If a guy works hard and looks after himself why shouldn't that comintment be recognised?
Some guys here are accusing some women of being shallow - after being rejected or ignored. Wasn't it shallowness that lead these guys to contact the girls in the first place? What was it that first attracted you to part time model Mandy, was it her love of cats and fondness for long walks down the beach?
If the likes of Samantha Brick wearing a trollface mask is your sort of thing then you'll love it in PoF. Otherwise it's wise to go to a credible dating site or migrate to Facebook.
Pof is bad, there's just so many people on there- every guy/gal sees one attribute they don't like-that's not such a biggie in the flesh-and hop onto another profile.
That's why maybe the smaller dating sites like oasis are maybe better.
If a guy works hard and looks after himself why shouldn't that comintment be recognised?
Some guys here are accusing some women of being shallow - after being rejected or ignored. Wasn't it shallowness that lead these guys to contact the girls in the first place? What was it that first attracted you to part time model Mandy, was it her love of cats and fondness for long walks down the beach?
Yes, this!
I prefer to meet men in real life where you get a better idea of their real personality etc.
I gave up on POF yonks ago, and opted for a Wantaquickie membership instead which has been generally ok re the dates, and also, i really like their daily e'mail of mugshots "look who's joined wantaquickie today", there's always something in that list of photo's that makes me either chuckle, go "yeah nice one", or just yell "ehhh, no way hosay" !!
From experience of PoF, the OP should do well to heed that advice - it would probably bring more success, and at least you'd meet people locally. When I tried PoF, the nearest person I went to see was 82 miles away! I'm going to see what Blendr is like, when they release it on Android sometime in 2043...
I'm another who tried POF without success:( I've also tried a couple of pay ones and tbh don't trust them at all now - They were ones where you registered for free but you had to pay if you wanted to send a message or read any messages sent to you - when I was just a free member and couldn't read or reply to messages I got loads of messages in my inbox, when I was a paid member they all dried up, then as soon as my membership lapsed and went back to being free I started getting messages again.
Their not actual messages its just the site ****ing with you, trying to get you to sign up etc , money grabbing bastards! :mad:
Pof is bad, there's just so many people on there- every guy/gal sees one attribute they don't like-that's not such a biggie in the flesh-and hop onto another profile.
That's why maybe the smaller dating sites like oasis are maybe better.
Yes I can reccomend this site. Met lots of nice people on their, had a few dates. Is a bit annoying though when I send the "I just want to be friends" contact option and I get "Sorry you are not my type " response . Lol not your friends type? hmmm ok lol:rolleyes:
Plenty of Fish and other dating sites only work for males if they are handsome, sexy hunks. Normal males dont get a look in, any male who is overweight bald and just generally unattractive will get ZERO responses.
WOmen get a slightly better response regardless of what they look like as all the ugly men will try to at least get a response out of them but the ugly women are still driven by what media industry deems acceptable, so even then there is no reply.
I carried out an experiement a couple of times, set up another account, found a picture of a sexy looking male escort and used that as profile pic, I made the profile identical to mine. Needless to say I struggled with getting any reply, but my fake profile , well I did not even bother, before the picture was even approved I got a message from one of the admins who said she shouldnt be really contacting me, but she was very attracted and hoped to "see more" etc.
I had countless offers of sex and many women waxing lyrical about single dad looking after kids and they would love to be part of that process of helping with raising the kids.
I thought "excellent" so waited about a week then contacted the women who said this to my fake account, but they just fobbed me off with things like "sorry I do not want to have anything o do with other peopes kids" !!!!
Forums were the same, said same things on one dating site forum, MR handsome got loads of "you are right" "how true" "you are aamzing" type responses, yet when I made same comments a month later, the same people would make lengthy replies basically making out that i would say those things as I am just saying them because no one really likes how I look etc.. Very nasty , shallow and hypercritical.
We live in a very sad cruel world , the internet has made it even more difficult to just have a relationship with anyone as most people seem to be looking for thier soul mate and all potential partners have to compete with rest of world.
SO If you are not getting many responses on dating sites, then dont worry, its just the world doing what they have bene told to do by the media and fashion industry.
I'm no oil painting myself and yet i did very, very well on Plenty of fish. I had many dates with women well out of my league and many leg overs aswell. That site was great. I'm now with a girl i met on there. On your profile you have to be amusing, you have to want to better yourself and you really should have a hobby. I only ever emailed one or Two women. I had emails every day from women because of my profile. The lesson here is not your looks but what you say.
P.S make sure you log on a few times a day so you are 9/10 on top of the search list.
I had no success with POF either, i think it is a load of crap, Zoosk is better but they want £18 for just 1 months membership, huh they are having a laugh aren't they.
It sounds like most of the negative responses on this thread are from men. I must comment in defense of women on these dating sites. First off, if you are of the opinion that women are only after good looking, rich men, then that is half your problem right there. There has to be something lookswise you are attracted to, but for every person, that is something different. There is someone out there for everyone no matter what you look like. As far as income, do you really believe these websites are just filled with rich single men? Seriously? I beg you each to try and experiment, go on there and pose as a female and see just what you get . . . I suspect you will begin to see it's not all one way or the other.
I have had good and bad luck on dating sites, as most people have. You just have to try to meet up with as many people as possible and see where things go, that is the essence of dating!
One of the main problems I see are men who talk about their interests and they just don't match up to me, and most likely other women the same. I mean, saying your loves are football, pubs and the gym doesn't really give a female a whole lot to work with. Neither does messaging someone with a subject title 'hello' (they ALL say this) and then when you open it up it says something like 'how are you' and nothing else. You are putting the onus back on the female. I have responded to some messages by saying 'I'm fine. Thank you' and either not had a reply or had back something like 'LOL.' Again, you expect me to take over now because you typed out one meaningless sentence? I ignore them completely. That said, if you email or post on your profile how you are tired of women not responding to you on the website, etc etc, even if you truly do feel frustrated, it comes across as aggression, complete turn off. Seriously, have a look at some other profiles of men and see what you find, get some ideas.
Finally, I have made it very clear in a profile I have I am not looking for anyone who is currently attached. I can't begin to tell you how many messages from men who are married / partnered and just looking for fun. Pay attention to what the profile says and honour it. If it looks like you have mass mailed a ton of women all in one go, I personally won't respond.
Now, ones I do answer, someone has read my profile and said, for example, I see you like travel, what are some of the best places you've visited? Anywhere you want to go someday? Something like this shows you have made an effort specific to me and you are encouraging my response by asking me a question.
All in all, don't give up or become bitter. At least you are making an effort!
One of the main problems I see are men who talk about their interests and they just don't match up to me, and most likely other women the same.
Your post is a fine and lengthy piece of analysis regarding some people's short-comings when communicating on dating sites, and should be placed on the recommended reading list of those men who are in search of a new dating partner.
It sounds like most of the negative responses on this thread are from men. I must comment in defense of women on these dating sites. First off, if you are of the opinion that women are only after good looking, rich men, then that is half your problem right there. There has to be something lookswise you are attracted to, but for every person, that is something different. There is someone out there for everyone no matter what you look like. As far as income, do you really believe these websites are just filled with rich single men? Seriously? I beg you each to try and experiment, go on there and pose as a female and see just what you get . . . I suspect you will begin to see it's not all one way or the other.
I have had good and bad luck on dating sites, as most people have. You just have to try to meet up with as many people as possible and see where things go, that is the essence of dating!
One of the main problems I see are men who talk about their interests and they just don't match up to me, and most likely other women the same. I mean, saying your loves are football, pubs and the gym doesn't really give a female a whole lot to work with. Neither does messaging someone with a subject title 'hello' (they ALL say this) and then when you open it up it says something like 'how are you' and nothing else. You are putting the onus back on the female. I have responded to some messages by saying 'I'm fine. Thank you' and either not had a reply or had back something like 'LOL.' Again, you expect me to take over now because you typed out one meaningless sentence? I ignore them completely. That said, if you email or post on your profile how you are tired of women not responding to you on the website, etc etc, even if you truly do feel frustrated, it comes across as aggression, complete turn off. Seriously, have a look at some other profiles of men and see what you find, get some ideas.
Finally, I have made it very clear in a profile I have I am not looking for anyone who is currently attached. I can't begin to tell you how many messages from men who are married / partnered and just looking for fun. Pay attention to what the profile says and honour it. If it looks like you have mass mailed a ton of women all in one go, I personally won't respond.
Now, ones I do answer, someone has read my profile and said, for example, I see you like travel, what are some of the best places you've visited? Anywhere you want to go someday? Something like this shows you have made an effort specific to me and you are encouraging my response by asking me a question.
All in all, don't give up or become bitter. At least you are making an effort!
it sounds to me like a lot of the men who use these sites lack the basic social skills to meet a partner in the first place, hence why they are trawling dating sites instead of getting out and meeting people, and pretty much failing at every hurdle.
it sounds to me like a lot of the men who use these sites lack the basic social skills to meet a partner in the first place, hence why they are trawling dating sites instead of getting out and meeting people, and pretty much failing at every hurdle.
Not as easy as just turning up to a pub as some people think. I, as well as a number of people I know (including one from a dating site ironically) don't like socialising in pubs but clubs - particularly when you work or are under 40, can be few and far between. The vast majority of people I know go through a cycle of work and socialising via pubs and nightclubs or religion. Well, I don't like pubs and I ain't religious! As well, the vast majority of people have partners - we singles really are becoming a endangered species from the group of people I know!
Now, clubs - there are there, but generally go on during the day when you work or clash with working patterns in some way. They also tend to target people 40 and above, there is a perception by some that those under 40 just go pubbing and clubbing. I've been through the directory of clubs at my local library, there is nothing for a number of people I know or they are quite far away, travelling to them and working is impractical.
Now you could move, but that seems far too extreme a thing to do in order to meet new people. I've also considered starting something for those not catered for and are just perceived as "socially awkward", alas - other pressing matters have held that back.
But don't assume it's all easy - it isn't, and there are other practical problems like having to work to keep a house over your head and pay bills. Sadly anything other than "you're 100% right, I'll change from now on" is perceived as "negative". I'd perceive it as "positive, but realistic". Overt positivity can be just as negative as being negative.
Not as easy as just turning up to a pub as some people think. I, as well as a number of people I know (including one from a dating site ironically) don't like socialising in pubs but clubs - particularly when you work or are under 40, can be few and far between. The vast majority of people I know go through a cycle of work and socialising via pubs and nightclubs or religion. Well, I don't like pubs and I ain't religious! As well, the vast majority of people have partners - we singles really are becoming a endangered species from the group of people I know!
Now, clubs - there are there, but generally go on during the day when you work or clash with working patterns in some way. They also tend to target people 40 and above, there is a perception by some that those under 40 just go pubbing and clubbing. I've been through the directory of clubs at my local library, there is nothing for a number of people I know or they are quite far away, travelling to them and working is impractical.
Now you could move, but that seems far too extreme a thing to do in order to meet new people. I've also considered starting something for those not catered for and are just perceived as "socially awkward", alas - other pressing matters have held that back.
But don't assume it's all easy - it isn't, and there are other practical problems like having to work to keep a house over your head and pay bills. Sadly anything other than "you're 100% right, I'll change from now on" is perceived as "negative". I'd perceive it as "positive, but realistic". Overt positivity can be just as negative as being negative.
i didn't mean everybody in fairness, just the ones like the other poster described who haven't the basic interpersonal skills to show attention to a woman and be interested in her and what she has to say. if they're just going to post childish crap like "hello" and "LOL" on a computer screen, then they deserve all they get. also, socialising doesn't always have to mean going to pubs and clubs. get a hobby, and i don't mean trainspotting or hanging round the local Games Workshop, get an interesting hobby like mountain biking, martial arts, rock climbing or something. something you can be passionate about.
i didn't mean everybody in fairness, just the ones like the other poster described who haven't the basic interpersonal skills to show attention to a woman and be interested in her and what she has to say. if they're just going to post childish crap like "hello" and "LOL" on a computer screen, then they deserve all they get. also, socialising doesn't always have to mean going to pubs and clubs. get a hobby, and i don't mean trainspotting or hanging round the local Games Workshop, get an interesting hobby like mountain biking, martial arts, rock climbing or something. something you can be passionate about.
Funnily enough, the social people I speak to online usually resort to "hello" or "lol" in conversation.
You've actually reminded me of something I missed - sport. You covered a range of them in your descriptions of "interesting" hobbies. A fair number of people I know go to the gym.
Alas, its horses for courses, some people ain't sporty and would struggle (whether through disability or physical strength), so the less strenous pursuits (ie, the presumed boring ones), become more attractive but do not attract many, if any women, such as computing, train/bus spotting and role-playing gaming, so socialising with the opposite sex is limited (a few people I know are gay so its not as big a problem for them).
Don't knock trainspotting though. While I don't partake in that pursuit, Michael Palin was known to do so at Retford train station to see the trains, including the Flying Scotsman, pass by. Last time I checked, he was doing pretty well for himself.
There are cost prohibitions too, if you are poor, its harder to socialise (religion being an exception, if you're religious).
For those whom aren't into the mainstream forms of entertainment, there is a gap in the market for younger people. It's a shame that the only social group I know for young people are either aimed at teenagers or require a referral from a NHS GP and conflicts with work time. Something to bridge the gap for those few who aren't sporty, go pubbing and clubbing and so forth for people in their 20s and 30s is so badly needed. The assumptions and stereotypes aimed at these age groups even by established clubs does nothing to help.
ETA: As soon as I wrote all that, looked on my Twitter feed - Warhammer club tonight in my home town at 7pm. Although I have done roleplaying in the past, I find it as dull as sink water. Not my cup of tea but a step in the right direction.
i didn't mean everybody in fairness, just the ones like the other poster described who haven't the basic interpersonal skills to show attention to a woman and be interested in her and what she has to say. if they're just going to post childish crap like "hello" and "LOL" on a computer screen, then they deserve all they get. also, socialising doesn't always have to mean going to pubs and clubs. get a hobby, and i don't mean trainspotting or hanging round the local Games Workshop, get an interesting hobby like mountain biking, martial arts, rock climbing or something. something you can be passionate about.
Think this is slightly harsh. Not everybody is Wordsworth or Shakespeare. I have had messages from girls just saying hello on there, and I have always replied .
Also you say women need more to work on than just "hello". Well in my experience anyway when I have messaged a girl saying hello how are you., I have followed it up with really chatty messages , (mentioning things in their profiles they like) and It has been me on the recieving end of replies like "yeah" , "lol" or "kk". So now who is rude
Generally, free sites are full to the brim with timewasters.
Match.com (which charged £29 a month when I was on it) was much more successful of people who were seriously looking for a relationship.
Generally, free sites are full to the brim with timewasters.
Match.com (which charged £29 a month when I was on it) was much more successful of people who were seriously looking for a relationship.
I agree with your sentiment re free sites, however, Match do tend to be about 50% more expensive than the other pay sites, presumably to cover all their big business overheads and tv adverts, but are they actually the best any more? or just trading on yester-years reputation and folk stories, i'm not convinced that they are even still the market leader, it's a bit like when you buy a tv these days, you would think a Sony would be one of the best to buy, when in fact Panasonic and Samsung are miles better and somewhat cheaper too.
Comments
Some guys here are accusing some women of being shallow - after being rejected or ignored. Wasn't it shallowness that lead these guys to contact the girls in the first place? What was it that first attracted you to part time model Mandy, was it her love of cats and fondness for long walks down the beach?
If the likes of Samantha Brick wearing a trollface mask is your sort of thing then you'll love it in PoF. Otherwise it's wise to go to a credible dating site or migrate to Facebook.
That's why maybe the smaller dating sites like oasis are maybe better.
I think women are judged a hell of a lot more harshly for their looks than men are (in real life as well as websites)
Yes, this!
I prefer to meet men in real life where you get a better idea of their real personality etc.
Or just go to the Vine some nice girls there
I'm no oil painting myself and yet i did very, very well on Plenty of fish. I had many dates with women well out of my league and many leg overs aswell. That site was great. I'm now with a girl i met on there. On your profile you have to be amusing, you have to want to better yourself and you really should have a hobby. I only ever emailed one or Two women. I had emails every day from women because of my profile. The lesson here is not your looks but what you say.
P.S make sure you log on a few times a day so you are 9/10 on top of the search list.
Oops i typed in the address wrongly ended it with .com instead of co.uk.
hope you can find it, as POF is not going to be any good if you're a well endowed Cuckold Bull looking for some horny action tonight
I have had good and bad luck on dating sites, as most people have. You just have to try to meet up with as many people as possible and see where things go, that is the essence of dating!
One of the main problems I see are men who talk about their interests and they just don't match up to me, and most likely other women the same. I mean, saying your loves are football, pubs and the gym doesn't really give a female a whole lot to work with. Neither does messaging someone with a subject title 'hello' (they ALL say this) and then when you open it up it says something like 'how are you' and nothing else. You are putting the onus back on the female. I have responded to some messages by saying 'I'm fine. Thank you' and either not had a reply or had back something like 'LOL.' Again, you expect me to take over now because you typed out one meaningless sentence? I ignore them completely. That said, if you email or post on your profile how you are tired of women not responding to you on the website, etc etc, even if you truly do feel frustrated, it comes across as aggression, complete turn off. Seriously, have a look at some other profiles of men and see what you find, get some ideas.
Finally, I have made it very clear in a profile I have I am not looking for anyone who is currently attached. I can't begin to tell you how many messages from men who are married / partnered and just looking for fun. Pay attention to what the profile says and honour it. If it looks like you have mass mailed a ton of women all in one go, I personally won't respond.
Now, ones I do answer, someone has read my profile and said, for example, I see you like travel, what are some of the best places you've visited? Anywhere you want to go someday? Something like this shows you have made an effort specific to me and you are encouraging my response by asking me a question.
All in all, don't give up or become bitter. At least you are making an effort!
Your post is a fine and lengthy piece of analysis regarding some people's short-comings when communicating on dating sites, and should be placed on the recommended reading list of those men who are in search of a new dating partner.
it sounds to me like a lot of the men who use these sites lack the basic social skills to meet a partner in the first place, hence why they are trawling dating sites instead of getting out and meeting people, and pretty much failing at every hurdle.
Now, clubs - there are there, but generally go on during the day when you work or clash with working patterns in some way. They also tend to target people 40 and above, there is a perception by some that those under 40 just go pubbing and clubbing. I've been through the directory of clubs at my local library, there is nothing for a number of people I know or they are quite far away, travelling to them and working is impractical.
Now you could move, but that seems far too extreme a thing to do in order to meet new people. I've also considered starting something for those not catered for and are just perceived as "socially awkward", alas - other pressing matters have held that back.
But don't assume it's all easy - it isn't, and there are other practical problems like having to work to keep a house over your head and pay bills. Sadly anything other than "you're 100% right, I'll change from now on" is perceived as "negative". I'd perceive it as "positive, but realistic". Overt positivity can be just as negative as being negative.
i didn't mean everybody in fairness, just the ones like the other poster described who haven't the basic interpersonal skills to show attention to a woman and be interested in her and what she has to say. if they're just going to post childish crap like "hello" and "LOL" on a computer screen, then they deserve all they get. also, socialising doesn't always have to mean going to pubs and clubs. get a hobby, and i don't mean trainspotting or hanging round the local Games Workshop, get an interesting hobby like mountain biking, martial arts, rock climbing or something. something you can be passionate about.
You've actually reminded me of something I missed - sport. You covered a range of them in your descriptions of "interesting" hobbies. A fair number of people I know go to the gym.
Alas, its horses for courses, some people ain't sporty and would struggle (whether through disability or physical strength), so the less strenous pursuits (ie, the presumed boring ones), become more attractive but do not attract many, if any women, such as computing, train/bus spotting and role-playing gaming, so socialising with the opposite sex is limited (a few people I know are gay so its not as big a problem for them).
Don't knock trainspotting though. While I don't partake in that pursuit, Michael Palin was known to do so at Retford train station to see the trains, including the Flying Scotsman, pass by. Last time I checked, he was doing pretty well for himself.
There are cost prohibitions too, if you are poor, its harder to socialise (religion being an exception, if you're religious).
For those whom aren't into the mainstream forms of entertainment, there is a gap in the market for younger people. It's a shame that the only social group I know for young people are either aimed at teenagers or require a referral from a NHS GP and conflicts with work time. Something to bridge the gap for those few who aren't sporty, go pubbing and clubbing and so forth for people in their 20s and 30s is so badly needed. The assumptions and stereotypes aimed at these age groups even by established clubs does nothing to help.
ETA: As soon as I wrote all that, looked on my Twitter feed - Warhammer club tonight in my home town at 7pm. Although I have done roleplaying in the past, I find it as dull as sink water. Not my cup of tea but a step in the right direction.
Also you say women need more to work on than just "hello". Well in my experience anyway when I have messaged a girl saying hello how are you., I have followed it up with really chatty messages , (mentioning things in their profiles they like) and It has been me on the recieving end of replies like "yeah" , "lol" or "kk". So now who is rude
Match.com (which charged £29 a month when I was on it) was much more successful of people who were seriously looking for a relationship.
I agree with your sentiment re free sites, however, Match do tend to be about 50% more expensive than the other pay sites, presumably to cover all their big business overheads and tv adverts, but are they actually the best any more? or just trading on yester-years reputation and folk stories, i'm not convinced that they are even still the market leader, it's a bit like when you buy a tv these days, you would think a Sony would be one of the best to buy, when in fact Panasonic and Samsung are miles better and somewhat cheaper too.