complicated awkward attraction (age gap!!)
OvertheUnder
Posts: 4,764 Forum Member
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My head is in a total spin at the moment due this situation that ive found self in. To sum up, a girl (now aged 17) ive known for most of my teens and adult life has made it obvious that she is very attracted to me yet I am unsure to react to her feelings towards me.
We met almost 6 yrs ago and in the last few yrs she started to develop what appeared to be school girl crush on me which I ignored as she was quite young (I thought she would move on in time etc). It became obvious that she her feelings hadn't faded over the years but I still assumed that she would get over it.
I usually wouldn't mind the attention but there is a age gap as Im in my early 20's. To add to the complexity she is a 'step' cousin in a sense so it's hard to see a way around it all i.e I know the girl's mother very well as she's married to my uncle.
It all came to a head this christmas at a family get together. After a few drinks we ended up by ourselves for a while just talking and the girl tried to passionately kiss me but I didn't kiss her back and pulled away.
I dont have a clue how to deal with this situation without upsetting the girl (who is genuinely a lovely girl with a great personality).
Any advice would be helpful.
We met almost 6 yrs ago and in the last few yrs she started to develop what appeared to be school girl crush on me which I ignored as she was quite young (I thought she would move on in time etc). It became obvious that she her feelings hadn't faded over the years but I still assumed that she would get over it.
I usually wouldn't mind the attention but there is a age gap as Im in my early 20's. To add to the complexity she is a 'step' cousin in a sense so it's hard to see a way around it all i.e I know the girl's mother very well as she's married to my uncle.
It all came to a head this christmas at a family get together. After a few drinks we ended up by ourselves for a while just talking and the girl tried to passionately kiss me but I didn't kiss her back and pulled away.
I dont have a clue how to deal with this situation without upsetting the girl (who is genuinely a lovely girl with a great personality).
Any advice would be helpful.
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Comments
You are neither related or under the age of consent.
The problem is in your mind only.
22 as you asked. I'm probably making a fuss out of nothing
I met my OH when he was 32 and I was 19 and we are still together after 24 years.
Edit: OP has replied and said 22 so even less of a gap than I was thinking.
I am guessing here that you just aren't into her that way and why looking for excuses?
It's difficult to explain but there is certain connection we have but I wouldn't act on it even if she would like me to. I suppose its a combination of having to explain it to the family (who are quite traditional) and not being seen as taking advantage.
Then you are going to have to let her down gently. If necessary you will have to tell her a little white lie and say that you see her as a little sister who you are very fond of not a girlfriend.
Thats the problem - given another chance I would act on the attraction but I don't know how it would all turn out
Seems we had the same idea! Mine was less musical than yours.
we did.
there`s a song for every problem innit.
Then what answer would you like. Fairly pointless in asking for advice then.
Well it's more the case that I could act but I think shouldn't because of the ramifications if it all goes wrong. I guess..
I've no advice to give apart from my first response.
What are the likely ramifications apart from what's in your head. Are you likely to be murdered by the family
Why is attempting to give advice so blo**y difficult when you get such a sketchy story.
No
But then I don't know they would react, they could freak causing a sh#tstorm or it might ruin the friendship I have with the girl.
I'm 23, and the girl I'm seeing is 19. Now this hasn't been a problem until I came home this xmas and bumped into my little cousin (as she is, in my mind), at 18! And suddenly it seemed a big age gap.
I don't think it really is a big deal, we're both legal, it just threw me as I hadn't clocked the difference as shes pretty mature.
I say go for it.
My best advice would be. Ask some of your most friendly family members, in a casual way, how they would feel.
Good luck anyway.
I had a relationship with a cousin, many years ago, it didn't work out, but I understand how you feel.
Yeah funny one there
il see how it goes.
If you really felt the same way about her you would find it too hard to resist, the fact you sound as if you aren't struggling, maybe while you find her attractive, that chemistry isn't there. If you can't resist go for it, if you can then maybe best to leave well alone.
I was being serious
Yeah thats exact kind of thing the messing with my head at the moment - not exactly sure how to play this one
A friend of mine started dating a 17 year old when he was 32. Okay, that was a bit iffy but it didn't stop him and they lasted nearly five years.
I certainly wouldn't have gone out with a school-kid when I was 22.