I'll be okay I think, I'm not going to call them. I wrote my letter, but I don't have enough pills in to even try anything stupid. I'm going to take 4 melatonin and hope it knocks me out for the night. Useless stuff doesn't work though, so probably not.
The worst that'll happen is I'll wake up in the morning with a few cuts and a sickly feeling that I'm still here....
lilly_jones, have you seen this post, which was a response to your thread re Akathisia?
I did, but when I read that leaflet it didn't actually say that on it so I thought maybe they had read it wrong. The akasthesia has mainly gone now, but it's just been replaced with this crippling depressive state. I'm not feeling suicidal or anything now, but I cut a lot last night and that's really sore. I don't want to leave the house, but I want some sort of help. I don't want to call my GP because I already saw him yesterday morning and don't want to keep bothering him. I don't want to call NHS direct because they'll just tell me to call my GP! I don't know what to do, if I need to do anything at all, or keep on with the meds until Friday as planned....
I just don't want to get to the state I was in last night again.
Lilly I'm a full time carer for someone with extreme clinical depression she's had it for over 7 years and has at various times been considered a suicide risk she suffers badly with agoraphobia which makes her housebound for long periods of time and our Dr will do either a telephone consultation or a home visit don't be scared to ask for either explain to them if need be that your mental health is extremely bad and you cannot leave the house they may want to refer you to the crisis team but ours were fantastic if you need to talk you can pm me or if you want I will give you my email I would give you my number to text but the signal is so bad I may not get it for hours I don't mind helping you because I hate to see you suffer like this alone xxx
I need some advice. I'm not sure what is wrong with me but tbh it's been going for so long it almost feels normal. I had such a bad night last night, tears until I fell asleep, but this nights been a good one, where I'm laughing and joking. It sort of seems to go in cycles with me like I'II be plodding along and then suddenly sometimes my whole world feels like it's craving in. The only reason it doesn't feel 'normal' whatever that is, is that I cannot remember the last time I went through a year without crying myself to sleep on, which I do on many occasions and thinking much worse, having a think about it last night it's probably been this way since I have been about 14, I'm 25 now, in the early years I put my feelings down to being a teenager and in my later ones, well like I have said it's become the norm that I just ride it out for however long it lasts, but I'm just not sure I can go on for however long I have on the clock like this, it's completely exhausting at times - I'm calling it IT because I'm not a doctor or a professional to put a label on it - maybe I'm overreacting? but I just wanted someone second opinion on what I should do or at least some advice, I don't know where to start by going to my GP - I haven't had great experience with them for medical stuff so that's put me right off and I don't want them to give me pills; I believe that's part of my problem tbh I was on roaccutane for 5 months 3 years ago and it did not go too well to say the least.
This is maybe not a lot of sense but I've tried to samartians and they take too long to get back and I don't want to worry my family. Any help would be great.
Go to your GP and tell them what you've just told us. Print the post out and hand it to them if you need to, and if it doesnt feel like they've taken you seriously go to another one.
I sort of know how you feel. I keep having depressive turns, which if I don't watch carefully can fast become suicidal thoughts. Strangest was last week when I was with my boyfriend, we were just as normal when I suddenly just got incredibly down and started crying...was fine again a bit later. Luckily he was super understanding and somehow knew what to do with me haha.
I tend to just ride them out unless someone forces me to see someone. Probably the wrong thing to do.
If you're not sure you can go on with it, get it checked before it gets worse, and PM me any time if you just need to rant xx
Hi guys
I know this part of the advice thread is not often used but that's ok because I think I just want to write down how I'm feeling, I'm not sure really what advice I'm after.
Since about November time Iv been a little down but was coping ok till about January. Since then I feel Iv gone down hill, I'm self harming and if I'm honest the thought of ending my life is on my mind most days. I seem to be in a constant daydream were my thoughts are wondering all over the place. I work extremely long hours and do 7 days a week which gives me very little time for the few things I get enjoyment out of. I just feel like things are to much for me and as hard as I try I just can't keep myself or the people around me happy no matter how much effort I give things. I confided in a friend a while back, she's a nurse so I asked her to point me in the right direction for advice. She offered to listen and asked me to talk to her so she could help. I stupidly told her everything and since then she's hardly so much as spoke to me even though she said call when I need to I feel like I'm bothering her.
I saw my gp, I wasn't 100% honest but I did tell her I was feeling very down. She ran through what I assume is the standard depression questions and said I scored 14 which means I'm mildly depressed. She did say I could be suffering from SADs, also at the time my grandfather and mum were in hospital and I had a split from the bf so I think she thought I was probably just overwhelmed. I got a number for a local counselling service but that was it.
That was probably 2 months ago and since then nothings changed. Every day I seem to feel a little worse, there are some bright moments and I try to hang on to them but they are becoming less and less.
I just don't know what to do, I'm sat in tears writing this the thought of waking up in the morning is actually making me cry!! I'm stuck, I'm not brave enough to get up, face it and carry on but I'm not brave enough to end it either.
Hi Azalea. Terribly sorry you are feeling so low. It sounds like you're in the grip of more than a "mild depression" and you really do need medical help. It's a terrible place to be. Don't give up hope firstly, most people recover. Please go back to your GP and this time you must be absolutely honest. Anti-depressants could be a great benefit to you.. Copy and show her this post if you feel unable to speak about it. Did you do anything about counselling? Are you on a waiting list? Medication and counselling combined can be very beneficial. Is there any chance you can work less hours and have more time for your own interests?
Have you contacted your nurse friend as she said you could? Your fears about her could be unfounded and maybe you are looking for disapproval. That's common when depressed.
Professional help is out there though and you deserve all the help available. Love to youxx
Just reminding people that this thread is still here, and that there are a few people who've been members of this thread for quite a while who pop back I hope the silence means everyone's okay and things are going okay for people? If not, remember we're here x
Pretty down and subdued with the fact the admin staff of one of the fb groups kicked me out for a post that I was doing that was unsolicited and fishy to em. So gutted as the feet groups were my pride and joy, feel so empty and became an ex member of another foot group. Some things in life are a bitter pill to swallow and this is definitely one for me alright. Suppose I should be looking forward and not back. Its so difficult for me considering I have asperger's syndrome and interests are that much more limited. Hate it when you make irrational mistakes like I have obviously, but maybe I shouldn't beat myself up about it, maybe those groups are places that I shouldn't have been in in the first place. Need to maybe realise also that the internet isn't exactly real life and there are some good and bad bits about it. Was wondering what you'd do if you were me to take my mind off and obliterate all of this? I mean I did have a great time posting and being a member, but maybe I was obsessing over it too much and obsessive posting can annoy some people, seems to be a problem for me and I don't know where to turn quite frankly.
Maybe I need to do other things with my life away from the internet a bit more and interact with offline society more. Thing is I don't want to waste any potential which I have to offer, its just that I haven't exactly had the best day and obviously not happy with the goings on today. Suppose in the grand scheme of things it ain't the end of the world and could be worse. Just thought I'd post here as again I didn't know which way to turn.
Is there anyone here able to chat? I cannot get in touch with my partner and I fear I am starting to have another anxiety attack. I have a small illness that I have become completely obsessed with and a career path I despise and feel trapped in that I need to escape. I am not suicidal but my mind is just racing and racing. In the past just talking to people has helped.
I've always struggled with making friends since I left school. I have always found it so hard to connect to people. And when I was at my previous jobs and college, I tried to ask them out to clubs and bars and it always seemed like I was begging them or forcing them.
Now everyone I know is settled down with partners and kids and I can't find anyone to go out with. I've never had a circle of friends, one that could lead on to a girlfriend.
To avoid being a virgin, I paid prostitutes to have sex with me. My parents don't know. If I had lots of money I would see prostitutes all the time, it's the only way I feel I can get sex and to talk to a woman.
I started off this year unemployed, single and with only one old workmate to talk to. How can I improve things?
I've always struggled with making friends since I left school. I have always found it so hard to connect to people. And when I was at my previous jobs and college, I tried to ask them out to clubs and bars and it always seemed like I was begging them or forcing them.
Now everyone I know is settled down with partners and kids and I can't find anyone to go out with. I've never had a circle of friends, one that could lead on to a girlfriend.
To avoid being a virgin, I paid prostitutes to have sex with me. My parents don't know. If I had lots of money I would see prostitutes all the time, it's the only way I feel I can get sex and to talk to a woman.
I started off this year unemployed, single and with only one old workmate to talk to. How can I improve things?
This might have been better done as a separate new thread in the advice forum and I'd suggest doing it that way. Parts of this thread here http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2021574&highlight= cover similar ground and you might benefit from having a look through it. I hope you can get all your issues sorted out.
I haven't been on this thread before, just read thru the last couple of pages where members are contemplating suicide. If you've reached out here, that's a great first step, but please don't leave it at that. Get help from a doctor or qualified professional.
My son killed himself in January, he would have been 19 just a month later. :( No note, just gone.
I talked to him before Christmas and he told me he was depressed but not suicidal. I told him he should go to the doctor as they can help direct you to some counselling or medication if they think that's what's needed. I received a call from my ex (my son's father) on January 18th that he found our son hanging in the basement. He thought he might have been there for a couple of days before finding him. My life froze at that moment, I was so far away and felt absolutely helpless. That he felt he had no option but to end his life has broken my heart. There is always another option.
He ended his pain but I now carry it in my own heart. I will until I die. I'm not saying this to make anyone feel guilty, but just know that suicide is not the end of the pain. I will never be the person I was before my boy died.
So please continue to reach out for help. People care if you just let them know, they can help. x
People with depression don't think straight Mrs p but I am very sorry for your loss I have been there with my partner who has severe clinical depression it's not easy she's no longer under the crisis team but what does that mean I know it won't take a lot to push her back there you worry constantly about things how long you have been at the shops Etc it's far from easy and I wouldn't wish it on anyone x
Please understand MrsP, that it is not simply to get away from the pain your son was feeling for him.
I have had a really shit few years and following some CBT and teaching children to sew, I thought I had cracked it. Not better 100%, but able to face most days. Then 2 years ago, a family member did something really nasty, which I won't ever understand or get over.
I have tried to come to terms with it, tried to follow the CBT methods, but I can't get over just how evil she was, and what she did to me.
There is no way forward. The pain is there daily, the black curtain of depression falls more often than I can manage to pull it open. The harassment has continued and I can't fight anymore.
Yes, I have a daughter and grandchildren, but they will be better without me being like I am in this state. Who wants that, as in the state of me, for a memory or a daily burden.
When suicidal I think quite logically, have it planned and know exactly why I can't cope with the pain, nor continue to inflict it on others. Your son did not wish for you to carry his pain for him, nor cause you to suffer.
Remember him with love for the man he was before. Do not carry guilt for something that is not your fault.
Please understand MrsP, that it is not simply to get away from the pain your son was feeling for him.
I have had a really shit few years and following some CBT and teaching children to sew, I thought I had cracked it. Not better 100%, but able to face most days. Then 2 years ago, a family member did something really nasty, which I won't ever understand or get over.
I have tried to come to terms with it, tried to follow the CBT methods, but I can't get over just how evil she was, and what she did to me.
There is no way forward. The pain is there daily, the black curtain of depression falls more often than I can manage to pull it open. The harassment has continued and I can't fight anymore.
Yes, I have a daughter and grandchildren, but they will be better without me being like I am in this state. Who wants that, as in the state of me, for a memory or a daily burden.
When suicidal I think quite logically, have it planned and know exactly why I can't cope with the pain, nor continue to inflict it on others. Your son did not wish for you to carry his pain for him, nor cause you to suffer.
Remember him with love for the man he was before. Do not carry guilt for something that is not your fault.
I appreciate your honesty and openness. I am only trying to bring the other side, the side of those left in the wake.
If your child or grandchild told you that you would be better off without them, would you accept that? I also have a daughter and as much as I want to be here for her, there is a huge part of me that would like to join my son. Not that I want to kill myself, but that I would be okay about dying. Then I think about my girl and cannot imagine her going thru this nightmare of losing family all over again.
FWIW, I think there is still a large disconnect between how people perceive physical pain and emotional pain. People who suffer terminal illnesses have people advocating on their behalf for assisted suicide, but there is a much different outlook for depression and other forms of emotional pain. I guess because we think it's curable.
I'm still trying to understand it all. I want to believe that there is treatment for depression. Not just existing, but really wanting to live.
Comments
lilly_jones, have you seen this post, which was a response to your thread re Akathisia?
I just don't want to get to the state I was in last night again.
This is maybe not a lot of sense but I've tried to samartians and they take too long to get back and I don't want to worry my family. Any help would be great.
I sort of know how you feel. I keep having depressive turns, which if I don't watch carefully can fast become suicidal thoughts. Strangest was last week when I was with my boyfriend, we were just as normal when I suddenly just got incredibly down and started crying...was fine again a bit later. Luckily he was super understanding and somehow knew what to do with me haha.
I tend to just ride them out unless someone forces me to see someone. Probably the wrong thing to do.
If you're not sure you can go on with it, get it checked before it gets worse, and PM me any time if you just need to rant xx
I know this part of the advice thread is not often used but that's ok because I think I just want to write down how I'm feeling, I'm not sure really what advice I'm after.
Since about November time Iv been a little down but was coping ok till about January. Since then I feel Iv gone down hill, I'm self harming and if I'm honest the thought of ending my life is on my mind most days. I seem to be in a constant daydream were my thoughts are wondering all over the place. I work extremely long hours and do 7 days a week which gives me very little time for the few things I get enjoyment out of. I just feel like things are to much for me and as hard as I try I just can't keep myself or the people around me happy no matter how much effort I give things. I confided in a friend a while back, she's a nurse so I asked her to point me in the right direction for advice. She offered to listen and asked me to talk to her so she could help. I stupidly told her everything and since then she's hardly so much as spoke to me even though she said call when I need to I feel like I'm bothering her.
I saw my gp, I wasn't 100% honest but I did tell her I was feeling very down. She ran through what I assume is the standard depression questions and said I scored 14 which means I'm mildly depressed. She did say I could be suffering from SADs, also at the time my grandfather and mum were in hospital and I had a split from the bf so I think she thought I was probably just overwhelmed. I got a number for a local counselling service but that was it.
That was probably 2 months ago and since then nothings changed. Every day I seem to feel a little worse, there are some bright moments and I try to hang on to them but they are becoming less and less.
I just don't know what to do, I'm sat in tears writing this the thought of waking up in the morning is actually making me cry!! I'm stuck, I'm not brave enough to get up, face it and carry on but I'm not brave enough to end it either.
Have you contacted your nurse friend as she said you could? Your fears about her could be unfounded and maybe you are looking for disapproval. That's common when depressed.
Professional help is out there though and you deserve all the help available. Love to youxx
Pretty down and subdued with the fact the admin staff of one of the fb groups kicked me out for a post that I was doing that was unsolicited and fishy to em. So gutted as the feet groups were my pride and joy, feel so empty and became an ex member of another foot group. Some things in life are a bitter pill to swallow and this is definitely one for me alright. Suppose I should be looking forward and not back. Its so difficult for me considering I have asperger's syndrome and interests are that much more limited. Hate it when you make irrational mistakes like I have obviously, but maybe I shouldn't beat myself up about it, maybe those groups are places that I shouldn't have been in in the first place. Need to maybe realise also that the internet isn't exactly real life and there are some good and bad bits about it. Was wondering what you'd do if you were me to take my mind off and obliterate all of this? I mean I did have a great time posting and being a member, but maybe I was obsessing over it too much and obsessive posting can annoy some people, seems to be a problem for me and I don't know where to turn quite frankly.
Maybe I need to do other things with my life away from the internet a bit more and interact with offline society more. Thing is I don't want to waste any potential which I have to offer, its just that I haven't exactly had the best day and obviously not happy with the goings on today. Suppose in the grand scheme of things it ain't the end of the world and could be worse. Just thought I'd post here as again I didn't know which way to turn.
its a massive site.
sucure it
Now everyone I know is settled down with partners and kids and I can't find anyone to go out with. I've never had a circle of friends, one that could lead on to a girlfriend.
To avoid being a virgin, I paid prostitutes to have sex with me. My parents don't know. If I had lots of money I would see prostitutes all the time, it's the only way I feel I can get sex and to talk to a woman.
I started off this year unemployed, single and with only one old workmate to talk to. How can I improve things?
This might have been better done as a separate new thread in the advice forum and I'd suggest doing it that way. Parts of this thread here http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2021574&highlight= cover similar ground and you might benefit from having a look through it. I hope you can get all your issues sorted out.
My son killed himself in January, he would have been 19 just a month later.
I talked to him before Christmas and he told me he was depressed but not suicidal. I told him he should go to the doctor as they can help direct you to some counselling or medication if they think that's what's needed. I received a call from my ex (my son's father) on January 18th that he found our son hanging in the basement.
He ended his pain but I now carry it in my own heart. I will until I die. I'm not saying this to make anyone feel guilty, but just know that suicide is not the end of the pain. I will never be the person I was before my boy died.
So please continue to reach out for help. People care if you just let them know, they can help. x
I have had a really shit few years and following some CBT and teaching children to sew, I thought I had cracked it. Not better 100%, but able to face most days. Then 2 years ago, a family member did something really nasty, which I won't ever understand or get over.
I have tried to come to terms with it, tried to follow the CBT methods, but I can't get over just how evil she was, and what she did to me.
There is no way forward. The pain is there daily, the black curtain of depression falls more often than I can manage to pull it open. The harassment has continued and I can't fight anymore.
Yes, I have a daughter and grandchildren, but they will be better without me being like I am in this state. Who wants that, as in the state of me, for a memory or a daily burden.
When suicidal I think quite logically, have it planned and know exactly why I can't cope with the pain, nor continue to inflict it on others. Your son did not wish for you to carry his pain for him, nor cause you to suffer.
Remember him with love for the man he was before. Do not carry guilt for something that is not your fault.
I appreciate your honesty and openness. I am only trying to bring the other side, the side of those left in the wake.
If your child or grandchild told you that you would be better off without them, would you accept that? I also have a daughter and as much as I want to be here for her, there is a huge part of me that would like to join my son. Not that I want to kill myself, but that I would be okay about dying. Then I think about my girl and cannot imagine her going thru this nightmare of losing family all over again.
FWIW, I think there is still a large disconnect between how people perceive physical pain and emotional pain. People who suffer terminal illnesses have people advocating on their behalf for assisted suicide, but there is a much different outlook for depression and other forms of emotional pain. I guess because we think it's curable.
I'm still trying to understand it all. I want to believe that there is treatment for depression. Not just existing, but really wanting to live.