Do you realise how much of an issue gay suicide is in modern times? If you were to take that boy across to his parents, they may disown him. It's none of your concern to tell them what happened, you could tear a family apart.
It's not a f**king issue in the first place!
To be honest I'm beginning to think you're just winding people up. No-one can be as bigotted as you.
It actually WOULD be MY concern if it is my SON...of course it would be!
If the other sons parents go as far as 'disowning him' then he should have told them in the first place.
Why would I be winding people up...??? I am being totally straight with my views.
What for? straight disciplin, taking no crap and laying down a few ground rules?
No for being a total ****.
Now i know we have to "respect each others views" on the forums, but if YOU have a child then it's your responsibility to look after them, so of cause they are not a ****ing lodger! they're your child!
And you don't want them to have sexual activities in your house, would you rather they done it in a public place or somewhere dangerous. Sexual intercourse is legal at 16, the Op son is 17, i see no problems ??? have you actually got children?
As for you Simon, i just want to echo the views of everyone else on here, You sound like you have everything under control and you seem like you are taking great care of your children Please let us know how things went with yo€ur son as i would like to know that everything went fine
Andy, I 'think' I understand your point about the whole 'doing it under your roof' thing in terms of respect, but I disagree with how you'd embarrass his friend by dragging him down to his parents.
This is somebody's life, something thats private - he's a teenager, and growing up. I think the whole issue is of doing it under your roof, not the issue of them being gay etc, so you'd have no right to out them to the parents!
Gay or straight (not the issue here with my opinions) have I ever mentioned the fact that I would allow my son to have sex with a female - but there would be hell to pay if his partner was the same sex? erm...no. (that is beside the point here)
There are gay people around as much as straight people so if you look in 'many' of my posts i actually state 'partner' as oppose to male or female. (please do not 'bias' me)
It actually WOULD be MY concern if it is my SON...of course it would be!
If the other sons parents go as far as 'disowning him' then he should have told them in the first place.
Why would I be winding people up...??? I am being totally straight with my views.
It easy for a straight person to say that (i'm assuming you're straight), because you'll never encounter that problem. But believe me if your parents are old fashioned in there ways, telling them your gay is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, with the fear of rejection and being kicked out on the street.
Gay or straight (not the issue here with my opinions) have I ever mentioned the fact that I would allow my son to have sex with a female - but there would be hell to pay if his partner was the same sex? erm...no. (that is beside the point here)
There are gay people around as much as straight people so if you look in 'many' of my posts i actually state 'partner' as oppose to male or female. (please do not 'bias' me)
You have the absolute right to dictate what goes on under your roof. In fact I think it is important to lay down boundaries.
However you don't have the right to drag another family into it.
By confronting another family with their child's sexuality you could do immense harm. It is none of your business.
Ouch. I was thinking you caught him spanking the monkey!
Well as others have said if you had no idea he was gay before then he probably would have been experimenting and is bisexual (either that or you've been really naive ) If I was in your situation I next time i see him i would go "Dinners ready[or somthing to that effect], Oh and sorry about not knocking earlier." Then leave it at that. Then a few days later have a talk with him (another sex talk but this time with a gay angle and about closing the door fully when engaging in sexual acts of any sort?)
It easy for a straight person to say that (i'm assuming you're straight), because you'll never encounter that problem. But believe me if your parents are old fashioned in there ways, telling them your gay is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, with the fear of rejection and being kicked out on the street.
Very true...and if i ever came out and told my parents i was gay (which I'm not BTW) I most definately WOULD have been kicked out - NO questions asked.
It is good for the O.P to be more acceptive to it if the son was gay because whatever way you look at it they REALLY need to know as soon as possible and i will admit that i would want to know THERE and THEN without the faffing around...and i would be like a bull at a gate as i am not the most patient person in the world.
Very true...and if i ever came out and told my parents i was gay (which I'm not BTW) I most definately WOULD have been kicked out - NO questions asked.
It is good for the O.P to be more acceptive to it if the son was gay because whatever way you look at it they REALLY need to know as soon as possible and i will admit that i would want to know THERE and THEN without the faffing around...and i would be like a bull at a gate as i am not the most patient person in the world.
But you wouldn't grass up his boyfriend then hopefully?
Very true...and if i ever came out and told my parents i was gay (which I'm not BTW) I most definately WOULD have been kicked out - NO questions asked.
It is good for the O.P to be more acceptive to it if the son was gay because whatever way you look at it they REALLY need to know as soon as possible and i will admit that i would want to know THERE and THEN without the faffing around...and i would be like a bull at a gate as i am not the most patient person in the world.
Some people would react to it differently of course, what I'd feel would be the best way to approach the situation is to sit them both down, and tell them that your perfectly fine regarding their sexuality, and what they've been doing. Then after they've gained your trust, THEN introduce some ground rules. I'm sure they'd appreciated being treated like adults and they'd respect you more for it.
Going at it (no pun intended) like a Bull in a China shop wouldn't make things better, and as other posters have said, it could potentially be detrimental to the other boy and ruin his family life.
There's no right, or wrong way of approaching it, but I feel this would be the best way of dealing with it.
What for? for being strict and not putting up with everything from todays modern society where there is no respect or disciplin?
Stop reflecting "society's" issues onto your (hopefully non existant) children. You don't have to act like a complete tosser because you fear they will turn out to be the next Vicky Pollard.
My parents didn't act like nazis, yet I haven't turned into some gun wielding chav.
Sorry - but if it is my house - what says goes and i do not want to be sat downstairs hearing my son or daughter at it with their partner in the bedroom!
Funnily enough, they live there, it's their house too. Most teenagers won't want to shag loud enough for their parents to hear. Anyway, what's wrong with them shagging in their room, do you have a problem with them having a good time? A bit bitter aren't we?
And if you want your kids to look after you when you've got alzheimer's, instead of pooing in your Wilshire Farm Foods then i'd urge you to treat them well.
What for? for being strict and not putting up with everything from todays modern society where there is no respect or disciplin?
Sorry - but if it is my house - what says goes and i do not want to be sat downstairs hearing my son or daughter at it with their partner in the bedroom!
Once they get their OWN place - they can do what they want.
Most parents are walkovers these days thats why society is what it is because they are allowed to do this...allowed to do that.
I know of parents who's kids have boyfriends and girlfriends who are not allowed out of the lounge - let alone upstairs! God help them too I guess... :eek:
Putting up with what? He isn't breaking any laws or doing anything wrong, so what the hell does it matter about any of that.
It is a total irrelevance to this thread, and whether or not the OP's son is having a consensual relationship with someone else, or not.
Also bear in mind homophobia is against the Terms and Conditions of DS.
Very true...and if i ever came out and told my parents i was gay (which I'm not BTW) I most definately WOULD have been kicked out - NO questions asked.
It is good for the O.P to be more acceptive to it if the son was gay because whatever way you look at it they REALLY need to know as soon as possible and i will admit that i would want to know THERE and THEN without the faffing around...and i would be like a bull at a gate as i am not the most patient person in the world.
What is there to accept? indeed, how can you change any of it.
IF the OP's son is gay he was BORN that way and no homophobic Victorian diatribe style vendettas will alter that.
And no, for the record, I'm not gay. Get a grip, you're seriously looking daft here.
I'm not sure he is being homophobic just a bit victorian - too easy to throw around labels.
Lots of parents would be uncomfortable with their kids having sex in the family home.
Whatever, I don't really care what he's labelling it as, he's already pretty much said he doesnt like this but would tolerate it if he had a girlfriend.
This isn't about sex in the family home at all, it's about him possibly being gay.
I'm not even gay but I do tolerate it if it's what people want. it's perfectly natural. I really did think we left this attitude behind long ago.
I think, speaking from a teenagers point of view, that you should just leave it for the time being. If your son seen you, or you mentioned the other guy seen you, he's bound to tell your son and he will know regardless that you witnessed him in a act.
At 17 I really don't think the 'safe sex' talk will help at all so I would leave that out. The only thing you should say is maybe about the door and your fine, or nothing at all.
I'm saying this because he will talk to you when he's ready and he's already embarassed enough with the situation happening.
Now I will guess that he and his friend are upstairs talking about this, if he's stiill there that is! He will, should find it a bit easier 'coming out' to you if he's gay or just experementing because you've seen him.
Gay or straight (not the issue here with my opinions) have I ever mentioned the fact that I would allow my son to have sex with a female - but there would be hell to pay if his partner was the same sex? erm...no. (that is beside the point here)
There are gay people around as much as straight people so if you look in 'many' of my posts i actually state 'partner' as oppose to male or female. (please do not 'bias' me)
Actually forestchav, he has said it wouldn't matter which sex the partner was.
I don't think Andy is homophobic at all (although I did have doubts reading his first post), as hobbes said, he just sounds a bit Victorian in his ways.
Simon, please let us know how everything goes when/if you have a chat.
Actually forestchav, he has said it wouldn't matter which sex the partner was.
Whatever, it's still draconian. And I personally believe if you make something taboo it just makes people want it more. All his attitude is suggesting is no sex - but provided they want it why not? It's like banning alcohol, kids will still get it, they'll pay people to get it, and they'll drink it on the park and get lashed, but if you allow them a drink from their early teens every so often they will realise it's not that interesting, and more to the point, it won't be the forbidden fruit.
16/17 year olds have sex? At least that is legal unlike the younger teenage parents.
What a situation! It sounds like the op is dealing with this very well. I'm not really sure how I'd react. For a start, I'd probably lay down boundaries as to what he should and shouldn't do in the house. To look at it another way, if it was my 17 year old daughter (mine aren't that age yet) caught in flagrante with her boyfriend, I'm not sure I'd be too over the moon about it.
Having said that, I can remember having to hide behind the curtains at a girls house and then sneaking out when her parents came home at about the same age...
I will tell you something now and i have never mentioned this to anyone - not even girlfriends and my ex wife - when i was about 10-12 years old i had a couple of very close 'male' friends who i hung out with at school and i (think) i actually loved them (as stupid as it may seem) and we did the usual things lads do at that age with football/ train-sets/ scalextric etc... and we even sat next to each other in class at junior school. I often brought back Duncan or steven and we did the usual stuff kids do at that age in my bedroom (and i dont mean SEX before anyone jumps to far-gone conclusions) and we used to sit on my bed and we often moved up close so that our legs were touching etc... and when one of them went home i could smell their aroma of which left me with a feeling of sadness because i wanted them to be there because i felt so close.
As kids do that age - they fall out over stupid things and when i fell out with Duncan (firstly) i was really emotionally upset because i was really close to him and i could not bear to lose him...but i did and it made me really emotional. I moved to the last year of junior school and then i fell out with 'steven' - my other closest friend (probably due to growing up) and he hung out with 'Simon' who i hated at the time of which again made me jealous and although i had other friends (male) i never felt the same way as i did towards 'Duncan' and 'Steven' (yes these are proper names but obviously i am not going to mention surnames) Maybe once i did have 'gay' tendancies at a very young age - but i didn't know what 'gay' meant then as such. Kids DO and sometimes have these issues at a yong age - and some as old as thier late teens because they do not know their sexuality. Being 'gay' has been around for centuries but has never been really open due to religious reasons (for one) and personal reasons for fear of reprisals etc...but i think family should be the FIRST to know if their child (either son or daughter) is gay.
My sentiments sound harsh - because it's the strict way i have been brought up.
I have known a couple of gay people in my time and they are completely unbiased about what people think of them and they do try and keep it low profile for obvious reasons...but again - BOTH families should be totally aware of this scenario which may be something or nothing.
Whatever, it's still draconian. And I personally believe if you make something taboo it just makes people want it more. All his attitude is suggesting is no sex - but provided they want it why not? It's like banning alcohol, kids will still get it, they'll pay people to get it, and they'll drink it on the park and get lashed, but if you allow them a drink from their early teens every so often they will realise it's not that interesting, and more to the point, it won't be the forbidden fruit.
16/17 year olds have sex? At least that is legal unlike the younger teenage parents.
I agree personally but I still think parent have aright to impose restrictions on the activities of their kids at home. I would seek to negotiate claer boundaries around sex (and drinking/smoking etc0 but if parents want to forbid them then so be it.
Comments
It actually WOULD be MY concern if it is my SON...of course it would be!
If the other sons parents go as far as 'disowning him' then he should have told them in the first place.
Why would I be winding people up...??? I am being totally straight with my views.
No for being a total ****.
Now i know we have to "respect each others views" on the forums, but if YOU have a child then it's your responsibility to look after them, so of cause they are not a ****ing lodger! they're your child!
And you don't want them to have sexual activities in your house, would you rather they done it in a public place or somewhere dangerous. Sexual intercourse is legal at 16, the Op son is 17, i see no problems ??? have you actually got children?
As for you Simon, i just want to echo the views of everyone else on here, You sound like you have everything under control and you seem like you are taking great care of your children
Gay or straight (not the issue here with my opinions) have I ever mentioned the fact that I would allow my son to have sex with a female - but there would be hell to pay if his partner was the same sex? erm...no. (that is beside the point here)
There are gay people around as much as straight people so if you look in 'many' of my posts i actually state 'partner' as oppose to male or female. (please do not 'bias' me)
It easy for a straight person to say that (i'm assuming you're straight), because you'll never encounter that problem. But believe me if your parents are old fashioned in there ways, telling them your gay is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, with the fear of rejection and being kicked out on the street.
You have the absolute right to dictate what goes on under your roof. In fact I think it is important to lay down boundaries.
However you don't have the right to drag another family into it.
By confronting another family with their child's sexuality you could do immense harm. It is none of your business.
Well as others have said if you had no idea he was gay before then he probably would have been experimenting and is bisexual (either that or you've been really naive
Very true...and if i ever came out and told my parents i was gay (which I'm not BTW) I most definately WOULD have been kicked out - NO questions asked.
It is good for the O.P to be more acceptive to it if the son was gay because whatever way you look at it they REALLY need to know as soon as possible and i will admit that i would want to know THERE and THEN without the faffing around...and i would be like a bull at a gate as i am not the most patient person in the world.
But you wouldn't grass up his boyfriend then hopefully?
I think you are the one with "issues".
Some people would react to it differently of course, what I'd feel would be the best way to approach the situation is to sit them both down, and tell them that your perfectly fine regarding their sexuality, and what they've been doing. Then after they've gained your trust, THEN introduce some ground rules. I'm sure they'd appreciated being treated like adults and they'd respect you more for it.
Going at it (no pun intended) like a Bull in a China shop wouldn't make things better, and as other posters have said, it could potentially be detrimental to the other boy and ruin his family life.
There's no right, or wrong way of approaching it, but I feel this would be the best way of dealing with it.
Stop reflecting "society's" issues onto your (hopefully non existant) children. You don't have to act like a complete tosser because you fear they will turn out to be the next Vicky Pollard.
My parents didn't act like nazis, yet I haven't turned into some gun wielding chav.
Funnily enough, they live there, it's their house too. Most teenagers won't want to shag loud enough for their parents to hear. Anyway, what's wrong with them shagging in their room, do you have a problem with them having a good time? A bit bitter aren't we?
And if you want your kids to look after you when you've got alzheimer's, instead of pooing in your Wilshire Farm Foods then i'd urge you to treat them well.
And that will probably be as soon as possible.
Putting up with what? He isn't breaking any laws or doing anything wrong, so what the hell does it matter about any of that.
It is a total irrelevance to this thread, and whether or not the OP's son is having a consensual relationship with someone else, or not.
Also bear in mind homophobia is against the Terms and Conditions of DS.
What is there to accept? indeed, how can you change any of it.
IF the OP's son is gay he was BORN that way and no homophobic Victorian diatribe style vendettas will alter that.
And no, for the record, I'm not gay. Get a grip, you're seriously looking daft here.
Lots of parents would be uncomfortable with their kids having sex in the family home.
Whatever, I don't really care what he's labelling it as, he's already pretty much said he doesnt like this but would tolerate it if he had a girlfriend.
This isn't about sex in the family home at all, it's about him possibly being gay.
I'm not even gay but I do tolerate it if it's what people want. it's perfectly natural. I really did think we left this attitude behind long ago.
At 17 I really don't think the 'safe sex' talk will help at all so I would leave that out. The only thing you should say is maybe about the door and your fine, or nothing at all.
I'm saying this because he will talk to you when he's ready and he's already embarassed enough with the situation happening.
Now I will guess that he and his friend are upstairs talking about this, if he's stiill there that is! He will, should find it a bit easier 'coming out' to you if he's gay or just experementing because you've seen him.
What i've saids basically been covered, but.....
God if that happened to me I'd been mortifided!!!
Actually forestchav, he has said it wouldn't matter which sex the partner was.
Likewise I think all kids are uncomfortable with their parents having sex (anywhere).
Simon, please let us know how everything goes when/if you have a chat.
Whatever, it's still draconian. And I personally believe if you make something taboo it just makes people want it more. All his attitude is suggesting is no sex - but provided they want it why not? It's like banning alcohol, kids will still get it, they'll pay people to get it, and they'll drink it on the park and get lashed, but if you allow them a drink from their early teens every so often they will realise it's not that interesting, and more to the point, it won't be the forbidden fruit.
16/17 year olds have sex? At least that is legal unlike the younger teenage parents.
Having said that, I can remember having to hide behind the curtains at a girls house and then sneaking out when her parents came home at about the same age...
Difficult one.
As kids do that age - they fall out over stupid things and when i fell out with Duncan (firstly) i was really emotionally upset because i was really close to him and i could not bear to lose him...but i did and it made me really emotional. I moved to the last year of junior school and then i fell out with 'steven' - my other closest friend (probably due to growing up) and he hung out with 'Simon' who i hated at the time of which again made me jealous and although i had other friends (male) i never felt the same way as i did towards 'Duncan' and 'Steven' (yes these are proper names but obviously i am not going to mention surnames) Maybe once i did have 'gay' tendancies at a very young age - but i didn't know what 'gay' meant then as such. Kids DO and sometimes have these issues at a yong age - and some as old as thier late teens because they do not know their sexuality. Being 'gay' has been around for centuries but has never been really open due to religious reasons (for one) and personal reasons for fear of reprisals etc...but i think family should be the FIRST to know if their child (either son or daughter) is gay.
My sentiments sound harsh - because it's the strict way i have been brought up.
I have known a couple of gay people in my time and they are completely unbiased about what people think of them and they do try and keep it low profile for obvious reasons...but again - BOTH families should be totally aware of this scenario which may be something or nothing.
I agree personally but I still think parent have aright to impose restrictions on the activities of their kids at home. I would seek to negotiate claer boundaries around sex (and drinking/smoking etc0 but if parents want to forbid them then so be it.
Far too many kids have no boundaries.