Should I mind my niece and nephew never thanking me for presents?

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  • BananacreampieBananacreampie Posts: 798
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    DaisieBee wrote: »
    My nephews never thank me either, and neigher does their Dad. This grates because often I give the presents in person so the lack of a thank you is really obvious. I still buy for them for the sake of keeping the peace and because I would like to think even if they don't thank me they may enjoy the present anyway.

    However, it doesnt excuse it and I blame the parents as they don't exactly set a good example in this area.

    Thats just down right odd! I would never expect any thank yous if I wasn't there but to give it in person and they not say thank you :confused:



    If you get fed up of not being thanked then to be honest you are not giving because you want to. So stop giving.
  • droogiefretdroogiefret Posts: 24,117
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    When I was little I was encouraged to write thankyou letters - it did seem a bit of a bind even though I knew I ought.

    But nowadays it must be easy surely. One text 'Cool pressie - thanxxxXXXxxx'

    Easy.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,841
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    I was always brought up to say thank you. Never made to write letters, but even when I was little my parents would call up the person, and put me on for like 5 mins to say thank you. Its not hard...
    I think thats why I got so annoyed at my boyfriends sister..

    One of my nan's friends stopped sending things to the kids in her family because they never said thank you, but because I always did I still got stuff :D
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,119
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    Thats just down right odd! I would never expect any thank yous if I wasn't there but to give it in person and they not say thank you :confused:



    If you get fed up of not being thanked then to be honest you are not giving because you want to. So stop giving.

    It's odd expecting a thank you when you have sent some one something???

    I think its more odd that some one doesn't have the good grace to send a text or make a phone call to say thank you. Also as I parent I would also be reminding the kids they need to do it as well.

    My children are 3 and 7 and need no reminding to say thank you for anything they are given, my next door neighbour sent sweets for them on halloween and as my daughter was at school when she brought them she asked if she could pop next door to say thank you.
  • BananacreampieBananacreampie Posts: 798
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    icelady wrote: »
    It's odd expecting a thank you when you have sent some one something???

    I think its more odd that some one doesn't have the good grace to send a text or make a phone call to say thank you. Also as I parent I would also be reminding the kids they need to do it as well.

    My children are 3 and 7 and need no reminding to say thank you for anything they are given, my next door neighbour sent sweets for them on halloween and as my daughter was at school when she brought them she asked if she could pop next door to say thank you.

    Maybe read what I wrote?

    Also what they do at 3 and 7 might be a great big difference to what they do at 13 and 17 :)
  • whackyracerwhackyracer Posts: 15,786
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    icelady wrote: »
    It's odd expecting a thank you when you have sent some one something???

    I think its more odd that some one doesn't have the good grace to send a text or make a phone call to say thank you. Also as I parent I would also be reminding the kids they need to do it as well.

    My children are 3 and 7 and need no reminding to say thank you for anything they are given, my next door neighbour sent sweets for them on halloween and as my daughter was at school when she brought them she asked if she could pop next door to say thank you.
    It is very odd isnt it, whether in person or not. Like someone mentioned earlier, these days it takes 2 seconds to send a text or email, so there really is no excuse...except for lack of manners.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 230
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    It's a bit late to start asking now after all this time. They just take it for granted that you will fork out money.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,119
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    Maybe read what I wrote?

    Also what they do at 3 and 7 might be a great big difference to what they do at 13 and 17 :)

    I read what you wrote and it wasn't well written.

    Yes when my children grow up they may not continue with the good manners I have instilled in them but they would then be reminded and it would be made clear that is what I expect them to do.
  • BananacreampieBananacreampie Posts: 798
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    icelady wrote: »
    I read what you wrote and i wasn't well written.

    Yes when my children grow up they may not continue with the good manners I have instilled in them but they would then be reminded and it would be made clear that is what I expect them to do.


    Or you are a bit rubbish at reading :confused: I said odd not to say, thank you, when given a present in person.


    I would rather not have a thank you than get one from a sulky teen who's mum thinks they should do how "she" thinks.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,119
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    Or you are a bit rubbish at reading :confused: I said odd not to say, thank you, when given a present in person.


    I would rather not have a thank you than get one from a sulky teen who's mum thinks they should do how "she" thinks.


    If there were more mums and dads teaching their children manners, we wouldnt be having this discussion.
  • PunkchickPunkchick Posts: 2,369
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    Or you are a bit rubbish at reading :confused: I said odd not to say, thank you, when given a present in person.


    I would rather not have a thank you than get one from a sulky teen who's mum thinks they should do how "she" thinks.

    Actually I read your post the same way, as it is constructed in a rather odd grammatical fashion, but I get what you mean now.

    However being polite should be instilled in children, even teenagers (they are still children). A simple thank you does not cost anything more than the price of a stamp or a text message and is common decency. Unfortunately rudeness seems to be growing ever more common in modern society.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,442
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    17 and 19 year olds should know basic manners by now. You could contact them to say something innocuous like 'Did you get what I sent you okay? I was worried there was a problem with the post,' and see what their response is. If they still don't thank you, I'd consider not sending them anything in the future.
  • BananacreampieBananacreampie Posts: 798
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    Well we will have to agree to disagree then, I give as I love giving, others feel resentment and probably really don't want to give in the first place and so feel angry at not getting any thank you on paper or text. .

    They say thank you when I see them and thats good enough for me.
  • crazychris12crazychris12 Posts: 26,254
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    My daughter always wrote a little Thank-You note to my sister when she sent her anything for Christmas or birthdays. I'd stop now they're older if I were you!
  • c4rvc4rv Posts: 29,509
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    I don't send thank you letters but I would say it if I received the gift in person. I would probably mention it on the phone next time I spoke to the sender.

    I would also add that when I give presents I don't expect anything in person. if the person wished to say thanks and acknowledge it then fine, it not that their prerogative. Gifts should not carry any expectation with them.
  • whackyracerwhackyracer Posts: 15,786
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    Punkchick wrote: »
    Actually I read your post the same way, as it is constructed in a rather odd grammatical fashion, but I get what you mean now.

    However being polite should be instilled in children, even teenagers (they are still children). A simple thank you does not cost anything more than the price of a stamp or a text message and is common decency. Unfortunately rudeness seems to be growing ever more common in modern society.

    Exactly. Obviously the OP has no qualms with giving and is not resentful about that as she's done it for years, but it's only human nature (well if you have been brought up correctly) that you would find it rude and a little hurtful not to have had a least ONE thank you over the years.
  • whackyracerwhackyracer Posts: 15,786
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    c4rv wrote: »
    I don't send thank you letters but I would say it if I received the gift in person. I would probably mention it on the phone next time I spoke to the sender.

    I would also add that when I give presents I don't expect anything in person. if the person wished to say thanks and acknowledge it then fine, it not that their prerogative. Gifts should not carry any expectation with them.

    The only expectation is that of manners, but tbh, this thread is a real eye opener as to why children behave the way they do these days.
  • BananacreampieBananacreampie Posts: 798
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    c4rv wrote: »
    I don't send thank you letters but I would say it if I received the gift in person. I would probably mention it on the phone next time I spoke to the sender.

    I would also add that when I give presents I don't expect anything in person. if the person wished to say thanks and acknowledge it then fine, it not that their prerogative. Gifts should not carry any expectation with them.

    I feel the same. Ive never received a thank you card or a special phone call and my family and friends range from chavy to old money :D we all just say thank you when we see or speak to each other.
  • unclekevounclekevo Posts: 20,749
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    I'm 17, I'd always phone or text relatives/neighbours etc. if they got me a present or gave me moeny, just the way I was brought up to be I suppose
  • OndineOndine Posts: 3,762
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    c4rv wrote: »

    Gifts should not carry any expectation with them.

    Beyond belief! Basic manners should come naturally. You should want to thank the giver.

    OP the kids are now old enough to know better. I wouldn't give any more gifts and wouldn't say anything about it either to your sister or your mother until after the event and only if they bring the subject up.
  • ShrikeShrike Posts: 16,588
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    I wouldn't be too hard on them, OP. Its down to how they were brought up.
    My elder sisters kids always phoned up to give their thankyous and write after wedding/christenings.
    My younger sisters kid never does - am I bothered? Will the presents stop? Will I cut her out of my will? No.
  • EyeOfTheStormEyeOfTheStorm Posts: 1,496
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    I cant understand anyone wanting to buy their grown up nieces and nephews xmas presents. Its an absolute waste of good money.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,714
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    Yes, I agree with that. I think both my sister and her husband should have taught their kids some basic good manners. I've always sent thankyou letters, and that's because I was taught to do so from an early age.

    One of the reasons my mum wants me to still send them money is because she's afraid, if I don't, it will send my sister (bad-tempered at the best of times) into one of her moods. Well, if it does, it does.

    I think I really will put my money where my mouth is and, instead of giving it to them, give it to someone who'll appreciate it - like myself, for instance!!!

    Or maybe to a charity where I know it'll be appreciated.

    You should get them a "a donatation has been made in your name to [charity name]" thing.. If anyone throws a strop about it they're not very nice people but you also have an excuse (and this may not be relevent) in that you can say 'well you've had a tough year, I thought you'd appreciate that you were helping someone else through this gift?!'... Just a thought :)


    Also, I'm 17 and pretty horrified about the way they react.. I send thankyous to everyone who gives me presents, birthdays, christmas and any other events.. Its just the nice thing to do :D
  • babinabababinaba Posts: 5,408
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    I thank people for just a card! Always thank for a present, it's unthoughtful not to
  • Bedsit BobBedsit Bob Posts: 24,344
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    Hotgossip wrote: »
    I can't see that they'll appreciate some other person or animal;)) getting their dosh!:D:D

    Getting their dosh :confused:

    It's not theirs.

    It's yours, until you give it to the charity, at which point it belongs to the charity.

    In your shoes, I'd definitely do the charity donation certificate.

    If they moan, it will just go to show how self-centred and greedy they are.
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