Yes, it is always rude, ignorant, arrogant and mis-informed because the person is saying their own view but deluded that they are telling it like it is. It's pretty stupid and tactless too.
It's like "I'm not being funny, but.......".
The line usually uttered by Chavs or those Essex people who give human beings a bad name (TOWIE?)...
I do. Ditto with those who are praised for their "straight talking".
I find people who indulge in ths are usually little more than self-important arseholes who enjoy having a dig at others.
What do you think?
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I have met several people like this over the years, most recently a woman I worked with. She would always say "I'm just a straight talker, you either love me or hate me, that's the way I am so take me or leave me."
Funnily enough most people ended up "leaving" her, considering her to be something of a nut-job.
Some people just like being complete dicks, but they are incapable of backing up their claims so use the catch all "telling it like it is" as a justification for their poor social skills.
Some people just like being complete dicks, but they are incapable of backing up their claims so use the catch all "telling it like it is" as a justification for their poor social skills.
Some people do not have social filters and feel it is always appropriate to indulge themselves saying what's on their mind.
Generally peoples filters are compromised under stressful conditions. E.G some say what's on their mind due to built up resentment, which is commonplace.
So I guess if you say every little bit of negativity your not functioning within the parameters of appropriate social filtering.
I struggle with this. If someone asks me for my opinion or asks me what I think, I tell them. I cannot do fake or insincere so sometimes they think I am being rude. People soon learn not to ask me unless they really want to know. My boss included (major fall out!).
One of my (then) closest friends is kind of notorious for 'telling it like it is'. I used to always like this about her. She's witty and has a wicked, dry, droll sense of humour. Most entertaining company and a genuinely decent person behind it all. However, it can be very hard work.
She was my bridesmaid and came wedding dress shopping with me. The good side was she MADE me try on a meringue; it was godawful. Up waltz a trio, mum, daughter, granny, to admire me in it as the daughter had just bought it :eek: We genuinely wet ourselves laughing afterwards. But, when I put on the perfect dress, and had a real 'this is it' moment; she said, 'yeah, that's nice'. The staff member frowned at her, to which my friend quipped: "I'm sorry, but I don't do gushing".
Recently, a trip away for a very significant birthday of mine was organised and she didn't come. Rather than coming up with a lie to explain her absence, she flat out said she didn't want to spend a weekend away with me and my other friends.
I agree that "telling it like it is" is often the only way that people with poor communication skills and a lack of empathy are capable of communicating. All they are doing is admitting that they don't have the intellectual capacity to be both truthful and tactful or to apply the filter of considered thought. "Speaking your mind" often means letting words come out before engaging any kind of cognitive process.
This is not to be confused with clarity of speech - if, for example, a person has cancer it's better for their doctor to be clear and straightforward and not to couch the information in ambiguous language such as telling the patient they have a "lump" or a "growth" etc.
And the worst kind of "telling it like it is" is when the information is entirely unwarranted or unnecessary. I once had a chav tell me "you is ugly innit" apropos of nothing. They were just speaking their mind, of course. So I spoke mine and told them they were thick and ignorant.
People who "tell it like it is" are quite often the ones who offer opinions where none have been requested.
Not only do they think that they are telling it like it is, but they also think that everyone is actually interested in their opinion. Usually, its just an excuse to be rude and expect people to just accept it.
The other one I hate is when people say "well this is who I am and you should accept me for who I am," as an excuse for treating you like dogshit or stepping all over you. They never seem to want to accept that who you are is someone who doesn't take kindly to being shat on. But that's different, because its all about them. These people tend to "tell it how it is" as well.
All in all, they're just rude, selfish people who want to do want they want and say what they want without consequence. They tend not to like it when people "tell it like it is" back to them.
I worked with someone who was very rude, tactless and "forthright". She would excuse her appalling behaviour with the old chestnut that she was just telling the truth.
She wasn't telling the truth of course, she was projecting her own opinion which isn't necessarily "the truth".
Unfortunately a lot of people confuse "frankness" with "honesty", but they're not the same thing. I've known people who "tell it like it is" to the detriment of everyone around them but they're sneaky, manipulative liars when it suits them.
People who "tell it like it is" are quite often the ones who offer opinions where none have been requested.
Not only do they think that they are telling it like it is, but they also think that everyone is actually interested in their opinion. Usually, its just an excuse to be rude and expect people to just accept it.
The other one I hate is when people say "well this is who I am and you should accept me for who I am," as an excuse for treating you like dogshit or stepping all over you. They never seem to want to accept that who you are is someone who doesn't take kindly to being shat on. But that's different, because its all about them. These people tend to "tell it how it is" as well.
All in all, they're just rude, selfish people who want to do want they want and say what they want without consequence. They tend not to like it when people "tell it like it is" back to them.
Reminds me of a quote that was doing the rounds on my fb a few weeks ago. Attributed to Marilyn Monroe (correctly or not, I have no idea):
"If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" - which seemed to have been adopted as a motto for all my (suprisingly!) single friends.
Yes! I agree with the op so much, it's as if tact is now a dirty word. People who "tell it like it is" really mean "I'm being an aggressive, rude arse hole, but hide under the veneer of truth to get away with my horrible personality, while trying to make you feel small for not sharing my awesome twatishness" Well no. The other phrase that bothers me is "that's just who I am" and "You can't judge me, for being myself" Well yes, yes you can. You can judge people for lots of things and for being a rude, abrasive git is near the top of the list. If more than 15 people think you're an arse, then they're probably right, and it's perfectly acceptable to judge you as you're the one who should change. If your personality is that repugnant then you're wrong, and people wouldn't have to put up with you.
Yes, absolutely. There is a huge difference between addressing a problem with tact, to those who just say whatever they want, 'because that's just the sort of person I am'.
It is not straight talking, its just rude. I don't go round punching people in the face all the time. I may want to, but I don't out of respect for other people. Plus, I don't think shrugging and saying 'that's just the way I am, you can't change me, I'm just doing what other people don't dare to do' is going to help me get away with it.
The irony is, people who 'tell it like it is' can't handle it when you in turn tell them 'how it is'. I know someone who seems to think she was put on this earth to critisise and lecture people about every aspect of their lives but if anyone points out her shortcomings then the gates of hell open: "How dare you insult me like that, blah, blah, blah, I was only trying to help, sob, sob, sob..". Basically these people are narccisists, only their view of the world counts. :rolleyes:
I have met several people like this over the years, most recently a woman I worked with. She would always say "I'm just a straight talker, you either love me or hate me, that's the way I am so take me or leave me."
Funnily enough most people ended up "leaving" her, considering her to be something of a nut-job.
I've noticed that a lot of people who use the "you either love me or hate me" line are nowhere near as popular as they're convinced they are. Always amusing.
I've noticed that a lot of people who use the "you either love me or hate me" line are nowhere near as popular as they're convinced they are. Always amusing.
I struggle with this. If someone asks me for my opinion or asks me what I think, I tell them. I cannot do fake or insincere so sometimes they think I am being rude. People soon learn not to ask me unless they really want to know. My boss included (major fall out!).
you dont have to be fake or insincere, what you should be is polite and caring of others feelings
there is nothing whatso ever wrong with that
and to those who think there is have you noticed a lack of friends/jobs/partners lately ?
Comments
But a lot of people use the 'it's just the way i am', 'I'm just telling it like it is' as an excuse to be rude.
So no, I don't think it is a blanket statement and it entirely depends on the person.
I have met several people like this over the years, most recently a woman I worked with. She would always say "I'm just a straight talker, you either love me or hate me, that's the way I am so take me or leave me."
Funnily enough most people ended up "leaving" her, considering her to be something of a nut-job.
We are no longer friends, as I was fed up contantly being offended by her "helpful" words.
Wonderfully put.
Generally peoples filters are compromised under stressful conditions. E.G some say what's on their mind due to built up resentment, which is commonplace.
So I guess if you say every little bit of negativity your not functioning within the parameters of appropriate social filtering.
'I tell it like it is' is often a guise for 'I'm an obnoxious prick, without social grace'.
She was my bridesmaid and came wedding dress shopping with me. The good side was she MADE me try on a meringue; it was godawful. Up waltz a trio, mum, daughter, granny, to admire me in it as the daughter had just bought it :eek: We genuinely wet ourselves laughing afterwards. But, when I put on the perfect dress, and had a real 'this is it' moment; she said, 'yeah, that's nice'. The staff member frowned at her, to which my friend quipped: "I'm sorry, but I don't do gushing".
Recently, a trip away for a very significant birthday of mine was organised and she didn't come. Rather than coming up with a lie to explain her absence, she flat out said she didn't want to spend a weekend away with me and my other friends.
This is not to be confused with clarity of speech - if, for example, a person has cancer it's better for their doctor to be clear and straightforward and not to couch the information in ambiguous language such as telling the patient they have a "lump" or a "growth" etc.
And the worst kind of "telling it like it is" is when the information is entirely unwarranted or unnecessary. I once had a chav tell me "you is ugly innit" apropos of nothing. They were just speaking their mind, of course. So I spoke mine and told them they were thick and ignorant.
Not only do they think that they are telling it like it is, but they also think that everyone is actually interested in their opinion. Usually, its just an excuse to be rude and expect people to just accept it.
The other one I hate is when people say "well this is who I am and you should accept me for who I am," as an excuse for treating you like dogshit or stepping all over you. They never seem to want to accept that who you are is someone who doesn't take kindly to being shat on. But that's different, because its all about them. These people tend to "tell it how it is" as well.
All in all, they're just rude, selfish people who want to do want they want and say what they want without consequence. They tend not to like it when people "tell it like it is" back to them.
She wasn't telling the truth of course, she was projecting her own opinion which isn't necessarily "the truth".
Unfortunately a lot of people confuse "frankness" with "honesty", but they're not the same thing. I've known people who "tell it like it is" to the detriment of everyone around them but they're sneaky, manipulative liars when it suits them.
Reminds me of a quote that was doing the rounds on my fb a few weeks ago. Attributed to Marilyn Monroe (correctly or not, I have no idea):
"If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best" - which seemed to have been adopted as a motto for all my (suprisingly!) single friends.
It is not straight talking, its just rude. I don't go round punching people in the face all the time. I may want to, but I don't out of respect for other people. Plus, I don't think shrugging and saying 'that's just the way I am, you can't change me, I'm just doing what other people don't dare to do' is going to help me get away with it.
I like honesty. I just hate people who tell me how great they are at honesty, when it clearly isnt the case.
I've noticed that a lot of people who use the "you either love me or hate me" line are nowhere near as popular as they're convinced they are. Always amusing.
Yes, they say it as if it's great!
you dont have to be fake or insincere, what you should be is polite and caring of others feelings
there is nothing whatso ever wrong with that
and to those who think there is have you noticed a lack of friends/jobs/partners lately ?