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People who cook but don't eat...
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I have a couple of friends in this situation. They are both on strict diets.
One of them keeps having tea parties for charity. You pay a tenner, all of which goes to charity, and go to her house, which is full of the most lavish selection of cakes and snacks. She then eats nothing, but bustles round heaping up other peoples' plates. I find it all a pain in the arse to be honest. I battled with my weight for decades before achieving a fragile kind of equilibrium a few years ago, and I can promise that 'tea' is not a meal I recognise. Who on earth eats 'tea' these days? I have lunch, then six hours later I have dinner. The last thing in the world i want is to shovel cake down in between.
The other friend does not give tea parties, but turns up at every social event with some incredibly elaborate and beautiful cake she has obviously spent hours over, then hands it round, eating none herself.
The second one, who I know better, I have now told that I simply don't eat cake, and last time she didn't offer me any, which was fine. The first one, I am not quite sure what to say; she does got to an awful lot of trouble, and it obviously means a lot to her, but I just can't face another shitstorm of home made cake at 4pm. I had thought of writing to her next time I get an invitation and saying "Sorry, but I can't eat at all at tea time, but here's a tenner for the charity", on the grounds that 'can't' might be more persuasive, with its vague implication of health issues, than 'don't want to'.
But isn't it a bit odd to spend so much time and trouble cooking things you don't eat? I feel as if both of them are constantly having to test and demonstrate their self-control, preferably by proving that other people don't have it. But it wouldn't attract me at all. Since I don't eat cake, I'm damned if I'm going to spend time cooking it.
One of them keeps having tea parties for charity. You pay a tenner, all of which goes to charity, and go to her house, which is full of the most lavish selection of cakes and snacks. She then eats nothing, but bustles round heaping up other peoples' plates. I find it all a pain in the arse to be honest. I battled with my weight for decades before achieving a fragile kind of equilibrium a few years ago, and I can promise that 'tea' is not a meal I recognise. Who on earth eats 'tea' these days? I have lunch, then six hours later I have dinner. The last thing in the world i want is to shovel cake down in between.
The other friend does not give tea parties, but turns up at every social event with some incredibly elaborate and beautiful cake she has obviously spent hours over, then hands it round, eating none herself.
The second one, who I know better, I have now told that I simply don't eat cake, and last time she didn't offer me any, which was fine. The first one, I am not quite sure what to say; she does got to an awful lot of trouble, and it obviously means a lot to her, but I just can't face another shitstorm of home made cake at 4pm. I had thought of writing to her next time I get an invitation and saying "Sorry, but I can't eat at all at tea time, but here's a tenner for the charity", on the grounds that 'can't' might be more persuasive, with its vague implication of health issues, than 'don't want to'.
But isn't it a bit odd to spend so much time and trouble cooking things you don't eat? I feel as if both of them are constantly having to test and demonstrate their self-control, preferably by proving that other people don't have it. But it wouldn't attract me at all. Since I don't eat cake, I'm damned if I'm going to spend time cooking it.
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Nope. I frequently make dishes I don't like.
I truly can't stand tofu-based and bean-based dishes, the sort that makes me want to vomit in a kitchen bin, but I make them for my family.
She doesn't eat any of them herself. We're convinced she's some sort of feeder.
It got too much for all of us recently and we made May a cake free month in the office, no-one was allowed to bring in cakes of any kind. She was so offended. We had a "no cakes" sign on our door which she tore down as soon as she got in on the 2nd June.
Perhaps if they are dieting, this is a result of preoccupation of food.
Well yes. The word had struck me, then I wondered if it was a bit mean. I feel as if some people not only have to deny themselves food, but prove to themselves on a regular basis that other people are weaker than they are.
That would explain my colleague. I think she's a veteran of Slimming World (which must have worked because she looks amazing). I couldn't do that, if I'm making food I'm eating it
That describes my aunt to a tee. She was obsessed with cooking for everyone and always laid on a feast whenever she had people round for a visit. She always claimed that she'd picked so much food while she was preparing it for everyone else that she was too full to eat another crumb and yet she would be very keen on making sure others filled their plates and would keep insisting you ate just a little bit more until you were full to bursting.
Wasn't there a young lady who used to post on here in that situation? She made cakes and kept a food blog, but never ate herself and eventually died of anorexia?
Not really pretty, however 'nice' their motives.
My Father was a heart case, but he LOVED all those big puds and stuff and it gutted him to have to give it all up.
My brother was rather underweight at a teenager and my Dad (who really wasn't a cook) used to make him stupid afters from bread pudding and custard and watch him eat them while Dad drooled.
He said he had to get some pleasure from food even if it was only vicarious.
So perhaps your friends have a bit of this too.
I am the same as yourself, I love too cook and cook for others. I always make the wife her meals (not always the same as mine) and often cook meals for my parents, the in-laws and her gran. I am excellent at cooking and people close to me love it, but I am crap at things like DIY and electrics (which my FIL is awesome at), so it works as a bit of a trade off - he may come and fix up some lights for me, or some new kitchen blinds and I can repay him in really tasty food.
I also tend not to eat that much unhealthy food, but still love to cook it for others.
Yes, poor girl. She was really sweet. One of the worst things I've ever seen on this forum was when some ignorant ****** accused her, pretty brutally, of lying about her illness because of her blog and her obvious obsession with food. She died not long after that. I've never been able to see this guy's name on my screen without feeling angry.
I also prefer fruity desserts. That doesn't mean that I don't provide chocolate or cake ones for guests.
Yes, that was absolutely terrible. And shows the, fairly common unfortunately, ignorance of eating disorders.
Yes I remember her. Bless her.
I thought of her straight away when I started reading this thread.
My mum used to have food issues, ate like a sparrow well the rest of us were dished up double portions
Oh god yes, that poor poor girl. Up to that moment, I'd never known of another anorexic who did die, other than ones in magazines, television or celebrities like Karen Carpenter, so it really really really shocked me and frightened me. I'm sure she was on her way to recovery as well when she died, which makes it all the more devastating.
recovery i a very common time for anorexics to die
Yes, I was going to say this too. And, as with any eating disorder, it's a control issue.
I don't blame you for not wanting to go anymore.
Is it possible she's bulimic? Maybe she waits until the party's over, scoffs all the uneaten cakes then purges?
A friend pointed out that people of the older generation (who remember rationing) often feed out of love. In days of shortage sharing your food was a sign of affection and respect. Being able to offer people too much food and seeing them indulge was seen as a positive thing. A lot of them carried this attitude all their lives, even when food was in abundance, and I think a lot of them conditioned their families to think in the same way!
She explained it was why my Nan was always pushing extra food on us as children. It was one way she could show us her affection.
I make a lot of cupcakes as gifts, and majority of the time I do not eat any. If I made 'spares' every time I baked them, I'd get really fat. I do not want that to happen.
I do genuinely love baking and decorating cupcakes, and I really hope my friends and loved ones do not have such negative attitude towards me as WonkeyDonkey seems to have towards her pal.
Exactly. I am the same and love giving food gifts to others. I don't experience any negativity though, only people asking for more!