I notice some people are suggesting apologising to your son whilst praising you for being accepting of the situation. May I ask, why apologise when as far as all parties involved are concerned nothing wrong was done by anyone (excepting embarrassment)? If you accept your sons actions within the confines of your home and rules - fine; you also entered the room in good faith based on past convention - also fine. So why apologise?
Oh goodness, how embarrassing! But I just want to comment on how great a parent you are, especially for your open-mindedness. If it was my parents, they would've dragged & kicked me out long before now.
From your earlier post, it sounded as if you opposed of same sex relations, but I'm sure I got the wrong end of the stick. I can understand your reasonings for disagreeing with these sort of actions under your roof, whether same sex or opposite sex, my parents would feel exactly the same way.
I'd just like to reiterate to Simon how wonderfully you've been at handling this situation.
Exactly. Some parents hate that their children are engaging in particular acts, especially under their own roof where they also live. My Mum would hate it, and if she ever caught me doing ANYTHING, I'd be out on my ear.
I think most of the time it's the knowing that their kids are growing up, experimenting etc. They're not little babies anymore, but they'd rather not know what their children are doing so their thoughts of their babies that they've watched grow up, are not warped in any way.
What for? for being strict and not putting up with everything from todays modern society where there is no respect or disciplin?
Sorry - but if it is my house - what says goes and i do not want to be sat downstairs hearing my son or daughter at it with their partner in the bedroom!
Once they get their OWN place - they can do what they want.
Most parents are walkovers these days thats why society is what it is because they are allowed to do this...allowed to do that.
I know of parents who's kids have boyfriends and girlfriends who are not allowed out of the lounge - let alone upstairs! God help them too I guess... :eek:
If it is MY/partners/ house and I/we/ have worked for it and my/our/ name is on the deeds - then legally they are classed as a lodger...or is it illegal in the world of 'do-gooders' these days to charge them board...or should we allow them to live there for free...and bring back who they want..when they want...take over...do what they want...whenever they want...turf you out of your own home whenever they want...let them run riot...why not? It's only a house and as long as they don't have to pay the mortgage they can live there for diddly squat. What's mine is theirs...and what's theirs is their own...thats right innit?
If it is MY/partners/ house and I/we/ have worked for it and my/our/ name is on the deeds - then legally they are classed as a lodger...or is it illegal in the world of 'do-gooders' these days to charge them board...or should we allow them to live there for free...and bring back who they want..when they want...take over...do what they want...whenever they want...turf you out of your own home whenever they want...let them run riot...why not? It's only a house and as long as they don't have to pay the mortgage they can live there for diddly squat. What's mine is theirs...and what's theirs is their own...thats right innit?
My goodness - I'm glad I'm not your child - you scare me to death :eek:
I hope my son doesn't see himself as a 'lodger' in MY house (which I've bought and paid for and my name's on the deeds). He's a member of my family, living in the family home. He contributes to the household budget when he's here (he's mostly away at Uni) because, as he says, we use more electricity and spend more on food when he's home so he wants to make a fair contribution.
If my son EVER thought of himself as a lodger in his own home I think I'd cry.
I'm asking because it might just be that he's confused, and needs someone to explain it all to. I know I had a similar situation when I was his age, and it was confusing for me and I had no-one to talk too.
He might also be more willing to bring it up if you start the convo in the first place and by saying that you are ok with it whichever he prefers. If he doesn't want to talk about it straight away tell him that you'll be there if he ever wants to chat about it.
I'm not sure what I'd do if it was my son. I'd probably wait for him to come and talk to me about it, I wouldn't embarrass him by bringing it up. At least then if he brought it up, he'd be able to say why he was doing it, i.e. come out as gay or bi etc, or whether he was simply experimenting.
I'm not sure I would embarrass him. Just wait until he brings it up, my guess is that he's bound to sooner or later!
I'm not sure what I'd do if it was my son. I'd probably wait for him to come and talk to me about it, I wouldn't embarrass him by bringing it up. At least then if he brought it up, he'd be able to say why he was doing it, i.e. come out as gay or bi etc, or whether he was simply experimenting.
I'm not sure I would embarrass him. Just wait until he brings it up, my guess is that he's bound to sooner or later!
Bloody hell...if that was me I would confront them BOTH and ask what the hell is going on under MY roof! - AS for the other guy I would be straight down his house confronting his parents explaining exactly what was going on!
That's the problem - people just leave it and hope the issue goes away...but it won't until you face it with a direct approach.
However if you want to establish some groundrules that is also fine. Not sure i am comfortable with Andy's hardline approach but it is your house and you have a perfect right to request that your kids agree sexual boundaries with you. You may feel comfortable with him shagging a mate but if he wants to bring strangers home then what?
Most teens will respect clear guidelines like no over nighters, no strangers etc.
Whether it's immoral to go experimenting under your parents roof or not, I'd much rather my children to do these things under my own roof, rather than some back alley because they have nowhere else to go.
As far as the 'hardline' approach is concerned. It would make an embarrassing situation a whole lot more embarrassing, and could potentially push his son further away from his father.
Bloody hell...if that was me I would confront them BOTH and ask what the hell is going on under MY roof! - AS for the other guy I would be straight down his house confronting his parents explaining exactly what was going on!
That's the problem - people just leave it and hope the issue goes away...but it won't until you face it with a direct approach.
And what if his friend has really intolerant family- you could destroy his life. They are the same age- no abuse scenario.
I was sexually active as a teen but I would have literally killed myself had some one told my parents I was gay at 17
Bloody hell...if that was me I would confront them BOTH and ask what the hell is going on under MY roof! - AS for the other guy I would be straight down his house confronting his parents explaining exactly what was going on!
That's the problem - people just leave it and hope the issue goes away...but it won't until you face it with a direct approach.
Do you realise how much of an issue gay suicide is in modern times? If you were to take that boy across to his parents, they may disown him. It's none of your concern to tell them what happened, you could tear a family apart.
It's not a f**king issue in the first place!
To be honest I'm beginning to think you're just winding people up. No-one can be as bigotted as you.
Whether it's immoral to go experimenting under your parents roof or not, I'd much rather my children to do these things under my own roof, rather than some back alley because they have nowhere else to go.
Very well said, and a sentiment I completely agree with.
Do you realise how much of an issue gay suicide is in modern times? If you were to take that boy across to his parents, they may disown him. It's none of your concern to tell them what happened, you could tear a family apart.
It's not a f**king issue in the first place!
To be honest I'm beginning to think you're just winding people up. No-one can be as bigotted as you.
Andy, I 'think' I understand your point about the whole 'doing it under your roof' thing in terms of respect, but I disagree with how you'd embarrass his friend by dragging him down to his parents.
This is somebody's life, something thats private - he's a teenager, and growing up. I think the whole issue is of doing it under your roof, not the issue of them being gay etc, so you'd have no right to out them to the parents!
Unfortunately, you remind me of my Mum when I came out to her. Except, with her, it was BOTH the fact that I was gay/bi, AND it being under her roof (not that I ever have done) - I think she was more worried about what the neighbours thought of me! Nothing about MY happiness or what I felt. Bigotary at it's best. Please don't subject it to your children IF it happened to you, you could turn them against you big time.
Comments
Dave
God help your kids
I wish more parents were like you.
Ditto.
From your earlier post, it sounded as if you opposed of same sex relations, but I'm sure I got the wrong end of the stick.
I'd just like to reiterate to Simon how wonderfully you've been at handling this situation.
So, you'd class your own children as "Lodgers"?
I think most of the time it's the knowing that their kids are growing up, experimenting etc. They're not little babies anymore, but they'd rather not know what their children are doing so their thoughts of their babies that they've watched grow up, are not warped in any way.
I'm glad that you're open-minded OP.
What for? for being strict and not putting up with everything from todays modern society where there is no respect or disciplin?
Sorry - but if it is my house - what says goes and i do not want to be sat downstairs hearing my son or daughter at it with their partner in the bedroom!
Once they get their OWN place - they can do what they want.
Most parents are walkovers these days thats why society is what it is because they are allowed to do this...allowed to do that.
I know of parents who's kids have boyfriends and girlfriends who are not allowed out of the lounge - let alone upstairs! God help them too I guess... :eek:
YES...of course they are lodgers! :rolleyes:
If it is MY/partners/ house and I/we/ have worked for it and my/our/ name is on the deeds - then legally they are classed as a lodger...or is it illegal in the world of 'do-gooders' these days to charge them board...or should we allow them to live there for free...and bring back who they want..when they want...take over...do what they want...whenever they want...turf you out of your own home whenever they want...let them run riot...why not? It's only a house and as long as they don't have to pay the mortgage they can live there for diddly squat. What's mine is theirs...and what's theirs is their own...thats right innit?
As for you Andy...society would be doing your kids a favour if they reported you to social services
My goodness - I'm glad I'm not your child - you scare me to death :eek:
I hope my son doesn't see himself as a 'lodger' in MY house (which I've bought and paid for and my name's on the deeds). He's a member of my family, living in the family home. He contributes to the household budget when he's here (he's mostly away at Uni) because, as he says, we use more electricity and spend more on food when he's home so he wants to make a fair contribution.
If my son EVER thought of himself as a lodger in his own home I think I'd cry.
Maybe he isn't gay, and is simply experimenting.
I said that on here somewhere
What for? straight disciplin, taking no crap and laying down a few ground rules?
I'm not sure I would embarrass him. Just wait until he brings it up, my guess is that he's bound to sooner or later!
Apologies, I've just noticed.
Most people I know have experimented when it comes to sexual expression.
Bloody hell...if that was me I would confront them BOTH and ask what the hell is going on under MY roof! - AS for the other guy I would be straight down his house confronting his parents explaining exactly what was going on!
That's the problem - people just leave it and hope the issue goes away...but it won't until you face it with a direct approach.
Exactly, and sometimes it comes to nothing
If he wants to discuss it fine.
However if you want to establish some groundrules that is also fine. Not sure i am comfortable with Andy's hardline approach but it is your house and you have a perfect right to request that your kids agree sexual boundaries with you. You may feel comfortable with him shagging a mate but if he wants to bring strangers home then what?
Most teens will respect clear guidelines like no over nighters, no strangers etc.
As far as the 'hardline' approach is concerned. It would make an embarrassing situation a whole lot more embarrassing, and could potentially push his son further away from his father.
And what if his friend has really intolerant family- you could destroy his life. They are the same age- no abuse scenario.
I was sexually active as a teen but I would have literally killed myself had some one told my parents I was gay at 17
Do you realise how much of an issue gay suicide is in modern times? If you were to take that boy across to his parents, they may disown him. It's none of your concern to tell them what happened, you could tear a family apart.
It's not a f**king issue in the first place!
To be honest I'm beginning to think you're just winding people up. No-one can be as bigotted as you.
Very well said, and a sentiment I completely agree with.
Unfortunately they can, even in this day and age
This is somebody's life, something thats private - he's a teenager, and growing up. I think the whole issue is of doing it under your roof, not the issue of them being gay etc, so you'd have no right to out them to the parents!
Unfortunately, you remind me of my Mum when I came out to her. Except, with her, it was BOTH the fact that I was gay/bi, AND it being under her roof (not that I ever have done) - I think she was more worried about what the neighbours thought of me! Nothing about MY happiness or what I felt. Bigotary at it's best. Please don't subject it to your children IF it happened to you, you could turn them against you big time.