Should I mind my niece and nephew never thanking me for presents?

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  • whackyracerwhackyracer Posts: 15,786
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    wench wrote: »
    I already thank them, in person, I certainly dont feel the need to waste trees by sending a card as well.

    You've missed the whole point of the thread! As you seem them in person and say thank you, nothing more needs to be done. The OP is saying she sends gifts to them which aren't even acknowledged, let alone followed with a quick call or text of thank you. Now that is rude.
  • BananacreampieBananacreampie Posts: 798
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    BiancaLDN wrote: »
    How rude.

    It was my 7 year old cousin's birthday last week, and I gave him two small gifts (a bag of sweets and a Ben 10 toy) - after he'd seen what they were he simply said "OK" and turned his back on me. Needless to say, it will be Poundland presents for him this Christmas.

    Now that is bad mannered.
  • Abbasolutely 40Abbasolutely 40 Posts: 15,589
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    Glowstick wrote: »
    at that age they certainly should say thanks. But kids much younger maybe not. I used to get money in cards when I was very young and never bothered saying thankyou. Probably because it just seemed the norm to me growing up. But at 17 & 19 you see things differently and should appreciate money more. I think you should stop giving money presents when they leave school anyways.

    That was a failing on your parents part IMO ,They should have thought you manners at a young age
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 4,856
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    My nieces have sent handwritten thank yous eventually, though it's their mum, my sister-in-law, who has addressed most of the envelopes. I was little surprised she was still doing the addressing of envelopes for them from secondary school onwards, partiucarly when letter writing is a skill they'd both have learnt at Brownies ...

    Baden-Powell is puported to have written his thank you cards early in the Christmas holdays as he held a present wasn't yours unil you'd said Thank You. Though it may be apocryphal, Ithink it's a sweet idea he did so.

    http://www.thankyouletters.co.uk/digital-age-why-write-thank-you-letter.html

    Nieces are both 18+ so no more pressies - our established by the previous generation family rule.


    Ask your nephew and niece calmly about the lack of personal thank yous: they may have had no idea you have been saddened by their seeming lack of gratitiude.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 7,363
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    Sue_Aitch wrote: »
    My nieces have sent handwritten thank yous eventually, though it's their mum, my sister-in-law, who has addressed most of the envelopes. I was little surprised she was still doing the addressing of envelopes for them from secondary school onwards, partiucarly when letter writing is a skill they'd both have learnt at Brownies ...

    Exactly my situation Sue_Aitch.
    I have to buy the card, address it and put a stamp on it to make sure my daughter in her late twenties, thanks her relatives for presents. It's pure laziness and rudeness on her part.
    I DID bring her up to always write thank you letters or say thank you in person. You can bet your bottom dollar that the complaint from the relative will be to me as her mother and not her.
    MInd you I also have to do that for my husband when it comes to sending his parents birthday cards. :o
    All he has to do is sit down for a couple of seconds while I pass him a pen to write his name inside the card. I do the rest.
  • shmiskshmisk Posts: 7,963
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    I dont see my niece and nephew from one year to the next - nephew is 13 I last saw him at age 6, niece is 11 last saw her at age 4, have 'met' them exactly 4 times in their lives) yet send obligatory birthday and Christmas presents, and either get a facebook message or text from my sister thanking me, never a word from them.

    But seen as they wouldnt recognise me if they fell over me, or indeed my son, then I guess I dont actually matter to them am just a source of a present.

    As regards my own child, I opened an email account for him to send his thank yous, he is always annoyed that even though his bday is very close to Christmas I make him do separate emails for each thank you. He is dyslexic, so his keyboard skills are more readable then his writing.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 4,856
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    LIZALYNN wrote: »
    Exactly my situation Sue_Aitch.
    I have to buy the card, address it and put a stamp on it to make sure my daughter in her late twenties, thanks her relatives for presents. [...]

    As far as your daughter's concerned, the system's working fine, LizaLynn. So break the pattern now: late twenties is really old enough for her to be doing this bit of admin on her own.

    Why not try giving her an address book this year with everyone's correct postal addresses for the firends and relatives you have in common already in it? Or a program on a USB stick with them all on?

    If you get any complaints from relatives and friends, just ask them to get in touch with your daughter directly, saying that she is of age ...

    Explain to your daughter if you're together when she opens this special present that it'll make it so much easier for her to have the right details to hand when she's writing her own thankyous!
    LIZALYNN wrote: »
    .
    MInd you I also have to do that for my husband when it comes to sending his parents birthday cards. :o
    All he has to do is sit down for a couple of seconds while I pass him a pen to write his name inside the card. I do the rest.

    Give him his own stationery box with a few blank cards and ask him to assume the responsiblity of preparing his and your card to his folks on their birthdays and Mother's and Father''s Day if that's the practice you've been following for tham. If you're close to your parents-in-law, let them in on the ruse.

    Both your daughter and husband may be totally surprised you're calling time on the past, but hey ho.
  • emjemj Posts: 6,737
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    I agree with you OP. I'm 19 and always like to thank people for sending me money/gifts. At the end of the day, you have gone to the trouble of doing something nice for them, and it isn't much to expect a thank you at the end of it. Even a text would suffice. It's just nice to know that they (a) have received the gift and (b) are grateful for it (even if just out of sheer politeness!).
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,282
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    I understand how disappointing for not receiving a thank you, when the receiver is someone you know. So, I no longer offer gifts to those people. I feel happier donating to the charity organization whose end receivers I don't know.
  • Squealer_MahonySquealer_Mahony Posts: 6,483
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    That is odd that a 17 or 19 year old would not say thank you.

    I don't buy into "that's what kids are like these days" either

    Unless they thank you through their mother and it doesn't get passed on?

    I'd be mortified if I didn't thank someone for a gift.

    The only time that happens is with my grandfather, he's in his 90s and still sends me a card on my birthday but it's hard to call him and thank him because he's a bit deaf now and phone conversations are difficult, so I get my mother or sister to thank him for me the next time they call to his house if i'm not gonna be down myself.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,043
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    I have stopped buying my 15 year old niece and 17 year old nephew Xmas and birthday pressies as the only time we ever got a thanks was when thier Dad (my bro -in-law) who they don't live with practically forced them to call.
    In the last few years we've had absolutely no thanks yet they are both on our facebook.

    They are both very materialistic and spoiled kids, they get it from their mother. We did discuss it with their dad who said he didn't blame us for stopping gifts.

    However we do still buy for my 13 and 18 year old cousins as although they're not always hot on saying thanks, (we see them regularly so they usually wait to do it in person) they ALWAYS buy me, my husband and both my children a gift at Xmas out of their own money and that they chose themselves. I don't expect it but appreciate being thought of, I used to buy all my aunts, cousins etc gifts at xmas from an early age, I enjoyed doing it :)
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