What's his game? Need bloke advice!
![[Deleted User]](https://w3.vanillicon.com/v2/323ab7f646cc0d685bf1696290036ea3.svg)
[Deleted User]
Posts: 71 Forum Member
✭
Hey there, was wondering if I could have some love advice lol
Have shared a few kisses on nights out with this bloke over the past few yrs, know him through friends. He has made it clear he fancies me telling me "I'm very pretty". However he is a terrible rep as a ladies man so I was wary. I have had very bad experiences growing up which I don't really want to go into but it has basically given me a fear of sex - I have been going to a councillor and am working through things well however I don't want to rush things with someone before I am ready and who might not understand.
Few weekends ago, we bumped into each other and ended up losing all our mutual friends. He invited me back to his for drinks. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea so said prob not a good idea. He insisted saying we can just hang out nothing has to happen. He spent the whole time at his telling me how much he likes me and asked me to stay over. I said no and without going into too much detail explained why I wanted to take things slow. He seemed to understand but by the time the sun was coming up we were both drunk and shattered so I ended up staying tho nothing happened.
However the next morning he was kinda wierd with me, not nasty but not very chatty. We never swapped numbers, neither of us asked the other. I am finding this very hard to understand and feel like such a fool for opening up to him and trusting him if all he wanted was sex. I am not familiar with the dating game so very confused. I'm 24.
Have shared a few kisses on nights out with this bloke over the past few yrs, know him through friends. He has made it clear he fancies me telling me "I'm very pretty". However he is a terrible rep as a ladies man so I was wary. I have had very bad experiences growing up which I don't really want to go into but it has basically given me a fear of sex - I have been going to a councillor and am working through things well however I don't want to rush things with someone before I am ready and who might not understand.
Few weekends ago, we bumped into each other and ended up losing all our mutual friends. He invited me back to his for drinks. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea so said prob not a good idea. He insisted saying we can just hang out nothing has to happen. He spent the whole time at his telling me how much he likes me and asked me to stay over. I said no and without going into too much detail explained why I wanted to take things slow. He seemed to understand but by the time the sun was coming up we were both drunk and shattered so I ended up staying tho nothing happened.
However the next morning he was kinda wierd with me, not nasty but not very chatty. We never swapped numbers, neither of us asked the other. I am finding this very hard to understand and feel like such a fool for opening up to him and trusting him if all he wanted was sex. I am not familiar with the dating game so very confused. I'm 24.
0
Comments
He may say he understands and all, but if there is a risk of him ending up being a jerk then I don't think it's ideal to peruse it.
Nothing forr you to feel bad about though.
this is true. it sounds to me like - to use a movie cliche - "brought his 'A' game" and it didn't work, so that was why he was off.
He sounds like someone who will be charming and schmoozy until he's gotten you into bed and then he'll lose interest.
I'd steer clear of him.
However having lived with a player, and getting to know one of his friends who is an even bigger player I would advise you to be careful !. I've never seen one change, and the way they play their games, you'll believe like they have and you are the only one for them, for the whole time they want something.
Personally, I think you should forget him, sounds like you have enough concerns/thoughts about him running around your head, and after your previous bad experiences I don't think he'd be the guy to reassure you and be there for you. So I agree with most of the others, steer clear, and keep looking for that amazing guy
Your situation is kinda similar to mines, it is but it's not.
Guys will use any patter, say anything to get you into bed, well most guys I have met and know.
You say he has a rep for being a ladies man, chances are he just wanted to bed you and because you said no he no longer wants to know. If he likes you he will be chasing your ass and as he is not well be thankfull you've had a lucky escape from a dirty player.
Maybe he was hung over!
Don't base your opinions on his reputation - why not take the time to form some based on facts.
From what you've said, he hasn't actually done anything to make you mistrust him. The advice you are receiving from here, albeit well intentioned, is from other peole who have never met this guy!
Arrange to meet up with him again, if he is after only one thing and you make it obvious he's not going to get it, he'll lose interest and all you've done is had a couple of nights out with him. If you don't find out, you'll never know....
I think he has already showed he is not that interested. The incident happened a few weeks ago and he did not look for her number or pursue her.
All that has happened over the last few years is: he has paid a few compliments and tried to bed her and backed off when she turned him down.
He is just not that into the OP. She is too nice and vulnerable to waste her time on this one and getting burnt big time in the process.
He just has not shown enough interest to warrant her considering him...
It may be that the situation is too heavy for him to deal with, with the issues you've disclosed you have. That doesn't make him a player, a ladies man or a nasty person, it's just easier for him and kinder of him to walk away at this stage if he feels he is not up to supporting you through the healing process.
But! He may really like you and wondering why you didn't offer him your number, ask him to ring you and why you haven't been in touch for a couple of weeks.
Are you serious :eek: Do you really think this Ladies man is too shy to ask the number of a women he has tried to bed and failed, and he is sitting around pinning for her and wondering why she has not been in touch..:rolleyes:
OP listen to galena's excellent advice: find someone you is upfront and communicates two-way with you as a friend and hopefully will develop into romance at your pace.
No one is saying this guy is a bad guy, he is just a young guy who wants to play the field and bag a lot of women. Not a good match for the vulnerable op....
Forget about this guy and work on being friends with the nice guys in your group....
He is gorgeous and has all the patter so think I was blinkered by that but gonna walk away as I think I got a lucky escape!
He has the reputation as a ladies man, it's not fact, it's hearsay. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and giving a more positive outlook rather than writing him off as everyone else has done here. They obviously like each other, there is - well, was hope.
Fairplay RR. You are a good soul! I on the other hand am a little more cynical :cool:...
I think giving the benefit of the doubt is much safer if you are very strong emotionally and have a good gut feeling about the outcome and the person.
I don't think this applies in this case.....
OP seems to feel it is better to walk away....