Thankfully for all concerned, I have no children, only cats. the cats don't ask these questions too often, luckily.
Seriously though... I'm not sure what I would tell them. I was raised C of E, although I'm not religious now. When I was little and lost relatives, the idea of them going to Heaven helped me to come to terms with death, it was a source of comfort. that's going back to the age of about 5 when I didn't question these things too much. When i lost my father at 20, those beliefs were no longer there and didn't help in the slightest.
My mother, however, takes great comfort in the idea that there is a heaven - she was raised at a convent school in Calcutta, those beliefs have been with her all her life and have helped her when she has suffered the loss of her brother, father, and niece.
Thankfully for all concerned, I have no children, only cats. the cats don't ask these questions too often, luckily.
Seriously though... I'm not sure what I would tell them. I was raised C of E, although I'm not religious now. When I was little and lost relatives, the idea of them going to Heaven helped me to come to terms with death, it was a source of comfort. that's going back to the age of about 5 when I didn't question these things too much. When i lost my father at 20, those beliefs were no longer there and didn't help in the slightest.
My mother, however, takes great comfort in the idea that there is a heaven - she was raised at a convent school in Calcutta, those beliefs have been with her all her life and have helped her when she has suffered the loss of her brother, father, and niece.
To be fair had you been told the truth it may have helped more.
My sister isn't massively religious. At her daughters playschool one of the teachers died of cancer and although she can't properly grasp the idea of death she was inconsolable that she was in a bad place because she knew that cancer was bad. My sister told her that she was no longer in pain because when you die all the bad things go away. She then told her that she'd gone to heaven. My niece knows heaven is supposed to be a good place so seemed happy with that, but it sort of made me wonder. Hence why i started this thread.
That's the trouble, we don't want to frighten young children or give them nightmares, especially if they've lost a loved one. So, I can see how easier the heaven route is for some. I was always told that as a child, but now I'm an athiest and so it didn't stop me from making my own mind up as I grew older. I don't feel harmed by any of that.
Thing is the "I dont want to upset the child line" is not really very evidence based.
Where are all the examples of children being traumatised by the truth?
Well a similar thing happened to my nephew when his Mum (my brother ex girlfriend) miscarried. He asked what happened to the baby and she told him the truth and that it had gone into nothingness. He cried and cried and cried.
I'd do the only sensible thing and tell them the truth. You cease to exist as anything other than a lump of matter, which will be disposed of in one of two ways.
It's something I imagine I'll be facing in no time (explaining, not dying! :eek: ) and I plan to tell my children the truth, though as tactfully as I can. I may explain other people's beliefs but if so I will also add that they have no basis in fact and there's absolutely no evidence to suggest they're true, but that other children may believe and shouldn't be mocked for it.
I had this with my daughter about a year ago, she was 5. She was asking about her great grandad who died when she was a baby. She asked when he'd be coming back, I was very honest and told her he wouldn't be. She asked if we could go to him then and I was honest with her again......After an hour of sobbing her little eyes out and asking questions about me and her dad dieing and ''what about when I die?'':( I rowed back on what I'd origionaly said and told her all about heaven and how her great grandad was watching us all from a big clowd in the sky and that one day we'd all be up there together having a lovely lovely time.
I was raised as a Catholic. Although I don't recall how my parents responded to such questions, by the time I was seven I had been taught the doctrine of original sin, mortal sin, grace, heaven, hell, purgatory and even limbo.
I did not find these ideas comforting. Even heaven sounded to me like an endless church service; hell was only worse than that because it was also endless and dedicated to torture. When elderly relatives died I also worried about them spying on me. God and the angels and saints did that too, but the thought of Grandpa seeing me rubbing my nine-year-old willy was creepy.
These religious ideas are of course based on speculative interpretations of ancient and often ridiculously silly old writings that are venerated merely because of their age and subject matter. As they're fanciful and devoid of insight or evidence I soon rejected them, though the credulous habit took longer to die. I strongly suspect that we are predisposed to believe nonsense like that. It's harder to learn to think critically. Most of us have to be taught that as adults.
So my turn came as a parent. I taught my children that there had been a time in the recent past when they did not exist, and that their mother and I had constructed them in exactly the same way that other animals construct their young.
When they asked, I confirmed that all animals die. I reassured them that they would not always be dependent on their parents, that they would one day be as big and strong and confident as I, so that when I or their mother died they would no longer be in need of our protection. Even if we did die early by some terrible chance, they would still be cared for by their family.
We taught our children to view an animal as a mechanism or process. When the mechanism breaks down or the process is overwhelmed the parts remain but the animal has ceased all activities. If the mechanism has thought, thought ceases on death. Its complexity makes repair impossible.
These things of course don't have to be taught as liturgy, they are inferred from the simple observation that plants and animals are machines--evolved, complex, sexually reproducing machines, but nonetheless examples of engineering and not magic.
I told my kids that when you die some people believe you go to heaven but that was stupid as there is no evidence. Therefore when you die that's it. However, for everybody that remembers you, you will live on in their thoughts. If you have been a good person you will be remembered fondly or with love. If you have been a bad person you will be remembered with distain or hatred. Be good while you are alive and you increase the goodness in others. That's the legacy we leave behind.
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Seriously though... I'm not sure what I would tell them. I was raised C of E, although I'm not religious now. When I was little and lost relatives, the idea of them going to Heaven helped me to come to terms with death, it was a source of comfort. that's going back to the age of about 5 when I didn't question these things too much. When i lost my father at 20, those beliefs were no longer there and didn't help in the slightest.
My mother, however, takes great comfort in the idea that there is a heaven - she was raised at a convent school in Calcutta, those beliefs have been with her all her life and have helped her when she has suffered the loss of her brother, father, and niece.
To be fair had you been told the truth it may have helped more.
That's the trouble, we don't want to frighten young children or give them nightmares, especially if they've lost a loved one. So, I can see how easier the heaven route is for some. I was always told that as a child, but now I'm an athiest and so it didn't stop me from making my own mind up as I grew older. I don't feel harmed by any of that.
Where are all the examples of children being traumatised by the truth?
Well a similar thing happened to my nephew when his Mum (my brother ex girlfriend) miscarried. He asked what happened to the baby and she told him the truth and that it had gone into nothingness. He cried and cried and cried.
Might phrase the last bit more tactfully.
I think thats probably how religion was invented.
That some people believe there's a heaven - that others don't - and that I think the smart-money is on the latter.
I did not find these ideas comforting. Even heaven sounded to me like an endless church service; hell was only worse than that because it was also endless and dedicated to torture. When elderly relatives died I also worried about them spying on me. God and the angels and saints did that too, but the thought of Grandpa seeing me rubbing my nine-year-old willy was creepy.
These religious ideas are of course based on speculative interpretations of ancient and often ridiculously silly old writings that are venerated merely because of their age and subject matter. As they're fanciful and devoid of insight or evidence I soon rejected them, though the credulous habit took longer to die. I strongly suspect that we are predisposed to believe nonsense like that. It's harder to learn to think critically. Most of us have to be taught that as adults.
So my turn came as a parent. I taught my children that there had been a time in the recent past when they did not exist, and that their mother and I had constructed them in exactly the same way that other animals construct their young.
When they asked, I confirmed that all animals die. I reassured them that they would not always be dependent on their parents, that they would one day be as big and strong and confident as I, so that when I or their mother died they would no longer be in need of our protection. Even if we did die early by some terrible chance, they would still be cared for by their family.
We taught our children to view an animal as a mechanism or process. When the mechanism breaks down or the process is overwhelmed the parts remain but the animal has ceased all activities. If the mechanism has thought, thought ceases on death. Its complexity makes repair impossible.
These things of course don't have to be taught as liturgy, they are inferred from the simple observation that plants and animals are machines--evolved, complex, sexually reproducing machines, but nonetheless examples of engineering and not magic.
If older I would say the same thing.:)
A humanist view of heaven and hell if you wish.