I always thank people for presents, cards or anything else that they go to trouble of giving to me or sending me. It's only good manners. It doesn't cost anything.
  • Hugh JboobsHugh Jboobs Posts: 15,316
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    Your sister needs to take some responsibility for the fact that she has raised two offspring who, at the ages of 17 and 19, still haven't even learnt/been taught basic manners.
  • JJ75JJ75 Posts: 1,954
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    That behaviour is just plain rude.

    I wouldent bother from now on.
  • vodkamargarinevodkamargarine Posts: 1,777
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    I agree its very bad manners not to send a thank you note, i always made sure my kids wrote or text and they still do it now they're grown up. I have two relatives who never acknowledge money that i send them. I even send cards to their partners but sometimes i feel i shouldn't bother!!
  • charmingbillycharmingbilly Posts: 1,718
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    It's good manners to write a thank you note - or even a telephone call, email or text message would do. Not to get any acknowledgment at all is just plain rude.
  • whackyracerwhackyracer Posts: 15,786
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    No it's not kids these days at all, it's them being ungrateful brats. It's clear they have not been taught any manners and if I were you, I wouldn't bother sending them anything.
  • Moll FlandersMoll Flanders Posts: 1,392
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    Your sister needs to take some responsibility for the fact that she has raised two offspring who, at the ages of 17 and 19, still haven't even learnt/been taught basic manners.

    Yes, I agree with that. I think both my sister and her husband should have taught their kids some basic good manners. I've always sent thankyou letters, and that's because I was taught to do so from an early age.

    One of the reasons my mum wants me to still send them money is because she's afraid, if I don't, it will send my sister (bad-tempered at the best of times) into one of her moods. Well, if it does, it does.

    I think I really will put my money where my mouth is and, instead of giving it to them, give it to someone who'll appreciate it - like myself, for instance!!!

    Or maybe to a charity where I know it'll be appreciated.
  • Moll FlandersMoll Flanders Posts: 1,392
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    No it's not kids these days at all, it's them being ungrateful brats. It's clear they have not been taught any manners and if I were you, I wouldn't bother sending them anything.

    Whacky, that sums them up perfectly.

    And I really think, as I said in my previous post, that I shall take your advice. I don't want to be a mug yet again.
  • PorcupinePorcupine Posts: 25,224
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    I feel the same way with my neice and nephew. I used to send them cash in the post as i didn't know if they had bank accounts, and i never knew if the money had arrived as i never had a thank you. I got so peed off about it that i started sending them cheques just so i would know when the money had been cashed.

    They could easily get my email address from their mum, and they aren't young kids anymore. Im sure they could send me a quick email if they can't be bothered to say it by post.
  • cass19cass19 Posts: 328
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    Yes I feel exactly the same and am starting to resent making the effort.

    One of my nephews recently sent me a three word text wishing me happy birthday so I replied 'next year it would be nice if I got an actual card'

    It's pure laziness on the children's behalf and parents should encourage them to show some gratitude for the gift :mad:
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,835
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    I'm 39 and I've never sent a thank you message for a present in my life (apart from saying thank you if the person was phusically present at the opening).

    When I give a present, I never expect any reply.

    It's all a bit middle class for me this sending a little thank you note.

    Having said that, my wife got my 4 year old to write her name on thank you cards for her recent birthday presents.
  • Moll FlandersMoll Flanders Posts: 1,392
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    thedrewser wrote: »
    I'm 39 and I've never sent a thank you message for a present in my life (apart from saying thank you if the person was phusically present at the opening).

    When I give a present, I never expect any reply.

    It's all a bit middle class for me this sending a little thank you note.

    Having said that, my wife got my 4 year old to write her name on thank you cards for her recent birthday presents.

    I don't agree with you, but at least you're honest!
  • PunkchickPunkchick Posts: 2,369
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    I am in the same position, when my nieces and nephews were little I would always receive a little note thanking me for a gift. Now they are grown up, 19-28 they get nothing. The reason is, that as they got older the letters stopped. Now I don't expect a long letter as you said, even a text message, or simple phone call just to say it got there and thank you would be enough, but I get nothing. I stopped it all 3 years ago (although the youngest still got stuff until her 18th), because I was sick of it. I am only 5 years older than the oldest and I still manage to write a letter or pick up the phone if anyone sends me anything. Forget about them OP it is not as though they are babies anymore.
  • MissjefMissjef Posts: 2,375
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    I think you are completely within your rights to be a bit miffed that you haven't received any kind of thankyou.
    I'm 23 and i was brought up to always say thankyou - whether it be a phonecall or a little card, it's just common courtesy.
    Especially i think more so when someone sends you something as then it lets you know that the money or whatever got there save.
    I think its okay if you have a birthday party and people bring presents to just say thankyou there & not worry about sending out a card after.

    I personally always send a thankyou card for any presents or money that i get sent, i would feel really guilty if i didn't!

    On a similar note, i was really disappointed when i went to one of my close friends weddings the other year & never received a thankyou card for my present - as i think it is just common courtesy to send out thankyou cards for wedding gifts. Actually that reminds me a friends wedding i went to this summer i never received a thank you note either!! Maybe it is just this day & age people don't see the point in sending them. I remember my friend telling me afterwards they'd been told by the first friend that it's pointless & a bit of a waste sending out thank you cards so they hadn't bothered & were advising her to do the same!!! :rolleyes:
    Which i think is cheeky considering all these people have spent quite a lot of money on nice presents & attending your wedding the least they deserve is a little thankyou card - but maybe that's just me?!

    Sorry went off topic a bit there, but i actually wouldn't bother sending them any more money if they are being so ungrateful!!
  • grumpyscotgrumpyscot Posts: 11,343
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    No it's not kids these days at all, it's them being ungrateful brats. It's clear they have not been taught any manners and if I were you, I wouldn't bother sending them anything.

    Totally agree. These ignorant brats probably have mobile phones so just how much would it cost to even send a text?

    Keep your money and spend it on yourself - you've earned it!
  • Bedsit BobBedsit Bob Posts: 24,344
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    Or maybe to a charity where I know it'll be appreciated.

    How about making a donation to a couple of charities, then sending each of them a "A Donation Has Been Made in Your Name" certificate?
  • HotgossipHotgossip Posts: 22,385
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    I stopped sending gifts to my nephews/nieces when they reached 18. I figured they were adults and I'd like to think an adult would think "hang on, my Auntie's been sending me cards and gifts for 18 years so maybe I'll start remembering her birthday or Xmas." They never have though.:(

    I never got thank yous from any of them and neither does my Mum (their Grandma). Do they remember you on YOUR birthday or at Xmas Moll Flanders?

    If you see them just tell them they're adults now and you're stopping the presents.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 652
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    It is up to the parents to teach their children manners. Receiving a gift through post and not acknowledging it is pure rude. Even if you don't call/text/email to say thank you, at least let them know you have received it and at that point thank you comes along automaticaly. Please and thank you is always nice and it doesn't cost you anything. If anything it makes the relationship between both parties more comfortable.
  • HotgossipHotgossip Posts: 22,385
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    Bedsit Bob wrote: »
    How about making a donation to a couple of charities, then sending each of them a "A Donation Has Been Made in Your Name" certificate?

    I think that would go down like a lead balloon Bob!;) If they can't thank their auntie I can't see that they'll appreciate some other person or animal;)) getting their dosh!:D:D
  • blueisthecolourblueisthecolour Posts: 20,119
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    thedrewser wrote: »
    I'm 39 and I've never sent a thank you message for a present in my life (apart from saying thank you if the person was phusically present at the opening).

    When I give a present, I never expect any reply.

    It's all a bit middle class for me this sending a little thank you note.

    Having said that, my wife got my 4 year old to write her name on thank you cards for her recent birthday presents.

    It was never customary in my family to send thank you messages either. I remember seeing kids on tv having to write out and post endless letters and always thought it was a bit ridiculous. I suppose these days with texts/e-mails/facebook it's a lot easier though.

    Regardless of the rights and wrongs, I would ask yourself why you are giving these kids presents in the first place. Is it because you feel as though you're expected too and therefor are expecting the same good manners in return? Or is it because you love them and want to give them something to make them happy. My nephew doesn't say thank you to me when I buy him something or take him somewhere but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop. I think its the difference between being an adult and a child.
  • buffyslaybuffyslay Posts: 1,582
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    i think you should stop sending them cash, if you must send something start finding really crappy presents to send (theres a thread here on inappropriate presents) or send them a note saying "as you couldnt be bothered to thank me for your presents, then i am gonig to give your money to xxxx charity as i am sure they will be happy to receive"
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,210
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    My nephews never thank me either, and neigher does their Dad. This grates because often I give the presents in person so the lack of a thank you is really obvious. I still buy for them for the sake of keeping the peace and because I would like to think even if they don't thank me they may enjoy the present anyway.

    However, it doesnt excuse it and I blame the parents as they don't exactly set a good example in this area.
  • whackyracerwhackyracer Posts: 15,786
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    thedrewser wrote: »
    I'm 39 and I've never sent a thank you message for a present in my life (apart from saying thank you if the person was phusically present at the opening).

    When I give a present, I never expect any reply.

    It's all a bit middle class for me this sending a little thank you note.

    Having said that, my wife got my 4 year old to write her name on thank you cards for her recent birthday presents.

    I never realised manners were a middle class thing?
    Moll, I love your idea of giving the money to charity instead, far more deserving and grateful.
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